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Author Topic: Family: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.  (Read 5548 times)

Scales

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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #15 on: November 27, 2013, 03:07:04 pm »
Quote from: beachglass;130790


 
I usually just shrug it off, as I don't want to have kids but figure that being 20, they don't need that explanation for a couple years. I'm still in college, so they don't really need more of an explanation, and for now it saves me from the "you'll change your mind when you're older!" comments.

And this isn't what you were asking, but my least favourite thing is when someone with absolutely awful children says it- not a colicky baby, but like, a 10 year old who is sitting their swearing at them and bullying the cat or whatever.

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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #16 on: November 27, 2013, 03:10:01 pm »
Quote from: maybeimawitch;130791
My response is always "I'm not, my insides don't work properly" which stops people dead in their tracks and tends to make them feel bad. Serves them right for asking such personal questions.

 
This (or a variation) is what I will say if strangers ever ask. And if they're like "you poor dear," I'll probably tell them I count it as a blessing and walk away.

I won't say that to family because I don't want to mislead them as far as my medical state (although I don't tell them anything about it anyway, it seems wrong to use that excuse rather than telling them it's my choice).

Scales

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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #17 on: November 27, 2013, 03:25:10 pm »
Quote from: Scales;130897
This (or a variation) is what I will say if strangers ever ask. And if they're like "you poor dear," I'll probably tell them I count it as a blessing and walk away.

I won't say that to family because I don't want to mislead them as far as my medical state (although I don't tell them anything about it anyway, it seems wrong to use that excuse rather than telling them it's my choice).

 
Now I'm triple posting, so sorry mods, but I just wanted to add that this is not meant in a way to hurt people who actually are infertile. It just is a good reminder to people that it's a hurtful and unnecessary question, while also being a good way to get them off one's back.

Finn

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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #18 on: November 27, 2013, 07:40:17 pm »
Quote from: Tana;130880

If the talk comes to this and I have to make a statement, I'll just say: it's 7 billion + humans on this planet, that's freaking enough.

 
Ugh. No freaking kidding. :stop:

Anyway, that's usually my go-to excuse. For every one of me who doesn't want a kid, there are at least three people who will be happy to have two. Not that we are in danger of the species dying out... far from it.
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Oíche

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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #19 on: November 27, 2013, 08:04:53 pm »
Quote from: beachglass;130790
I'd love to hear your clever responses or lend a sympathetic ear if anyone needs a safe space to vent.

I'm just waiting to start getting this when I move in with my partner next summer. We're planning on getting engaged soon-ish and several of my friends already have children. I'm only 21 but I'm older than most of those friends.
I've always made it fairly clear I never want children (thankfully my partner feels the same).
Depending on who I'm speaking to I tend to go one of these two routes:
-If they're nice and just ask out of curiosity I'll politely say no and if pushed point out that physically I feel it would be dangerous for me to bear a child (barely a healthy weight after years of being underweight, very narrow hips and have a family history of difficult childbearing, etc) and also don't think I'd have the patience or time to raise them properly.
-If they're being rude or too pushy I'll not so politely point out that I'll be sterile by the end of the year (have a referral letter waiting to be sent) and they're being a total creep about my private physical business. That and probably lecture them about something so they run away- I'm small but fiery when people try to dictate to me, usually I win too XD

 
Quote from: Sefiru;130816
"When I find a good recipe."

I have learned this evening to adhere to the 'no drinking while reading the cauldron' rule. XD Adding this to my list.
 
Quote from: Catherine;130868
I'll tell you what I told them to say. "Were not. Our choices aren't up for debate or discussion, and it's really none of your business. So please stop asking. It's rude."

This. This is a good way to respond to nosy people.
« Last Edit: November 27, 2013, 08:06:02 pm by Oíche »
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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #20 on: November 27, 2013, 08:52:19 pm »
Quote from: beachglass;130790


I'd love to hear your clever responses or lend a sympathetic ear if anyone needs a safe space to vent.

 
My mom has not once ever asked me this. She is a wise soul.

If she did, I'd point out that my cats and dogs ARE my children. I'd also point out that my myriad students and the many souls and minds I touch are already my children,

Fortunately my sister already birthed 4 heirs to the very messy throne of our family tree and my brother adopted two more.

Nothing is expected of me and I have been fortunate to reach the ancient age of 50 where I am still now happily barren without a single physical issue.
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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #21 on: November 28, 2013, 08:11:29 am »
Quote from: Scales;130899
Now I'm triple posting, so sorry mods....

A Reminder:
SIDE NOTE: There are no rules against double posting at TC. We prefer that you reply separately to each message you want to reply to (unless you are just saying "Thank you for replying to a bunch of people or the like) even if this means you end up with several posts in a row. It makes conversations much easier to follow -- especially when one needs to refer back to previous posts via the links in quotes.
« Last Edit: November 28, 2013, 08:12:03 am by RandallS »
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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #22 on: November 28, 2013, 03:51:07 pm »
Quote from: MadZealot;130879
You had a complete stranger say that to you?  And you didn't throat-chop 'em?

 
I was so flat out stunned that I was rendered mute until the assclown left the vicinity.

Catherine

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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #23 on: November 28, 2013, 08:58:45 pm »
Quote from: Tana;130880
Yeah, what the eff is wrong with people?

 
No idea. It's pretty messed up, though.

Catherine

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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #24 on: November 28, 2013, 09:14:15 pm »
Quote from: Cág;130915

This. This is a good way to respond to nosy people.

 
Yeah, but not everyone can get away with it. Family dynamics can be complicated. I've always been pretty blunt with my family. They expect it from me. My son can say it, because he knows I have his back. Not everyone can say those kinds of things without some kind of backlash. You know? Not everyone has a support system, or even one person to back them up. It can get ugly when friends and family think they know, better than you, how you should live your own life.

I'm just glad I'm old enough now that I don't have to deal with that shit anymore.

beachglass

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"When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #25 on: November 29, 2013, 12:05:51 am »
Quote from: Kylara;130862
In response to the original question, I'd be tempted to say, "Why are you going to pay for them?" but I'd almost be afraid someone might say yes.

This never works for me; it just gets a, "you're never ready, no one's ever ready, but it always works out somehow!!" That one annoys me extra.

Luckily (?), this year, right after the turkey was served, my uncle burst out with, "So, what does everyone think about Obamacare?" Now there's a distraction.
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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #26 on: November 29, 2013, 12:19:45 pm »
Quote from: beachglass;130790
Because I know I'm going to need this starting tomorrow. I think my response this year is going to be "I'm waiting one extra year for every person who asks me."


You might say "When I'm ready" and leave it at that.

I am sorry people have been so rude to you.  I hope things get better soon.

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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #27 on: November 29, 2013, 12:22:40 pm »
Quote from: beachglass;131009
This never works for me; it just gets a, "you're never ready, no one's ever ready, but it always works out somehow!!" That one annoys me extra.

Luckily (?), this year, right after the turkey was served, my uncle burst out with, "So, what does everyone think about Obamacare?" Now there's a distraction.



You've got a point there.  No one is truly ready, but I'm sure that you would at least like to feel comfortable with the idea, right?  Geesh.

And kudos to a well-timed question by your uncle. :p

Oíche

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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #28 on: November 29, 2013, 05:46:40 pm »
Quote from: Catherine;131000
Yeah, but not everyone can get away with it. Family dynamics can be complicated. I've always been pretty blunt with my family. They expect it from me. My son can say it, because he knows I have his back. Not everyone can say those kinds of things without some kind of backlash. You know? Not everyone has a support system, or even one person to back them up. It can get ugly when friends and family think they know, better than you, how you should live your own life.

I'm just glad I'm old enough now that I don't have to deal with that shit anymore.

 
Aye, I'm lucky in the sense that if anyone in my extended family had a problem with it I wouldn't particularly care because I see them so little and don't have that kinda family bond with them for it to have an impact (I honestly view them as just people I happen to be related to genetically- which is odd I guess in Ireland! XD To me, they're no different to anyone else I'd pass on the street ). I've simply cut off friends who thought they knew better (but again I guess that's just me- I'm not very close to a lot of people so cutting people off doesn't seem to affect me like many others XD Usually it's more of a relief).
I think in the case of difficult family the best thing to do is try and avoid the topic or give vague answers. :/
It's crazy that in this day and age people still think it's their business why people do or don't have them, it's such a monumental and personal decision either way. :)
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Re: "When are you going to have some kids?" commiseration/vent thread.
« Reply #29 on: November 29, 2013, 06:14:44 pm »
Quote from: beachglass;131009
This never works for me; it just gets a, "you're never ready, no one's ever ready, but it always works out somehow!!" That one annoys me extra.

 
I like the idea of forcing family to listen to your various sexual escapades because, you know, they're so interested in that aspect of your life (obviously).  Make sure to be really graphic, and don't be afraid to embellish a little!  If you can work in some kind of trapeze...

Brina

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