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Author Topic: Beauty is in The Moment (poem)  (Read 825 times)

Voren

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Beauty is in The Moment (poem)
« on: July 12, 2014, 12:24:43 am »
Death is beauty, beauty. Is in the moment. The moment you feel like its very possible that this is it. You could go home. You could move on you could go to a new life.

Beauty is in the moment you know its the end and you have so many questions…so many unsaid things….but instead say…the only things that matter.

Beauty is in the moment. That final light you see before you close your eyes, the peace you suddenly feel…when you finally realize….its going to be okay.

Beauty is in the final moment when everything is clear for the first time, when you understand everything.

Beauty is in the moment.
-Voren
(aka Sou\'r-Ghi\'den)

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Merin

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Re: Beauty is in The Moment (poem)
« Reply #1 on: July 13, 2014, 02:23:53 am »
Quote from: Voren;152788
Death is beauty, beauty. Is in the moment. The moment you feel like its very possible that this is it. You could go home. You could move on you could go to a new life.

Beauty is in the moment you know its the end and you have so many questions…so many unsaid things….but instead say…the only things that matter.

Beauty is in the moment. That final light you see before you close your eyes, the peace you suddenly feel…when you finally realize….its going to be okay.

Beauty is in the final moment when everything is clear for the first time, when you understand everything.

Beauty is in the moment.

 
Personally, I think you need metaphors and similes to push the poem to where it needs to be.

Start with the line "Beauty is in the moment" and follow "like..."

The rest, I think, you should dump.  It's cliche and doesn't really say anything new to the reader.

(I hope you were looking to workshop your poem...)

Voren

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Re: Beauty is in The Moment (poem)
« Reply #2 on: July 13, 2014, 02:28:04 am »
Quote from: Merin;152835
Personally, I think you need metaphors and similes to push the poem to where it needs to be.

Start with the line "Beauty is in the moment" and follow "like..."

The rest, I think, you should dump.  It's cliche and doesn't really say anything new to the reader.

(I hope you were looking to workshop your poem...)

 
oh heavens no, I just thought it was pretty and thought I would share [shrugs]. It was a spur of the moment thing. :ashamed: thanks for the advice though.
-Voren
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Merin

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Re: Beauty is in The Moment (poem)
« Reply #3 on: July 13, 2014, 02:32:47 am »
Quote from: Voren;152836
oh heavens no, I just thought it was pretty and thought I would share [shrugs]. It was a spur of the moment thing. :ashamed: thanks for the advice though.

 
Don't be ashamed.  It was nice of you to share. :)

Atehequa

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Re: Beauty is in The Moment (poem)
« Reply #4 on: July 13, 2014, 04:32:08 pm »
Quote from: Voren;152788
Death is beauty, beauty. Is in the moment. The moment you feel like its very possible that this is it. You could go home. You could move on you could go to a new life.

Beauty is in the moment you know its the end and you have so many questions…so many unsaid things….but instead say…the only things that matter.

Beauty is in the moment. That final light you see before you close your eyes, the peace you suddenly feel…when you finally realize….its going to be okay.

Beauty is in the final moment when everything is clear for the first time, when you understand everything.

Beauty is in the moment.


Great imagery. Words that allow the mind's eye to see.
Muckhswe kee sishet tepe?

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