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Author Topic: FlameKeeping Chat Log - 16Aug2011  (Read 1852 times)

veggiewolf

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FlameKeeping Chat Log - 16Aug2011
« on: August 16, 2011, 11:38:01 am »
FlameKeeping Chat Log
Tuesday, 16 August 2011, 10:00 AM Eastern (US) - logged by veggiewolf

You say, "ok, I will log this session"
You say, "So, first question for everyone - how'd we do on homework?"
FierFlye says, "terrible"
You say, "Shad? How'd you do?"
HeartShadow says, "I changed my homework a few times, but fiction-for-me worked fairly well"
HeartShadow says, "weekend of doom excluded. :P"
You say, "I did part of mine...I tried to focus on a good thing each day. I did not swim, though."
Juni says, "This week's homework wasn't really useful for me, since I am a bit self-indulgent anyway."
Acidrica says, "I think I focused on the same good thing multiple days. :x"
HeartShadow says, "see, I *think* I'm self-indulgent, but I'm not. it's an ongoing problem. :P"
You say, "that's ok. We were meant to focus on one thing a day and then do something for ourselves. Did you do something for yourself?"
You say, "ok, so this week's homework needs to be more...attainable?"
Juni says, "I did, yeah- I went shopping with my Dad, did my Dollhouse marathon, went to NYC, almost finished my scarf..."
FierFlye says, "yea"
You say, "well, there you go!"
Acidrica says, "I...wrote a few applications to some online roleplaying games, which is something I love to do."
You say, "Fier, did you not do anything for yourself?"
FierFlye says, "i tried to play with clay and mostly just kneaded it around and stared at it blankly"
FierFlye says, "i was unable to create anything"
You say, "no archery? no sewing?"
FierFlye says, "nope. busy weekend, so didn't have any time Sat or Sun to do anything for me"
You say, "'kay."
You say, "So, we'll need to figure out how to make this week's homework more attainable for everyone...or else get a big stick. :)"
FierFlye says, "i did spend time with friends and family, though"
You say, "well, that is something!"
savatage has arrived.
You say, "Hi savvy! Are you joining FK chat?"
FierFlye says, "hey Savvy"
savatage has reconnected.
FierFlye says, "hey Savvy"
You say, "hey savvy"
savatage says, "hi"
You say, "Ok, so let's take the following paragraph from The Flame and look at it...""
You say, "Our Flame burns most brightly through proper fuel, through feeding our souls as we feed our bodies. We feed our souls through caring, through love, through creating. Through finding our passion, and then sharing the results of that passion with others. And through helping others find fuel for their flames as well, helping others learn and grow. We all benefit from each other’s Flame’s burning brighter.""
FierFlye says, "there are so many pieces there. We could spend a week or more on each piece."
You say, "in addition to that, the essay speaks about fueling the Flame with proper fuel. Wants are not enough, in that wanting something doesn't mean we should obtain it.""
Juni says, "I need to work on that last bit."
You say, "so, in light of this, let's look at the question - What Feeds Your Flame?"
HeartShadow says, "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARN!"
You say, "who wants to start?"
FierFlye says, "Shad, apparently"
Juni says, "When I journaled, I answered with: Spending time with my cats, watching my favorite tv shows, cupcakes, sushi, Thai drunken noodles, thunderstorms, reading, writing, laughter, shopping, crafting."
Juni says, "Oh, do we go in turns? Sorry. :/"
You say, "it's ok."
You say, "how do they feed your flame, Juni?"
HeartShadow says, "actually, for me, it's the act of creating that really makes me feel powerful. Other stuff is relaxing, but creating .. that's just cool"
Juni says, "They remind me why I am happy to be alive."
veggiewolf nods at Shad and Juni.
You say, "Fier?"
You say, "Fier may be working..."
You say, "Acidrica? How about you? What feeds your Flame?"
FierFlye says, "journaling, horseback riding, relaxing, spending time with close friends, being outside in nice weather"
You say, "ah, there you are."
Acidrica says, "Creating art, experiencing love, spending time with loved ones, reading, music, faith and spirituality, doing things that help others."
Acidrica says, "Sorry, had to find my post. ^^"
Guest1 has arrived.
You say, "Hi Devo!"
Guest1 says, "Yo"
FierFlye says, "hi Devo!"
Acidrica says, "Hi Devo!"
Juni waves.
You say, "Fier, how do those things feed your Flame? Acidrica, same question."
FierFlye says, "the first three help me decompress. Either by clearing out my mind or organizing my thoughts. The others fill me up."
Acidrica says, "Well, when I help others, I don't feel so bad about myself. I feel like I'm actually worth something, sad as that sounds. Art makes me feel useful as well. The others just seem to support me in their weird way."
You say, "makes sense to me."
savatage says, "i'm mostly lurking but i just wanted to say that what you just said Acidrica makes a lot of sense to me"
You say, "so, I shouldn't ask you to answer, savvy? *grins*"
HeartShadow says, "I try to avoid the "helping others makes me feel worthwhile" trap - I fall into it occasionally, but I find it really doesn't HELP - it's like treading water"
Juni says, "Why?"
Acidrica says, "Hmm, I guess for me then a better thing would be to...be productive in general. I have a problem doing that."
Guest1 says, "My s.o. does the whole "I help others because it makes me feel better" it's like a drug, almost. And the intentions almost don't seem pure whenI Hear him say that."
HeartShadow says, "part of focusing on other people that way, at least for me, sets me up in a people-pleasing trap. I want people to like me, I want to be someone they like, I give and give and give and I just burn myself out"
savatage says, "for me the only thing that springs immediately to mind is baking, i love to do it, the creativity and creation. but moreso, i like to share it with people to make something they like and will enjoy."
HeartShadow says, "and I don't think people-pleasing as a lifestyle is healthy"
Juni nods.
Guest1 says, "The yes-man syndrome"
Acidrica says, "My motivation for picking that was because doing things like helping out around the house is something that I also have trouble with, but I feel better when I do it, if that makes sense."
You say, "I don't think so either - there's a line between helping and taking on other things to avoid your own."
HeartShadow says, "I see it more as the 50s housewife syndrome"
You say, "helping around the house is different, though. You live there too."
You say, "not that selfishness is good either - it is a balance, IMO"
You say, "and savvy, baking is an awesome one!"
Acidrica says, "I do tend to fall into the 'helping others to feel good' trap as well though."
You say, "me too."
You say, "the 'Look, Mom? Aren't I good?' thing"
HeartShadow says, "but helping because you want *the person to be better off* is not the same thing as helping *to be liked*"
Guest1 says, "That is true"
HeartShadow says, "in fact, quite often they're completely opposite"
You say, "that's where help sometimes = kick in the ass"
Guest1 says, "And making sure you know which you fall into is important, I htink"
savatage has partially disconnected.
savatage says, "i should have added that i always look for something to challenge myself with too"
You say, "Devo, what feeds your Flame?"
Guest1 says, "Kerosene and wood"
Guest1 says, "and it ate my emoticaon"
veggiewolf snickers.
Guest1 says, "*emoticon"
Guest1 says, "let's see... last week, I chose dancing as one of my main ones. It's something I Can't do very much of anymore. I like to make things, be creative. Getting stufff done/being productive is something that feeeds me"
Guest1 says, "Good conversation, being in the company of friends"
You say, "and why do they feed you?"
You say, "or how?"
Guest1 says, "Dancing is almost spiritual to me. I connect to something much bigger than myself when I do it. It is the hardest to explain."
Guest1 says, "getting things done helps relieve stress. HElps me feel productive, like I serve a purpose"
Guest1 says, "conversation feeds my brain, and helps me to connect with others- also part of being something bigger."
Guest1 says, "And being around people I like... well.. I like them lol"
You say, "dancing often is spiritual"
Guest1 says, "It really is for me. WHich is why it's been a pain that I Can't anymore. At least, not overly."
You say, "many religions have temple dancers. Hell, we had them at the Episcopal church - Sacred Dance."
Guest1 says, "Yup, I dance for Set- so it crosses many lines for me."
veggiewolf ponders adding that to her repertoire.
FierFlye says, "what kind of dance?"
Guest1 says, "I think I covered most of the basics. I'm sure there are lots of things that feed, but those are probably the top 5'"
veggiewolf nods.
You say, "so, my Flame is fueled by singing, swimming, being with (chosen) family and friends, and having the time to breathe."
Book of Answers> FluffBun says, "I started designing a knitting pattern. couldn't find ANY that matched what I was looking for"
You say, "the first two quiet my mind - they stop the gremlins."
You say, "being with family and friends, well, (chosen) is in there because being with my bio family isn't always calming"
You say, "sometimes it adds to the stress and makes me more anxious...and yet I cannot cut them out of my life."
veggiewolf wonders why blood is thicker than water.
HeartShadow says, "because there's more stuff in it"
You say, "having time to breathe, well, is relaxing."
Guest1 says, "I have the same issue. My family just brings me down- unintentionally, but it happens."
savatage thinks it's guilt sometimes
You say, "you know what I mean though - we put up with things from family that we won't from others."
Guest1 says, "Yes"
HeartShadow says, "speak for yourself. I really don't"
Juni says, "I don't either, Shad."
Juni says, "In fact I think I put up with it *less* from my relatives."
You say, "really?"
Guest1 says, "I try to stay away from the family members that upset me- so that it's a case of out of sight, out of mind. And I don't have to deal with them."
Juni says, "The people I choose to surround myself obviously have something in them that is important to me."
Juni says, "So I cut them slack."
Juni says, "Family members are around me by sheer virtue of my birth and my mother's remarriage."
veggiewolf nods. "I wish I could do that."
Guest1 says, "Why can't you?"
Juni says, "Blood and a marriage certificate do not automatically endear people to me."
HeartShadow says, "for me it's not intentional - I just have no tolerance for anyone"
Guest1 says, "Shad- that's awesome XD"
HeartShadow says, "it does result in a certain amount of foot-in-mouth, though"
You say, "I don't know why I cannot. I am having major issues with the idea of telling my mother that we're not going to Christmas Eve church this year."
You say, "and I've not even told her!"
savatage says, "i've never had the best relationship with my family, the only blood relatives a consider 'family' is my sister and her husband"
Juni says, "I've developed a reputation for being standoffish with family. And honest."
Guest1 says, "Veggie, I can relate. I hate Xmas with the family. So I like to leave the state for Xmas... I usually wait until, like, the 20th to tell them that i Won't be there lol"
Acidrica says, "I have a fairly good relationship with my mom. My dad however....meh."
Guest1 says, "I can't stand my stepfather."
savatage intends to move across the world from my family
Guest1 says, "ha ha, savatage- I woudl do the same thing :P"
You say, "i often dream about moving out of the area to avoid confronting my mother. :)"
You say, "I'm such a wet adult."
Guest1 says, "I always tell people that me and my mom work best apart- that our relationship does better when we have distance btwn us. Maybe you're the same way"
You say, "I probably am, actually."
Guest1 says, "I think there is nothing wrong with that"
HeartShadow says, "oh, my mom and I defintely get along better with space between us"
HeartShadow says, "neither one of us knows when to shut up or how to be not-blunt"
You say, "that can be an...interesting time."
You say, "Should we go to the next question?"
Guest1 says, "we can"
savatage says, "my relationship with my relatives improved a bit after i moved out, but there are some things with my father that arent forgivable to me(in the forseable future) and to a smaller extent with my mother as well"
You say, "Juni - what stifles your Flame?"
HeartShadow misses her daddy. sigh
Juni says, "Thinking about past romantic relationships, self-doubt, social anxiety, fear of making more mistakes, fear of not getting what I want out of life, fear of staying the in dark of depression forever."
savatage says, "sorry"
You say, "which of those is worst for you, if you don't mind my asking?"
Juni says, "Mostly dwelling on mistakes and fear."
HeartShadow says, "oh, I know I got lucky when it comes to family. I got REALLY lucky. so - yes, I miss him, but I HAD him. y'know?"
Juni says, "Um. I'm not sure, actually. I think the overall fear of not being able to look back on my life and know that I was happy."
You say, "Shad? How about you?"
HeartShadow says, "I think the biggest stifle I have is that of making the world worse instead of better when I'm done. The idea that I'm going to make a gigantic hash of things, be it parenting, FK, or whatever, is just terrifying"
HeartShadow says, "well, that and people screaming. I hate that"
Guest1 says, "I don't see how this could make the world worse, honestly"
You say, "do you mean in terms of people getting it wrong?"
You say, "or in terms of guru-ness?"
HeartShadow says, "in terms of ME saying something that people would follow and be messed up by"
HeartShadow says, "I make guru-jokes, but I find the idea of being the unassailable authority downright terrifying"
HeartShadow says, "I can screw up my knitting or my fiction and it's just an annoyance. the idea of screwing up parenting or FK - that's just horrifying"
Acidrica says, "I can understand that."
Guest1 says, "Makes sense"
You say, "it does."
You say, "Fier? how about you?"
FierFlye says, "health issues, apathy, having not the right amount to do, feeling like I don't have a purpose/passion"
You say, "having not the right amount to do - does that mean too much *and* too little?"
FierFlye says, "either having too much and being stressed or too little and being bored"
HeartShadow says, "not having a purpose/knowing what I should be doing used to be fairly soul-destroying for me too. only now I know - and I found a whole new set of things to worry about"
veggiewolf nods. "I go through that too."
FierFlye says, "it's been a big one on my mind lately"
FierFlye says, "but the lack of spoons is the biggest problem. I would like to do things, but don't always have the energy"
You say, "lack of spoons is awful"
HeartShadow says, "I think one of the hardest things *in general* is figuring out what a reasonable level of *stuff* is for you - not the genera-person, but the specific person"
Juni agrees
HeartShadow says, "when we really do need to do more, and when we're just having crazy expectations"
Juni says, "I spent years driving myself deeper into depression comparing myself to my mother."
You say, "that'll do it"
Juni says, "She 'deals' with things like her shitty marriage and her depression by ignoring it and throwing herself into work."
Juni says, "And I kept saying- she's depressed and she gets so much done- I'm depressed, why can't I be productive and outwardly functional too?"
You say, "depression is different for everyone"
savatage says, "finding the right amount of stuff for me is a bit of a problem, currently all i can manage without getting incredibly depressed and lashing out is one uni subject and my gardening."
FierFlye says, "yeah, I have heard about those people who are depressed who can't sleep and then are super productive or inspired and creative"
FierFlye says, "not me. I just want to sleep"
Guest1 says, "That's all I wante dto do- sleep"
You say, "sleep is nice"
Guest1 says, "I want to sleep right now lol"
Acidrica says, "Yeah, I'm a sleeping depressive."
HeartShadow says, "oh man, I'm SO not-creative when I'm depressed"
HeartShadow says, "I can stare at a blank page for HOURS"
savatage says, "i miss creativity"
"Acidrica?  What stifles your flame?
Acidrica says, "Wasting time, hiding from life, dramatic situations, fear, obsession."
You say, "which is worst?"
Acidrica says, "Fear, definately."
You say, "is it a specific fear, or fear in general?"
You say, "and if it is too hard to answer, then don't. :)"
Acidrica says, "Sorry, computer froze. Fear in general."
You say, "ah, ok"
Guest1 says, "lol"
You say, "Devo, what stifles your Flame?"
Guest1 says, "let's see, my biggies are... anger, frustration, negativity (from within and without). To some degree my job, to some degree my s.o.'s job."
Guest1 says, "ANd on some levels fear- usually in relation to money."
Guest1 says, "This economy hasn't treated my household well"
savatage wonders if she dropped out..
You say, "I see you"
Guest1 says, "The biggest is anger. It's my reaction to everything- because I Was raised not to cry, I either cry, or get angry. ANd people deal with anger better than tears, I think"
Guest1 says, "I see you too"
savatage has disconnected.
You say, "do you tear up when you're angry?"
savatage has connected.
Guest1 says, "I can"
You say, "we saw you, savvy"
Guest1 says, "Which is doubly worse XD"
You say, "i do that too"
savatage says, "i couldnt see anything :/"
Guest1 says, "Can you see us now?"
You say, "savvy, what stifles your flame?"
Guest1 says, "afk"
savatage says, "feeling useless, fear that people will always be dissapointed in me and that i'm not good enough. so pretty much listening to that voice in my head that wants me to be alone in the dark."
You say, "there you are!"
veggiewolf nods.
savatage says, "i think i answered what you meant, FK newbie n all"
You say, "yes, you did!"
FierFlye applauds
FierFlye says, "that you are a FK newbie, not your issues"
You say, "my flame is stifled by anxiety, stress, and trying to push down my emotional reactions for fear of losing control."
You say, "in fact, fear of losing control should probably be #1"
You say, "everything I do is meant to help me retain control of a situation"
Juni nods.
Juni says, "I used to be like that too. I still can be, in certain situations."
You say, "so, let's change up the last question a bit - do you think we court that which stifles us, or do we not see how to avoid it?"
HeartShadow says, "I try VERY HARD to not be a control freak. because it doesn't work"
You say, "I try too, but 85% of the time, I lose to the control monster"
HeartShadow says, "there are times I definitely court my depression. I KNOW I'm being irrational about something, but I can't help staying in the spiral"
veggiewolf nods. "Do you tell it to stay, or give up on making it go?"
savatage says, "i try not to think i'm useless or that people are dissapointed but then i start to over analyse everything and get paranoid about all my actions"
Guest1 says, "I try to not court it- but in the case of my job, and my s.o.'s job, well- we have to eat"
Guest1 says, "But I try not to let it get to me. Zen myself out of it lol"
FierFlye says, "i don't think I seek out being tired, I just am"
HeartShadow says, "I really do think I WANT it to stay sometimes. I don't want to deal with reality when I'm in that state."
FierFlye says, "but, it's easier to give in than to fight"
HeartShadow says, "which, of course, when I'm feeling better pisses me off. :P"
Juni says, "I think in the past I used to have trouble seeing it coming, avoiding it, but I think I've been doing a lot better about it lately. The only time my fear of not being happy really crops up these days is when I think about my homework too much, and worry that I'm going to hate the job as much as I hate the coursework."
You say, "i don't trust my own reactions to things, so I second guess everything I do and think about things that are six steps down the road instead of what is in front of my face."
savatage says, "i do that too veggiewolf"
HeartShadow says, "do you do that thing where you have entire conversations with people, and then get surprised that they don't remember the script?"
You say, "so, what kind of homework could we have this week that will help us overcome/handle the stifling?"
You say, "yes, I do that."
Guest1 says, "I try not to do that. I focus what is right here, right NOW> because things can and probably will change btwn here and 6 steps from now. My s.o. is the oppposite"
HeartShadow says, "I think we should push a boundary - pick an obstacle and figure out some way to mitigate it"
HeartShadow says, "not eliminate - mitigate"
You say, "woot! Set work!"
Guest1 says, "What about picking a stifler, and coming up with ideas to make it less prominent?"
veggiewolf high fives Devo.
Guest1 says, "Shad beat me to it lol"
FierFlye says, "sounds good"
Guest1 says, "High fives XD"
HeartShadow says, "okeydokey! we have PLAN!"
Acidrica says, "I like that idea. :D"
You say, "Whee!"
You say, "ok, so I will put this log up on the SIG and then post the homework. Next week, we'll hit the final questions of The Flame."
Fluid Morality - my spiritual blog
Eating Monsters - my mental health blog

"Religion does not define a deity- it defines the human approach and interpretation of deity." - Juni
"I hate magical thinking in my magic." - Darkhawk
"...a baseball club; a soccer unkindness; a hockey murder; a football team..." - Cecil, Welcome to Night Vale

veggiewolf

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Re: FlameKeeping Chat Log - 16Aug2011
« Reply #1 on: August 16, 2011, 11:39:36 am »
Quote from: veggiewolf;13242...[/QUOTE

This week's homework:

- Push a boundary/mitigate one of your "stiflers".  Journal about how you did.
« Last Edit: August 16, 2011, 11:40:21 am by veggiewolf »
Fluid Morality - my spiritual blog
Eating Monsters - my mental health blog

"Religion does not define a deity- it defines the human approach and interpretation of deity." - Juni
"I hate magical thinking in my magic." - Darkhawk
"...a baseball club; a soccer unkindness; a hockey murder; a football team..." - Cecil, Welcome to Night Vale

Shawnee

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Re: FlameKeeping Chat Log - 16Aug2011
« Reply #2 on: August 17, 2011, 06:33:08 am »
Quote from: veggiewolf;13243
''''


Really enjoyed reading the log. I can relate to everyone on some level of things that stifle them. Homework was hit and miss because I messed my knee up twice. It is still painful to stand, walk, etc so am staying off it in hopes of improving the situation.

I didn't do very well at focusing on a virtue daily. I think I need more virtues lol. As for doing something for myself, I was able to work on my outside flowers a bit before I stepped in a hole and popped my knee really bad. Other things were reading and listening to the music channels.

It may not have been a perfect week but it was an improvement so I'm happy with that. :)

Fier

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Re: FlameKeeping Chat Log - 16Aug2011
« Reply #3 on: August 17, 2011, 08:06:36 am »
Quote from: Shawnee;13434

It may not have been a perfect week but it was an improvement so I'm happy with that. :)

 
Yay for improvement!

veggiewolf

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Re: FlameKeeping Chat Log - 16Aug2011
« Reply #4 on: August 17, 2011, 09:39:32 am »
Quote from: Shawnee;13434
...

It may not have been a perfect week but it was an improvement so I'm happy with that. :)


Woohoo!  Great job!
Fluid Morality - my spiritual blog
Eating Monsters - my mental health blog

"Religion does not define a deity- it defines the human approach and interpretation of deity." - Juni
"I hate magical thinking in my magic." - Darkhawk
"...a baseball club; a soccer unkindness; a hockey murder; a football team..." - Cecil, Welcome to Night Vale

HeartShadow

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Re: FlameKeeping Chat Log - 16Aug2011
« Reply #5 on: August 17, 2011, 10:08:18 am »
Quote from: Shawnee;13434


 
Perfect is for storytellers.  Baby steps for the win! :D:

Shawnee

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Re: FlameKeeping Chat Log - 16Aug2011
« Reply #6 on: August 17, 2011, 02:09:26 pm »
Quote from: HeartShadow;13469
''''


Thanks everyone.

Devo

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Re: FlameKeeping Chat Log - 16Aug2011
« Reply #7 on: August 17, 2011, 05:12:30 pm »
Quote from: Shawnee;13434


It may not have been a perfect week but it was an improvement so I'm happy with that. :)

 
My week was similar- it wasn't completely how I wanted, but it was an improvement. I think that the effort is what counts :)

-Devo
dA | FB | LJ | WP

Shawnee

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Re: FlameKeeping Chat Log - 16Aug2011
« Reply #8 on: August 17, 2011, 07:58:59 pm »
Quote from: Devo;13575
My week was similar- it wasn't completely how I wanted, but it was an improvement. I think that the effort is what counts :)

-Devo


Improvement and effort are wonderful things Devo. :thup:

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* In Memoriam

Chavi (2006)
Elspeth (2010)
Marilyn (2013)

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