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Author Topic: Baby Steps and Self-Esteem  (Read 2476 times)

veggiewolf

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Baby Steps and Self-Esteem
« on: April 16, 2013, 10:08:59 am »
You guessed it!  Time for another baby steps installation!

With so many things to take care of during a given day, it's easy to put thoughts of ourselves on the back burner.  Sure, we may go through the motions of self-care but many of us temper that behavior with thoughts about how our time is more worthily spent helping others than working on ourselves.

Self-esteem is a buzzword these days and something we're meant to be teaching our children...while at the same time it can be seen as something negative ("Who does she think she *is*?") or something selfish ("How can I worry about myself when there are so many less fortunate people out there???").

When I write about the Dark Flame, I put forth the concept of self-nuture before the nurture of others because I think that work on ourselves must come first.  Whether you agree with that concept or not, I think the concept of developing self-esteem is one that is worthwhile.

So, what little things do you do to remind yourself that you matter?  What do you do to proclaim your Divinity?
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Jack

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Re: Baby Steps and Self-Esteem
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2013, 11:11:55 am »
Quote from: veggiewolf;105615
So, what little things do you do to remind yourself that you matter?  What do you do to proclaim your Divinity?

 
I do loving-kindness meditation. I'm working on asking for validation when I need it, instead of stewing in a little obsessive-anxious stew about not getting it.
Hail Mara, Lady of Good Things!
"The only way to cope with something deadly serious is to try to treat it a little lightly." -Madeleine L'Engle

Sophia C

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Re: Baby Steps and Self-Esteem
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2013, 12:22:39 pm »
Quote from: veggiewolf;105615
You guessed it!  Time for another baby steps installation!

With so many things to take care of during a given day, it's easy to put thoughts of ourselves on the back burner.  Sure, we may go through the motions of self-care but many of us temper that behavior with thoughts about how our time is more worthily spent helping others than working on ourselves.

Self-esteem is a buzzword these days and something we're meant to be teaching our children...while at the same time it can be seen as something negative ("Who does she think she *is*?") or something selfish ("How can I worry about myself when there are so many less fortunate people out there???").

When I write about the Dark Flame, I put forth the concept of self-nuture before the nurture of others because I think that work on ourselves must come first.  Whether you agree with that concept or not, I think the concept of developing self-esteem is one that is worthwhile.

So, what little things do you do to remind yourself that you matter?  What do you do to proclaim your Divinity?

 
Thinking of it as 'proclaiming my divinity' is a really positive idea. I constantly feel guilty about not doing enough 'productive' stuff, which stops me enjoying the things I do for myself. Even when it comes to free time, if it doesn't have a specific purpose, why am I doing it?! I like that I could answer that with "Because it affirms my divine nature."

I suppose I do painting, reading, gardening, sitting outside, and various spiritual stuffs for self-care. I used to sing, but it was closely associated with Christianity for me, and I haven't replaced church choir with another kind of choir. Maybe sometime - I did love it.

The biggest barrier to doing things for self-care reasons, for me, is that the activities are often draining in other ways, and I'm often lacking the spoons for it. So I could join a choir, but it would mean less essential recuperation-alone-time, not to mention taking up spoons.

I have to say, though: I have trouble understanding how self-care and self-esteem are the same thing. I can do a lot of self-care but still not have any self-esteem. I know it's more likely if there's self-esteem, but I still don't think they're the same. Enlighten me?
"We're all stories, in the end. Make it a good one, eh?"
- Doctor Who

veggiewolf

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Re: Baby Steps and Self-Esteem
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2013, 12:46:34 pm »
Quote from: Sophia Catherine;105629
...
I have to say, though: I have trouble understanding how self-care and self-esteem are the same thing. I can do a lot of self-care but still not have any self-esteem. I know it's more likely if there's self-esteem, but I still don't think they're the same. Enlighten me?

 
They're not the same thing, IMO.  One can do self-care by rote - eat because we have to; bathe because we smell if we don't; put on clean clothes so people don't point and stare when we leave the house.

I do think, though, that self-care becomes easier to do (and thus more can be managed at once) if we believe we're worth it.  They're not the same...but they are linked.
Fluid Morality - my spiritual blog
Eating Monsters - my mental health blog

"Religion does not define a deity- it defines the human approach and interpretation of deity." - Juni
"I hate magical thinking in my magic." - Darkhawk
"...a baseball club; a soccer unkindness; a hockey murder; a football team..." - Cecil, Welcome to Night Vale

Aranel

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Re: Baby Steps and Self-Esteem
« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2013, 01:16:51 pm »
Quote from: veggiewolf;105632


I do think, though, that self-care becomes easier to do (and thus more can be managed at once) if we believe we're worth it.  They're not the same...but they are linked.

 
So much truth in that. I really don't care about how I look. OK, well I do actually care and I always think that people are staring at me and judging me but I also think that if I tried to take more care about my appearance they would do the same because you can't make a turd look pretty.

Can you guess that I have zero self-esteem? :p

Anyway...

Quote from: veggiewolf;105615


So, what little things do you do to remind yourself that you matter?  


The only thing I can really think of is my job. I bloody love my job. But that's because the one thing I have any self-confidence in is looking after dogs. I work in a kennels. So it's pretty self-explanatory why I love my job so much.

The other thing is my own dogs. I've had times in my past where my mental health issues have meant I haven't left where I was living for months at a time. That was when I was at uni so obviously didn't have a dog.
Now that I'm back living at home, and back with the dogs, even though I still have bad periods (I'm in one right now) I have to leave the house every day, most times twice a day, to walk the dogs.
And being outside walking really helps me. But if I didn't have the dogs, I would do it because I wouldn't have any reason to get out of bed. But I have to. Even on the days/weeks when all I want to do is hide under the cover and avoid the world, I have to get up because the dogs need me.

So yeah, dogs.

veggiewolf

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Re: Baby Steps and Self-Esteem
« Reply #5 on: April 16, 2013, 01:57:13 pm »
Quote from: Jack;105622
I do loving-kindness meditation.

 
How does this work, exactly?  I've not heard of it before.

(they don't let me out much)
Fluid Morality - my spiritual blog
Eating Monsters - my mental health blog

"Religion does not define a deity- it defines the human approach and interpretation of deity." - Juni
"I hate magical thinking in my magic." - Darkhawk
"...a baseball club; a soccer unkindness; a hockey murder; a football team..." - Cecil, Welcome to Night Vale

rocquelaire

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Baby Steps and Self-Esteem
« Reply #6 on: April 16, 2013, 02:36:47 pm »
Quote from: Aranel;105633
So much truth in that. I really don't care about how I look. OK, well I do actually care and I always think that people are staring at me and judging me but I also think that if I tried to take more care about my appearance they would do the same because you can't make a turd look pretty.

This! I feel like this all the time. People think that I don't care about how I look but really it's just that I figure what's the point?

Despite that, it never occurred to me that I was lacking in self esteem. It bece more apparent recently because I set up an etsy store selling jewellery and prayer beads and stuff that I make and I'm having such a hard time charging for my work! I actually feel like I don't deserve to be paid for this or my work isn't good enough or something.

I also struggle with self care. There's always so much to do that I just feel like I'm being lazy or selfish if I take any time for myself.
Ashael Rising My debut novel, a tale of a tribal medicine woman, protecting her world from soul-sucking invaders. Crowdfunding now.

Jack

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Re: Baby Steps and Self-Esteem
« Reply #7 on: April 16, 2013, 02:39:00 pm »
Quote from: veggiewolf;105635
How does this work, exactly?  I've not heard of it before.

(they don't let me out much)

 
I usually do it with guided meditation, but basically you work your way through various people, starting with the ones you have the least difficulty caring about and then up to the ones you have the most difficulty caring about - traditionally self comes early in the process, but it's harder for me than even loving my enemies so I practice it after I've worked my way through.
Hail Mara, Lady of Good Things!
"The only way to cope with something deadly serious is to try to treat it a little lightly." -Madeleine L'Engle

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