Dark Goddess'?

[Indra]

I've recently had a bit of a soul search and I've realised that there are things about me that i'd really like to change and improve, kind of like a personal spring clean after many, many years of not being who I want to be/should be/am.

(This post may make for confusing reading, I'm kinda of just typing from the heart so please excuse me if I waffle....)

Over the last few years, if I'm honest with myself, I've become a negative, pessimistic, moody so and so. I'm overweight, my self confidence is non existent and my level of self hate is high (melodramatic sounding I know, but true...). I'm not suicidal or anything but I do have a deep dislike for who I am at the moment. Some of it comes from past family issues that have just grown, some has just built up over the years. It's as if I'm a ball wrapped in sticky tape and I've just been rolling through life collecting all the negative lint and fluff that I come across....yea weird image but it's what it feels like! I've now kind of halted because I'm so covered in negative fluff I'm too heavy to roll any more.... And the aim of this spring clean is to shed that fluff and the sticky tape and start rolling again. As it stands, I have no job (I'm a stay at home mum and working is no option due to childcare costs....), I've got very few friends, I don't drive and I'm horribly unfit. This all sounds a bit self pittying but bear with me..... It's just for background.

So! Now that all that is poured out and written down, I shall get to my reason for posting.

I've been drawn back here with the hope of finding some advice. I have all the previously mentioned darkness inside me and I want it gone. Since making this decision, something has been tugging at me, telling me that I need help from someone, more specifically, a suitable dark goddess. I've tried working with the aims of hope, light and love before but it's just not felt right, and maybe this is why. Normally I usually just work with animal spirits, I've not felt comfortable working with deities for quite a long time.

I know it sounds odd and counterproductive working with a dark goddess to remove darkness from myself but it's something that's been nagging at me for some time. I've started changing things about myself here on this plane but I need a helping hand with my soul as it were.....

Can anyone offer suggestions of deities that i might be able to ask for assistance? I know often a deity will often present themselves in some way but even after extensive research, I'm stumped.

[Jack]

I know it sounds odd and counterproductive working with a dark goddess to remove darkness from myself but it's something that's been nagging at me for some time. I've started changing things about myself here on this plane but I need a helping hand with my soul as it were.....

That's... not really counterproductive at all, to my understanding. But then, I don't consider "things I don't like about myself" to be my darkness, so YMMV.

Any "dark goddess" I would recommend you is going to kick your ass inside and out, whether you like it or not - darkness usually is synonymous with internal work (Shad's FlameKeeping book is a really good place to start with understanding how personal darkness and inner work can intertwine). The goddess I learned the most from when I was in a place of despair was actually Kuan Yin. (I consider her a goddess of darkness, but YMMV again.) She's big on self-love and will teach you to have compassion for yourself as well as others, if you ask her.

If you are, in fact, looking to get your ass kicked, Ereshkigal is good at stripping away the shit you don't need to show you what lies at the core of yourself. I've worked with her and learned a lot from her.

[Indra]

I think as it's been so many years, a good ass kicking is just what I need :S

[Jack]

I think as it's been so many years, a good ass kicking is just what I need :S

 
Is there a particular pantheon you're most comfortable or familiar with? Or will any random dark goddess do?

I'm sure somebody'll come around talk up the Morrigan before long, for example.

[Indra]

Lol, as I've never taken to deities I've very little knowledge of them so it's more that I'm looking for suggestions to research and learn more about before I settle on a goddess to work with. I really want to get it right you know instead of just chucking myself in head first....

[Indra]

Is there a particular pantheon you're most comfortable or familiar with? Or will any random dark goddess do?

I'm sure somebody'll come around talk up the Morrigan before long, for example.

I've just realised I'd forgotten the quoting rule, my apologies....

[Varian]

I'm sure somebody'll come around talk up the Morrigan before long, for example.

 
The Morrigan was the first one that came to mind, actually.  I'm working with Her on sovereignty, and She's kicked my ass several times.  Having said that, She's been very patient with me, and works with me to blast through my hangups.  While She isn't a harsh Deity, She's not hugs and rainbows either; She expect you to do the work She's asked you to do, to find courage and strength within yourself.

Hope that helps.

[Fier]

The Morrigan was the first one that came to mind, actually.  

 
Another goddess that might be helpful in this situation is Nut. Perhaps a friendly Kemetic can link to info on the Journey Through the Body of Nut?

[Elyria]

The Morrigan was the first one that came to mind, actually.  I'm working with Her on sovereignty, and She's kicked my ass several times.  Having said that, She's been very patient with me, and works with me to blast through my hangups.  While She isn't a harsh Deity, She's not hugs and rainbows either; She expect you to do the work She's asked you to do, to find courage and strength within yourself.

Hope that helps.

 
Nyx is very similar to this, too. When I first started on my Pagan journey, I learned of Nyx and she's been with me ever since, whether I recognized her or not. She is perfect to me. She sends me signs when I ask for them, sends me help when I need it. But she doesn't baby me. If I get too tough on myself, she ignores me until I figure it out, and I love that about her.

I was in the same place as you, Indra. I have family issues that are starting to build up, no friends, no confidence, yadda yadda yadda. It was getting to the point to where I didn't want to do anything anymore. I hated my life, I hated my family, I hated my job.

So what happened? Nyx abandoned me. She stopped answering my prayers. She stopped sending me signs. She was gone. So I did a reading, asking her (begging her really) to help me. The first card I pulled, literally, told me that she was ignoring me. She was testing me. She was waiting for me to quit wallowing in my sorrows and take my life back.

So I did a ritual. During the super moon, I called the elements, drew a circle, and banished my worst qualities. I wrote down everything negative that I could think of, friends and family included (I banished toxic people from my life, I banish the darkness that has tainted my soul, etc.), and burned the slips during my ritual. It was the most refreshing thing I'd ever done. Of course, it took a couple days before I really noticed the difference.

But Nyx is back with me now. I have a new job that I love. I'm learning to not care what my family does to hurt me. I'm weeding out the good friends from the bad. I'm probably 80% happy with my life now, when before it was probably under 20%.

But the first step for you should always be to take your power back. Take control of your own life. Because while the Morrigan or Nyx could whip you into shape, you should try to do it for yourself. It's like why stomach stapling doesn't work long term to lose weight. Because it doesn't change the habit, it only puts a bandaid on it.

I recommend a banishing ritual. It really help put me in the right mind frame that I needed to be in, plus it lays out everything that you want to change and puts it into perspective. Still find a goddess, because she'll be a great shoulder for you. But change starts with you. A goddess can't help you if you can't learn to help yourself.


Good luck. :-)
Blessings and love,
Elyria

[Indra]

Nyx is very similar to this, too. When I first started on my Pagan journey, I learned of Nyx and she's been with me ever since, whether I recognized her or not. She is perfect to me. She sends me signs when I ask for them, sends me help when I need it. But she doesn't baby me. If I get too tough on myself, she ignores me until I figure it out, and I love that about her.

I was in the same place as you, Indra. I have family issues that are starting to build up, no friends, no confidence, yadda yadda yadda. It was getting to the point to where I didn't want to do anything anymore. I hated my life, I hated my family, I hated my job.

So what happened? Nyx abandoned me. She stopped answering my prayers. She stopped sending me signs. She was gone. So I did a reading, asking her (begging her really) to help me. The first card I pulled, literally, told me that she was ignoring me. She was testing me. She was waiting for me to quit wallowing in my sorrows and take my life back.

So I did a ritual. During the super moon, I called the elements, drew a circle, and banished my worst qualities. I wrote down everything negative that I could think of, friends and family included (I banished toxic people from my life, I banish the darkness that has tainted my soul, etc.), and burned the slips during my ritual. It was the most refreshing thing I'd ever done. Of course, it took a couple days before I really noticed the difference.

But Nyx is back with me now. I have a new job that I love. I'm learning to not care what my family does to hurt me. I'm weeding out the good friends from the bad. I'm probably 80% happy with my life now, when before it was probably under 20%.

But the first step for you should always be to take your power back. Take control of your own life. Because while the Morrigan or Nyx could whip you into shape, you should try to do it for yourself. It's like why stomach stapling doesn't work long term to lose weight. Because it doesn't change the habit, it only puts a bandaid on it.

I recommend a banishing ritual. It really help put me in the right mind frame that I needed to be in, plus it lays out everything that you want to change and puts it into perspective. Still find a goddess, because she'll be a great shoulder for you. But change starts with you. A goddess can't help you if you can't learn to help yourself.


Good luck. :-)
Blessings and love,
Elyria

Thankyou for all your replies I'm going to spend my day today doing some reading up on the goddess' mentioned and see if anyone jumps out at me

I'm looking forward to this change and knowing that what I'm feeling isn't totally bonkers is the kick start that I need to start doing the work I need to

[veggiewolf]

Another goddess that might be helpful in this situation is Nut. Perhaps a friendly Kemetic can link to info on the Journey Through the Body of Nut?

 
Unfriendly Kemetic here!

Nut is the Sky and the mother of Ausir, Heru-Wer, Set, Aset, and Nebet-Het.  The journey the sun-boat takes through her body overnight is one that can be also worked through by people seeking transformation (to put it simply).

If this is something you're interested in, we have a group called Through the Doors of the Sky (it will be moving over to the new social groups site soon) that I can link you to.  Shoot me a PM if interested.

[Fionnbharr]

Can anyone offer suggestions of deities that i might be able to ask for assistance? I know often a deity will often present themselves in some way but even after extensive research, I'm stumped.

 
My thoughts dwell on Persephone when I read your post. I have not worked with her personally, at the moment it is the Olympian muses that hangs around and Athena I spend time with mostly when talking about Goddesses. But from what I do know is that she is great, she is the Queen of the realm of Haides and the bringer of spring in Greek Mythology; so maybe she is just who you need to blossom from within.

Chthonic Awakening might also be worth looking into, it is about finding the essence of yourself within. And if it does not have to be a Goddess then Hermes is also a good suggestion on a dark deity that is quite helpful. Though I would rather use words like chaotic and Chthonic than call them dark.

[Indra]

Thankyou for all the further advice received! X