Being Pagan and Dating

[Morag]

Has being pagan affected your romantic and social life?

I met my atheist fiance at a pagan event that his mom runs, and she's a very well known person in the local pagan community.

Before that I dated one actively practising/whatever Christian and two not-Christian-but-still-carrying-the-baggage-and-beating-people-with-it-s. Those relationships were all abusive, the field of religion not being any exception (and in fact seeming to be a great excuse when they ran out of ideas on how to torment me).  

After I met my fiance, I dallied briefly with one wannablessedbe who was a total asshole, and then got married to my not-pagan-but-vaguely-new-age best friend, who then got a Christian boyfriend who proceeded to be abusive to both of us, mostly from a religious base. (Oh, and we had to hide our relationship because it was a sin to him.)

I would say being pagan has affected my dating life in that I'm tired of dating people (or having metamours) who believe I'm the Devil's whore and that they must torment me until I repent.

And do you try to stay within your own religious community, or do you involve yourself with all kinds of people?

 
I stay within the pagan, arts, activism, burlesque, writing, knitting, and university "communities" or circles. I do have kneejerk fear reactions to people saying they're Christian, but that really has only happened in the knitting, writing, and university circles, and those are the places where it's unlikely to become a problem, anyway.

Other than that reaction, I don't really give a fuck what someone's religion is because it usually doesn't come up nor affect my life in any way, especially as, since my wife became my ex-wife, the Ogre and I are in a closed relationship.

[ALiteraryLady]

I'm very open about my religion with the people I know (except in my job, I don't think it's a good idea).

 
I agree, not a single person at work knows that I'm pagan, except for the one other pagan who I trained (and recently was promoted to full time, yes, I'm proud of that) and came out to me after I complemented her pentagram necklace. We're good work friends.

As far as my relationships go, I'm with a wonderful man who loves that I'm pagan and is pretty open to what I believe and gives me the liberty to explore my path. He's comfortable being with me during rites and embraces the religious aspects of my personality.

In all honesty, we get along because we have complementary personalities and we both just wanted someone to grow old with. He is nine years older than me, but it works because I'm really just an old woman in a 27 year old's body! I have had past boyfriends who weren't comfortable with me being pagan, but they are exes for a reason.

I do have a few pagan friends (perhaps I'll make some through here, I can hope) but really religion isn't a factor in friendship, as others have said I'd be friends with someone who shares common values with me, like not being a jerkface to cats, etc. Religion doesn't define the actions that I take, now or when I was in college. I mean, I joined a sorority in college and while many of my sisters are some variation of Christian, I've always been treated with respect when it comes to my beliefs. I recently returned to visit the new actives in my sorority and when they asked about me being pagan, I was suddenly very cool and interesting to them. I was able to have conversations about anything and everything and they taught me a few things, and I dropped some pagan-isms on them as well, like for example, we don't run around doing stupid stuff with magic (at least the smart pagans don't).

I look at it this way, there are always going to be ignorant or jerk-like people who don't take the time to past the cover, so why would I want to deal with such shallow-mindedness? When you can connect with anyone, even the random dude on the elevator and learn one thing about them, do it and be grateful for the experience.

[MattyG]

I'm curious about those who have made relationships work while practicing a small minority religion that the general public thinks is strange and doesn't take very seriously. I don't have much experience with this myself, though the person I dated the longest practiced neo-Wicca with some friends in high school, followed Egyptian gods, but by the time I knew him, he had gone back to his birth religion of Hinduism, so my devotion to ancient deities wasn't really an issue. I haven't really had serious relationships since then, but I don't usually bring my religious practices up on casual dates, especially since many of the educated young people these days that I come in contact with don't really care about religion in general, and think it's kind of outdated. If they think even Christianity is outdated, my devotion to Egyptian and Greek deities would probably seem a little cuckoo to regular people. I don't really even tell my friends f they are not familiar with paganism already. Some of them know I have weird religious interests, and don't really know what being "pagan" really means.

Has being pagan affected your romantic and social life? And do you try to stay within your own religious community, or do you involve yourself with all kinds of people? It seems like a lot of pagans meet each other online, and get together, even if they live a long distance from each other. I'm not sure if I would be into that, personally, as I don't really care about significant others with the same religion as long as we had compatible values. I always say I would rather marry for money and security rather than some elusive emotional "connection," but that doesn't make me very popular :p

 
Generally, I don't bring up the fact that I'm pagan to the people in my life. There are a total of 6 people I've met face-to-face who know that about me. It's not that I hide it, but it just usually doesn't come up in conversation. There's:

An old roommate/friend of mine. It was when I was first starting to consider myself pagan. He's a pretty conservative Christian, but he was cool about it and he was someone to talk to.

A girl who was in my Chaucer class. She had a bag with the Celtic tree of life on it and frequently took a very aggressive stance against Chaucer's more spiritual works. I was curious about what she practiced, so I broached the topic.

My sister and mother. They're both Christian I only really came out to them because I hate feeling like I'm hiding something from them, and I wanted the freedom to make a shrine in my room and stop attending church. They don't really ask me about it, and I don't bring it up.

My best friend. He's an atheist, and we discuss and debate pretty much everything together. It would be difficult to argue religion if he didn't know what I practice.

My girlfriend. When we first started dating, I was really worried about bringing up the topic of religion with her. I didn't really know what she practiced, and I was worried about her disapproving of my beliefs. Fortunately, she was super accepting. She's non-religious, but not an atheist. Since we've been dating she's started swearing "by goddess", which I think is cute. She's been a huge help with me spiritually, and she likes that I follow an unusual spiritual path since it helps her feel like she can be open with me about her beliefs without being judged. Her whole family is super conservative and Christian, so she appreciates having a dissenting opinion around

[Emma Eldritch]

Has being pagan affected your romantic and social life? And do you try to stay within your own religious community, or do you involve yourself with all kinds of people? It seems like a lot of pagans meet each other online, and get together, even if they live a long distance from each other. I'm not sure if I would be into that, personally, as I don't really care about significant others with the same religion as long as we had compatible values. I always say I would rather marry for money and security rather than some elusive emotional "connection," but that doesn't make me very popular :p

 
Not my social life, no - I don't talk about my religion. (Magic, on the other hand... it depends on the conversation and how drunk I am.) I don't really care what my friends believe, and if any of them were harbouring, say, rabid homophobic religious views, well... then they wouldn't be my friend. So it's a non-issue.

As for dating? I seem to wind up with atheists. Once a Satanist who looked like Marc Bolan. (And I don't find your views on marriage weird, btw. But then, I've pretty much vowed either to NEVER marry, or to do it eight times so as to outdo all my relatives.)

[CelticRecon211]

I'm curious about those who have made relationships work while practicing a small minority religion that the general public thinks is strange and doesn't take very seriously. I don't have much experience with this myself, though the person I dated the longest practiced neo-Wicca with some friends in high school, followed Egyptian gods, but by the time I knew him, he had gone back to his birth religion of Hinduism, so my devotion to ancient deities wasn't really an issue. I haven't really had serious relationships since then, but I don't usually bring my religious practices up on casual dates, especially since many of the educated young people these days that I come in contact with don't really care about religion in general, and think it's kind of outdated. If they think even Christianity is outdated, my devotion to Egyptian and Greek deities would probably seem a little cuckoo to regular people. I don't really even tell my friends f they are not familiar with paganism already. Some of them know I have weird religious interests, and don't really know what being "pagan" really means.

Has being pagan affected your romantic and social life? And do you try to stay within your own religious community, or do you involve yourself with all kinds of people? It seems like a lot of pagans meet each other online, and get together, even if they live a long distance from each other. I'm not sure if I would be into that, personally, as I don't really care about significant others with the same religion as long as we had compatible values. I always say I would rather marry for money and security rather than some elusive emotional "connection," but that doesn't make me very popular :p

 
Its a little difficult for me to be 'accepted' socially where I live because I am smack dab in the middle of what we like to call "the Bible Belt" so alot of people in my town are hardcore christians, some i would even call fanatics. My roommate knows I am Pagan, he was the first I told because with him being atheist i knew i could trust him to not really judge me, he actually supported me. My family DO NOT know my views and they never will, my grandmother is a old school christian and she would disown me if she found out so its better left unsaid.

 I was lucky enough to find a local small Pagan Community in my town tho which was awesome. As far as a relationship goes I have not found any woman other than the few in my community that will even talk to me because of my beliefs lol. Not too worried about it tho, I know all will fall into place and my ancestors will guide my hand

[ALiteraryLady]

As for dating? I seem to wind up with atheists. Once a Satanist who looked like Marc Bolan. (And I don't find your views on marriage weird, btw. But then, I've pretty much vowed either to NEVER marry, or to do it eight times so as to outdo all my relatives.)

 
Glad to see that someone other than myself has experienced multiple marriage within their family tree, at least I feel less alone. I've told my SO that he really shouldn't propose until he's ready and wants to. Did him a solid by taking off the pressure. (Although, he will at some point )

[DancesWithHorses]

I'm curious about those who have made relationships work while practicing a small minority religion that the general public thinks is strange and doesn't take very seriously.

I've never told anyone. I'm already different from your average person. And I'm very lucky that for me a lot of Heathen-based rituals I do are also cultural activities from my background. I'm still chilling in the toolshed Only my very closest best friends and my pagan friends know that I'm not Christian anymore. Everyone else just knows that while I believe in gods, I don't attend church.

Currently sort of seeing someone. Religion has never come up. He's culturally Christian. Maybe it will come up, maybe it won't. I'm not worried about it. To the rest of the world, I'm United Christian. And I'm perfectly happy to let anyone keep up that assumption. Most people accept my rituals as a cultural thing unless they are pagan (or interested in religions in general) and know different.

To be honest, before this thread, I never gave religion a second thought when it came to dating. I just avoid the guys who go to a certain church in town.