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Author Topic: Depression (and other) scripts  (Read 6349 times)

Stormwise

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Re: Depression (and other) scripts
« Reply #15 on: August 03, 2015, 06:20:30 am »
Quote from: Casswise;176847
(I also feel like these scripts are one of those things where self help websites and books written by NT people are just like 'change the way you think! Give yourself positive scripts!' as if that's helpful advice against a lifetime and society full of people reinforcing those negative scripts constantly)

The people who would try to help, the majority of which have no real concept for what goes through someone else's mind, have to start somewhere, though. And to some extent, they aren't that far off the mark: if the mind, because of persistent thought patterns, is impeding one's ability to function in life the way they see fit; then it stands to reason that those patterns must be changed in order to achieve the desired level of function. Essentially, if something stands in the way of what you want, you have to either go through it or around it. The problem is, most 'healthy' folks don't quite grasp that a lot of mental illnesses attack more than just our thoughts, these illnesses strike at the heart of our will in many cases. So I will ask, if the will is eroded, how can someone be expected to put up a monumental fight? The expectation that we should do this, along with the attitude that presents this expectation as though it were the most simple logic in the universe, is as disappointing as it is frustrating. For these people, I have always tried to keep in mind that they are generally untrained in psychology, they are generally inexperienced at coping with or recovering from a mental illness, and they are none of them capable of getting into my head to see for themselves just what is in there. And then there is always the possibility that they are right, and what runs through my mind at the time is not.

As for 'scripts,' I can honestly say I have never encountered this phrase; though the concept itself is easy enough for me to recognize, and I think the label is suitable. As someone who spent over a decade in therapy and on medications for a really nasty bipolar disorder with PTSD, I had thought processes that closely resembled much of what I've read in this thread. Then I also had the others, from that other end of the spectrum. For a long time, until my medications were at the effective dosage for what all was going on, I would say I was at the mercy of these thought patterns / scripts, had no way of effectively managing them, and there really was no way for people around me to know what was going on with me. The storm raged inside of me, and was not predictable. From this point, I moved first to a place where the medications buffered much of this storm - I refer to this period as when I took refuge in a storm shelter. Then I got to where I now am: I am still bipolar; but a bipolar disorder is something I no longer suffer from. A part of it has to do with having finally found a way to not change the scripts, but rather to change how I reacted to them. Stoicism (invented by Pagans, brought back into modernity by CBT professionals) helped me with this process greatly, along with a really effective analytic therapist and friend who was willing to let me come around in my own time, and on my own terms. One of the ways I changed my reactions was to create a sort of 'master response' to these scripts, a visualization exercise where I would see my fighting spirit (coming from my will) as a fire, and for this fire / spirit, inner demons (which I guess might also be called the sources for the scripts) were on the menu. When an inner demon made itself known to me, I let the fire come feed on it. With time, I realized that what I had done was to give my mind its very own weapon - I had empowered my mind to confront and reintegrate these damaging thought processes. With the permission and guidance of my doctors and therapist, I eventually was taken off the medications entirely and released from therapy, and have had no relapses since.

So, in the end, my way of managing these scripts really was to bring my mind into a different way of thinking. I have no problems at all saying that I had an enormous amount of luck in being able to do this; and also have no problem in understanding that this might not be the way for everyone else. We are all of us different, and so our illnesses must also be different, as are the ways in which we are meant to cope with or recover from them. That's why I think discussions like this thread are so valuable - not only to show us that we aren't alone; but to also give us ideas on how to deal with these sorts of things in our own lives. I still use this visualization and, as I wrote before, I am still bipolar - my mind and thought processes have a polarized structure to them that will likely remain with me in this life; but I have learned how to approach life with this type of structure, and so there is no 'disorder' for me now. From time to time, the scripts still creep in: 'give up, you'll fail anyway, people in your life are waiting for you to fail again, it's okay to stay up all night long and get no sleep, it's okay to crash for a few days after not having gotten any sleep,' the list really can go on for a while. I consider these to be normal in that they are there - and I believe everyone has them from time to time - but they do not control my choices or my actions. Sometimes I do listen to them; but also in a different way: sometimes these scripts are there to warn me that I'm under too much stress, and I need to back off. If I can afford to do so, then that is how I manage the situation. If not, then I do what I can and, should the script be too persistent, then I feed it to my inner fire and move forward from there. I hope what I've written here will be of some help, and that it's not too long-winded :-)

missgraceless

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Re: Depression (and other) scripts
« Reply #16 on: June 10, 2017, 07:56:12 pm »
The people who would try to help, the majority of which have no real concept for what goes through someone else's mind, have to start somewhere, though. And to some extent, they aren't that far off the mark: if the mind, because of persistent thought patterns, is impeding one's ability to function in life the way they see fit; then it stands to reason that those patterns must be changed in order to achieve the desired level of function. Essentially, if something stands in the way of what you want, you have to either go through it or around it. The problem is, most 'healthy' folks don't quite grasp that a lot of mental illnesses attack more than just our thoughts, these illnesses strike at the heart of our will in many cases. So I will ask, if the will is eroded, how can someone be expected to put up a monumental fight? The expectation that we should do this, along with the attitude that presents this expectation as though it were the most simple logic in the universe, is as disappointing as it is frustrating. For these people, I have always tried to keep in mind that they are generally untrained in psychology, they are generally inexperienced at coping with or recovering from a mental illness, and they are none of them capable of getting into my head to see for themselves just what is in there. And then there is always the possibility that they are right, and what runs through my mind at the time is not.

As for 'scripts,' I can honestly say I have never encountered this phrase; though the concept itself is easy enough for me to recognize, and I think the label is suitable. As someone who spent over a decade in therapy and on medications for a really nasty bipolar disorder with PTSD, I had thought processes that closely resembled much of what I've read in this thread. Then I also had the others, from that other end of the spectrum. For a long time, until my medications were at the effective dosage for what all was going on, I would say I was at the mercy of these thought patterns / scripts, had no way of effectively managing them, and there really was no way for people around me to know what was going on with me. The storm raged inside of me, and was not predictable. From this point, I moved first to a place where the medications buffered much of this storm - I refer to this period as when I took refuge in a storm shelter. Then I got to where I now am: I am still bipolar; but a bipolar disorder is something I no longer suffer from. A part of it has to do with having finally found a way to not change the scripts, but rather to change how I reacted to them. Stoicism (invented by Pagans, brought back into modernity by CBT professionals) helped me with this process greatly, along with a really effective analytic therapist and friend who was willing to let me come around in my own time, and on my own terms. One of the ways I changed my reactions was to create a sort of 'master response' to these scripts, a visualization exercise where I would see my fighting spirit (coming from my will) as a fire, and for this fire / spirit, inner demons (which I guess might also be called the sources for the scripts) were on the menu. When an inner demon made itself known to me, I let the fire come feed on it. With time, I realized that what I had done was to give my mind its very own weapon - I had empowered my mind to confront and reintegrate these damaging thought processes. With the permission and guidance of my doctors and therapist, I eventually was taken off the medications entirely and released from therapy, and have had no relapses since.

So, in the end, my way of managing these scripts really was to bring my mind into a different way of thinking. I have no problems at all saying that I had an enormous amount of luck in being able to do this; and also have no problem in understanding that this might not be the way for everyone else. We are all of us different, and so our illnesses must also be different, as are the ways in which we are meant to cope with or recover from them. That's why I think discussions like this thread are so valuable - not only to show us that we aren't alone; but to also give us ideas on how to deal with these sorts of things in our own lives. I still use this visualization and, as I wrote before, I am still bipolar - my mind and thought processes have a polarized structure to them that will likely remain with me in this life; but I have learned how to approach life with this type of structure, and so there is no 'disorder' for me now. From time to time, the scripts still creep in: 'give up, you'll fail anyway, people in your life are waiting for you to fail again, it's okay to stay up all night long and get no sleep, it's okay to crash for a few days after not having gotten any sleep,' the list really can go on for a while. I consider these to be normal in that they are there - and I believe everyone has them from time to time - but they do not control my choices or my actions. Sometimes I do listen to them; but also in a different way: sometimes these scripts are there to warn me that I'm under too much stress, and I need to back off. If I can afford to do so, then that is how I manage the situation. If not, then I do what I can and, should the script be too persistent, then I feed it to my inner fire and move forward from there. I hope what I've written here will be of some help, and that it's not too long-winded :-)
Reviving this thread because Depression Sucks.

My scripts lately have mostly been on the topic of learning to ride a motorcycle. Which when Depression Brain isn't active, is a lot of fun. But because I don't get to get on every day and practice like I wish I could, I get nervous because I almost have to "relearn" everything each time.

And because my bike isn't registered yet so I'm only in a big ol' parking lot, it gets boring going in a circle for hours. During which Depression (and her good friend Anxiety) Brain kick in and start going, "you're gonna drop the bike again, you're gonna get hurt, you're a failure, you can't even ride a bike, ohmygod what's wrong with you."

It's like when you're a kid learning to ride a pedal bike, it's expected that you're gonna fall down and scrape a knee. When you're a kid you're expected to fail the first time you try anything. It's normal. But to Depression Brain, I'm an adult, I should be able to do this. I should know how to do something as simple as turn in a damn circle without locking eyes with a bush and falling over multiple times.

And I'm getting better. Logic (namely Fiancé and Roomie, who are teaching me) says I am. I'm almost actually road ready. But we have to get the bike registered first (hopefully this week), then maybe Depression Brain will take a back seat and let me enjoy the bike life.

It just sucks because every time I get on I wind up crying and not wanting to ride anymore because of all these scripts. Fiancé keeps trying to figure out what's triggering it, thinking it's something someone says, but it's all internal. It's just Depression Brain and her bff Anxiety being their usual bitchy selves.
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"Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly."   ~ Morticia Addams

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