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Author Topic: I think I've made Her mad  (Read 1693 times)

Breeze

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I think I've made Her mad
« on: April 26, 2013, 03:23:56 am »
Brace yourselves: an extremely long post is coming.  I'm really not sure how to articulate some of what's going on very well, so please bear with me.

Brief synopsis of my experience with Paganism (I'm using this word in its broad, umbrella type sense here purely for simplification:  I've been involved with Paganism for about thirteen years (it has been somewhat come and go as far as practice goes).  In that time I've studied, interacted, and worked with numerous different divinities (on a side note, it's always a goddess; gods usually just give me the cold shoulder for some reason).  One deity in particular has drifted in and out since the beginning: Hekate.  

Last summer I was bummed that I'm not one of the special people that gets thwapped by a deity (I do know that although somewhat common on TC, that it is the exception, not the rule).  I also went to my first big Pagan festival and I prayed the whole way there that one of the higher-ups (or lower-downs?) would send a clue-by-four my way.

At the festival, I ended up camping in the only area left by the time I got there which happened to be right on the convergence of three foot paths that formed the traditional 'Y' shaped 'crossroad'.  When I realized that I had one of the weirdest sensations of my life.  If you look back over the stories of how when someone slipped through a faery mound and into their world, that almost describes it perfectly.  I lost a sense of time, I was overwhelmed with awe at everything around me, and I felt everything and nothing at the same time.

The next night there was a candle-lit procession from a small pond to the ritual Circle.  As we were walking various people who weren't part of the procession stood along the sides of the path.  We came up to another 'Y' shaped intersection in the foot prints and there was an older woman standing there with a huge smile on her face and I stopped dead in my tracks and just stared at her until I realized what I was doing, gave her a small smile back, and carried on.  My logical mind screams at me that she was just a really happy old lady who came to a festival.  However everything else screams at me that it was Hekate, even though my logical mind has accepted it wasn't.

The only workshop that I attended during the festival was on making an amulet.  One of the main reasons that I wanted to attend this workshop was because the lady that hosted it lives in my general vicinity and I thought it'd be nice to meet her.  I attended the workshop.  We went around the circle and discussed what we'd each like to make an amulet over and then gave each other ideas on correspondences and what-not.  My goal was to get back on the right path for me.  The lady leading the workshop immediately told me I should work with Hekate on that (I hadn't even mentioned my experiences or that I had ever even heard of Hekate at this point).  I told her that I had been having some odd experiences that might be related to Her lately.  When the workshop was over the lady told me to sit and chat with her for a while.  It turned out that Hekate was her patron/matron (I never know which word to use) goddess.  I told her the two above mentioned things that I had experienced and she gave me a pendant that she had made in honor of Hekate.

After the festival, when I was back home and unloading the truck, I nearly killed myself trying to run away from an owl that had swooped down off the powerline by the house and scared the hell out of me.  I remembered reading that owls were one of Hekate's messengers and this firmly cemented in my head the Hekate answered my call.

So I've worked with Hekate regularly for the past year, except for the past few months.  I constantly have this little voice in the back of my head saying that I should talk to Her, work with Her, and in general honor my commitments to Her; and I've ignored it.  Last night I decided to try and have a chat with Her and all I got was the she was beyond mad, she was downright pissed.  I'm not scared by much, but I'll readily admit that She scared the sh*t out of me.

And now I don't have the voice in the back of my head saying to do anything.  If anything it feels like She's stomping Her foot saying, "Honor me, leave, do what you want; I don't care anymore."  And I've been getting subtle nods and pokes about Athena.  I've always liked Athena and if you go by common interests, She and I have more in common.  But here's the thing: what do I do?  Do I try to make amends to Hekate (I did offer her some bread and honey today and I still got the "I don't care" from Her)?  Do I cut my losses and try to work with Athena and see how that goes?  Is Hekate testing me, since I haven't honored my commitments?  I really don;t know what to do :( .

I'm sorry this post has been so long, but I really thought everything should be included; and in a small way talking about it has helped a little.

ccam

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Re: I think I've made Her mad
« Reply #1 on: April 26, 2013, 03:59:38 am »
Quote from: Breeze;106779
Brace yourselves: an extremely long post is coming....

 
I'm of the opinion that religion is fluid and dynamic instead of static.  I see different paths and different gods as embodying something I need to learn and grow.  For instance I started as a kid studying astrology which sparked my interest in the occult.  I moved on to Buddhism which taught me about meditation, Satanism taught to remain true to myself, etc.  I feel that you should follow your intuition.  If you feel that Hekate has taught you something and you feel She is no longer around, maybe it's time to learn Athena's lesson.  Just my two cents.

Emerald

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Re: I think I've made Her mad
« Reply #2 on: April 26, 2013, 08:09:04 am »
Quote from: Breeze;106779

I constantly have this little voice in the back of my head saying that I should talk to Her, work with Her, and in general honor my commitments to Her; and I've ignored it.  Last night I decided to try and have a chat with Her and all I got was the she was beyond mad, she was downright pissed.

 
The first thing that comes to mind is, have you made an oath to Hekate? Have you promised Her than you will do certain things for a certain amount of time?

Catherine

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Re: I think I've made Her mad
« Reply #3 on: April 26, 2013, 11:20:41 am »
Quote from: Breeze;106779


 
If it were me, the first thing I would do is apologize and try to repair that relationship. That could take a little time and some work. I would continue making offerings and honoring Her without asking for anything. If She doesn't want to be bothered, She'll let you know.  

Even if you end up moving on, you can try to part on good terms.

In the mean time, I don't see why you can't learn about Athena and see if that's headed anywhere. Unless you've made a commitment to only honor Hecate, there shouldn't be a problem.

Though, I admit I have no experience with Athena, so I suppose there could be an issue...

Breeze

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Re: I think I've made Her mad
« Reply #4 on: April 26, 2013, 03:35:34 pm »
Quote from: ccam;106780
I'm of the opinion that religion is fluid and dynamic instead of static.  I see different paths and different gods as embodying something I need to learn and grow.  For instance I started as a kid studying astrology which sparked my interest in the occult.  I moved on to Buddhism which taught me about meditation, Satanism taught to remain true to myself, etc.  I feel that you should follow your intuition.  If you feel that Hekate has taught you something and you feel She is no longer around, maybe it's time to learn Athena's lesson.  Just my two cents.


I definitely agree with you that religion has to be dynamic.  I'm trying to think, if this is the case: What lesson have I learned from Hekate?  Have I honestly learned it?  And, What lesson might Athena have for me?

When I got back from the fest, I quit a job I had been working at that I was miserable in, which caused me to have a new care repossessed (I was unhappy because I was barely making ends meet; I had $0 extra money), and in general ended up at home to contemplate most of the time.  So, in my opinion, Hekate came in and cleared a lot of the clutter that I had bloated my life with so that I could get to the heart of me (What I want, Who I Am, etc.).  So that's Her lesson that I have learned, and She has set me back upon my Path.


Now Athena.  I mentioned that Athena and I have way more in common.  So maybe, Hekate cleared out my life and got me to where I need to be, and Athena can help me be me.  Does that make sense?  Or am I rationalizing/thinking about it too much?

Breeze

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Re: I think I've made Her mad
« Reply #5 on: April 26, 2013, 03:40:36 pm »
Quote from: Emerald;106796
The first thing that comes to mind is, have you made an oath to Hekate? Have you promised Her than you will do certain things for a certain amount of time?


The only oath that I did make to Hekate was to honor Her and pay Her respect.  I did give that oath for "as long as the relationship benefits Us."  I do my best when wording things, whether it be spell work, with spirits, or with deities, to never lock myself into something indefinitely unless I am positive I can uphold my end of the bargain.

Breeze

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Re: I think I've made Her mad
« Reply #6 on: April 26, 2013, 03:51:45 pm »
Quote from: Catherine;106812
If it were me, the first thing I would do is apologize and try to repair that relationship. That could take a little time and some work. I would continue making offerings and honoring Her without asking for anything. If She doesn't want to be bothered, She'll let you know.  

Even if you end up moving on, you can try to part on good terms.


I am definitely working on making amends to Her.  Not really out of fear, but out of respect for what She has helped me with and because, well, She's a goddess - She deserves respect.  I'm also going to keep up with trying to fix this, even if it's only to leave on good terms as you said.

Quote from: Catherine;106812
In the mean time, I don't see why you can't learn about Athena and see if that's headed anywhere. Unless you've made a commitment to only honor Hecate, there shouldn't be a problem.  Though, I admit I have no experience with Athena, so I suppose there could be an issue...

 
In my oath to Hekate, I didn't say that I would only honor Her, but I also didn't say that I'd be honoring anyone else and I normally don't, so I have no idea where that leaves me.  

The only potential hazard that I see rests in my own mind.  I see Hekate and Athena as two opposites.  Hekate, to me is wild, ecstatic, lunar, etc.  Athena I see as more civilized (for lack of a better term), ceremonial/formal, solar (although I do sense some lunar attributes to Her too), etc.

Queen of Wands

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Re: I think I've made Her mad
« Reply #7 on: April 27, 2013, 11:48:58 am »
Quote from: Breeze;106829



Now Athena.  I mentioned that Athena and I have way more in common.  So maybe, Hekate cleared out my life and got me to where I need to be, and Athena can help me be me.  Does that make sense?  Or am I rationalizing/thinking about it too much?

 


I think you are figuring it all out. Maybe not all at once, but the answers are starting to come together. Don't be afraid to ask questions! Maybe Athena has the answers.

Rainfall

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Re: I think I've made Her mad
« Reply #8 on: April 27, 2013, 04:42:06 pm »
Quote from: Breeze;106832
The only potential hazard that I see rests in my own mind.  I see Hekate and Athena as two opposites.  Hekate, to me is wild, ecstatic, lunar, etc.  Athena I see as more civilized (for lack of a better term), ceremonial/formal, solar (although I do sense some lunar attributes to Her too), etc.

Imo there's nothing wrong with worshiping "opposites", or deities whose spheres of influence you feel clash. In fact, I think it can be a pretty positive thing if it helps you achieve some kind of balance. If you experience Hekate as wild, and Athena as more formal, perhaps you can view this as an opportunity to explore both sides of yourself in your service to Them.

Good luck in whatever decisions you make!

Breeze

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Re: I think I've made Her mad
« Reply #9 on: April 27, 2013, 06:58:08 pm »
Quote from: Rainfall;106908
Imo there's nothing wrong with worshiping "opposites", or deities whose spheres of influence you feel clash. In fact, I think it can be a pretty positive thing if it helps you achieve some kind of balance. If you experience Hekate as wild, and Athena as more formal, perhaps you can view this as an opportunity to explore both sides of yourself in your service to Them.

Good luck in whatever decisions you make!


I've tended more towards henotheism in the past, but I'm thinking that maybe I should try honoring and actively working with both of Them.  I'm big on balance, and your thoughts reminded me of this.  I am a multi-faceted individual and it only makes sense that there may be some aspects of myself that One may help with better than the Other.

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