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Author Topic: Writing: Full moon mini-poem  (Read 1027 times)

PerditaPickle

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Full moon mini-poem
« on: January 13, 2017, 06:29:01 pm »
Wrote a reverse-haiku yesterday for the full moon (didn't realise it was reversed until after - couldn't recall how many syllables should be in each line as I wrote this on the train, and got it exactly wrong).  Still, I was kind of pleased with the result so thought I'd share it.

Quote
January: chill, wet, dark
bright moon behind cloud
shower down inspiration

It's part poem, part invocation, as you can tell, which is why I haven't discarded it.  Haiku-wise, I will get it right next time!
« Last Edit: May 09, 2019, 01:00:43 pm by RandallS »
"If I get on, Susan thought, it'll all start again.  I'll be out of the light and into the world beyond this one.  I'll fall off the tightrope.
But a voice inside her said, You want to, though...don't you...?
Ten seconds later, there was only the snow."
(Terry Pratchett's Hogfather)

SunflowerP

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Re: Full moon mini-poem
« Reply #1 on: January 14, 2017, 07:14:16 pm »
Quote from: Pickle;201399
Haiku-wise, I will get it right next time!

 
You got the syllable count reversed, but you also nailed the 'word picture, not narrative' nature of haiku, which is something a lot of (Western) folks miss as they over-focus on '5-7-5'. Seems to me that makes yours more true to the concept than those who get the form right but not the substance.

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PerditaPickle

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Re: Full moon mini-poem
« Reply #2 on: January 16, 2017, 06:10:58 pm »
Quote from: SunflowerP;201445
You got the syllable count reversed, but you also nailed the 'word picture, not narrative' nature of haiku, which is something a lot of (Western) folks miss as they over-focus on '5-7-5'. Seems to me that makes yours more true to the concept than those who get the form right but not the substance.

Sunflower

 
Aww, thank you  :)
"If I get on, Susan thought, it'll all start again.  I'll be out of the light and into the world beyond this one.  I'll fall off the tightrope.
But a voice inside her said, You want to, though...don't you...?
Ten seconds later, there was only the snow."
(Terry Pratchett's Hogfather)

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