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Author Topic: Family: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.  (Read 5587 times)

Lionrhod

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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #30 on: December 03, 2013, 07:49:00 am »
Quote from: yewberry;131058
I like the idea of forcing family to listen to your various sexual escapades because, you know, they're so interested in that aspect of your life (obviously).  Make sure to be really graphic, and don't be afraid to embellish a little!  If you can work in some kind of trapeze...

Brina


OMG LOL! Thank gods I'd already swallowed my mouthful of tea when I read that. Especially the trapeeze.

I was reading a book a week or so ago, don't remember the title, but in the story the parents never paid attention to anyone other than the oldest son. So the sister, the middle brother and his girlfriend start spouting out comments at the dinner table, starting with "I got a job" and going up to various graphic descriptions of sex they'd had ON the parent's dinner table as a kid. The parents didn't notice.

As an adjunct to the trapeeze thing, the OP could always start up a conversation about which sex positions were most likely to result in pregnancy, and ask for graphic advice on that. "So my leg should be wrapped around their neck?"
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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #31 on: December 03, 2013, 05:59:46 pm »
Quote from: beachglass;130790

I'd love to hear your clever responses or lend a sympathetic ear if anyone needs a safe space to vent.

 
OMG! I have been dealing with this so much lately. I just got married in June and my family and his immediately started in with the kid questions. My MIL pulled me aside AT MY WEDDING and said that she couldn't wait for us to make her some grand babies. :eek: Now at every family thing we are asked by someone when we are going to have kids. On Thanksgiving I told my aunt that we weren't ready for kids, that we want to enjoyed being married first. She looked at me all perplexed and said "of course you're ready for kids. You're married" you know because the ring on my finger automatically means I'm ready to start popping out little brats.

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"When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #32 on: December 03, 2013, 10:16:42 pm »
Quote from: Olivia;131383
On Thanksgiving I told my aunt that we weren't ready for kids, that we want to enjoyed being married first. She looked at me all perplexed and said "of course you're ready for kids. You're married"

I know a woman who (impatiently) waited years for her boyfriend to propose, supposedly because he had the same idea, and he wasn't ready for kids yet. Which might have just been a convenient excuse, except they did start trying for kids very soon after the wedding.

I always wonder if the idea of not-getting-married-until-ready-for-babies is more prevalent now that cohabitation is much more common and accepted?
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sailor

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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #33 on: December 04, 2013, 05:16:22 am »
Quote from: beachglass;131394
I know a woman who (impatiently) waited years for her boyfriend to propose, supposedly because he had the same idea, and he wasn't ready for kids yet. Which might have just been a convenient excuse, except they did start trying for kids very soon after the wedding.

I always wonder if the idea of not-getting-married-until-ready-for-babies is more prevalent now that cohabitation is much more common and accepted?

 
People get married before, or even after having kids?  How quaint. / sarcasm

For a serious answer, my gut feeling / WAG is no but there is a huge skew in rates based upon class / education.

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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #34 on: December 04, 2013, 05:43:59 pm »
Quote from: Scales;130897
This (or a variation) is what I will say if strangers ever ask. And if they're like "you poor dear," I'll probably tell them I count it as a blessing and walk away.

I won't say that to family because I don't want to mislead them as far as my medical state (although I don't tell them anything about it anyway, it seems wrong to use that excuse rather than telling them it's my choice).

 
Yeah, this is why I wrote a poem for performance that's loaded with fruit and moon and flower and cycle and hip and belly imagery only to go "thud" on the phrase "even though I am barren as the Moon."  And I just made sure people heard it, and heard what my voice did while I read it, and stopped talking about it for a while.
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"When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #35 on: December 04, 2013, 10:39:56 pm »
Quote from: Kylara;130862
Oh my, I think I would have blown up!

I do have a child, and I had him young, so I never had a lot of this to deal with, but for a while my hubby's parent's used to constantly ask when we were going to have another.  Hubby's sister-in-laws each have a bundle of kids (mostly beyond their means, and they are horrible about keeping up with the kids at holidays, so his mom has to play babysitter/cook/everything else), so it was mostly tongue in cheek, and just a little in response to either me or hubby holding whatever baby was newest or commenting on something cute it had done.

My response was always, "Never, I'll just play with everyone else's...then go home and be able to get some sleep!"

In response to the original question, I'd be tempted to say, "Why are you going to pay for them?" but I'd almost be afraid someone might say yes.

I also had a child young (20) and whenever anyone asked when I was going to have more, I'd tell them that my biological clock broke during childbirth.  

People seemed to get the hint.
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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #36 on: December 09, 2013, 06:58:22 pm »
Quote from: beachglass;130790
Because I know I'm going to need this starting tomorrow. I think my response this year is going to be "I'm waiting one extra year for every person who asks me."


 

Being in my late 30s no one has pulled that on me for a while, but my favorite shut-down technique was to STARE at the person with my mouth open a little--the expression you're going for is DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST TAKE A DUMP ON THE LIVING ROOM RUG?! And this is key: let that awkward silence stretch out! Make 'em squirm!  Then shake your head and, if words are necessary, be like "...that's a really invasive question." Treat them as if they've committed a truly appalling breach of etiquette (which they have) and you are just completely flummoxed by their rude behavior.

This technique works for dealing with all kinds of obnoxiousness, btw.

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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #37 on: December 10, 2013, 03:36:42 pm »
Quote from: catja6;131951
Being in my late 30s no one has pulled that on me for a while, but my favorite shut-down technique was to STARE at the person with my mouth open a little--the expression you're going for is DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST TAKE A DUMP ON THE LIVING ROOM RUG?! And this is key: let that awkward silence stretch out! Make 'em squirm!  Then shake your head and, if words are necessary, be like "...that's a really invasive question." Treat them as if they've committed a truly appalling breach of etiquette (which they have) and you are just completely flummoxed by their rude behavior.

This technique works for dealing with all kinds of obnoxiousness, btw.

 
Ok. I guess I officially can't complain anymore since I'm like 90% sure I'm pregnant.

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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #38 on: December 10, 2013, 04:06:48 pm »
I got asked by my mom if I was going to have kids and she was disappointed but I kind of shrugged it off. We later joked about how my older brother has no interest in dating and thus can't be depended on for kids either.

Quote from: catja6;131951
Being in my late 30s no one has pulled that on me for a while, but my favorite shut-down technique was to STARE at the person with my mouth open a little--the expression you're going for is DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST TAKE A DUMP ON THE LIVING ROOM RUG?! And this is key: let that awkward silence stretch out! Make 'em squirm!  Then shake your head and, if words are necessary, be like "...that's a really invasive question." Treat them as if they've committed a truly appalling breach of etiquette (which they have) and you are just completely flummoxed by their rude behavior.

This technique works for dealing with all kinds of obnoxiousness, btw.

Good plan, I like
 
Quote from: Olivia;132067
Ok. I guess I officially can't complain anymore since I'm like 90% sure I'm pregnant.

 Congratulations, I hope.

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"When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #39 on: December 10, 2013, 07:21:16 pm »
Quote from: Olivia;132067
Ok. I guess I officially can't complain anymore since I'm like 90% sure I'm pregnant.

Congrats, I hope!
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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #40 on: December 10, 2013, 09:18:20 pm »
Quote from: catja6;131951
Being in my late 30s no one has pulled that on me for a while, but my favorite shut-down technique was to STARE at the person with my mouth open a little--the expression you're going for is DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST TAKE A DUMP ON THE LIVING ROOM RUG?! And this is key: let that awkward silence stretch out! Make 'em squirm!  Then shake your head and, if words are necessary, be like "...that's a really invasive question." Treat them as if they've committed a truly appalling breach of etiquette (which they have) and you are just completely flummoxed by their rude behavior.


Best response ever, I think.
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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #41 on: December 11, 2013, 06:08:18 am »
Quote from: catja6;131951

This technique works for dealing with all kinds of obnoxiousness, btw.

 
This is so awesome, you win an internet. :D:
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beachglass

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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #42 on: December 11, 2013, 02:17:15 pm »
Quote from: catja6;131951
Treat them as if they've committed a truly appalling breach of etiquette (which they have) and you are just completely flummoxed by their rude behavior.

 
I do have a habit of trying to deflect with humor, which can be good if the goal is to keep the peace and move on. But since it's not as good at getting the message across that it's not an appropriate question, it probably isn't the best tool for this situation. I'll keep your technique in mind for upcoming family events (much as it would be fun to scandalize my aunties with some of the other suggested responses :whis:).
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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #43 on: December 11, 2013, 10:18:25 pm »
Quote from: Olivia;132067
Ok. I guess I officially can't complain anymore since I'm like 90% sure I'm pregnant.

 
Sure you can. An intrusive question is an intrusive question.

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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #44 on: December 11, 2013, 10:21:35 pm »
Quote from: SunflowerP;132320
Sure you can. An intrusive question is an intrusive question.

Sunflower

 
That is true. Lol. I'm now 100% sure I'm pregnant.

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