Depression and pagansim

[Komachi]

My practice is completely on the backburner and has been for... Gods even know how long at this point. I have a permanent shrine to Quan Yin that I set up last year when we moved to this apartment (and re-set up a few months ago when we changed bedrooms), but I haven't really done much of anything in terms of worship in at least the past year. Thankfully Quan Yin understands and is letting me figure my shit out, but I feel guilty for not even saying the occasional hello.

...

Quan Yin is my goddess as well, and I can attest to her being so understanding when her devotees are in a funk. I pray and meditate when I can; I always keep her in mind and chant her mantra throughout the day, but it's been a long time since I've made any deep contact. That is slowly changing for me, and Quan Yin has remained accessible throughout my periods of depression.

[makaros]

Recently I've found myself in a depressed funk. I don't want to set up my altar, I don't want to have even the smallest of rites, I don't want to so much as pray. I feel conflicted by the "what if's" that come to mind like "What if Christianity is right?" "what if we just stop existing after we die?" "What if magic really does cause demon possessions" what if? what if? what if?

Just now I forced myself to set up goddess and god candles and pray and meditate. I made myself actually talk to them for the first time in a long while. I just told them all my worries all my fears. They comforted me for the most part. I was glad I made myself do that. They don't seem to be capable of taking away all of my depression and anxiety but they can ease it quite a bit.

Do you suffer from depression? How is your practice affected by it?

I have an anxiety disorder and depression as well.  The depression's been controlled for a good while now (yay meds!) but when I was at my worst and laying in bed almost the entire day until I had to get up for work, it was almost completely impossible to do anything spiritual.  It took therapy to get me going, and those few ritual experiences I had living in the house I was living in at the time still stick with me to this day.

Depression is a scary thing.  But when you can grapple with it through therapy, medication, or just non-judgemental encouragement, you may find that your spiritual experiences will be all the more meaningful because everything else in your life is so flat in comparison.  I did.  It's just getting there that's a struggle.

[LunaStar]

Do you suffer from depression? How is your practice affected by it?

 
I've been struggling with depression since I can remember and also experienced a lot of Christian guilt associated with growing up in a Christian family.  It took me a long time, but one day became certain that the magick path is the path for me.  And think of it this way, if there truly is a Christian god, then surely they are a benevolent, loving god! So they will love and accept you regardless of your spiritual beliefs and respect them.  

When my depression gets the best of my practice, I like to do very simple rituals.  I burn a little Palo Santo.  Or simply light a candle.  Or take a hot lavender shower to cleanse away the negative emotions.  Slip a smoky quartz in my pocket.  Drink a cup of happiness tea.  Force yourself to do something small every day, even though it will be very, very hard.

Lastly, your spiritual path is a perfect way to heal yourself from your depression.  Learn about herbs and crystals that help with your ailments.  Cast a happiness spell on yourself.  Know that your feelings are real, and there are others out here battling with the same issue.  We're here for you!

[Floofy Bunny]

Depression/anxiety, and what I suspect is OCD (I really need to talk to my doctor about that).

HarpingHawke, I have the same combination, and while I am not full-blown OCD, my therapists have generally phrased it in terms of "OCD tendencies" so that might explain you a little, too? Or not, but just wanted to throw that out there.

[lady*leaf]

Do you suffer from depression? How is your practice affected by it?

 
Depression, general and social anxiety here! I lived pretty much as an atheist my whole adult life until recently when my depression and anxiety got much worse. I started disassociating and self-harming like I did when I was a teenager but after about a year of therapy I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

While I can't offer much advice as far as worship since I personally am not a theist , I do know what has helped me spiritually in other ways. I think one of the hardest things to do when your feelings overwhelm you is to sit with them, not try and DO something about them or change them or push them away. I've found it helpful to focus on the changing seasons and phases of the moon, it's helped me realize that life is cyclical. Even if this darkness feels like it will last forever, it won't.

It might sound overly simple but sometimes just taking my dog out to the park at night when it's quiet and taking a few minutes to just stare at the moon gives me a sense of calm.

Like I said, it took me a while to get to the point where meditating on the moon is enough to make me feel peaceful. If you're not connecting with your deities try connecting with a friend or a therapist. Sometimes talking it out first is the only way to get to a place where you can get back to your spiritual self.

Know you're absolutely not alone in this!

[MeadowRae]

Do you suffer from depression? How is your practice affected by it?

 
I have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and bipolar disorder at different times in my life. I had an eating disorder for several years, as well. My practice has been a huge part of my healing process. I found Spirit through prayer, and slowly began to understand who I was through magic and communion with Goddess. I see God in a different way. That being said...I do have anxieties that crop up, and I do have bitterness and apathy that I have to deal with at times. As hard as it is, I really, really try to keep my every day rituals/prayers intact, and we rarely miss church. Sometimes it's literally just going thru the motions, but most of the time a little light comes thru, and those times are worth it.

[Floofy Bunny]

While I can't offer much advice as far as worship since I personally am not a theist , I do know what has helped me spiritually in other ways. I think one of the hardest things to do when your feelings overwhelm you is to sit with them, not try and DO something about them or change them or push them away. I've found it helpful to focus on the changing seasons and phases of the moon, it's helped me realize that life is cyclical. Even if this darkness feels like it will last forever, it won't.

 
Like Lady Leaf said, sitting with the feelings is hard, but also the most productive way for me to deal with them - when I tried to control or change the behavior (like behavioral modification therapy) it just made it worse, I just ended up having to go more with radical self-acceptance where it was like hey, I have this problem! And I think connecting it to cycles like the seasons and nature is such a lovely and helpful metaphor. I hadn't realized it, but that was exactly what I was doing and why an earth-based paganism has been crucial to my healing.

Thanks for helping me see it that way, Lady Leaf!