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Author Topic: Could Use Advice/Perspective on This  (Read 1369 times)

Shine

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Could Use Advice/Perspective on This
« on: January 18, 2013, 12:53:39 am »
I'm sorry. I don't know if this thread should go here or in Gods and Goddesses, and I couldn't think of a thread title. :( This thread is kind of embarrassing for me to write because I feel so silly, but I don't understand and maybe one of you guys can help clarify.

So, I think (maybe? Possibly? Dunno?) Bast wants me to. . .well. . .tell her that I love her? And this is where I don't understand. Isn't the idea to show it, not talk about it? Why else would I try to visit shrine at least twice a day, write stuff, learn an instrument to play for her, etc?

It doesn't make sense to me. Does this happen? If it's not a big deal to Bast, it's a big enough deal to me that I think about it until I have a headache. It's also starting to freak me out.

Shrine time for the past couple days since the request has been weird. At first disappointment(?) or sadness(?). Then another time me leaving feeling weird and guilty as hell. Then. . . quiet.

I feel like a tool because it should be so easy to say those words in comparison with everything else I've done for the past two years. The request just seems so strange, and the words I ought to say are not in a configuration that I use often. So, yeah, a bit freaked out to have run into that seemingly out of OH HAI nowhere.

Whatever advice, perspective, or thoughts you have that might clarify the situation would be welcome. Please don't shake your heads at me too hard. :( In a lot of ways I'm still a young'n on this path. And thanks if you got this far.
Leave your darkness with me, and I will make you shine.

Jack

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Re: Could Use Advice/Perspective on This
« Reply #1 on: January 18, 2013, 01:09:23 am »
Quote from: Shine;92061
I'm sorry. I don't know if this thread should go here or in Gods and Goddesses, and I couldn't think of a thread title. :( This thread is kind of embarrassing for me to write because I feel so silly, but I don't understand and maybe one of you guys can help clarify.

So, I think (maybe? Possibly? Dunno?) Bast wants me to. . .well. . .tell her that I love her? And this is where I don't understand. Isn't the idea to show it, not talk about it? Why else would I try to visit shrine at least twice a day, write stuff, learn an instrument to play for her, etc?

It doesn't make sense to me. Does this happen? If it's not a big deal to Bast, it's a big enough deal to me that I think about it until I have a headache. It's also starting to freak me out.

Shrine time for the past couple days since the request has been weird. At first disappointment(?) or sadness(?). Then another time me leaving feeling weird and guilty as hell. Then. . . quiet.

I feel like a tool because it should be so easy to say those words in comparison with everything else I've done for the past two years. The request just seems so strange, and the words I ought to say are not in a configuration that I use often. So, yeah, a bit freaked out to have run into that seemingly out of OH HAI nowhere.

Whatever advice, perspective, or thoughts you have that might clarify the situation would be welcome. Please don't shake your heads at me too hard. :( In a lot of ways I'm still a young'n on this path. And thanks if you got this far.

 
If she wants you to say it, why would you not just... say it? Even if it's weird. What's the worst that could happen?
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Shine

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Re: Could Use Advice/Perspective on This
« Reply #2 on: January 18, 2013, 01:46:40 am »
Quote from: Jack;92062
If she wants you to say it, why would you not just... say it? Even if it's weird. What's the worst that could happen?

 
I know. It'sdrivingmecrazy. What the hell is wrong with saying three little words? One of them sure encompasses a helluva lot of stuff, but STILL.

Maybe I'm afraid I'll end up opening myself a lot more, if that makes sense. I'll admit that it took a leap of faith in the dark as it is to get to where I am now. Frankly, opening up even more is terrifying. I can write it, I can show it, but speaking is somehow unique. While making libations tonight, it occurred to me that it'd almost be like admitting it to myself.

It's almost like it's not the words themselves, but their wider implications. If/when I speak those words, they're going to mean things.

Ugh, what a mess I make of things sometimes.

Thanks for talkin' to me. ;)
Leave your darkness with me, and I will make you shine.

Aster Breo

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Could Use Advice/Perspective on This
« Reply #3 on: January 18, 2013, 02:23:26 am »
Quote from: Shine;92068
I know. It'sdrivingmecrazy. What the hell is wrong with saying three little words? One of them sure encompasses a helluva lot of stuff, but STILL.

Well, "love" can mean a lot of different things.  I mean, I love my husband, my daughters, my cats, The Princess Bride, and chocolate.  Ya know?

Maybe you need to think about what kind of love Bast means and what kind of love you're comfortable with.  Or afraid of...

Just a thought...
"The status is not quo."  ~ Dr. Horrible

millergrls

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Re: Could Use Advice/Perspective on This
« Reply #4 on: January 18, 2013, 05:24:49 am »
Quote from: Shine;92068
I know. It'sdrivingmecrazy. What the hell is wrong with saying three little words? One of them sure encompasses a helluva lot of stuff, but STILL.

Maybe I'm afraid I'll end up opening myself a lot more, if that makes sense. I'll admit that it took a leap of faith in the dark as it is to get to where I am now. Frankly, opening up even more is terrifying. I can write it, I can show it, but speaking is somehow unique. While making libations tonight, it occurred to me that it'd almost be like admitting it to myself.

It's almost like it's not the words themselves, but their wider implications. If/when I speak those words, they're going to mean things.

Ugh, what a mess I make of things sometimes.

Thanks for talkin' to me. ;)


I noticed that you mentioned "afraid of opening up".  Maybe she is trying to help you and letting you know that you are at the threshold to the next step in your practice/journy.  In order to let cross that threshold and grow you need to let go of your fears.  I have found this a lot in my practice/journy my deitys and guides always let me know when I am at a threshold and there is something I need to let go of (usully fear of some sort) before I can grow further.  Just a thought.  I could be very wrong about this.
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                                                                     Mary

Gilbride

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Re: Could Use Advice/Perspective on This
« Reply #5 on: January 18, 2013, 09:31:12 am »
Quote from: Shine;92061
So, I think (maybe? Possibly? Dunno?) Bast wants me to. . .well. . .tell her that I love her?


I think you already know what this means, based on what you've written. The difficulty in saying those words indicates a block. Bast is letting you know where the block is.

In regular daily life, saying those words represents a transition from a zone you can more or less control to one in which you have little or none. Before you say it, the stakes are much lower than after you say it. So is the potential.

Frostfire

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Re: Could Use Advice/Perspective on This
« Reply #6 on: January 18, 2013, 10:01:51 am »
Quote from: Shine;92068
I know. It'sdrivingmecrazy. What the hell is wrong with saying three little words? One of them sure encompasses a helluva lot of stuff, but STILL.

Maybe I'm afraid I'll end up opening myself a lot more, if that makes sense. I'll admit that it took a leap of faith in the dark as it is to get to where I am now. Frankly, opening up even more is terrifying. I can write it, I can show it, but speaking is somehow unique. While making libations tonight, it occurred to me that it'd almost be like admitting it to myself.

It's almost like it's not the words themselves, but their wider implications. If/when I speak those words, they're going to mean things.

Ugh, what a mess I make of things sometimes.

Thanks for talkin' to me. ;)

 
This is just my angle on it, so I could be totally wayyy off the beaten path here. From the sounds of it you already know you love your god.  Your god, even if only from your actions, most likely knows how you feel as well. However What you do kind of sound like in my opinion is a man who has reached that point in his relationship where the girl expects him to say it out loud. And even knowing that its true, knowing he feels it, knowing he never wants to lose her, that he wouldn't hurt her, that he would gladly serve to make her happy till he dies or longer, he hesitates.

( frankly I'm in a similar situation  in regards to getting married, I love her, she knows it, I know it,  I try to tell her and show it. But, I am leery of doing something that will, maybe, could, possibly, change something about this good thing I got going and mess it up or something idk.... I do however talk to her about my issue with it.. maybe thats what you should do, if it concerns you maybe vent to your god about it and see if that helps things a  bit? )

I hope that helps a bit at least :S

Shefyt

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Re: Could Use Advice/Perspective on This
« Reply #7 on: January 18, 2013, 11:37:21 am »
Quote from: Shine;92061

Isn't the idea to show it, not talk about it?


Speaking the words is heka.

Quote from: Shine;92061

I feel like a tool because it should be so easy to say those words in comparison with everything else I've done for the past two years.


Not necessarily, because, as you say:
 
Quote from: Shine;92068

It's almost like it's not the words themselves, but their wider implications. If/when I speak those words, they're going to mean things.


Saying the words is like crossing a threshold, and you don't know what you might be entering into, or bringing into being. Giving something breath gives it life, makes it real. (Also, what Gilbride said.)

For what it's worth, I've had difficulty verbalizing things out loud to Bast too.

(Maybe you should sing it. ^_^ )

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I have done no damage to a beautiful hour.
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Shine

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Re: Could Use Advice/Perspective on This
« Reply #8 on: January 18, 2013, 12:05:00 pm »
Quote from: millergrls;92079
I noticed that you mentioned "afraid of opening up".  Maybe she is trying to help you and letting you know that you are at the threshold to the next step in your practice/journy.  In order to let cross that threshold and grow you need to let go of your fears.  I have found this a lot in my practice/journy my deitys and guides always let me know when I am at a threshold and there is something I need to let go of (usully fear of some sort) before I can grow further.  Just a thought.  I could be very wrong about this.

 
Quote from: Gilbride
I think you already know what this means, based on what you've written. The difficulty in saying those words indicates a block. Bast is letting you know where the block is.

In regular daily life, saying those words represents a transition from a zone you can more or less control to one in which you have little or none. Before you say it, the stakes are much lower than after you say it. So is the potential.


These two replies really struck me, because I am starting to journey (or, in some cases, trip and stumble :o) into a different kind of devotion. Bhakti is the best term for it, even though that's a Hindu concept that fits only partially (Link for the curious). Maybe god-slavery's a good term, too. I just thought I'd have a lot more time to let it percolate in the back of my mind, instead of actively considering it. Well, it's often said that the gods don't always wait for things to be convenient for us mortals. Lol.

Anyway, that kind of devotion definitely involves a lot of trust. And courage.
Leave your darkness with me, and I will make you shine.

Shine

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Re: Could Use Advice/Perspective on This
« Reply #9 on: January 18, 2013, 12:14:20 pm »
Quote from: Shefyt;92115
Speaking the words is heka.


Huh, didn't think of it that way.

Quote
Saying the words is like crossing a threshold, and you don't know what you might be entering into, or bringing into being. Giving something breath gives it life, makes it real. (Also, what Gilbride said.)


Yup, I don't know if I'm about to walk off a cliff with sharp spikes at the bottom of it, or if I'm going to fly. And to be honest, all of this has brought up a lot of trust and abandonment issues I didn't know I had. o__o

Quote
For what it's worth, I've had difficulty verbalizing things out loud to Bast too.


She inspires song and she inspires silence.

Quote
(Maybe you should sing it. ^_^ )


Now, now, I wouldn't want to cause any divine headaches. ;)

----

And just a general thanks to everyone who's replied. What you've said has been enlightening in some ways and reassuring in others. :)
Leave your darkness with me, and I will make you shine.

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Re: Could Use Advice/Perspective on This
« Reply #10 on: January 18, 2013, 12:17:53 pm »
Quote from: Shine;92061
So, I think (maybe? Possibly? Dunno?) Bast wants me to. . .well. . .tell her that I love her? And this is where I don't understand. Isn't the idea to show it, not talk about it?


Words have power. There's one word for love you might want to check: agape (link 1, link 2 - it's not by far only a Christian term!).

millergrls

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Re: Could Use Advice/Perspective on This
« Reply #11 on: January 19, 2013, 06:29:42 am »
Quote from: Shine;92117
These two replies really struck me, because I am starting to journey (or, in some cases, trip and stumble :o) into a different kind of devotion. Bhakti is the best term for it, even though that's a Hindu concept that fits only partially (Link for the curious). Maybe god-slavery's a good term, too. I just thought I'd have a lot more time to let it percolate in the back of my mind, instead of actively considering it. Well, it's often said that the gods don't always wait for things to be convenient for us mortals. Lol.

Anyway, that kind of devotion definitely involves a lot of trust. And courage.


Just like you, I always overthink things instead of just going with the flow, experiencing and feeling.  It is something that I  am still overcoming.  I have learned that sometimes you have to let go and trust yourself.  You know where you want to be, just go for it......
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                                                                     Mary

Shine

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Re: Could Use Advice/Perspective on This
« Reply #12 on: January 19, 2013, 10:45:49 am »
Quote from: millergrls;92319
Just like you, I always overthink things instead of just going with the flow, experiencing and feeling.  It is something that I  am still overcoming.  I have learned that sometimes you have to let go and trust yourself.  You know where you want to be, just go for it......

 
I'm almost ready to let go. Lol. I just want to make sure Bast and I are on the same page.
Leave your darkness with me, and I will make you shine.

veggiewolf

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Re: Could Use Advice/Perspective on This
« Reply #13 on: January 21, 2013, 01:16:47 pm »
Quote from: Shine;92359
I'm almost ready to let go. Lol. I just want to make sure Bast and I are on the same page.

 
If it helps at all, my relationship with Himself was in its new stages when he offered me the choice of belonging to him.  I was terrified to say Yes but, given what was on offer, I knew I needed to accept.

It's been incredibly difficult and incredibly worth it.
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Shine

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Re: Could Use Advice/Perspective on This
« Reply #14 on: January 21, 2013, 01:23:22 pm »
Quote from: veggiewolf;92881
If it helps at all, my relationship with Himself was in its new stages when he offered me the choice of belonging to him.  I was terrified to say Yes but, given what was on offer, I knew I needed to accept.

It's been incredibly difficult and incredibly worth it.

 
It helps to hear from other people who have been in a similar position. :)

I finally bit the bullet and said it. It was an. . . interesting experience. Educational and enlightening, too.

The road up ahead is dark and winding, and, like you were, I'm terrified. But I trust Bast won't put me through anything that isn't necessary and that I can't learn to handle. It hasn't been easy so far, no. What's it's been is worth it.
Leave your darkness with me, and I will make you shine.

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