collapse

* Recent Posts

Well Met by Goraxes
[Yesterday at 11:47:48 pm]


Bardic Shield by entwife
[Yesterday at 07:22:18 pm]


Can a candle be relit while dreaming of a deceased parent? by rachel
[Yesterday at 06:54:44 pm]


Re: It's nice to have found somewhere to come and chat about Paganism! by Pendle Girl
[Yesterday at 06:40:42 pm]


Re: Too grounded? by Pendle Girl
[Yesterday at 06:33:39 pm]

Author Topic: Do They really want me?  (Read 2517 times)

outlaw393

  • Master Member
  • ******
  • Join Date: Jul 2011
  • Posts: 419
  • Total likes: 0
    • View Profile
Do They really want me?
« on: February 05, 2013, 10:13:34 pm »
Once again I find myself feeling discouraged and not sure what to do religiously. I spoke to my Lokean group on facebook and much of what they said discouraged me. Some encouraged me to leave the Norse gods behind. Some said I should reconsider my path. One lady said if she were the "Lokean pope" she would have "excommunicated" me because I deemed it too cold to go outside and look at the stars. LOL. :stop:

Loki returned recently, and said his absence was a test to see if I could "stand on my own". He was gone over 2 weeks. And he told me I passed the test. He says it with a smile. I sigh and told him there's no way I passed, and that I must've failed miserably. I can't trust him, and I have no religious practices of any kind.

I had the thought of saying "$*#* god" and just leave religion altogether, but leaving religion is depressing and makes me feel empty. Of course, I feel empty and discouraged now, so no harm no foul right?

I suggested to Loki that we should just start over again, and forget all the BS that has gone on (and that he has put me through). While starting over is attractive, I think it's probably impossible, since forming a decent relationship with him (or any other gods) is impossible.

I have to ask myself again: why do I bother? :eek:
Conformity is the death of individualism

Fireof9

  • Sr. Master Member
  • *******
  • Join Date: Jul 2011
  • Posts: 937
  • Total likes: 1
    • View Profile
Re: Do They really want me?
« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2013, 10:18:11 pm »
Quote from: outlaw393;95258

I have to ask myself again: why do I bother? :eek:


What exactly are you wanting out of a relationship with the Gods/esses?
Really?  So, hey, want to go fishing?  I\'ve got a telescope, and it\'s going to be a dark night, so we should see the fish really well.
...what, I\'m not talking about fishing?  That\'s stargazing?  It\'s all doing-stuff, so it\'s the same thing, right?
-HeartShadow
 
Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery,Today is a gift,thats why the call it the present - Master Oogway

Finding the Owl -my blog
The Gwyddonic Order

Jack

  • Adept Member
  • ********
  • Join Date: Apr 2012
  • Location: Cascadia
  • Posts: 3181
  • Country: us
  • Total likes: 98
    • View Profile
    • Dwarvenpunk
  • Religion: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • Preferred Pronouns: he/him/his
Re: Do They really want me?
« Reply #2 on: February 05, 2013, 10:24:51 pm »
Quote from: outlaw393;95258
Once again I find myself feeling discouraged and not sure what to do religiously. I spoke to my Lokean group on facebook and much of what they said discouraged me. Some encouraged me to leave the Norse gods behind. Some said I should reconsider my path. One lady said if she were the "Lokean pope" she would have "excommunicated" me because I deemed it too cold to go outside and look at the stars. LOL. :stop:


In fairness, the Lokean community online is kind of. Um.

How can I say this politely?

Oh, I can't. Large swaths of it are obnoxious and batshit. You seriously can't take that shit personally, it says more about the people saying it than it does about Loki.

Quote
Loki returned recently, and said his absence was a test to see if I could "stand on my own". He was gone over 2 weeks. And he told me I passed the test. He says it with a smile. I sigh and told him there's no way I passed, and that I must've failed miserably. I can't trust him, and I have no religious practices of any kind.


Perhaps Loki's grading scale is different than yours.

Or perhaps he missed you and he's BSing about it being a test.

Quote
I have to ask myself again: why do I bother? :eek:

 
If you really think it's impossible to have a real relationship with any deities, I have to admit I don't have an answer for why you bother.
Hail Mara, Lady of Good Things!
"The only way to cope with something deadly serious is to try to treat it a little lightly." -Madeleine L'Engle

Shine

  • Sr. Master Member
  • *******
  • Join Date: Nov 2011
  • Posts: 912
  • Total likes: 0
    • View Profile
    • http://houseofthelion.wordpress.com/
Re: Do They really want me?
« Reply #3 on: February 05, 2013, 10:30:47 pm »
Quote from: outlaw393;95258
I have to ask myself again: why do I bother? :eek:

 
I suggest you consider this question deeply before you do anything else with your religious (or non-religious) practice. If you can't answer that question, then it'll be near impossible to do anything else. If you can answer why you bother, you'll be able to decide if it's worth the time to learn to trust Loki again. You'll be able to figure out where you should go from here. But if you're always uncertain, then you'll walk around in circles.

Open up a document in your word processor of choice (or use pen and paper, if that's easier for you), ask yourself this question, and answer it. Come up with lots of different answers. Don't censor yourself. Even if it seems stupid, write it down. Find your whys and the hows, wheres, whats, etc become a little clearer.
Leave your darkness with me, and I will make you shine.

outlaw393

  • Master Member
  • ******
  • Join Date: Jul 2011
  • Posts: 419
  • Total likes: 0
    • View Profile
Re: Do They really want me?
« Reply #4 on: February 05, 2013, 10:32:27 pm »
Quote from: Jack;95262
In fairness, the Lokean community online is kind of. Um.

How can I say this politely?

Oh, I can't. Large swaths of it are obnoxious and batshit. You seriously can't take that shit personally, it says more about the people saying it than it does about Loki.


Large amount of overly emotional people, who are quick to take offense. I think I'm working a world record for how many people who have blocked me and how many people I've blocked. :ange:

Quote from: Jack;95262


Perhaps Loki's grading scale is different than yours.

Or perhaps he missed you and he's BSing about it being a test.


Never thought of it that way. :D:

Quote from: Fireof9;95260
What exactly are you wanting out of a relationship with the Gods/esses?


This is a difficult question. I want a mutual respecting, trusting friendship/relationship where I can freely ask for help or just talk to deity.
Conformity is the death of individualism

Fireof9

  • Sr. Master Member
  • *******
  • Join Date: Jul 2011
  • Posts: 937
  • Total likes: 1
    • View Profile
Re: Do They really want me?
« Reply #5 on: February 05, 2013, 10:42:05 pm »
Quote from: outlaw393;95268

This is a difficult question. I want a mutual respecting, trusting friendship/relationship where I can freely ask for help or just talk to deity.

 
Cool, thats much how I view my relationships with them too. It can be very frustrating at times to say the least.
Here is what I have found. Deity do not exist/live by our framework of time. They do things in their own time - which is not as limited as ours. We tend to look at it in the sense of "Holy shit, I want to learn and know and build this relationship in the 76.9 years I have on this planet". Thats our framework because within us all is the knowledge of the limited time we have in this realm of existence. Since views vary on what might happen after that limited time offer, most of us have it in the foreground of our thoughts more than we know.

I have apologized to deity for not talking to them for a period of time, and was definitely met with a "Oh really, its been that long has it" type of feeling. So I think that while we, with our mortal casings, may feel like its been forever since we have had that experience with them and feeling ignored, we really have not been. I have found that if you look around you, you can see evidence of them every single day of your life. It might not be a mindblowing moment of clarity or visitation - but they are there. Its when you walk away from it all that you will not see that, and in time you will miss it. That is also a good reason to go forward.
Really?  So, hey, want to go fishing?  I\'ve got a telescope, and it\'s going to be a dark night, so we should see the fish really well.
...what, I\'m not talking about fishing?  That\'s stargazing?  It\'s all doing-stuff, so it\'s the same thing, right?
-HeartShadow
 
Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery,Today is a gift,thats why the call it the present - Master Oogway

Finding the Owl -my blog
The Gwyddonic Order

outlaw393

  • Master Member
  • ******
  • Join Date: Jul 2011
  • Posts: 419
  • Total likes: 0
    • View Profile
Re: Do They really want me?
« Reply #6 on: February 05, 2013, 11:08:46 pm »
Quote from: Jack;95262
In fairness, the Lokean community online is kind of. Um.

How can I say this politely?

Oh, I can't. Large swaths of it are obnoxious and batshit. You seriously can't take that shit personally, it says more about the people saying it than it does about Loki.


Got kicked out. Not the first time they've booted me. Probably for some stupid BS reason too. Tired of all the whiners and children there anyway. I was thinking about leaving today anyway. They saved me the work of clicking "leave group".

Forget em, I don't need em. Tired of their s***.
Conformity is the death of individualism

Snowdrop

  • Master Member
  • ******
  • Join Date: Oct 2012
  • Posts: 416
  • Country: 00
  • Total likes: 0
    • View Profile
Re: Do They really want me?
« Reply #7 on: February 05, 2013, 11:32:50 pm »
Quote from: outlaw393;95258
Once again I find myself feeling discouraged and not sure what to do religiously. I spoke to my Lokean group on facebook and much of what they said discouraged me. Some encouraged me to leave the Norse gods behind. Some said I should reconsider my path. One lady said if she were the "Lokean pope" she would have "excommunicated" me because I deemed it too cold to go outside and look at the stars. LOL. :stop:

Loki returned recently, and said his absence was a test to see if I could "stand on my own". He was gone over 2 weeks. And he told me I passed the test. He says it with a smile. I sigh and told him there's no way I passed, and that I must've failed miserably. I can't trust him, and I have no religious practices of any kind.

I had the thought of saying "$*#* god" and just leave religion altogether, but leaving religion is depressing and makes me feel empty. Of course, I feel empty and discouraged now, so no harm no foul right?

I suggested to Loki that we should just start over again, and forget all the BS that has gone on (and that he has put me through). While starting over is attractive, I think it's probably impossible, since forming a decent relationship with him (or any other gods) is impossible.

I have to ask myself again: why do I bother? :eek:

 
Honestly?  My impression from lurking on your posts is that the core of your problem isn't Lokeans, Loki, or even religion in general.  It really just sounds like you have an emotional problem that's spilling over into everything else.  I can't tell you how you should deal with that, given that I have no idea what resources (social, financial, psychological, whatever) you have to work with, but man, I would really advise you to do something to get to the bottom of this.

outlaw393

  • Master Member
  • ******
  • Join Date: Jul 2011
  • Posts: 419
  • Total likes: 0
    • View Profile
Re: Do They really want me?
« Reply #8 on: February 06, 2013, 12:49:40 am »
Quote from: Snowdrop;95283
It really just sounds like you have an emotional problem that's spilling over into everything else.  

 
Probably. It's something I'll have to figure out how to get over and beat.
Conformity is the death of individualism

Shine

  • Sr. Master Member
  • *******
  • Join Date: Nov 2011
  • Posts: 912
  • Total likes: 0
    • View Profile
    • http://houseofthelion.wordpress.com/
Re: Do They really want me?
« Reply #9 on: February 06, 2013, 01:21:13 am »
Quote from: outlaw393;95292
Probably. It's something I'll have to figure out how to get over and beat.

 
You could ask Loki for help. You're going to have to have faith and a lot of patience, though, because you won't like every stretch of the journey.

Bast helped me overcome severe depression. There have been some intensely dark spots along this path. (Two years in and the healing still isn't done.) So far I've learned lots of things about myself, the gods, and life. It's been painful sometimes, outrageously hard work during others, and always worth it at the end. You may not see the good that's being done in the beginning, but you will see it sooner than you might think.

Try to get some free or low-cost help from a therapist or whoever else you need. Ask Loki for help, too. Then get ready to do what you can to help the process.
Leave your darkness with me, and I will make you shine.

Aelyria

  • Apprentice
  • ***
  • Join Date: Feb 2013
  • Posts: 25
  • Total likes: 0
    • View Profile
Re: Do They really want me?
« Reply #10 on: February 07, 2013, 08:31:35 am »
Quote from: Jack;95262
In fairness, the Lokean community online is kind of. Um.

How can I say this politely?

Oh, I can't. Large swaths of it are obnoxious and batshit. You seriously can't take that shit personally, it says more about the people saying it than it does about Loki.


Wow, judgemental much?  Seriously though, blanket statements such as that  one really aren't cool at all.  Though I agree that one cannot take things personnally from any internet group that does not know the subject personally calling Lokeans obnoxious and batshit is really unhelpful in general.


Quote
Perhaps Loki's grading scale is different than yours.

Or perhaps he missed you and he's BSing about it being a test.


You ARE right about that first bit.  Loki has a grading scale all His own, its different from anyones! LOL  He is a Tester for sure too but i think that if you want to be objective about it one should probably make sure they know the history of the 'relationship' before saying its BS.


 
Quote
If you really think it's impossible to have a real relationship with any deities, I have to admit I don't have an answer for why you bother.


This is really the crux of it all isn't it?   See, to me this is where the ACT of faith comes into play.  not just saying you believe but ACTUALLY believing in your Deities.  in other words, walking the walk.  Because the bottom line really is simple.  there are FAR fewer people that have a reciprocal relationship with deity than those that do.  Even when it seems like everyone else has a working godphone the reality is that hey this is the internet there are massive masses of people here and to quote dr house "everybody lies".

Quote
Got kicked out. Not the first time they've booted me. Probably for some stupid BS reason too. Tired of all the whiners and children there anyway. I was thinking about leaving today anyway. They saved me the work of clicking "leave group".

Forget em, I don't need em. Tired of their s***.

 

Now, I will be blunt.  No One gets booted from Lokeans without being told what caused the boot (and yes, I say this having been permabooted myself last summer).  

But Really... whiners and children?  you are calling some of the most thoroughly published and well educated authors in all of heathenry whiners and children?  Lets think about that for just a minute.

It is my experience that when people stomp and yell about others condemnation of bad behavior it is because they are the ones that are exhibiting it the most in any given situation.

so you are tired of their S***....  As I recall that s*** you are so tired of was many people giving you good sound advice, but it wasn't the advice you wanted to hear so you rejected it

Quote
I think I'm working a world record for how many people who have blocked me and how many people I've blocked.


This too should be examined.  if you have blocked/been blocked by THAT many people shouldn't that tell you something about your behavior and issues?  Something you need to take a long look at before delving into any deeper relationship with any deity.  Its important to approach deity from a place of respect and love IMO and I don't think anyone can do that without first loving and respecting themselves wholly.

Quote
I want a mutual respecting, trusting friendship/relationship where I can freely ask for help or just talk to deity.


Great!  Then star with respecting and trusting  yourself, and being your own best friend.  Its important to remember that we are talking about deity here.  Deity with many many followers and lots and lots of Work To Do.  They aren't going to be able to be with you ALL of the time.  You need to understand that absence of their voice in your ear does NOT mean they have abandoned you.  It means they have Work To Do and just because you do not get a direct in the way you want it response from them does not mean they have not responded in the way they can in that moment.  As much as you have done the whole "well fine then I'll just leave" bit with more than just Loki ask yourself how you would feel if you were the one that was being ditched because you truly were busy......

Quote
My impression from lurking on your posts is that the core of your problem isn't Lokeans, Loki, or even religion in general. It really just sounds like you have an emotional problem that's spilling over into everything else.


I have to agree with this one completely.

think about the whole picture
Once He\'s in He owns Your Heart
My Blog

Marilyn/Absentminded

  • Staff
  • *
  • Join Date: Jun 2011
  • *
  • Posts: 975
  • Total likes: 2
    • View Profile
Re: Do They really want me?
« Reply #11 on: February 07, 2013, 10:27:19 am »
Quote from: Aelyria;95454




Aelyria,

If you just came here to fight with Outlaw, that is also not cool.  We are not interested in private wars being brought to our boards.  If I don't see you participating elsewhere on the board I will have to conclude that you are simply stalking one of our members and act accordingly.

On the chance that you are sincere about being a member here, I will also tell you that you have quoted three people with only one linkback.  If you can't use the multiquote function properly (I can't) you should simply make a separate reply to each person you are answering.  We have no rule against double, triple, or more-ple posting.  The quote rule is meant to produce that linkback so moderators and other members can follow a thread backwards in case of disputes and violations.  Or just to keep it making sense, when there is more than one thread of conversation happening in the same thread.

This is not a formal warning, just a heads-up about what we expect here.

Marilyn
Assistant Board Coordinator
I smile when I\'m angry.  I cheat and I lie
I do what I have to do to get by
But I know what is wrong, and I know what is right
And I die for the truth in my secret life

   In My Secret Life, L. Cohen

Aelyria

  • Apprentice
  • ***
  • Join Date: Feb 2013
  • Posts: 25
  • Total likes: 0
    • View Profile
Re: Do They really want me?
« Reply #12 on: February 07, 2013, 12:16:32 pm »
Quote from: Marilyn/Absentminded;95460
Aelyria,

If you just came here to fight with Outlaw, that is also not cool.  We are not interested in private wars being brought to our boards.  If I don't see you participating elsewhere on the board I will have to conclude that you are simply stalking one of our members and act accordingly.

On the chance that you are sincere about being a member here, I will also tell you that you have quoted three people with only one linkback.  If you can't use the multiquote function properly (I can't) you should simply make a separate reply to each person you are answering.  We have no rule against double, triple, or more-ple posting.  The quote rule is meant to produce that linkback so moderators and other members can follow a thread backwards in case of disputes and violations.  Or just to keep it making sense, when there is more than one thread of conversation happening in the same thread.

This is not a formal warning, just a heads-up about what we expect here.

Marilyn
Assistant Board Coordinator

 
your right It's not, and I dont' play that way FTR.  but this was the first area that i found that had interest for me as faith in everyday life is a balancing act for most people and that is especially true for me.  and having been through many of my own crises of faith I relate to this question.  

I clicked the multiquote button on the page for response if that is NOT how its done  then my bad. it must work differently here than in other forums i have participated in.

but I truly do not know how I have given the impression of fighting with outlaw.  I made observations on comments made and stated agreements with  most of them.
Once He\'s in He owns Your Heart
My Blog

Jack

  • Adept Member
  • ********
  • Join Date: Apr 2012
  • Location: Cascadia
  • Posts: 3181
  • Country: us
  • Total likes: 98
    • View Profile
    • Dwarvenpunk
  • Religion: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • Preferred Pronouns: he/him/his
Re: Do They really want me?
« Reply #13 on: February 07, 2013, 02:28:31 pm »
Quote from: Aelyria;95454
Wow, judgemental much?  Seriously though, blanket statements such as that  one really aren't cool at all.  Though I agree that one cannot take things personnally from any internet group that does not know the subject personally calling Lokeans obnoxious and batshit is really unhelpful in general.


Yep, that's me, one judgemental bastard. :) But when even Elizabeth Vongvisith has to make blog posts about how no, you don't have to listen to the prescriptive know-it-alls, there's maybe a tiny problem in the community. 1 2

(See also: "OMG You Called Loki A Rapist Flail Flail Flail" and "Loki Took Your Kids Away Because You're Not A Good Enough Polytheist".)
Hail Mara, Lady of Good Things!
"The only way to cope with something deadly serious is to try to treat it a little lightly." -Madeleine L'Engle

outlaw393

  • Master Member
  • ******
  • Join Date: Jul 2011
  • Posts: 419
  • Total likes: 0
    • View Profile
Re: Do They really want me?
« Reply #14 on: February 07, 2013, 03:29:58 pm »
Quote from: Jack;95504
Yep, that's me, one judgemental bastard. :) But when even Elizabeth Vongvisith has to make blog posts about how no, you don't have to listen to the prescriptive know-it-alls, there's maybe a tiny problem in the community. 1 2

(See also: "OMG You Called Loki A Rapist Flail Flail Flail" and "Loki Took Your Kids Away Because You're Not A Good Enough Polytheist".)

 
The only person in the community that has even remotely earned my respect is Galina Krasskova, because she's an awesome author. The others, well...heh...
Conformity is the death of individualism

Tags:
 

Related Topics

  Subject / Started by Replies Last post
0 Replies
1313 Views
Last post September 04, 2011, 03:36:44 pm
by AlisonLeighLilly
13 Replies
3302 Views
Last post September 27, 2011, 11:44:04 am
by LeaLynne
5 Replies
1712 Views
Last post December 16, 2011, 11:35:13 pm
by Maps
4 Replies
1018 Views
Last post May 29, 2012, 06:03:30 pm
by fjfritz
0 Replies
1474 Views
Last post July 10, 2013, 03:06:12 am
by Dragonoake

* Who's Online

  • Dot Guests: 21
  • Dot Hidden: 0
  • Dot Users: 0

There aren't any users online.

* Please Donate!

The Cauldron's server is expensive and requires monthly payments. Please become a Bronze, Silver or Gold Donor if you can. Donations are needed every month. Without member support, we can't afford the server.

* Shop & Support TC

The links below are affiliate links. When you click on one of these links you will go to the listed shopping site with The Cauldron's affiliate code. Any purchases you make during your visit will earn TC a tiny percentage of your purchase price at no extra cost to you.

* In Memoriam

Chavi (2006)
Elspeth (2010)
Marilyn (2013)

* Cauldron Staff

Host:
Sunflower

Message Board Staff
Board Coordinator:
Darkhawk

Assistant Board Coordinator:
Aster Breo

Senior Staff:
Aisling, Jenett, Sefiru

Staff:
Allaya, Chatelaine, EclecticWheel, HarpingHawke, Kylara, PerditaPickle, rocquelaire

Discord Chat Staff
Chat Coordinator:
Morag

Cauldron Council:
Bob, Catja, Emma-Eldritch, Fausta, Jubes, Kelly, LyricFox, Phouka, Sperran, Star, Steve, Tana

Site Administrator:
Randall

SimplePortal 2.3.6 © 2008-2014, SimplePortal