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Author Topic: Gotta love the irony  (Read 463 times)

TsundokuTeaTime

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Gotta love the irony
« on: June 01, 2019, 02:35:46 pm »
I don't really have many people to talk about this with, and I have a bad habit of keeping things to myself. Hope you don't mind if I ramble.

Went to therapy the other day to deal with my diagnosed PTSD/Agoraphobia/Social Anxiety/Depression stuff. Had a real good session.

Got out a little early from my evening appointment and contacted my ride. Felt like I would challenge myself by going outside since the summer weather and longer daylight are around. My therapist knew that I had arranged for my ride and left a few minutes afterward since I'm usually their last appointment and my ride isn't too far off.

Well...the thing that I always worry about happening happened to me. When I was walking around the parking lot someone spotted me from the road and took note of how I was in an isolated area- alone. They ended up walking into the parking lot and holy shit- MASSIVE negative energy with volatile intention. There was no doubt in my mind that things wouldn't have ended well. This was so not friendly. This person circled around to try and get the jump on me and was coming right for me. They kept me in their line of sight like a fucking predator. I remember running away and hearing their steps gaining on me before I got to the main road.

My therapist sensed this negative energy and came speeding back- all happened within a few minutes of me leaving the office. Barely could talk to them I was so disoriented. About this time my ride came back.

This seriously doesn't help my agoraphobia and PTSD(or any of my damn conditions). I know the chances of what happened are usually pretty low where I'm at. But...I'm pretty freaked out. Haven't slept in a few days. I feel like I only have one or two spoons at this point. My classes need attention but I'm worried that I'll fail my test due to my anxiety being ramped up like this(not to mention test anxiety). I also feel like a complete basketcase right now. Just glad that it wasn't someone that had mobility issues or something like that where it would've been hard to get away. And it appears my protection sigil is working since I didn't die and all. lol

My therapist feels terrible about what happened- but I don't blame them at all. They've been speaking with the building owners and other tenants about what happened. They also made a new policy that he would escort people to their vehicles and wait with them in the future. Which is good considering what happened.

Not sure what else to say. Just hoping I can stabilize my energy and focus sometime soon. Been trying my go to rituals and such but having a hard time with them. Still can't stop worrying about my overdue classes besides simply trying to process stuff.

Hopefully things are going better for the rest of you and you're protected from harm.

[At poster's request, I reviewed the strong language inadvertently left in the post; I edited to remove one instance of the f-word, but all other strong language appears appropriate to the circumstances described in the post, and well-within TC's rules. - SP]
« Last Edit: June 01, 2019, 08:18:39 pm by SunflowerP »
“It is not necessary for the public to know whether I am joking or whether I am serious, just as it is not necessary for me to know it myself." ~Salvador Dali

Klaw

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Re: Gotta love the irony
« Reply #1 on: June 01, 2019, 08:10:46 pm »
I don't really have many people to talk about this with, and I have a bad habit of keeping things to myself. Hope you don't mind if I ramble.

I am sorry you had to go through that. I think I would carry a whistle as a deterrent. Have you thought about self defense classes? Sometimes that can help depending on the cause of agoraphobia. Maybe use a buddy system when you must go out? Don't give up hope I have seen people overcome this.

SunflowerP

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Re: Gotta love the irony
« Reply #2 on: June 01, 2019, 08:30:59 pm »
I don't really have many people to talk about this with, and I have a bad habit of keeping things to myself. Hope you don't mind if I ramble.

Ugh, that really sucks. (((TsundokuTeaTime))), but only if you want the virtual hugs. (I know even online ones can be a bit much, when one is triggered.)

And rambling to us in the Chronic Illness SIG, so as not to bottle it up unhealthily, is completely fine, and one of the things the SIG is for!

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TsundokuTeaTime

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Re: Gotta love the irony
« Reply #3 on: June 04, 2019, 02:23:32 am »
I am sorry you had to go through that. I think I would carry a whistle as a deterrent. Have you thought about self defense classes? Sometimes that can help depending on the cause of agoraphobia. Maybe use a buddy system when you must go out? Don't give up hope I have seen people overcome this.

Thanks Klaw.

Been thinking a lot about different kinds of deterrents after what happened. A whistle isn't a bad idea. My mind kept jumping one step up- so then it was a reggae horn. Somehow that evolved into just starting a party at my location. XD Even after everything, it's hard for me to be serious about it. Self defense doesn't sound like a bad idea, either! Been wanting to join a class like that but can't really afford much. The social anxiety doesn't help thing. Still working on getting to a point to do classes with people. The weird thing is, I'm usually accompanied by someone. This was the extremely rare circumstance when things aligned in such a negative way. Thanks for the support! I totally have a lot of respect for people who work their way out of things like this.

Will keep trying as well!
“It is not necessary for the public to know whether I am joking or whether I am serious, just as it is not necessary for me to know it myself." ~Salvador Dali

TsundokuTeaTime

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Re: Gotta love the irony
« Reply #4 on: June 04, 2019, 02:38:19 am »
Ugh, that really sucks. (((TsundokuTeaTime))), but only if you want the virtual hugs. (I know even online ones can be a bit much, when one is triggered.)

And rambling to us in the Chronic Illness SIG, so as not to bottle it up unhealthily, is completely fine, and one of the things the SIG is for!

Sunflower

Quite alright with virtual hugs now, Sunflower! Thanks! <3

Took a few days to come off the massive triggering. Was able to get some sleep in the last few days, so things are improving. Think I'm about ready to start living again and attempt to face secular matters that were put on hold.

I was a little worried that I barely have posted much and was not well-known enough to come busting in here with this. Seemed kinda like I was desperate for attention or something? Sounds silly now. Usually, I try to keep quiet as not to rock the boat or be the "weird" one. Though I don't think normal will have been who I was or what I am, anyway. XP

Feel like I need to learn how to be more powerful within myself and my various aspects. Not to mention make more connections!
“It is not necessary for the public to know whether I am joking or whether I am serious, just as it is not necessary for me to know it myself." ~Salvador Dali

Castus

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Re: Gotta love the irony
« Reply #5 on: June 04, 2019, 09:10:25 am »
Quite alright with virtual hugs now, Sunflower! Thanks! <3

Took a few days to come off the massive triggering. Was able to get some sleep in the last few days, so things are improving. Think I'm about ready to start living again and attempt to face secular matters that were put on hold.

I was a little worried that I barely have posted much and was not well-known enough to come busting in here with this. Seemed kinda like I was desperate for attention or something? Sounds silly now. Usually, I try to keep quiet as not to rock the boat or be the "weird" one. Though I don't think normal will have been who I was or what I am, anyway. XP

Feel like I need to learn how to be more powerful within myself and my various aspects. Not to mention make more connections!

TC is aggressively tolerant and accepting of everyone who isn't an idiot. Idiots grind our gears, but love of our fellow man greases the wheels.

Uneryx

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Re: Gotta love the irony
« Reply #6 on: June 10, 2019, 01:34:17 pm »
TC is aggressively tolerant and accepting of everyone who isn't an idiot. Idiots grind our gears, but love of our fellow man greases the wheels.

"Aggressively tolerant" is making me giggle. "I'm gonna love and support the F*** OUTTA YOU >:["

I'm glad to hear that you're doing better, TsundokuTeaTime, and I hope that you don't experience something like that again. Virtual hugs if you want them!

TsundokuTeaTime

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Re: Gotta love the irony
« Reply #7 on: June 20, 2019, 11:15:44 pm »
TC is aggressively tolerant and accepting of everyone who isn't an idiot. Idiots grind our gears, but love of our fellow man greases the wheels.

Thanks, Castus! I'll remember that. XD

"Aggressively tolerant" is making me giggle. "I'm gonna love and support the F*** OUTTA YOU >:["

I'm glad to hear that you're doing better, TsundokuTeaTime, and I hope that you don't experience something like that again. Virtual hugs if you want them!

Thanks, Uneryx! Hugs are totes welcome. <3

Unfortunately, my life has had a lot of dangerous situations and whatnot so this isn't too out of the ordinary(but damn was it frightening this time). Part of me thinks I might be cursed! Joking, of course. Might make a post about such things later. Yesterday was my first day back to therapy after the incident and it was pretty hard- but at least I was able to function decently. Looking forward to peace and some degree of normalcy. Hope things for you, Castus, and the rest of the Cauldron are smooth sailing.
“It is not necessary for the public to know whether I am joking or whether I am serious, just as it is not necessary for me to know it myself." ~Salvador Dali

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