The Cauldron: A Pagan Forum

Hello to all.

My name is Charles Scott O'Connor but everyone calls me Chukk. I am, as you can see, new to this forum. I am also new to asatru. I have some experiences I would like to share not only to perhaps find others who have had similar experiences. Being as I am new I will post this here and if it is the wrong place I apologize in advance.

Growing up in a small town at the base of the mountains of East Tennessee I was raised as a Primitive Baptist. A somewhat fundamentalist, hellfire and brimstone sect of the Protestant side of the Christian faith. For years all of this was well and good until my 17th year when my need of logical answers to illogical questions effectively ended my association with Christianity. I was shunned and ostracized. This was the beginning of a 23 year journey to, for lack of a better term, to find my place.

When I attended college I made aware of who and what the Norse Gods were and what they were about. However, I just considered them nothing more than stories and folklore and never gave credence to fact that it was a 'path' to take. It wasn't until 2013 that I truly thought of the subject again. By that time I considered myself agnostic and had kind of given up ever finding somewhere I belonged as it pertains to a faith. In March of that year I had gotten acquainted, through Ancestry.com, with distant cousins who were from Dublin, Ireland. Over the course of several days we conversed on the phone a few times. During one of our conversations the subject of religion was broached and over the next hour or so I was informed that many of our ancestors had clung to the ancient, Norse pagan ways even when Christianity had reared it's head and had begun to dominate that area of the world. Still, he was adamant that down through the ages and, usually in secret, our family had still followed the Norse pantheon that our forefathers had brought over from Norway. Not only that, but, many in the family still clung to that ancient faith.

For the first time in awhile I was intrigued about religion and began to explore Norse paganism and I will say, right off the bat, I felt as if I had reacquainted myself with something readily familiar even though it was the first time I had ever seriously read and studied on the matter. I guess a better phrase would be is that it felt as if I were returning home after an extended trip abroad. Still, I was leery because at this point in my life I was 39 years old and completely done with religion, or so I thought, as a whole.

Over the course of several months, from March 2013 until July 2013, I wrestled with this in my head. No matter how 'right' it felt I still rejected the notion. I'm not sure why I resisted so fiercely but I guess it was because of the nightmare that Christianity had been and the havoc it had wreaking in my life and I associated any kind of 'organized religion' with that same experience. Short sighted, I know.

In August a raven began coming around my home. At first I thought it was a common crow but upon truly paying attention I noticed how large it was, especially the size of it's beak. The truly odd thing about where I live is that we hardly, if ever, see ravens. In this area they are more apt to stay in the wooded, mountainous regions or along the rocky cliffs that dominate the Holston River in places. However, at least three times a week this bird would show up. I must say it would always be where I was. If I were outside and on the front porch there it would be. If I were sitting on the back deck smoking a cigar, there it would be. Sometimes, I would look out the window from whatever room I was in and there this raven would be. This happened off and on from August through the winter months. During the winter I would see the bird usually once a week but, still, it always came.

During March of this year the bird began coming again with more frequency. At this same time I began having a dream a couple of nights a week about seeing this great, bearded man standing in the field behind my home. He never said anything or made any kind of gesture and he always kept a good distance but I could see him clearly enough. The man always wore this black cloak with some kind of silver broach holding it in place. Sometimes I could tell he wore no shirt underneath and was able to see what appeared to me a myriad of tattoos along his arms and torso. He had long blondish/white hair and a great, blondish/white beard. His hair usually hung about his face obscuring his eyes but sometimes the wind would be blowing and it was pushed from his face. At times he had an eye patch over his right eye and other times it was uncovered.

Last month, more accurately about two weeks ago, I had a dream of this man again but this time it was very different. I was no longer watching him from a distance I was standing in a field with him standing directly in front of me and on the ground between us was a puddle of water. In the sky behind him I could see two, what I perceived to be ravens, circling. For what seemed to be an eternity we just stared at each other. I must note that, if it bears any significance, he was not wearing the patch over his eye. Finally he spoke and he said, "You are your own. Do not put your faith in gods or your fellow man. Put faith in yourself because you are responsible for your life. No one else has dominion over you, but you."

After he had finished speaking he looked down into this puddle of water. Naturally, my gazed followed his. The surface of this water began showing a scene as if it were a television. In this scene, great objects were falling from the sky amidst a very large crowd of people. Some of these people ran for cover, hit their knees. I knew immediately what this meant. Those who stopped to pray to their god for deliverance died. Those who were smart enough to run and seek shelter survived. This reinforced the words he had spoken and I understood perfectly; I am responsible for myself, no one else.

I awoke with such a feeling of peace and contentment that I knew without a doubt that the path I had been wrestling with was the right one. Still, that morning when I went out on the back deck the raven was there but he was sitting closer than he had before and he was looking at me. When I 'locked eyes' with this bird a voice literally echoed in my mind saying, "Follow your own path." I was kind of taken aback so I looked away. When I looked back this bird was still looking at me and when I looked upon it's face again the voice echoed in my mind once more saying the same thing, "Follow your own path." This time I did not turn away and after several seconds later the same voice, saying the same thing, once again sounded off in my mind. With that the bird took to the sky. I took this as a sign that Asatru was always, and is, the only path for me.

Now I know what I have described may sound like lunacy but it is my experience. I'm guessing the raven was a spirit animal that was sent to deliver a message and that the man in my dreams was likely an emissary of the gods was also sent to deliver said message. I don't know if anyone else has ever had an experience like this or similar to this. No matter, any and all feedback would be welcome. Thanks you in advance!

Welcome to the Cauldron!


 
Sounds like you've gotten Odin's attention!

I'm sorry.

No, I'm kidding. Mostly. If you've read as much about the Norse gods as you say, surely you at least suspect that Eyepatch Dude aka Ol' Blueeye is Odin, right? He's never been an "emissary" kind of god in my experience. I get the O Hai Raven thing sometimes, but when it's dreamwork or anything like that, Odin Himself generally shows up to get his hands in the pie.

He really likes pie.

But yes, Odin is a Pokey McGrabbyhands and you'll find that stories of him showing up and pointing people in the direction they should be going are not all that uncommon in some Norse circles. Your story is fairly tame compared to some I've heard, probably because you didn't sass back much. Good job!

Thank you for the reply, Jack.

My apologies for sounding so naive in some of the questions I've asked but I've had a hard time trying to decipher these things. There is so much information out there which makes it difficult to determine what is what at times. Plus, I think some of the things I have read are complete bunk.

Of course, I had an idea that this was Odin but I wasn't entirely sure based on some of the things I had seen. Namely the eye patch. Sometimes it was present and sometimes it wasn't so based on that I did not want to assume anything. My only want is to be able to take what I have been given and do the best that I can with it, I just need a nudge in the right direction.