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Author Topic: Family: Privacy?  (Read 2190 times)

missgraceless

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Privacy?
« on: May 31, 2013, 11:37:24 am »
Not sure if this is the right category... feel free to move it to the appropriate place. And it's got a bit of adult content, just as a warning. Anywho. I still live with my mom, who's been divorced and single since I was 4. I'm 21 now. Because it's only been the two of us for 17 years, we never really had an issue with privacy and personal space. But my boyfriend moved in with me around Christmas. We're both more than ready to move out and get our own place, we just don't have the money right now. And my mom hasn't grasped the concept of the need for privacy now that there's another person living here. We keep the bedroom door closed as much as possible, mostly because Justin (my boyfriend) is allergic to my cat. Mom likes to knock on the door ever so softly, then just barge in without waiting for an answer. She's walked in on us having sex far too many times. It's embarrassing to say the least.

She's not stupid. She knows what we're doing when we rush to cover ourselves. But she just has no regard for much-needed privacy. The main problem I have: I literally can't talk to her about anything, even calmly and like a mature adult, without her getting pissed at me. This has been going on my whole life. My question is, how do I handle this nonsense? And for the witches out there, is there some kind of protective spell or charm to keep her out of my room? I love her dearly, but this is just getting out of hand.
« Last Edit: May 07, 2019, 01:37:23 pm by RandallS »
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Vale

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Re: Privacy?
« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2013, 01:54:59 pm »
Quote from: missgraceless;110421
Not sure if this is the right category... feel free to move it to the appropriate place. And it's got a bit of adult content, just as a warning. Anywho. I still live with my mom, who's been divorced and single since I was 4. I'm 21 now. Because it's only been the two of us for 17 years, we never really had an issue with privacy and personal space. But my boyfriend moved in with me around Christmas. We're both more than ready to move out and get our own place, we just don't have the money right now. And my mom hasn't grasped the concept of the need for privacy now that there's another person living here. We keep the bedroom door closed as much as possible, mostly because Justin (my boyfriend) is allergic to my cat. Mom likes to knock on the door ever so softly, then just barge in without waiting for an answer. She's walked in on us having sex far too many times. It's embarrassing to say the least.

She's not stupid. She knows what we're doing when we rush to cover ourselves. But she just has no regard for much-needed privacy. The main problem I have: I literally can't talk to her about anything, even calmly and like a mature adult, without her getting pissed at me. This has been going on my whole life. My question is, how do I handle this nonsense? And for the witches out there, is there some kind of protective spell or charm to keep her out of my room? I love her dearly, but this is just getting out of hand.

 
Personally  I'd just put a lock/bolt on the door.

Jenett

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Re: Privacy?
« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2013, 02:10:44 pm »
Quote from: missgraceless;110421
This has been going on my whole life. My question is, how do I handle this nonsense? And for the witches out there, is there some kind of protective spell or charm to keep her out of my room? I love her dearly, but this is just getting out of hand.

 
Magical warding doesn't work so much like that. (It can discourage, but something like this, where it's 20 years of habit? Not so simple. Also complicated by the fact that while it's your room, it's also her home.)

Magical work you could do to support this is something to help you be as clear and coherent when you present the issue as you can possibly be, or divination or meditation work to help you figure out how to get it across to her in the best possible way.

What came to mind was seeing if there's someone your mother respects (a close friend of hers, an aunt or something?) who you could enlist with this, and to help mediate things for you (sit down with both of you, help you talk through the situation, etc). The other option is to put it down in a letter, and hand it to her, and say "I'll be glad to discuss this when you've had a chance to think about it, and we can talk about the specifics." and hand it to her sometime when you can a) go out for a couple of hours and b) then be available to talk.

Either way, lay out what you want (her not to enter your room without a clear "Please come in") and how to achieve that (her actually managing her actions, you putting a lock on the door for when you want privacy, etc. plus what happens if you try one thing, and it isn't enough.)

Neither are the greatest solution (because both can put her on the defensive), but honestly, if you've already tried "Mom,  can you please not do that" a few times, and "Mom, it really embarasses both me and boyfriend", and so on, then escalating it a bit might be your best choice.
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missgraceless

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Re: Privacy?
« Reply #3 on: May 31, 2013, 02:22:17 pm »
Quote from: Vale;110429
Personally  I'd just put a lock/bolt on the door.

 
Unfortunately I have a pocket door (it slides into the wall when it's open). Locks are out of the question.

Quote from: Jenett;110432
Magical warding doesn't work so much like that. (It can discourage, but something like this, where it's 20 years of habit? Not so simple. Also complicated by the fact that while it's your room, it's also her home.)

Magical work you could do to support this is something to help you be as clear and coherent when you present the issue as you can possibly be, or divination or meditation work to help you figure out how to get it across to her in the best possible way.

What came to mind was seeing if there's someone your mother respects (a close friend of hers, an aunt or something?) who you could enlist with this, and to help mediate things for you (sit down with both of you, help you talk through the situation, etc). The other option is to put it down in a letter, and hand it to her, and say "I'll be glad to discuss this when you've had a chance to think about it, and we can talk about the specifics." and hand it to her sometime when you can a) go out for a couple of hours and b) then be available to talk.

Either way, lay out what you want (her not to enter your room without a clear "Please come in") and how to achieve that (her actually managing her actions, you putting a lock on the door for when you want privacy, etc. plus what happens if you try one thing, and it isn't enough.)

Neither are the greatest solution (because both can put her on the defensive), but honestly, if you've already tried "Mom,  can you please not do that" a few times, and "Mom, it really embarasses both me and boyfriend", and so on, then escalating it a bit might be your best choice.


The letter could be a good idea, with some divination to figure out how to say it. Thanks a bunch.
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Sarah

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Re: Privacy?
« Reply #4 on: May 31, 2013, 02:29:28 pm »
Quote from: missgraceless;110433
Unfortunately I have a pocket door (it slides into the wall when it's open). Locks are out of the question.


 
could you get a hook/loop thing like this?
http://www.locksonline.co.uk/acatalog/Jedo_Bathroom_Door_hook.html
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Re: Privacy?
« Reply #5 on: May 31, 2013, 02:32:29 pm »
Quote from: missgraceless;110433
Unfortunately I have a pocket door (it slides into the wall when it's open). Locks are out of the question.


Thing is, do you need a *lock* (which, yeah, problem) or do you need something that's enough to make it clear that she should not open the door? Even with a pocket door, you might be able to figure something that'd work.

(A curtain, hung just inside, for a starter?)
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missgraceless

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Re: Privacy?
« Reply #6 on: May 31, 2013, 02:46:14 pm »
Quote from: maybeimawitch;110434
could you get a hook/loop thing like this?
http://www.locksonline.co.uk/acatalog/Jedo_Bathroom_Door_hook.html

 
That could work. Granted, I live in America, so that particular one would be a waste of money. :p

Quote from: Jenett;110435
Thing is, do you need a *lock* (which, yeah, problem) or do you need something that's enough to make it clear that she should not open the door? Even with a pocket door, you might be able to figure something that'd work.

(A curtain, hung just inside, for a starter?)


Funny thing is, I have a curtain hanging. At the moment it's kinda just tied off to the side because we have the window A/C going in our room. It's 93 degrees here. It sucks. When Justin comes home from work I'll talk to him about the hook and loop thing.
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Cabal

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Re: Privacy?
« Reply #7 on: May 31, 2013, 05:21:53 pm »
Quote from: missgraceless;110421
Not sure if this is the right category... feel free to move it to the appropriate place. And it's got a bit of adult content, just as a warning. Anywho. I still live with my mom, who's been divorced and single since I was 4. I'm 21 now. Because it's only been the two of us for 17 years, we never really had an issue with privacy and personal space. But my boyfriend moved in with me around Christmas. We're both more than ready to move out and get our own place, we just don't have the money right now. And my mom hasn't grasped the concept of the need for privacy now that there's another person living here. We keep the bedroom door closed as much as possible, mostly because Justin (my boyfriend) is allergic to my cat. Mom likes to knock on the door ever so softly, then just barge in without waiting for an answer. She's walked in on us having sex far too many times. It's embarrassing to say the least.

She's not stupid. She knows what we're doing when we rush to cover ourselves. But she just has no regard for much-needed privacy. The main problem I have: I literally can't talk to her about anything, even calmly and like a mature adult, without her getting pissed at me. This has been going on my whole life. My question is, how do I handle this nonsense? And for the witches out there, is there some kind of protective spell or charm to keep her out of my room? I love her dearly, but this is just getting out of hand.
Definitely invest in a locking mechanism! And when she catches you having sex, just keep going, she wont want to see that to often! lol
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MadZealot

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Re: Privacy?
« Reply #8 on: June 01, 2013, 12:23:13 am »
Quote from: Cryfder;110442
And when she catches you having sex, just keep going, she wont want to see that to often!


Keep going... in front of Mom? Yeah, that'll happen.  Hell, I'd deflate faster than a bitten balloon animal if Mom was in the room.  

To the OP: looks to me like there's a whole lot of disrespect coming from Mom and that's not likely to change, no matter what you put on your door.  Move the hell out ASAP.  Even if you have to crash in some temporary lodging until you can rent your own space.
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Re: Privacy?
« Reply #9 on: June 01, 2013, 12:02:45 pm »
Quote from: missgraceless;110421
Mom likes to knock on the door ever so softly, then just barge in without waiting for an answer.

Have you tried something simple like taping a sign saying something like "Please knock loudly and wait for an answer" on the door. If she's just used to walking in after 17 years of doing so, something like this might help.
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Nightwind

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Re: Privacy?
« Reply #10 on: June 02, 2013, 04:28:11 pm »
Quote from: missgraceless;110421
Not sure if this is the right category... feel free to move it to the appropriate place. And it's got a bit of adult content, just as a warning. Anywho. I still live with my mom, who's been divorced and single since I was 4. I'm 21 now. Because it's only been the two of us for 17 years, we never really had an issue with privacy and personal space. But my boyfriend moved in with me around Christmas. We're both more than ready to move out and get our own place, we just don't have the money right now. And my mom hasn't grasped the concept of the need for privacy now that there's another person living here. We keep the bedroom door closed as much as possible, mostly because Justin (my boyfriend) is allergic to my cat. Mom likes to knock on the door ever so softly, then just barge in without waiting for an answer. She's walked in on us having sex far too many times. It's embarrassing to say the least.

She's not stupid. She knows what we're doing when we rush to cover ourselves. But she just has no regard for much-needed privacy. The main problem I have: I literally can't talk to her about anything, even calmly and like a mature adult, without her getting pissed at me. This has been going on my whole life. My question is, how do I handle this nonsense? And for the witches out there, is there some kind of protective spell or charm to keep her out of my room? I love her dearly, but this is just getting out of hand.

 
If you are planning on doing some magic, I'd go a lot further and start a working toward getting out of there! Both of you work on getting better jobs if possible, and apply for HUD!

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