Feeling too weak.

[savveir]

A bit of back-story, first of all: Lately, my life has been a little bit crumbly. My fish is very sick (I know how silly that sounds, but I'm as attached to him as I would be a dog), I've had a very recent pregnancy scare, I've had a spat of increased fighting with my partner, and I'm finding that I'm missing more and more days of uni because I wake up, think about having to leave the house, and start to cry. It's making me feel damned weak, and it's making me feel angry because I know that I'm not as helpless as I think I am, but I can't just get over it and get back in the saddle.

That's making me feel very unworthy to so much as glance outside during a thunder storm. I feel as though I'd be insulting the gods, rather than venerating them, to leave an offering for them....

I can honestly say I've been there, with all of the above, hell even in the same city
It took a lot of work to pull my self out of that funk(I can't think of what else to call it). Feeling like that became normal to me since I was like that from high school until well a bit over a year ago really.
Pretty much what I want to say is it does get better, but you don't have to do it on your own. There are a lot of services around to help out people in your position, what helped me the most was finally admitting that I might maybe need to seek outside help(ie. not me, my partners or friends).

If you need anyone to talk to feel free to pm me, could be we even go to the same uni

[HeartShadow]

A bit of back-story, first of all: Lately, my life has been a little bit crumbly. My fish is very sick (I know how silly that sounds, but I'm as attached to him as I would be a dog), I've had a very recent pregnancy scare, I've had a spat of increased fighting with my partner, and I'm finding that I'm missing more and more days of uni because I wake up, think about having to leave the house, and start to cry. It's making me feel damned weak, and it's making me feel angry because I know that I'm not as helpless as I think I am, but I can't just get over it and get back in the saddle.

That's making me feel very unworthy to so much as glance outside during a thunder storm. I feel as though I'd be insulting the gods, rather than venerating them, to leave an offering for them. I've always been under the impression that you have to be mentally strong for it not to be completely disrespectful for you to contact the Norse gods; I've always felt like weakness is looked down on by them. (I accept the idea that this might be my own feeling of 'not being worthy' influencing my thoughts, but ... it's the idea that I came to heathenry with, and it's the idea that's stuck.) I have this idea in my head that if there's any weakness in me, I don't deserve to honour the gods, so I should just shut up and go away. And that makes me feel stupid.

Does anybody else feel as though weakness is disrespectful to the gods, or is it just me?

This took some thinking for me, because I also battle with depression.

But you know what? We're called on to be human, not perfect.  We're called upon to try.  Success was never guaranteed.  Perfect isn't expected.

Depression isn't something that can be just gotten over like a cold.  It's more like bad vision.  You don't just put aside your glasses because the gods expect you to see without them.  You can't put aside depression because it's a pain in the ass.  Whatever caused it, you're dealing with a brain chemistry problem.  Do you really think the gods would dismiss you for brain chemistry you can't control?

You're unable to leave the house because you're crying and unable to get going.  That doesn't sound like a small thing.  You're not weak to seek help - you're strong to seek it.  Getting help is hard.

And that's before you get to the hormones rollercoaster hell a pregnancy scare is.  (You might want to talk to a doc about a possible miscarriage - that would really mess up your hormones, and depression feeds into that.)

You're strong enough to know you can't stay like this.  Now be strong enough to get help from a pro, and listen if they suggest medicine.  Getting help is the strong thing to do.  Not cheating or anything like that.  Help is being strong enough to know we are a community.

Gods work together in the stories and are stronger as a group than as individuals.  We can do the same.

Good luck.

[bobthesane]

A bit of back-story, first of all: Lately, my life has been a little bit crumbly. My fish is very sick (I know how silly that sounds, but I'm as attached to him as I would be a dog), I've had a very recent pregnancy scare, I've had a spat of increased fighting with my partner, and I'm finding that I'm missing more and more days of uni because I wake up, think about having to leave the house, and start to cry. It's making me feel damned weak, and it's making me feel angry because I know that I'm not as helpless as I think I am, but I can't just get over it and get back in the saddle.

That's making me feel very unworthy to so much as glance outside during a thunder storm. I feel as though I'd be insulting the gods, rather than venerating them, to leave an offering for them. I've always been under the impression that you have to be mentally strong for it not to be completely disrespectful for you to contact the Norse gods; I've always felt like weakness is looked down on by them. (I accept the idea that this might be my own feeling of 'not being worthy' influencing my thoughts, but ... it's the idea that I came to heathenry with, and it's the idea that's stuck.) I have this idea in my head that if there's any weakness in me, I don't deserve to honour the gods, so I should just shut up and go away. And that makes me feel stupid.

Does anybody else feel as though weakness is disrespectful to the gods, or is it just me?

I've spent some time mulling over a response to you, and trying to figure out how to phrase things in such a way as to be uplifting to you rather than sounding like I'm berating or belittling (which is the furthest from my mind!).

First and foremost, as someone who when he was younger went through... let's just call it my 'crazy time' and leave it at that, that I have an inkling how you feel. Let me also tell you categorically, emphatically, and without hesitation, that the gods in no way judge someone to be 'unworthy' or 'weak' simply because they are battling with an illness of any kind. Quite the contrary, if you are fighting then that means you are the opposite of weak and the gods will honor you for your struggle.

I think you are possibly expecting too much of the gods, from a personal standpoint. They are always there, but they aren't the ones who take the most interest in you. Your ancestors are the ones who care the most, particularly your Disir, and they are also the least likely to look down on you for feeling 'weak'. If you let them, they will be a source of strength gladly given. They are our Mothers, and like all mothers, they care the most for us.

Perhaps you should consider having a small rite for your Disir, and invite your local wights to join you. Ask them for assistance, or even just understanding of what you are going through.

I also find that just talking to someone I trust helps in a lot of ways, but YMMV.

[bobthesane]

Yes it's your choice, when it bites you, don't come crying to someone else about poor you. Take ownership of your life and your decisions, and stop trying to play the victim. Your life is what you make it. You asked, I answered, you didn't like what I said, so pick someone else's answer that makes you feel good.

Holy shit. She comes in asking for sympathy, more than anything else, and your only responses were to tell her to practice abstinence, and berate her for calling you on the fact that she didn't appreciate you telling her what to do?

Several words come to mind, right now, regarding what appears to be your attitude exhibited in this thread. Sanctimonious being the least profane of them, but I can get far more creative if you'd like.

Seriously, if you can't offer 'advice' that doesn't come off sounding arrogant, uncaring, and spiteful, why do you bother? And if it isn't your intent to sound that way, perhaps you might wish to look into how your 'tone' reads, because right now pretty much every hackle in the room has been raised at you.

[yewberry]

Holy shit.

You really need to come by more often, Bob.  

Brina