When you have issues with Brighid...

[Aster Breo]

Hi, friends.

As I've mentioned in another thread, I've been struggling with my relationship with Brighid a lot lately.  Specifically, I'm very angry with Her.

Beginning in mid May, I've been going through one major stressor after another, starting with my father dying. Since his death, I had several big work projects and events (mostly in my stage management work, but also in my child advocacy consulting -- I'm currently sitting in a fundraising training that I"m running), my husband was hospitalized with chest pains, I badly injured my knee, my daughter was traveling internationally, my mother was hospitalized with kidney problems and congestive heart failure (she's being discharged to a rehab facility today), and I started having rather frighteningly high blood pressure for the first time in my life and now I'm having side effects from the medication.  And that's not the complete list.  That's just what I'm comfortable sharing right now.  There were/are some much more personal issues, as well, some of which are extremely stressful. 

Plus, for all of these things that happened, the stress was compounded by the associated time needs -- like spending an entire day in the emergency room with my mom before she was admitted (with all of the migraine triggers that entails) and then going to the hospital to visit her every day, that sort of thing. 

But the thing that really got to me most was that one of my cats, Stella, died.  She was an adult cat, but not old.  And she hadn't been sick.  Until she was.  We did what we could for her.  She was in the vet ICU for a few days.  We thought she was improving, and she came home for a couple of days.  But then it became obvious that she was getting worse, and we had to make the awful decision to say goodbye. 

I have had a lot of cats and a few dogs, and I've had too many times when I've had to say goodbye.  It's never easy, but, usually, they're animals who have had a good and long life.  I can handle that.  I know nobody lives forever, and I'm ok with that. 

But Stella wasn't old. She was an adult when she came to live with us, but she had only been with us for 5 years.
I have a lot of cats and I love them all very much. They're all special.  Stella was especially special. I begged Brighid to heal her.  She didn't.

I'm really angry about that. 

(That was probably way more backstory than necessary just to say I'm mad at Brighid.)

I've been trying to get past it.  I deliberately took a big step back from Brighid a couple of weeks ago.  I took off my Brighid jewelry -- but not my tattoos ;-) --  and I asked for help covering my flametending shifts.  I haven't been doing my nightly lamp/candle lighting ritual (which feels so weird!).  I was hoping some space and time would help me get over my hurt and anger.

So far, no good.

Any advice?

How have others dealt with this sort of thing?

~ Aster

[Sorcha]

Hi, friends.

As I've mentioned in another thread, I've been struggling with my relationship with Brighid a lot lately.  Specifically, I'm very angry with Her.

Beginning in mid May, I've been going through one major stressor after another, starting with my father dying. Since his death, I had several big work projects and events (mostly in my stage management work, but also in my child advocacy consulting -- I'm currently sitting in a fundraising training that I"m running), my husband was hospitalized with chest pains, I badly injured my knee, my daughter was traveling internationally, my mother was hospitalized with kidney problems and congestive heart failure (she's being discharged to a rehab facility today), and I started having rather frighteningly high blood pressure for the first time in my life and now I'm having side effects from the medication.  And that's not the complete list.  That's just what I'm comfortable sharing right now.  There were/are some much more personal issues, as well, some of which are extremely stressful. 

Plus, for all of these things that happened, the stress was compounded by the associated time needs -- like spending an entire day in the emergency room with my mom before she was admitted (with all of the migraine triggers that entails) and then going to the hospital to visit her every day, that sort of thing. 

But the thing that really got to me most was that one of my cats, Stella, died.  She was an adult cat, but not old.  And she hadn't been sick.  Until she was.  We did what we could for her.  She was in the vet ICU for a few days.  We thought she was improving, and she came home for a couple of days.  But then it became obvious that she was getting worse, and we had to make the awful decision to say goodbye. 

I have had a lot of cats and a few dogs, and I've had too many times when I've had to say goodbye.  It's never easy, but, usually, they're animals who have had a good and long life.  I can handle that.  I know nobody lives forever, and I'm ok with that. 

But Stella wasn't old. She was an adult when she came to live with us, but she had only been with us for 5 years.
I have a lot of cats and I love them all very much. They're all special.  Stella was especially special. I begged Brighid to heal her.  She didn't.

I'm really angry about that. 

(That was probably way more backstory than necessary just to say I'm mad at Brighid.)

I've been trying to get past it.  I deliberately took a big step back from Brighid a couple of weeks ago.  I took off my Brighid jewelry -- but not my tattoos ;-) --  and I asked for help covering my flametending shifts.  I haven't been doing my nightly lamp/candle lighting ritual (which feels so weird!).  I was hoping some space and time would help me get over my hurt and anger.

So far, no good.

Any advice?

How have others dealt with this sort of thing?

~ Aster

All I can say is I'm sooooo sorry about Stella. And everything else, but losing a beloved animal is wrenching.

As far as being angry with a deity, I spent years being extremely not okay with the Christian God. I was very, very pissed about some very specific things I'd asked for that I felt they hadn't done... until they did, it seems, years later, and now I'm having a bit of a rethink. We're currently working out our issues, and I'm slooooowly starting to trust them again (a little, at a wary distance). The only thing that helped was time. I couldn't force it or make it be ok. I find--from experience with an entirely different deity, of course--that deities don't tend to take this sort of thing personally or get their feelings hurt. And they're there when you and they are both ready. (I don't know if my experience is helpful; that's just the closest thing I can relate it to.)

Take some time and don't force it, is all I can say. I'm personally happy to cover for you, and others seem to be as well. Things will work out as they should in the end, and if you want and need her to be, I personally think Brigid will be there if that's how it's supposed to be. In the meantime, much hugs if you're a hug person. <3


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[Aster Breo]

Take some time and don't force it, is all I can say. I'm personally happy to cover for you, and others seem to be as well. Things will work out as they should in the end, and if you want and need her to be, I personally think Brigid will be there if that's how it's supposed to be. In the meantime, much hugs if you're a hug person. <3

Thank you, Sorcha. I appreciate your kind words and your offer to cover for me.

You're right -- this is something that will take time. I just wish there was something I could do to speed up the process.

Maybe when things calm down for me, I'll be better able to process my emotions and thoughts.

I was out of town for work for a few days last week, and it seemed like there were Brighid's cross designs everywhere I looked -- woven into the bedspread and things like that. I felt like She was reaching out, but gently and subtly.

Or maybe I just projected my need for Her to reach out...

Anyway.

Thank you.

I will likely be asking for shift covers during the next round.