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Author Topic: Compartmentalizing Your Life  (Read 2275 times)

Fier

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Compartmentalizing Your Life
« on: January 05, 2013, 08:48:04 pm »
I’m wondering how many Cauldronites keep their spiritual life separate from the rest of their life, especially when it comes to online communications.

Do you keep separate Facebooks, blog accounts, emails, and Twitter accounts, ect – one for your pagan self and one for your meatspace self?

What considerations prompted your decision in how to manage your online life? What factors should be taken into account?

I have conflicting thoughts on my own decisions and I will post them separately later.

Laveth

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Re: Compartmentalizing Your Life
« Reply #1 on: January 05, 2013, 09:06:38 pm »
Quote from: FierFlye;89266
I’m wondering how many Cauldronites keep their spiritual life separate from the rest of their life, especially when it comes to online communications.

Do you keep separate Facebooks, blog accounts, emails, and Twitter accounts, ect – one for your pagan self and one for your meatspace self?

What considerations prompted your decision in how to manage your online life? What factors should be taken into account?

I have conflicting thoughts on my own decisions and I will post them separately later.

 
To put it simply, if I don't want people to know about my beliefs, I give them no opportunity to perceive it in its direct sense. It's probably not a hidden thing to most people, since it permeates every aspect of my lifestyle, but I don't bring it up or talk about it.

Anywhere I have family members, co-workers, or ways for anyone to look into at their whim does not have any link to my beliefs in it whatsoever.

Forums, blogs, and friends who are aware of my beliefs are kept separate and trusted not to talk about my personal aspects behind my back. Naturally, if I think a particular person can't be confided in, they aren't privy to any of that information.

But really, when it comes to family and friends.. I really couldn't care less what they think of me. It' just that some of the friends I have on facebook are actually coworkers and politics in the workplace is just something I don't like to get into if I can help it.

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Re: Compartmentalizing Your Life
« Reply #2 on: January 05, 2013, 09:12:16 pm »
Quote from: FierFlye;89266
Do you keep separate Facebooks, blog accounts, emails, and Twitter accounts, ect – one for your pagan self and one for your meatspace self?


I don't do Facebook or Twitter, but I do keep separate blog and email accounts.

Quote
What considerations prompted your decision in how to manage your online life? What factors should be taken into account?


My religion is a huge part of my life, but so is not being harassed in a conservative Christian town for non-Christian beliefs. It is quite possibly unsafe to be an "out" pagan of any stripe where I live. Even being Catholic is controversial here. -____-'

Safety is one of the biggest factors I think should be taken into account. Not just physical safety, either. I mean mental/emotional safety, job safety, etc. Now, safety shouldn't be taken to mean comfort, necessarily, but personal level of comfort has to get at least some consideration. Some people are okay with being out there, being a little controversial (for lack of a better term), and what not. Others aren't.

Because once you're out there, it's for good. And, if you're unlucky, you may attract weirdos like honey attracts flies. If there's a ton of other stuff you have to deal with in your life on a regular basis, if you have a family, a job where your higher-ups may be Christian, etc., then being out there is possibly unneeded, added stress.

Also, there's a time and a place. My meatspace accounts tend to lean toward the academic and professional side. The nature of both of these for me doesn't include religion. So there's no need to be open about certain aspects of my personal life.
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woodhick

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Re: Compartmentalizing Your Life
« Reply #3 on: January 05, 2013, 09:12:51 pm »
Quote from: FierFlye;89266
I’m wondering how many Cauldronites keep their spiritual life separate from the rest of their life, especially when it comes to online communications.

Do you keep separate Facebooks, blog accounts, emails, and Twitter accounts, ect – one for your pagan self and one for your meatspace self?

What considerations prompted your decision in how to manage your online life? What factors should be taken into account?

I have conflicting thoughts on my own decisions and I will post them separately later.

 
This is the only online thing that I do that involves my spiritual beliefs. Its not that I  need to keep anything a secret, but my family and most of my friends don't talk about religion at all and honestly I don't know what they would think.  MY family were raised catholic and most of my friends (esp those from childhood) are very religious christians. Everybody knows that I am neither, but we just don't talk about it. I get enough crap from people if I post something about evolutionary science on my facebook page, I wouldn't want to open up this subject too.
Where the wild things are is where I am most at home." - Kim Antieau

Emerald

Re: Compartmentalizing Your Life
« Reply #4 on: January 05, 2013, 09:14:20 pm »
Quote from: FierFlye;89266
I’m wondering how many Cauldronites keep their spiritual life separate from the rest of their life, especially when it comes to online communications.

Do you keep separate Facebooks, blog accounts, emails, and Twitter accounts, ect – one for your pagan self and one for your meatspace self?

What considerations prompted your decision in how to manage your online life? What factors should be taken into account?

I have conflicting thoughts on my own decisions and I will post them separately later.

 
My family don't know I'm pagan, so I recently got a separate facebook account for all the pagan stuff. I don't use the email address I had to get to do that since I can just use my main one. I don't blog or have twitter.

I'm already the strange person in the family so I figured they didn't need to know. Besides my dad won't be convinced that what he believes about various groups of people doesn't actually have a basis in fact. So I'll add "broom closet" to my list of closets I'm hiding out in until I HAVE to tell them, like when I have a girlfriend since that's a hard thing to hide

Rhyshadow

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Re: Compartmentalizing Your Life
« Reply #5 on: January 05, 2013, 09:15:01 pm »
Quote from: FierFlye;89266
I’m wondering how many Cauldronites keep their spiritual life separate from the rest of their life, especially when it comes to online communications.

Do you keep separate Facebooks, blog accounts, emails, and Twitter accounts, ect – one for your pagan self and one for your meatspace self?

What considerations prompted your decision in how to manage your online life? What factors should be taken into account?

I have conflicting thoughts on my own decisions and I will post them separately later.

 
I do have alternate ID's out there, as you can see here and my Blog pages - but my FB profile includes my religion - this is copied direct from my FB About link under 'Religious Views'

"Celtic Path: Mainly Irish-Celtic Reconstructionist derived, but with some interesting twists - I sometimes look to a few of the Norse deities."

I don't worry about family (I "came out" years ago) and if work wants to get into a tizzy over it, their problem.

woodhick

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Re: Compartmentalizing Your Life
« Reply #6 on: January 05, 2013, 09:15:11 pm »
Quote from: Shine;89271


Safety is one of the biggest factors I think should be taken into account. Not just physical safety, either. I mean mental/emotional safety, job safety, etc. Now, safety shouldn't be taken to mean comfort, necessarily, but personal level of comfort has to get at least some consideration. Some people are okay with being out there, being a little controversial (for lack of a better term), and what not. Others aren't.

Because once you're out there, it's for good. And, if you're unlucky, you may attract weirdos like honey attracts flies. If there's a ton of other stuff you have to deal with in your life on a regular basis, if you have a family, a job where your higher-ups may be Christian, etc., then being out there is possibly unneeded, added stress.

Also, there's a time and a place. My meatspace accounts tend to lean toward the academic and professional side. The nature of both of these for me doesn't include religion. So there's no need to be open about certain aspects of my personal life.

 
all of this applies to me too, but it is said wonderfully here :)
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Nyktelios

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Re: Compartmentalizing Your Life
« Reply #7 on: January 05, 2013, 09:21:12 pm »
Quote from: FierFlye;89266
I’m wondering how many Cauldronites keep their spiritual life separate from the rest of their life, especially when it comes to online communications.

Do you keep separate Facebooks, blog accounts, emails, and Twitter accounts, ect – one for your pagan self and one for your meatspace self?

What considerations prompted your decision in how to manage your online life? What factors should be taken into account?

I have conflicting thoughts on my own decisions and I will post them separately later.


I was strongly considering making a separate Facebook account for a little while, but then decided against it. My cousin saw posts I was making in a pagan group and brought it up at a family gathering, which made me feel weird and embarrassed. I mostly just stopped doing personal things on Facebook, since I didn't want to maintain two accounts.

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Re: Compartmentalizing Your Life
« Reply #8 on: January 05, 2013, 09:25:25 pm »
Quote from: FierFlye;89266

What considerations prompted your decision in how to manage your online life? What factors should be taken into account?


For me, the distinction is not online/offline, but personal/professional.

My friends (and my family of origin) all know I'm Pagan. But I keep mentions off of places where I interact under my legal name - notably Facebook, my professional blog, the professional Twitter account, and the professional email addresses.  (I also keep off mentions of health issues, more than very brief mentions of ups and downs in life - like I might have a sentences of "Lots of changes!")

[I should note: I particularly do not trust Facebook's privacy policies, to the extent that I do not join even closed Pagan groups that should be private under that identity. And Facebook is explicit about wanting legal names. I do not like them enough to feel like breaking that, or having more than one of their cookies kicking around on my computer, so I don't have a Pagan variant account - even though I've got legit, paid published writing as Jenett Silver, and could probably argue it under a real name clause.]

I consider my 'real' online identity to be the personal one, if I have to pick one: from not-searchable-in-public posts/messages, I am glad to link to the professional/real world identity stuff, but because I'm in a field (libraries, and previously school libraries, which complicate some things even more), I try to keep it from places where linking the two is entirely trivial in public.

(This also means I don't mention the name of the small town where I live and work anymore, though when I was in Minneapolis, I'd say Minneapolis, because hi, big city, and even "school librarian" didn't narrow it down *that* far. My current life, "librarian" and "town name" gets you one of 13 people.)

That largely works just fine - but it does mean I  barely use Facebook. (I check two times a week in a good week, unless there's a reason I actually need to check in for work - I'm one of three people who manage my library's Facebook page as part of my job.)  

There are places this is imperfect: I know the ways in which someone trying to connect the two could probably do it if they tried, but I'm aiming for 'would not get linked in a casual search related to hiring, professional writing/presentations/etc.' which is pretty manageable.
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Re: Compartmentalizing Your Life
« Reply #9 on: January 05, 2013, 09:37:51 pm »
Quote from: FierFlye;89266
I’m wondering how many Cauldronites keep their spiritual life separate from the rest of their life, especially when it comes to online communications.

Do you keep separate Facebooks, blog accounts, emails, and Twitter accounts, ect – one for your pagan self and one for your meatspace self?

What considerations prompted your decision in how to manage your online life? What factors should be taken into account?

I have conflicting thoughts on my own decisions and I will post them separately later.

 
Currently, I do not make any attempt at compartmentalizing. I have in the past, and it has always left me feeling dissatisfied and discombobulated. While I do have more than one blog, and the second is dedicated specifically to path-work, my faith is regularly mentioned on my main blog. (The second one only exists for hashing out the mess in my head that would only really be interesting or relevant to other pagans.)

I think the most important considerations are:
  • If meatspace people found out I'm pagan, would my physical safety be in danger, or that of my loved ones? (S.O., children, pets, etc.)
  • Would my or their jobs be at risk?
  • Would I or they be subject to harassment or humiliation in the workplace or in school?
If the answer to any of those questions were yes, being ...integrated, for a lack of a better term, would simply be out of the question. If not, it comes down to preference.
  • Does my religion vary my appearance or behavior significantly from the social norm in a way that will get me questioned a lot?
  • Do I regularly feel like I have to hold something back in conversation and not speak my mind or give honest opinions because of my faith?
  • Do I feel isolated or misunderstood because my friends or loved ones don't know about an aspect of my life that is very important to me?
These questions are the ones I'm usually balancing. I spent years not mentioning my faith, or trying to downplay it with jokes and eyerolling so as not to be treated like a nutcase, and it left me feeling hollow, isolated, and lonely. I am lucky enough that being open, out and integrated poses no threat to me in any sphere, so I'm making an effort to be more upfront and positive about my faith. It's an important part of my identity and while I don't need to wear a neon sign, I'm not doing to avoid the subject any more than I would of my love for cats, writing, or various forms of geekery.
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Maps

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Re: Compartmentalizing Your Life
« Reply #10 on: January 05, 2013, 09:54:50 pm »
Quote from: FierFlye;89266
I’m wondering how many Cauldronites keep their spiritual life separate from the rest of their life, especially when it comes to online communications.

Do you keep separate Facebooks, blog accounts, emails, and Twitter accounts, ect – one for your pagan self and one for your meatspace self?

What considerations prompted your decision in how to manage your online life? What factors should be taken into account?

I have conflicting thoughts on my own decisions and I will post them separately later.

 
I've got 2 faces: public and private.

My public side is my career, marriage, career-related personal projects, my family, my activism. Basically things I wouldn't have any problem talking to a stranger about in a casual setting (given the right circumstances, obvs). That's my upper world.

My private side is the particulars of my religious practice, my sex life, the hairy details of my identity as a queer person and paraphile, my ups and downs, my struggles with mental illness, and so on. That's my underworld.

I have the opportunity to keep those two spheres separated 99% of the time, so I take advantage of that. As someone whose career trajectory is somewhat dependent on (if not simply aided by) being open about who I am, then I need to draw lines that aren't superficial-- in other words, I don't want to create personas, I just want to omit irrelevant information. I want to be honest across the board but not so honest that I don't ever censor myself. I mean, let's face it-- my boss doesn't really want to know what my pain threshold is when I'm aroused or what kind of paper I prefer to burn my blood on for ritual.

This kind of compartmentalization feels totally natural to me when all is said and done, though for a few years now I've debated here and there about the principle of self-censorship. I've always wound up coming back to this equilibrium, though. Any more for the sake of social justice whatever would be a deliberate action, and I just don't have the time or energy for that.

Juniperberry

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Re: Compartmentalizing Your Life
« Reply #11 on: January 05, 2013, 10:20:25 pm »
Quote from: Maps;89290
I've got 2 faces: public and private.

My public side is my career, marriage, career-related personal projects, my family, my activism. Basically things I wouldn't have any problem talking to a stranger about in a casual setting (given the right circumstances, obvs). That's my upper world.

My private side is the particulars of my religious practice, my sex life, the hairy details of my identity as a queer person and paraphile, my ups and downs, my struggles with mental illness, and so on. That's my underworld.

I have the opportunity to keep those two spheres separated 99% of the time, so I take advantage of that. As someone whose career trajectory is somewhat dependent on (if not simply aided by) being open about who I am, then I need to draw lines that aren't superficial-- in other words, I don't want to create personas, I just want to omit irrelevant information. I want to be honest across the board but not so honest that I don't ever censor myself. I mean, let's face it-- my boss doesn't really want to know what my pain threshold is when I'm aroused or what kind of paper I prefer to burn my blood on for ritual.

This kind of compartmentalization feels totally natural to me when all is said and done, though for a few years now I've debated here and there about the principle of self-censorship. I've always wound up coming back to this equilibrium, though. Any more for the sake of social justice whatever would be a deliberate action, and I just don't have the time or energy for that.


I logged in just to give you rep points but couldn't. :( Anyhow, I really love what you said about upperworld/underworld.
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Re: Compartmentalizing Your Life
« Reply #12 on: January 05, 2013, 11:00:13 pm »
Quote from: FierFlye;89266
I’m wondering how many Cauldronites keep their spiritual life separate from the rest of their life, especially when it comes to online communications.

I have two personas, but they're not so much online/meatspace or pagan/not pagan as work/not work.  Because of the line of work I'm in at the moment, I have to be really careful what I affiliate myself with and what I reveal about myself publicly.  It's one of many reasons I'm chucking it in later this year, I'm really sick of the self-censoring and almost living a lie.

Quote
Do you keep separate Facebooks, blog accounts, emails, and Twitter accounts, ect – one for your pagan self and one for your meatspace self?

The links in my sig - to twitter, G+, the blog etc - all go to my pagan persona, who is also my writing, art, blog commenting, and most of my personal online activity persona.  Other than it not being the name on my birth certificate, I actually identify more with this persona than I do the other one.  It's weird.  I've lived dual lives for so long thanks to work that it doesn't feel odd anymore.  The only time I even think about it is when I'm doing those "your Christmas elf name is the first letter of your first name and your month of birth" things, and I have to remember that in some circles my first name starts with A, and in others it doesn't.

I do feel bad in a way, like I'm lying about some pretty fundamental part of myself by using a different name for big chunks of my online life.  Then I remember that David Tennant doesn't use his real name either and I feel better.
« Last Edit: January 05, 2013, 11:00:33 pm by Sulischild »

Sanacrow

Re: Compartmentalizing Your Life
« Reply #13 on: January 05, 2013, 11:02:24 pm »
Quote from: Maps;89290
As someone whose career trajectory is somewhat dependent on (if not simply aided by) being open about who I am, then I need to draw lines that aren't superficial-- in other words, I don't want to create personas, I just want to omit irrelevant information.


This sounds pretty close to where I am, with variation. If someone cared to look around on the internet a bit, it's not hard to figure out that I'm rather open about being pagan, queer (in multiple ways), firmly kinked, have physical and mental disabilities, and more than a few other "interesting" things. But most of them are not things I announce in the lobby at work.

My current boss knows a lot of (at least general parts of) it, because I work in a counseling office and being open about some of my Stuph helps me connect with and/or help some of the folks I work with. My previous boss didn't because it wasn't relevant to the job I did then. Most of my family knows. I was never completely open with my mother, because of many reasons that involved our particular history and her health, but she's been dead for a long time now and everyone else can just deal.

I live in an area (in East Tennessee) where being open about who I am may well not be all that safe. (And it's one reason we'll be moving when our youngest is done with the program he's in.) But I spent a lot of my life hiding way too much of who I was/am. Now I'm just too old and too impatient to deal with it. I is who I is. The world can just deal.

Fier

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Re: Compartmentalizing Your Life
« Reply #14 on: January 05, 2013, 11:46:39 pm »
Quote from: Juni;89286

  • If meatspace people found out I'm pagan, would my physical safety be in danger, or that of my loved ones? (S.O., children, pets, etc.)
  • Would my or their jobs be at risk?
  • Would I or they be subject to harassment or humiliation in the workplace or in school?
  • Does my religion vary my appearance or behavior significantly from the social norm in a way that will get me questioned a lot?
  • Do I regularly feel like I have to hold something back in conversation and not speak my mind or give honest opinions because of my faith?
  • Do I feel isolated or misunderstood because my friends or loved ones don't know about an aspect of my life that is very important to me?

 
No
No
No
Not really but possibly
Not usually
Sometimes.

I have only one Facebook account but I tend to shy away from mentioning anything religious on it. I have separate emails and blog logins for spiritual vs. non-spiritual stuff. I'm thinking about getting back on Twitter, and wondering how I want to manage that. The same with Flickr.

Like Juni, I feel kind of discombobulated having to compartmentalize myself. I don't know that I really need to. I am lucky that where I work is a large university with people from many different cultures and religions. Consequently, religious discrimination is a huge no-no. But...what about the future? As Shine said, once you're out you're out.

Also, religion is not a every day topic where I live. In the Midwest, religion is a personal thing and not talked about often. I'm really digging Map's idea of public vs. private and think I need to think further on that.

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