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Author Topic: Depression and pagansim  (Read 4847 times)

ovjanelle

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Depression and pagansim
« on: July 15, 2015, 03:43:42 pm »
Recently I've found myself in a depressed funk. I don't want to set up my altar, I don't want to have even the smallest of rites, I don't want to so much as pray. I feel conflicted by the "what if's" that come to mind like "What if Christianity is right?" "what if we just stop existing after we die?" "What if magic really does cause demon possessions" what if? what if? what if?

Just now I forced myself to set up goddess and god candles and pray and meditate. I made myself actually talk to them for the first time in a long while. I just told them all my worries all my fears. They comforted me for the most part. I was glad I made myself do that. They don't seem to be capable of taking away all of my depression and anxiety but they can ease it quite a bit.

Do you suffer from depression? How is your practice affected by it?

missgraceless

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Re: Depression and pagansim
« Reply #1 on: July 16, 2015, 12:12:47 am »
Quote from: ovjanelle;177318
Recently I've found myself in a depressed funk. I don't want to set up my altar, I don't want to have even the smallest of rites, I don't want to so much as pray. I feel conflicted by the "what if's" that come to mind like "What if Christianity is right?" "what if we just stop existing after we die?" "What if magic really does cause demon possessions" what if? what if? what if?

Just now I forced myself to set up goddess and god candles and pray and meditate. I made myself actually talk to them for the first time in a long while. I just told them all my worries all my fears. They comforted me for the most part. I was glad I made myself do that. They don't seem to be capable of taking away all of my depression and anxiety but they can ease it quite a bit.

Do you suffer from depression? How is your practice affected by it?
My practice is completely on the backburner and has been for... Gods even know how long at this point. I have a permanent shrine to Quan Yin that I set up last year when we moved to this apartment (and re-set up a few months ago when we changed bedrooms), but I haven't really done much of anything in terms of worship in at least the past year. Thankfully Quan Yin understands and is letting me figure my shit out, but I feel guilty for not even saying the occasional hello.

That being said, I'm only just beginning to look for (psychiatric) help. I know my depression has been worsening, but everything kept getting in the way of actively searching for a new doctor since mine retired. BUT, I have an appointment Friday with a doctor from the same practice, AND one with a new doctor (one who actually accepts my insurance) next Wednesday. So hopefully over the next few weeks I'll begin to feel better and get back in the swing of things.
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"Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly."   ~ Morticia Addams

Jainarayan

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Re: Depression and pagansim
« Reply #2 on: July 16, 2015, 10:35:08 am »
Quote from: ovjanelle;177318
Recently I've found myself in a depressed funk. I don't want to set up my altar, I don't want to have even the smallest of rites, I don't want to so much as pray. I feel conflicted by the "what if's" that come to mind like "What if Christianity is right?" "what if we just stop existing after we die?" "What if magic really does cause demon possessions" what if? what if? what if?

Just now I forced myself to set up goddess and god candles and pray and meditate. I made myself actually talk to them for the first time in a long while. I just told them all my worries all my fears. They comforted me for the most part. I was glad I made myself do that. They don't seem to be capable of taking away all of my depression and anxiety but they can ease it quite a bit.

Do you suffer from depression? How is your practice affected by it?

 
I'm glad you feel better. I often get a dry period when I'm completely head blind to the gods. I also suffer from depression... bipolar 2 hypomanic/depressive to be precise, as well as Asperger's. Which explains (not excuses, but explains) some of my humdinger behaviors in real life and on the 'net.

I don't know your tradition, so I can only speak for my tradition, Ásatrú, in which the gods give us a lot of latitude. In fact for many Ásatrúar it's more common to turn to our ancestors for help. Yes, running to Grandma's or Grandpa's or Auntie Louise's  (I made that one up) spirits for comfort and to talk, whine, rant.

As far as the what-ifs, I ignore them completely. They're irrelevant and illogical in my view. Live in the here and now. I wish you to feel even better.  ;)
śivāya vishnu rūpaya śivaḥ rūpaya vishnave
śivasya hridayam viṣṇur viṣṇoscha hridayam śivaḥ
Vishnu's appearance is Shiva; Shiva's appearance is Vishnu
Vishnu is the heart of Shiva; Shiva is the heart of Vishnu - Skandopanishad
 

rinceoir

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Re: Depression and pagansim
« Reply #3 on: July 16, 2015, 11:14:26 am »
Quote from: ovjanelle;177318
Do you suffer from depression? How is your practice affected by it?


I'm glad the actions you chose to take helped ease your mind. I hope you're able to continue sorting through your feelings and getting better.

I've never been depressed, per se. I've been sad/stressed/shut down, but nothing I think would be diagnosed clinically as depression. So I don't have any stories about that, but I did recently abandon my practice for a time.

Recently I was very busy at work. My boss left unexpectedly and was not replaced, and I was the only person with knowledge of several projects to submit deliverables. It was three months of stress and massive overtime, which culminated at the end of June with a move as well as daily overtime (including weekends) work to finish the project. I didn't take care of myself and I certainly didn't give Cernunnos or anyone else the time of day. I also was having proddings from whom I now believe to be Flidais, and I straight up ignored her the whole time.

I'm more back into my practice now that things are settled, and looking back I wish I had made more time for myself and my practice. It would've kept me more sane and healthy than the shut down mode I was in. But, live and learn.

Mellee

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Re: Depression and pagansim
« Reply #4 on: July 16, 2015, 10:24:57 pm »
Quote from: ovjanelle;177318

Do you suffer from depression? How is your practice affected by it?

 
Depression/anxiety combo here. My practice actually helps a lot, but I don't really want to go into that just yet. (See http://www.autostraddle.com/five-witchy-ways-to-take-care-of-yourself-295869/ for similar sorts of stuff)

The other day I read an interesting Tumblr post about using the introspection that depression can cause to express and advance your spirituality:

http://awitchandhersecrets.tumblr.com/post/124173869918/depression-witchcraft-introspection

HarpingHawke

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Re: Depression and pagansim
« Reply #5 on: July 17, 2015, 12:30:07 am »
Quote from: ovjanelle;177318

Do you suffer from depression? How is your practice affected by it?

 
Depression/anxiety, and what I suspect is OCD (I really need to talk to my doctor about that). When I'm having a bad day (or week, or month) it affects my practice in that I'm not motivated to learn or do anything, and that I can't seem to move forward no matter what I try to do.

It also does weird things to my perception of the gods and it makes it hard to distinguish their presence and voices from my inner monologue; my inner monologue is...mean at the best of times.

But I know that even if the gods are doing other things, they expect me to get out of my funk and that they'll be there when I do. And maybe they're watching out for me, too. :)

I went through a very rough couple of months recently and I got some support from them, but it really knocked my practice off its tracks. Trying to get back to normal now, I suppose.
"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self." - Hemingway

ovjanelle

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Re: Depression and pagansim
« Reply #6 on: July 17, 2015, 11:32:07 am »
Quote from: Thorbjorn;177394
I'm glad you feel better. I often get a dry period when I'm completely head blind to the gods. I also suffer from depression... bipolar 2 hypomanic/depressive to be precise, as well as Asperger's. Which explains (not excuses, but explains) some of my humdinger behaviors in real life and on the 'net.

I don't know your tradition, so I can only speak for my tradition, Ásatrú, in which the gods give us a lot of latitude. In fact for many Ásatrúar it's more common to turn to our ancestors for help. Yes, running to Grandma's or Grandpa's or Auntie Louise's  (I made that one up) spirits for comfort and to talk, whine, rant.

As far as the what-ifs, I ignore them completely. They're irrelevant and illogical in my view. Live in the here and now. I wish you to feel even better.  ;)

 Oh wow a fellow Aspy! I have Asperger's too. I don't struggle with it as much as I do the depression though so I hardly bring it up to people when talking about mental illnesses.

I am a solitary wiccan or sorts but my practice is still just forming. I can't do everything I'd like to living in my parent's house. When I move out we'll see how my path evolves. I may change so much that I choose a different path all together.

ovjanelle

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Re: Depression and pagansim
« Reply #7 on: July 17, 2015, 11:35:57 am »
Quote from: rinceoir;177403
I'm glad the actions you chose to take helped ease your mind. I hope you're able to continue sorting through your feelings and getting better.

I've never been depressed, per se. I've been sad/stressed/shut down, but nothing I think would be diagnosed clinically as depression. So I don't have any stories about that, but I did recently abandon my practice for a time.

Recently I was very busy at work. My boss left unexpectedly and was not replaced, and I was the only person with knowledge of several projects to submit deliverables. It was three months of stress and massive overtime, which culminated at the end of June with a move as well as daily overtime (including weekends) work to finish the project. I didn't take care of myself and I certainly didn't give Cernunnos or anyone else the time of day. I also was having proddings from whom I now believe to be Flidais, and I straight up ignored her the whole time.

I'm more back into my practice now that things are settled, and looking back I wish I had made more time for myself and my practice. It would've kept me more sane and healthy than the shut down mode I was in. But, live and learn.

 
Stress is just as bad as depression if you ask me. I once stressed myself out for an entire month so much that I actually missed my period. I stress out pretty easily though. I'm into Lolita fashion, the Japanese street fashion, and I go to Lolita meet ups with all my Lolita friends and just being around large groups like that sends me into a seriously stressed out state of being. I usually leave sooner than everyone else in the group. But yeah...if I were in your shoes I probably wouldn't be coping very well. I'm glad you're back into the swing of things now though c:

Jainarayan

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Re: Depression and pagansim
« Reply #8 on: July 17, 2015, 01:02:52 pm »
Quote from: ovjanelle;177492
Oh wow a fellow Aspy! I have Asperger's too. I don't struggle with it as much as I do the depression though so I hardly bring it up to people when talking about mental illnesses.

I am a solitary wiccan or sorts but my practice is still just forming. I can't do everything I'd like to living in my parent's house. When I move out we'll see how my path evolves. I may change so much that I choose a different path all together.

 
I haven't been clinically diagnosed but I have enough of the signs, symptoms and behaviors. It seems to run in my family. I have 2 grandnephews who have it, and we believe my father had it, as well as having been bipolar.

I have kind of the opposite thing as you do... I don't have as much of a hard time with the depression, because when I go into a nosedive it passes within a day or two. But the Aspie's never goes away. Whether people know it's that or not, the fact remains that my behaviors give it away. It's always there. I'd love to belong to groups like other people do but it's just not something that's going to happen.
śivāya vishnu rūpaya śivaḥ rūpaya vishnave
śivasya hridayam viṣṇur viṣṇoscha hridayam śivaḥ
Vishnu's appearance is Shiva; Shiva's appearance is Vishnu
Vishnu is the heart of Shiva; Shiva is the heart of Vishnu - Skandopanishad
 

ovjanelle

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Re: Depression and pagansim
« Reply #9 on: July 18, 2015, 11:09:20 am »
Quote from: Thorbjorn;177502
I haven't been clinically diagnosed but I have enough of the signs, symptoms and behaviors. It seems to run in my family. I have 2 grandnephews who have it, and we believe my father had it, as well as having been bipolar.

I have kind of the opposite thing as you do... I don't have as much of a hard time with the depression, because when I go into a nosedive it passes within a day or two. But the Aspie's never goes away. Whether people know it's that or not, the fact remains that my behaviors give it away. It's always there. I'd love to belong to groups like other people do but it's just not something that's going to happen.

 
Well you're a part of this group on the ecauldron are you not? c: Don't sell youself short. We had a guy in my group of friends at college who had severe Asperger's and even though he annoyed people in the group sometimes, everyone loved him and made sure he wasn't bullied by outsiders. We were a close knit group and everyone cared for everyone else. Hell, I was accepted into that group as well and my Aspergers showed many a time while interacting with that group. I wish you well and hope you find a group of people you can be close with. If you want, we could be friends too. I've never known an... an Asatru? I forget what it's called. I'm still new to the neo-pagan world and I don't know all the different religions. :ashamed:

Jainarayan

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Re: Depression and pagansim
« Reply #10 on: July 19, 2015, 10:37:05 am »
Quote from: ovjanelle;177547
Well you're a part of this group on the ecauldron are you not? c: Don't sell youself short.


Well, that's true. ;) What I mean is that when I'm writing I go back over and over to edit and try to clarify what I'm saying (it doesn't always work, however :o). In real life though, I have a hard time keeping myself from saying stupid things - I tend to use really oddball references that other people don't get. Yet, at the risk of conceit, people know I'm pretty intelligent. But it doesn't do much good for my credibility with some people.
 
Quote
We had a guy in my group of friends at college who had severe Asperger's and even though he annoyed people in the group sometimes, everyone loved him and made sure he wasn't bullied by outsiders.


Unfortunately I tend to get teased and mocked even by my family - "oh, it's all in good fun". Like hell, not when you're told all your life you're weird.

Quote
I've never known an... an Asatru? I forget what it's called. I'm still new to the neo-pagan world and I don't know all the different religions. :ashamed:

 
Nah, don't be ashamed. ;) The religion is called Ásatrú (ow-sah-troo), followers are called Ásatrúar (ow-sah-troo-ar). That is singular and plural. There's no such word as Ásatrúars, or "I'm an Ásatrúar", it's just "I'm Ásatrúar" and "I practice/follow Ásatrú". It's just Old Norse and Icelandic grammar rules (they're basically the same language).
śivāya vishnu rūpaya śivaḥ rūpaya vishnave
śivasya hridayam viṣṇur viṣṇoscha hridayam śivaḥ
Vishnu's appearance is Shiva; Shiva's appearance is Vishnu
Vishnu is the heart of Shiva; Shiva is the heart of Vishnu - Skandopanishad
 

elysium

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Re: Depression and pagansim
« Reply #11 on: August 12, 2015, 04:15:53 pm »
Quote from: Thorbjorn;177394
I'm glad you feel better. I often get a dry period when I'm completely head blind to the gods. I also suffer from depression... bipolar 2 hypomanic/depressive to be precise, as well as Asperger's. Which explains (not excuses, but explains) some of my humdinger behaviors in real life and on the 'net.

I don't know your tradition, so I can only speak for my tradition, Ásatrú, in which the gods give us a lot of latitude. In fact for many Ásatrúar it's more common to turn to our ancestors for help. Yes, running to Grandma's or Grandpa's or Auntie Louise's  (I made that one up) spirits for comfort and to talk, whine, rant.

As far as the what-ifs, I ignore them completely. They're irrelevant and illogical in my view. Live in the here and now. I wish you to feel even better.  ;)
I'm a fellow bipolar type 2 Thorbjorn :). I get dry periods when my depression is bad, I do try to make an effort to keep going though. My magic isn't as potent during those times but it helps me get through them.

I wouldn't feel bad, depression and doubt are a part of life. It's what makes us human.
I am but a stone in the river that is enlightenment.

Jainarayan

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Re: Depression and pagansim
« Reply #12 on: August 12, 2015, 04:51:52 pm »
Quote from: elysium;178625
I'm a fellow bipolar type 2 Thorbjorn :). I get dry periods when my depression is bad, I do try to make an effort to keep going though. My magic isn't as potent during those times but it helps me get through them.

I wouldn't feel bad, depression and doubt are a part of life. It's what makes us human.

 
I'm learning to just roll with the dry spells because I've learned that they do end. :)
śivāya vishnu rūpaya śivaḥ rūpaya vishnave
śivasya hridayam viṣṇur viṣṇoscha hridayam śivaḥ
Vishnu's appearance is Shiva; Shiva's appearance is Vishnu
Vishnu is the heart of Shiva; Shiva is the heart of Vishnu - Skandopanishad
 

Kraken

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Re: Depression and pagansim
« Reply #13 on: August 31, 2015, 05:49:48 pm »
Quote from: ovjanelle;177318
Recently I've found myself in a depressed funk. I don't want to set up my altar, I don't want to have even the smallest of rites, I don't want to so much as pray. I feel conflicted by the "what if's" that come to mind like "What if Christianity is right?" "what if we just stop existing after we die?" "What if magic really does cause demon possessions" what if? what if? what if?

Just now I forced myself to set up goddess and god candles and pray and meditate. I made myself actually talk to them for the first time in a long while. I just told them all my worries all my fears. They comforted me for the most part. I was glad I made myself do that. They don't seem to be capable of taking away all of my depression and anxiety but they can ease it quite a bit.

Do you suffer from depression? How is your practice affected by it?


My heart is with you. I find myself thinking the same things often since I have recently denounced Christianity in attempts to follow what I truly believe I have been putting off for a long time. I do myself suffer from some depression but mostly anxiety. I have not yet found a sure way of helping to ease it while on my new path but I hope to find answers soon as you are searching as well. This thread is in support and love for you. I hope all is well on your journey.
"you have risen from the ashes, with outspread arms, face to the sun, eyes closed, full of radiance..."

RecycledBenedict

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Re: Depression and pagansim
« Reply #14 on: September 01, 2015, 08:37:35 pm »
Quote from: ovjanelle;177492
Oh wow a fellow Aspy! I have Asperger's too. I don't struggle with it as much as I do the depression though so I hardly bring it up to people when talking about mental illnesses.


We are a handful here. I'm aspie as well, with a predisposition for depression on an on and off (sorry for the tongue wriggling phraseology) basis.

Many of the personality traits of which the diagnosis consists are helpful in life. My university studies went very well, and I find it easy to use meditation techniques, easily entering contemplative states of consciousness.

The drawback is my stress sensitivity, and that I find small talk and gossip intolerable.

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