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Author Topic: Humor/Quiz: Bad Advice on any Pagan Topic  (Read 21890 times)

Sophia C

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Re: Bad Advice on any Pagan Topic
« Reply #390 on: January 24, 2014, 05:34:05 am »
Quote from: HarpingHawke;137569
Q: Speaking of neighbors, mine has left the Ten of Swords card on my front porch. Do you guys think she was trying to promote her budding acupuncture business?


A. No, she was giving you a literal warning of what will happen to you if you keep doing the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram at 3am next to your shared wall.

Q. My neighbour keeps whining about the noise of my banishing rituals. What can I curse her with?
"We're all stories, in the end. Make it a good one, eh?"
- Doctor Who

veggiewolf

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Bad Advice on any Pagan Topic
« Reply #391 on: January 28, 2014, 08:21:36 pm »
Quote from: Naomi J;137630
A. No, she was giving you a literal warning of what will happen to you if you keep doing the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram at 3am next to your shared wall.

Q. My neighbour keeps whining about the noise of my banishing rituals. What can I curse her with?

A.  A drummer boy.  Preferably a little one.

Q.  How do I dispel a small percussionist?
Fluid Morality - my spiritual blog
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LadyBug

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Bad Advice on any Pagan Topic
« Reply #392 on: January 29, 2014, 01:12:59 am »
Quote from: veggiewolf;138114
A.  A drummer boy.  Preferably a little one.

Q.  How do I dispel a small percussionist?
A: Yell with joy "The king is born!" and point to the brightest star in the sky. He should follow it, singing in a Christmas-y fashion.  

Q: Where can I find a plethora of tiny drummer boys to plant in my body neighbor's window box?

NanLT

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Re: Bad Advice on any Pagan Topic
« Reply #393 on: January 29, 2014, 03:08:04 am »
Quote from: LadyBug;138140
A: Yell with joy "The king is born!" and point to the brightest star in the sky. He should follow it, singing in a Christmas-y fashion.  

Q: Where can I find a plethora of tiny drummer boys to plant in my body neighbor's window box?

 

A: Just go down to your local nursery and ask to buy a dozen. Be sure to space them at least 3 inches apart, to allow room for swinging drumsticks.

Q: I've just been arrested for trying to plant tiny drummer boys in my neighbour's window box. Can I claim religious discrimination?

Sophia C

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Re: Bad Advice on any Pagan Topic
« Reply #394 on: January 29, 2014, 03:51:11 am »
Quote from: NanLT;138147
A: Just go down to your local nursery and ask to buy a dozen. Be sure to space them at least 3 inches apart, to allow room for swinging drumsticks.

Q: I've just been arrested for trying to plant tiny drummer boys in my neighbour's window box. Can I claim religious discrimination?

 
A: Only if you can prove that drummer boys are an intrinisic aspect of your religious belief.

Q: My family thinks I am losing the plot because I am trying to start the Cult of the Holy Drummer Boy. How do I persuade them to convert?
"We're all stories, in the end. Make it a good one, eh?"
- Doctor Who

Babylon Outcast

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Re: Bad Advice on any Pagan Topic
« Reply #395 on: February 17, 2014, 12:24:30 pm »
Quote from: Naomi J;138148
A: Only if you can prove that drummer boys are an intrinisic aspect of your religious belief.

Q: My family thinks I am losing the plot because I am trying to start the Cult of the Holy Drummer Boy. How do I persuade them to convert?

 
A: This will take some research, but the easiest way I have had success with the Cult of Master Chief is to look at the first two links in google when searching for "Reasons [insert religion] is stupid and you should feel bad" then force that down their throat till they join.

Q: I'm trying to do this blood sacrifice to smite someone and I just can't seem to get it right. What am I doing wrong?
"The moment we stop fighting for each other, that is when we loose our humanity"-Albert Einstein.
"Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear." -Thomas Jefferson

Sefiru

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Re: Bad Advice on any Pagan Topic
« Reply #396 on: February 18, 2014, 06:58:33 pm »
Quote from: SyntheticWolf;140114
A: This will take some research, but the easiest way I have had success with the Cult of Master Chief is to look at the first two links in google when searching for "Reasons [insert religion] is stupid and you should feel bad" then force that down their throat till they join.

Q: I'm trying to do this blood sacrifice to smite someone and I just can't seem to get it right. What am I doing wrong?

 
A: Make sure you have the matching blood type. A universal sacrifice will do in a pinch.

Q: I'm looking for an AB- volunteer for the next New Moon. All travel and funeral expenses covered, any takers?

Babylon Outcast

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Re: Bad Advice on any Pagan Topic
« Reply #397 on: February 18, 2014, 11:03:17 pm »
Quote from: Sefiru;140316
A: Make sure you have the matching blood type. A universal sacrifice will do in a pinch.

Q: I'm looking for an AB- volunteer for the next New Moon. All travel and funeral expenses covered, any takers?

 
A & Q: Just to make sure you will just leave my body out in the open for nature to eat whatever flesh is left over right?
"The moment we stop fighting for each other, that is when we loose our humanity"-Albert Einstein.
"Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear." -Thomas Jefferson

HarpingHawke

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Re: Bad Advice on any Pagan Topic
« Reply #398 on: February 18, 2014, 11:53:36 pm »
Quote from: SyntheticWolf;140359
A & Q: Just to make sure you will just leave my body out in the open for nature to eat whatever flesh is left over right?

 
A: I was thinking salt 'n' burn, just to make sure you don't come back and haunt us...

Q: I'm trying to keep a poltergist from screwing with my altar. To give you some info about it, it leaves little paw prints and long black hairs everywhere, and particularly enjoys dropping pennies over the side of the shelf. Also, it meows. I don't know what to do--I'm even getting nightly visitations! How do I banish it?
"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self." - Hemingway

yennork

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Re: Bad Advice on any Pagan Topic
« Reply #399 on: February 19, 2014, 10:56:54 am »
Quote from: HarpingHawke;140367

Q: I'm trying to keep a poltergist from screwing with my altar. To give you some info about it, it leaves little paw prints and long black hairs everywhere, and particularly enjoys dropping pennies over the side of the shelf. Also, it meows. I don't know what to do--I'm even getting nightly visitations! How do I banish it?

 
A: You can't banish them. Try to placate them with offerings of tuna and catnip.
Never mind what should be or what might be or what ought to be. It\'s what things are that\'s important.

Granny Weatherwax

victoreia

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Re: Bad Advice on any Pagan Topic
« Reply #400 on: February 19, 2014, 02:41:22 pm »
Quote from: yennork;140417
A: You can't banish them. Try to placate them with offerings of tuna and catnip.

Q: What if catnip doesn't do the trick? Or, worse, it doesn't like tuna?
Do. Or do not. There is no try.  --Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back

We are star stuff. We are the universe, made manifest. --Ambassador Delenn, Babylon 5

HarpingHawke

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Re: Bad Advice on any Pagan Topic
« Reply #401 on: February 19, 2014, 04:53:00 pm »
Quote from: victoreia;140440
Q: What if catnip doesn't do the trick? Or, worse, it doesn't like tuna?

 
A&Q: You think Friskies might work?
"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self." - Hemingway

yennork

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Re: Bad Advice on any Pagan Topic
« Reply #402 on: February 20, 2014, 01:47:50 pm »
Quote from: HarpingHawke;140461
A&Q: You think Friskies might work?

A It might work...but if it it doesn't, prepare yourself for an eternity in The Catbox-Cleaning Hell.

Q My Feline Overlords threathen me to The Catbox-Cleaning Hell if I keep stop them from torturing mice. But if I don't, I will foreverbr  gnawed by fiery mice in Mice Hell.. Any advice?
« Last Edit: February 20, 2014, 01:51:27 pm by yennork »
Never mind what should be or what might be or what ought to be. It\'s what things are that\'s important.

Granny Weatherwax

Babylon Outcast

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Re: Bad Advice on any Pagan Topic
« Reply #403 on: February 20, 2014, 02:08:57 pm »
Quote from: yennork;140563
A It might work...but if it it doesn't, prepare yourself for an eternity in The Catbox-Cleaning Hell.

Q My Feline Overlords threathen me to The Catbox-Cleaning Hell if I keep stop them from torturing mice. But if I don't, I will foreverbr  gnawed by fiery mice in Mice Hell.. Any advice?

 
A: Get a dog, preferably one that was bred for mousing and then making it aggressive towards cats also. That way then neither cats or mouse will stay. This will please the Dog-lords and as the saying goes "All dogs go to heaven".

Q: So I am trying to make a robe for my cult and I can't seem to find the right kind of black. I am wondering if mottled gray may be acceptable instead?
"The moment we stop fighting for each other, that is when we loose our humanity"-Albert Einstein.
"Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear." -Thomas Jefferson

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