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Author Topic: Balance of flame?  (Read 2124 times)

Snowdrop

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Balance of flame?
« on: May 29, 2013, 12:34:23 pm »
I've just started to become interested in FlameKeeping.  *waves*  I've been reading through the essays posted on the FK site, and a lot of it really speaks to me.  I'm a little unclear on how you're supposed to achieve balance of flame, though.  

What reading through the essays made me realize is that I seem to have the opposite problem from a lot of people, and it's made me be able to finally put that problem into words.  I'm very good at nurturing my dark flame.  But I'm always out of balance and I never really accomplish anything, because I'm horrible when it comes to my bright flame.  

I love learning things simply for the sake of learning --- but I hate being asked to apply that knowledge to anything.  And it feels like I'm doing something horribly wrong, because the more I nurture my dark flame, the less energy goes into my bright flame.  The more I learn, the less able I am to actually help or teach other people, because I become increasingly aware of how ignorant my friends are, and I begin to feel repelled by them.  Just, in general, the more I work on myself, the less I feel any connection to other people.  

So, I'm curious: how do you convert the energy of your dark flame to your bright flame?

veggiewolf

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Re: Balance of flame?
« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2013, 12:53:24 pm »
Quote from: Snowdrop;110255
...
So, I'm curious: how do you convert the energy of your dark flame to your bright flame?

Hi there!  Welcome to the brainwashing FlameKeeping SIG!

One of the first things to keep in mind when considering balancing flame is that it doesn't have to be a 50/50 split.  Everyone has their own level of balance - that place where you are nurtured and feel whole and connected.  Balance, to me, is about knowing my connection to the Divine - knowing that I am Divine and acting accordingly.

Another key point is this: balance does not happen all at once.  Baby steps are necessary, and encouraged.  Have you considered small things you could do to move toward your goal?  For example, a Bright Flame baby step might consist of something like helping a neighbor mow their lawn, or picking up trash along the roadside somewhere.  They're small acts, but you're improving the Divine through those acts.
« Last Edit: May 29, 2013, 12:54:13 pm by veggiewolf »
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HeartShadow

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Re: Balance of flame?
« Reply #2 on: May 29, 2013, 01:08:06 pm »
Quote from: Snowdrop;110255
I've just started to become interested in FlameKeeping.  *waves*  I've been reading through the essays posted on the FK site, and a lot of it really speaks to me.  I'm a little unclear on how you're supposed to achieve balance of flame, though.  

What reading through the essays made me realize is that I seem to have the opposite problem from a lot of people, and it's made me be able to finally put that problem into words.  I'm very good at nurturing my dark flame.  But I'm always out of balance and I never really accomplish anything, because I'm horrible when it comes to my bright flame.  

I love learning things simply for the sake of learning --- but I hate being asked to apply that knowledge to anything.  And it feels like I'm doing something horribly wrong, because the more I nurture my dark flame, the less energy goes into my bright flame.  The more I learn, the less able I am to actually help or teach other people, because I become increasingly aware of how ignorant my friends are, and I begin to feel repelled by them.  Just, in general, the more I work on myself, the less I feel any connection to other people.  

So, I'm curious: how do you convert the energy of your dark flame to your bright flame?

 
This is actually one of the standard problems - and one I've fallen into myself a time or two.  Focusing on oneself is endless, and there's always one more thing to do.  The thing is, it's not either/or, it's and.

If you're learning, are you sharing?  are you teaching, researching, writing, adding?  or are you just absorbing what other people have given?  There are TIMES of reflection, of turning inwards, but STAYING there isn't healthy.

You say your friends are ignorant, but what do they know that you don't?  Yes, you might have more knowledge about what you're studying, but there's no way to know everything.

What are you doing as a day job?  Does that involve Bright Flame?  Where do you reach out?  Odds are, you're doing something that you can add to.

Or just take a day and *do something*.  Go to a park with a trash bag and clean up every piece of litter you see.  Clean up a mess that everyone's avoiding.  Get a social hobby.

Don't try to start big.  Start small, but find a place and DO it even if it's uncomfortable or feels like it's too small to matter or something like that.  Once you start it gets easier, but that first step's a doozy.

And good luck, and welcome!

Snowdrop

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Re: Balance of flame?
« Reply #3 on: May 29, 2013, 08:44:54 pm »
Quote from: HeartShadow;110261
If you're learning, are you sharing?  are you teaching, researching, writing, adding?  or are you just absorbing what other people have given?  There are TIMES of reflection, of turning inwards, but STAYING there isn't healthy.


Well . . . yes and no?  I have a number of things (poems, short stories, essays, etc.)  that I've produced which are ready to be shared.  Some of them could probably use some dusting off, but they're basically ready to go.  

I just can't bring myself to do it, though.  I put a lot of effort into creating things, but once they're done, there's something about the thought of sharing them with the rest of the world that I find really off-putting.  

Intellectually, I completely realize it's not healthy.  Essentially, I pour effort into things that are never going to be of any use to anyone because I can't stand to take them out of their boxes.  It's just . . . it's really difficult for me.  

Quote
You say your friends are ignorant, but what do they know that you don't?  Yes, you might have more knowledge about what you're studying, but there's no way to know everything.


Ahhh . . . the friends issue is really a complicated one.  Basically, I know a lot of my friends through one person.  In theory there are a lot of things I could learn from her, but in practice, she's been becoming increasingly mentally unstable, and I'm really not sure what to do.  I don't enjoy her company.  She's incredibly draining; she's 24 years old, but when I'm around her, I feel more like I'm babysitting than like I'm interacting with a peer.  And part of me wants to cut all ties with her (and by extension, probably the people I know through her), because she wears me out so much to be around.  But I'm afraid that if she feels that I've abandoned her, she'll fall deeper into her illness.  (Because she has told me that she knows she's a burden / everyone hates her / she's evil / etc.  I'm afraid to do anything that might seem to confirm that line of reasoning.)  

Quote
What are you doing as a day job?  Does that involve Bright Flame?  Where do you reach out?  Odds are, you're doing something that you can add to.


I'm hopefully *fingers crossed* getting a clerical job at an insurance firm.  Hopefully.  (I didn't start applying for jobs right away after I graduated because I have money saved up.  It didn't occur to me at the time that really, that was about the worst thing I could do.)  <-- And that's pretty much the whole problem in microcosm.  I was careful to save money specifically so that I could avoid having to do anything for about a year.  

Quote
Don't try to start big.  Start small, but find a place and DO it even if it's uncomfortable or feels like it's too small to matter or something like that.  Once you start it gets easier, but that first step's a doozy.

And good luck, and welcome!

 
Thank you; that's good advice.

HeartShadow

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Balance of flame?
« Reply #4 on: May 29, 2013, 10:23:50 pm »
Quote from: Snowdrop;110304
Well . . . yes and no?  I have a number of things (poems, short stories, essays, etc.)  that I've produced which are ready to be shared.  Some of them could probably use some dusting off, but they're basically ready to go.  

I just can't bring myself to do it, though.  I put a lot of effort into creating things, but once they're done, there's something about the thought of sharing them with the rest of the world that I find really off-putting.  

Intellectually, I completely realize it's not healthy.  Essentially, I pour effort into things that are never going to be of any use to anyone because I can't stand to take them out of their boxes.  It's just . . . it's really difficult for me.  

 

Ahhh . . . the friends issue is really a complicated one.  Basically, I know a lot of my friends through one person.  In theory there are a lot of things I could learn from her, but in practice, she's been becoming increasingly mentally unstable, and I'm really not sure what to do.  I don't enjoy her company.  She's incredibly draining; she's 24 years old, but when I'm around her, I feel more like I'm babysitting than like I'm interacting with a peer.  And part of me wants to cut all ties with her (and by extension, probably the people I know through her), because she wears me out so much to be around.  But I'm afraid that if she feels that I've abandoned her, she'll fall deeper into her illness.  (Because she has told me that she knows she's a burden / everyone hates her / she's evil / etc.  I'm afraid to do anything that might seem to confirm that line of reasoning.)  

 

I'm hopefully *fingers crossed* getting a clerical job at an insurance firm.  Hopefully.  (I didn't start applying for jobs right away after I graduated because I have money saved up.  It didn't occur to me at the time that really, that was about the worst thing I could do.)  <-- And that's pretty much the whole problem in microcosm.  I was careful to save money specifically so that I could avoid having to do anything for about a year.  


 
Thank you; that's good advice.

You cannot be responsible for someone else's mental health.  She's not a friend if she's draining you - and no wonder you're tired if that's your social involvement!  She's using you and pulling you down.  It's one thing to offer a hand and another to enable - which is this?

And baby steps.  Share one piece of writing, or one other thing like that.  Don't see it as once you've done it you're stuck with having to share everything.  Or create something new specifically to share.  Just do.

Snowdrop

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Re: Balance of flame?
« Reply #5 on: May 30, 2013, 11:45:08 pm »
Quote from: HeartShadow;110313
You cannot be responsible for someone else's mental health.  She's not a friend if she's draining you - and no wonder you're tired if that's your social involvement!  She's using you and pulling you down.  It's one thing to offer a hand and another to enable - which is this?

 
I'm probably enabling.  I'd like to be able to lend a hand without enabling, but honestly, I'm not sure how to do that.  

(For clarity: same person as in this thread.)  

She actually did have a breakdown shortly after I wrote that thread, and is now much less forceful.  Instead, she's become very withdrawn and fearful, and I'm not sure how to help her because while her previous behavior was behavior of her choosing, I think that her current behavior is involuntary.  She needs some kind of help that she's not getting, but I don't know what it is.

HeartShadow

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Balance of flame?
« Reply #6 on: May 31, 2013, 08:11:13 am »
Quote from: Snowdrop;110388
I'm probably enabling.  I'd like to be able to lend a hand without enabling, but honestly, I'm not sure how to do that.  

(For clarity: same person as in this thread.)  

She actually did have a breakdown shortly after I wrote that thread, and is now much less forceful.  Instead, she's become very withdrawn and fearful, and I'm not sure how to help her because while her previous behavior was behavior of her choosing, I think that her current behavior is involuntary.  She needs some kind of help that she's not getting, but I don't know what it is.

Honestly, she needs a professional.  And probably medication.  (There is no shame in needing meds, I take antidepressants myself.)  You can't provide either.  Encourage her to get proper help.

And good luck.  It's SO hard to walk away when someone is hurting, but sometimes there are no good options.

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