collapse

Author Topic: Family: Modern parenting is hard  (Read 1986 times)

Noctua

  • Journeyman
  • *****
  • Join Date: Apr 2016
  • Posts: 208
  • Country: us
  • Total likes: 83
    • View Profile
  • Religion: Blue Star Wicca
  • Preferred Pronouns: she/her
Re: Modern parenting is hard
« Reply #15 on: September 13, 2017, 02:47:57 pm »
Does she like horses? Girls love horses, this is an irrefutable fact. Introduce her to horses and then watch as boys fade into the distance... along with her college funds, your life savings, and your husband's pension fund. But that's another problem. Horses are like giant chastity belts; run with it.

This made me laugh quite a bit, not the least of which is because when she was younger she was obsessed with horses. She went to Girl Scout Equestrian camp every summer, until our council discontinued it. We don't really have an outlet for horses, but she's going to do volunteer training at the SPCA next week so hopefully she'll get right into the crazy cat lady mode?  :P

I doubt the crotch rot is an issue, she's overheard enough of my stories at the dinner table to know to be wary (did you know syphilis is on the rise again? I didn't until I saw a 21 year old girl with secondary syphilis causing open sores all over her body, including her scalp which made her hair fall out in clumps- google "Moth-eaten alopecia"). Regardless, I'll probably make a point to talk to her about it again to make sure things have stuck.

I also don't think she's even considering the whole sex aspect as yet, which is actually where my dilemma comes in. She's NOT thinking of sex, her friends are her friends, there's nothing romantic there, so to her it makes no difference what genders we're dealing with in regards to sleepovers. It makes a difference to ME, but I need to formulate a reason out that doesn't use the 4 words I forbade myself from ever saying: Because I Said So. My elimination of these words from my vocabulary when speaking to my kids is a huge part of why I feel our parent/child relationship is so good. If I wanted them to do/not do something, I gave them a rationale as to why.

Kylara

  • Sr. Master Member
  • *******
  • Join Date: Feb 2012
  • Posts: 883
  • Country: us
  • Total likes: 62
    • View Profile
    • https://www.patreon.com/kyndryana
  • Religion: Norse Fusion Witchcraft
  • Preferred Pronouns: she/her/hers
Re: Modern parenting is hard
« Reply #16 on: September 14, 2017, 08:37:25 am »
I also don't think she's even considering the whole sex aspect as yet, which is actually where my dilemma comes in. She's NOT thinking of sex, her friends are her friends, there's nothing romantic there, so to her it makes no difference what genders we're dealing with in regards to sleepovers. It makes a difference to ME, but I need to formulate a reason out that doesn't use the 4 words I forbade myself from ever saying: Because I Said So. My elimination of these words from my vocabulary when speaking to my kids is a huge part of why I feel our parent/child relationship is so good. If I wanted them to do/not do something, I gave them a rationale as to why.

Since you have said you have already talked about the basics of sex education, perhaps sitting down with her and explaining your perspective and why it worries you (including the social aspect), and why it doesn't worry you (because you trust her), and possibly offer up alternative suggestions.  Sometimes smaller sleepovers get a different reputation than bigger ones (where it is obvious that the kids will have no option of privacy....like everyone in sleeping bags in the living room). 

Another thing that sometimes works well is to challenge them to find ways to alleviate your concerns.  Either they will find ways to make it work, or they may come to understand why it is so problematic (as they can't find a good way to solve the issues at hand).

Another thought:  ultimately, it also comes down to you and your child (and of course the other families involved).  There are a decent amount of things we did while raising our son that were not conventionally acceptable.  Some things we chose to do, just to avoid social issues, while other things we went with our own choices. 

Letting your child know that you are willing to allow them to do something, but that there may be social consequences (and fully explaining how that might play out), and then letting them have the final say might work as well.
Check out my Patreon for more writing and other goodies!

Noctua

  • Journeyman
  • *****
  • Join Date: Apr 2016
  • Posts: 208
  • Country: us
  • Total likes: 83
    • View Profile
  • Religion: Blue Star Wicca
  • Preferred Pronouns: she/her
Re: Modern parenting is hard
« Reply #17 on: September 23, 2017, 05:38:59 pm »
Since you have said you have already talked about the basics of sex education, perhaps sitting down with her and explaining your perspective and why it worries you (including the social aspect), and why it doesn't worry you (because you trust her), and possibly offer up alternative suggestions.  Sometimes smaller sleepovers get a different reputation than bigger ones (where it is obvious that the kids will have no option of privacy....like everyone in sleeping bags in the living room). 

Another thing that sometimes works well is to challenge them to find ways to alleviate your concerns.  Either they will find ways to make it work, or they may come to understand why it is so problematic (as they can't find a good way to solve the issues at hand).

Another thought:  ultimately, it also comes down to you and your child (and of course the other families involved).  There are a decent amount of things we did while raising our son that were not conventionally acceptable.  Some things we chose to do, just to avoid social issues, while other things we went with our own choices. 

Letting your child know that you are willing to allow them to do something, but that there may be social consequences (and fully explaining how that might play out), and then letting them have the final say might work as well.

So just as an update my daughter came out to me today. She went to the local Pride fest with her friend Greg, came home festooned with stickers, and then told me the reason she'd wanted to go was because she liked girls. I gave her a hug and told her that I'd go with her to Pride fest next year, if she gives me more advanced warning than asking the night before.

So, that's where we're at. I wasn't surprised by this at all, and if anything I think I feel better about the whole thing now that there's more certainty of how she feels. I still don't want all those kids in my house overnight though- they're super noisy, lol.

Morbid

  • Master Member
  • ******
  • Join Date: Jul 2017
  • Location: NORTH CAROLINA
  • Posts: 265
  • Country: us
  • Total likes: 59
    • View Profile
  • Religion: Pagan
  • Preferred Pronouns: he/him/his
Re: Modern parenting is hard
« Reply #18 on: September 24, 2017, 02:19:34 am »
I still don't want all those kids in my house overnight though- they're super noisy, lol.

I know how you feel!  Hubby okay'd the boys to have friends over and holy crackers batman...they're loud.  Pay back is a *itch though, he's in charge! 
For he who has truly lived never truly dies.

Altair

  • Adept Member
  • ********
  • Join Date: Jul 2011
  • Location: New York, New York
  • Posts: 2846
  • Country: us
  • Total likes: 273
  • Fly high and make the world follow
    • View Profile
    • Songs of the Metamythos
  • Religion: tree-hugging pagan
  • Preferred Pronouns: he/him/his
Re: Modern parenting is hard
« Reply #19 on: September 24, 2017, 07:06:02 am »
So just as an update my daughter came out to me today. She went to the local Pride fest with her friend Greg, came home festooned with stickers, and then told me the reason she'd wanted to go was because she liked girls. I gave her a hug and told her that I'd go with her to Pride fest next year, if she gives me more advanced warning than asking the night before.

Fantastic! Well done, by both you and your daughter.

I'll also add that Kylara's post above was so full good sense and good advice (at least it read that way from this non-parent's perspective) that I'm ready to let her raise me too adulthood.
The first song sets the wheel in motion / The second is a song of love / The third song tells of Her devotion / The fourth cries joy from the sky above
The fifth song binds our fate to silence / and bids us live each moment well / The sixth unleashes rage and violence / The seventh song has truth to tell
The last song echoes through the ages / to ask its question all night long / And close the circle on these pages / These, the metamythos songs

Noctua

  • Journeyman
  • *****
  • Join Date: Apr 2016
  • Posts: 208
  • Country: us
  • Total likes: 83
    • View Profile
  • Religion: Blue Star Wicca
  • Preferred Pronouns: she/her
Re: Modern parenting is hard
« Reply #20 on: October 01, 2017, 03:08:38 pm »
Fantastic! Well done, by both you and your daughter.

I'll also add that Kylara's post above was so full good sense and good advice (at least it read that way from this non-parent's perspective) that I'm ready to let her raise me too adulthood.

After a couple weeks to stew on it and examine what was bothering me I came to the realization that these hangups were my hangups, and let them go. My daughter Sophia had that sleepover last night at Greg's house, it was her, Greg and Jack. Apparently they spent a good part of the night giving each other makeovers and manicures, LOL.

Morbid

  • Master Member
  • ******
  • Join Date: Jul 2017
  • Location: NORTH CAROLINA
  • Posts: 265
  • Country: us
  • Total likes: 59
    • View Profile
  • Religion: Pagan
  • Preferred Pronouns: he/him/his
Re: Modern parenting is hard
« Reply #21 on: October 04, 2017, 03:26:53 am »
After a couple weeks to stew on it and examine what was bothering me I came to the realization that these hangups were my hangups, and let them go. My daughter Sophia had that sleepover last night at Greg's house, it was her, Greg and Jack. Apparently they spent a good part of the night giving each other makeovers and manicures, LOL.

So I wanted to update this thread behind Noctua.  This weekend is the homecoming for my oldest's high school, and I was informed that he had asked someone out.  So instead of renting/buying a tux for him, I actually made one for him.  I've spent the last two weeks sewing on this bloody thing.  So yesterday evening we were doing basically the final fitting and I asked "Okay, what color handkerchief do you want?"  Then I had to explain why it mattered what color it was, and I told him so that it would match her dress.  He blushed red to his roots, sat down on the couch (getting a pin stuck in the arse in the process) and goes "It's a "he", dad, I asked a he out". 

To sum up: a whole week of back and forth drama of him going back and forth about not going at all (and me nearly beating him because I've done spent two weeks making a tux for the brat)...and it's all because he asked a guy out.  And honestly, I can totally understand the hesitation.  But of course, when I asked my then boyfriend out to Senior Prom I was bold about it and flipped people the bird when they ran their mouths.  It just goes to show you that you can't assume things.  I'm just insanely proud right now that firstly he had the guts to ask a guy out to homecoming. 
For he who has truly lived never truly dies.

Owl

  • Sr. Master Member
  • *******
  • Join Date: Jul 2011
  • Posts: 587
  • Country: 00
  • Total likes: 24
    • View Profile
  • Religion: Other
Re: Modern parenting is hard
« Reply #22 on: October 04, 2017, 09:45:28 am »
So I wanted to update this thread behind Noctua.  This weekend is the homecoming for my oldest's high school, and I was informed that he had asked someone out.  So instead of renting/buying a tux for him, I actually made one for him.  I've spent the last two weeks sewing on this bloody thing.  So yesterday evening we were doing basically the final fitting and I asked "Okay, what color handkerchief do you want?"  Then I had to explain why it mattered what color it was, and I told him so that it would match her dress.  He blushed red to his roots, sat down on the couch (getting a pin stuck in the arse in the process) and goes "It's a "he", dad, I asked a he out". 

To sum up: a whole week of back and forth drama of him going back and forth about not going at all (and me nearly beating him because I've done spent two weeks making a tux for the brat)...and it's all because he asked a guy out.  And honestly, I can totally understand the hesitation.  But of course, when I asked my then boyfriend out to Senior Prom I was bold about it and flipped people the bird when they ran their mouths.  It just goes to show you that you can't assume things.  I'm just insanely proud right now that firstly he had the guts to ask a guy out to homecoming.
You should be proud!!!  I would not have been that brave in high school!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

Morbid

  • Master Member
  • ******
  • Join Date: Jul 2017
  • Location: NORTH CAROLINA
  • Posts: 265
  • Country: us
  • Total likes: 59
    • View Profile
  • Religion: Pagan
  • Preferred Pronouns: he/him/his
Re: Modern parenting is hard
« Reply #23 on: October 04, 2017, 04:52:32 pm »
You should be proud!!!  I would not have been that brave in high school!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I know right!  I told him I'd drop him off in one of the hearses if he wanted, I couldn't resist embarrassing him just a little bit.
For he who has truly lived never truly dies.

Owl

  • Sr. Master Member
  • *******
  • Join Date: Jul 2011
  • Posts: 587
  • Country: 00
  • Total likes: 24
    • View Profile
  • Religion: Other
Re: Modern parenting is hard
« Reply #24 on: October 04, 2017, 05:34:13 pm »
I know right!  I told him I'd drop him off in one of the hearses if he wanted, I couldn't resist embarrassing him just a little bit.
Lol!!!! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

Tags:
 

Related Topics

  Subject / Started by Replies Last post
0 Replies
1030 Views
Last post August 19, 2012, 03:07:24 pm
by RandallS
40 Replies
8746 Views
Last post June 28, 2017, 06:03:59 pm
by Sefiru
6 Replies
1214 Views
Last post June 08, 2014, 09:20:55 am
by Micheál
36 Replies
5390 Views
Last post August 18, 2014, 04:52:11 am
by carillion
2 Replies
505 Views
Last post May 16, 2015, 09:55:53 pm
by ailyah

* Who's Online

  • Dot Guests: 32
  • Dot Hidden: 0
  • Dot Users: 3
  • Dot Users Online:

* Please Donate!

The Cauldron's server is expensive and requires monthly payments. Please become a Bronze, Silver or Gold Donor if you can. Donations are needed every month. Without member support, we can't afford the server.

* In Memoriam

Chavi (2006)
Elspeth (2010)
Marilyn (2013)

* Cauldron Staff

Co-Hosts:
LyricFox & Randall

Senior Staff:
Darkhawk

Message Board Staff
Board Coordinator:
Sunflower

Assistant Board Coordinator:
Aster Breo

Board Staff:
Allaya, Chatelaine, HarpingHawke, Jenett, Morag, rocquelaire, Sefiru

Discord Chat Staff
Chat Coordinator:
Morag

Reserve Staff:
Aisling

Cauldron Council:
Bob, Catja, Emma-Eldritch, Fausta, Jubes, Kelly, Phouka, Sperran, Star, Steve, Tana

Cauldron Assistants
[Non-Staff Positions]

Site Assistants
[Non-Staff Positions]
Webmaster:
Randall