Author Topic: Humor/Quiz: There, I said it! (Read 203745 times)

stephyjh · « **Reply #2160 on:** July 15, 2014, 04:10:34 pm »

Quote from: stephyjh;152983

When I get home, I'll send you the info for the cleansing conditioner I use.

Dear self,
You are a dumbass. Quit worrying about whether your bougie friends are going to judge you for where you live. If they're real friends, they won't. Now suck it up, because you can't move without help, and this is temporary housing anyway.

TISI

victoreia · « **Reply #2161 on:** July 18, 2014, 03:14:30 am »

Quote from: stephyjh;152998

Dear self,
You are a dumbass. Quit worrying about whether your bougie friends are going to judge you for where you live. If they're real friends, they won't. Now suck it up, because you can't move without help, and this is temporary housing anyway.

TISI

{{{{{Stephy}}}}}

missgraceless · « **Reply #2162 on:** July 23, 2014, 11:19:10 am »

Quote from: victoreia;153219

{{{{{Stephy}}}}}

Hey Ryan,

Here's a crazy idea. Why don't you grow the fuck up and start pulling your weight around here. I get that all 3 of you work full time jobs, but that doesn't mean you can leave a goddamned mess in the apartment. I'm not your mother. I will clean the public spaces, but you need to at least pick up after yourself.

And this stupid game, if you're not going to chug the damn Smirnoff ice, then take it down and put it somewhere. Because you chose to ignore the bottle duct taped to your door, it fell off and popped. Which meant I had to scrub dried up sticky alcohol while you're all at work.

I knew when we moved in that I'd be the "housewife," cooking dinner and cleaning, but seriously. Three 20-something boys are really quite gross. Except I can't even say that, because Tyler and Boy clean up after themselves.

I'm already so sick of this shit, and we've only lived here for 2 weeks.

TIFSI

LadyBug · « **Reply #2163 on:** July 30, 2014, 06:02:52 pm »

Quote from: missgraceless;153702

Hey Ryan,

Here's a crazy idea. Why don't you grow the fuck up and start pulling your weight around here. I get that all 3 of you work full time jobs, but that doesn't mean you can leave a goddamned mess in the apartment. I'm not your mother. I will clean the public spaces, but you need to at least pick up after yourself.

And this stupid game, if you're not going to chug the damn Smirnoff ice, then take it down and put it somewhere. Because you chose to ignore the bottle duct taped to your door, it fell off and popped. Which meant I had to scrub dried up sticky alcohol while you're all at work.

I knew when we moved in that I'd be the "housewife," cooking dinner and cleaning, but seriously. Three 20-something boys are really quite gross. Except I can't even say that, because Tyler and Boy clean up after themselves.

I'm already so sick of this shit, and we've only lived here for 2 weeks.

TIFSI

Dear self,

She's a bitch, you don't want to go back to her just to be ignored like you were the first two times. You don't "still have feelings for her" it is probably just jealousy... Or gas. Don't be so love-stupid and move on already.

Also dear self,
YOU need to learn to say no. This time it turned out okay because she is an amazing lady but next time it could be disastrous. Take your time with Sonic and if it doesn't work... TAKE SOME YOU TIME DAMNIT.

There I Said It

baduhmtisss · « **Reply #2164 on:** August 09, 2014, 11:05:11 pm »

Quote from: LadyBug;154371

Dear self,

She's a bitch, you don't want to go back to her just to be ignored like you were the first two times. You don't "still have feelings for her" it is probably just jealousy... Or gas. Don't be so love-stupid and move on already.

Also dear self,
YOU need to learn to say no. This time it turned out okay because she is an amazing lady but next time it could be disastrous. Take your time with Sonic and if it doesn't work... TAKE SOME YOU TIME DAMNIT.

There I Said It

Dear Lovely, Wonderous Father...

Do not fucking sit there and SNOOP ON ME through my window. That is possibly the most CHILDISH and invasive thing you have ever done to me, aside from removing my door. Do not ask to go through my computer, and do not fucking insist on knowing who I choose to chat with on the computer. Do not fucking demand I put in my skype user, because the answer will forever be NO. And yeah, I erased all my shit, mostly to protect YOU from having a heart attack by learning that your daughter is NOT christian, and has more paganism resources then the average joe online. (I'm exaggerating out of anger here. >.>) Forgive me for growing up to be 18, and forgive me for using my right as an adult to have privacy. I am not your goddamn property. Oh, by the way, bringing up my previous 'track record' with computers is possibly the most triggery topic you could ever touch on, and I refuse to discuss it past simple acknowledgement that I have been in poor places of the web before. So yeah, when I don't respond and I act flustered, don'tcha think that's a good hint?

Dear Lovely Mother,

DO NOT Bring up my sexuality choice just because YOU AND HIM insisted on knowing that I joined a dating website, and It happens to be that I'm getting to know other girls. It's probably the WORST time to try and talk to me about that topic, and you KNEW IT because I was shaking so hard from being triggered and I even cried. That's one hell of a low, mother, one fucking hell of a low. I'm not changing who I'm going to be attracted to, and I'm not simply going to "give guys a shot" when you're pressing me to give confirmation that it's just a faze so you can feel better about what "who your daughter really is".

I like Girls, I have rights, so both of you can shove it. I'm not going to change, and just because I can appear to be pleasing, doesn't mean I won't do my own thing. Thanks.

There I fucking Said it.

stephyjh · « **Reply #2165 on:** August 11, 2014, 02:05:24 pm »

Quote from: Raine;155276

Dear Lovely, Wonderous Father...

Do not fucking sit there and SNOOP ON ME through my window. That is possibly the most CHILDISH and invasive thing you have ever done to me, aside from removing my door. Do not ask to go through my computer, and do not fucking insist on knowing who I choose to chat with on the computer. Do not fucking demand I put in my skype user, because the answer will forever be NO. And yeah, I erased all my shit, mostly to protect YOU from having a heart attack by learning that your daughter is NOT christian, and has more paganism resources then the average joe online. (I'm exaggerating out of anger here. >.>) Forgive me for growing up to be 18, and forgive me for using my right as an adult to have privacy. I am not your goddamn property. Oh, by the way, bringing up my previous 'track record' with computers is possibly the most triggery topic you could ever touch on, and I refuse to discuss it past simple acknowledgement that I have been in poor places of the web before. So yeah, when I don't respond and I act flustered, don'tcha think that's a good hint?

Dear Lovely Mother,

DO NOT Bring up my sexuality choice just because YOU AND HIM insisted on knowing that I joined a dating website, and It happens to be that I'm getting to know other girls. It's probably the WORST time to try and talk to me about that topic, and you KNEW IT because I was shaking so hard from being triggered and I even cried. That's one hell of a low, mother, one fucking hell of a low. I'm not changing who I'm going to be attracted to, and I'm not simply going to "give guys a shot" when you're pressing me to give confirmation that it's just a faze so you can feel better about what "who your daughter really is".

I like Girls, I have rights, so both of you can shove it. I'm not going to change, and just because I can appear to be pleasing, doesn't mean I won't do my own thing. Thanks.

There I fucking Said it.

Dear body,
WTF I DON'T EVEN.

I get that an increase in activity and more attention to whether I'm eating junk food is going to lead to weight loss. I'm good with that, because less weight on my boobs means that my shoulder doesn't hurt as badly, and it takes less effort to haul my body around when it weighs less. So I don't mind, really, but could we skip the whole "reduced dosage is too high" thing with my meds? Kthxbai.

TISI

Morag · « **Reply #2166 on:** August 19, 2014, 08:54:10 am »

Quote from: stephyjh;155402

Dear Fraser Health Authority,

I am really happy that y'all took good care of me for such a little cost. Seriously, don't get me wrong. I am happy to pay money for the leg brace and crutches. I have money here. I would like to give it to you.

Therefore, is it too much to ask that you, I don't know, HAVE PAYMENT OPTIONS THAT ARE ACCESSIBLE TO A HOUSEBOUND PERSON WITH A BROKEN LEG AND NO PHONE?

Seriously, you gave me the options of a) coming in to pay via debit (which is only possible on our hospital visits for check ups and then ONLY if we remember, which, as our visits have been at 8 IN THE FREAKING MORNING we have NOT because there is only so much coffee can accomplish when you're up that early and on a night shift schedule), b) mailing you a piece of paper with my credit card info on it, which requires that I leave for the post office when it's open, something I definitely can not do, and no, Ogre cannot either, because he works the night shift (also, no guarantee that my weird credit card will work that way), or c) call you to pay by credit card, when I don't have access to a phone except on weekends and I'm quite sure my credit card won't work by phone anyway, as it is really only meant to be used online (and hasn't worked via phone in the past).

Is it so much to ask that you get your asses into the 21st century and offer online payment options?

I have money for you. I want to give it to you. I hate the feeling of a debt looming over my shoulder. Meet me frickin' halfway already.

TISI

beachglass · « **Reply #2167 on:** August 19, 2014, 08:59:20 am »

Quote from: stephyjh;155402

TISI

Not so serious, but...

Dear Apple,

Group Text is the most obnoxious feature on the planet. (Where are all the Apple fanpeople who used to complain about MS unilaterally extending standards?)

My friend's having her baby right now, which is awesome! Except now I'm cranky about it because she group-texted everyone to let them know, and I'm getting replies from fifty of her friends that I don't know, with no way to turn them off. I'm just going to leave my phone at home today.

SMS was already fine. Why break it for everyone who doesn't have an iPhone??

TISI

stephyjh · « **Reply #2168 on:** August 21, 2014, 12:29:34 pm »

Quote from: beachglass;156415

Not so serious, but...

Dear Apple,

Group Text is the most obnoxious feature on the planet. (Where are all the Apple fanpeople who used to complain about MS unilaterally extending standards?)

My friend's having her baby right now, which is awesome! Except now I'm cranky about it because she group-texted everyone to let them know, and I'm getting replies from fifty of her friends that I don't know, with no way to turn them off. I'm just going to leave my phone at home today.

SMS was already fine. Why break it for everyone who doesn't have an iPhone??

TISI

On a similar note:

Dear Tapatalk,
The forums I use all have an ignore function. I use it for the sake of my sanity. Please fucking respect it.

TISI

AineLlewellyn · « **Reply #2169 on:** August 23, 2014, 10:22:29 pm »

Quote from: stephyjh;156828

TISI

Dear self,

Can you please stop instinctively beating yourself up over things you can't control? Cause, like, emotions aren't exactly logical, so cut yourself some slack for having Feelings. FFS.

TISI

missgraceless · « **Reply #2170 on:** August 30, 2014, 12:59:39 pm »

Quote from: missgraceless;153702

Hey Ryan,

Here's a crazy idea. Why don't you grow the fuck up and start pulling your weight around here. I get that all 3 of you work full time jobs, but that doesn't mean you can leave a goddamned mess in the apartment. I'm not your mother. I will clean the public spaces, but you need to at least pick up after yourself.

And this stupid game, if you're not going to chug the damn Smirnoff ice, then take it down and put it somewhere. Because you chose to ignore the bottle duct taped to your door, it fell off and popped. Which meant I had to scrub dried up sticky alcohol while you're all at work.

I knew when we moved in that I'd be the "housewife," cooking dinner and cleaning, but seriously. Three 20-something boys are really quite gross. Except I can't even say that, because Tyler and Boy clean up after themselves.

I'm already so sick of this shit, and we've only lived here for 2 weeks.

TIFSI

And Ryan's "girlfriend,"

Quit being a bitch to everyone in this house. If you're going to stay here every goddamned night and day, then maybe you should start buying necessary things like toilet paper or food. Don't say you have no money to buy ONE roll of TP, then come back here and hand Tyler 40 bucks for beer. You're not even 21. If you get caught, all four of us are going to jail, because of your prissy, conceited, high-maintenance, yoga-clad ass.

You have three and four cups of coffee a day, and that's three or four of OUR K-cups that WE paid for. And then you're going to buy some for yourself and stash them away? I don't think so. I need my morning coffee because it. Is. A. Religious. Ritual. But that's not something you could possibly understand because you don't care about anyone but yourself.

You're nothing but a parasitic leech who's ruining friendships. The sooner you leave this house for good, the fucking better.

Suck my big fat black dick*, you fucking bitch.
There. I. Said. It.

*(I am in fact a white, cisgendered female, it's just something I say when I'm mad.)

Aisling · « **Reply #2171 on:** August 30, 2014, 02:04:52 pm »

Quote from: missgraceless;157690

Suck my big fat black dick*, you fucking bitch.
There. I. Said. It.

*(I am in fact a white, cisgendered female, it's just something I say when I'm mad.)

Let me make sure that I'm understanding what you've said here: When you're angry, you choose to express yourself in the voice a male person of color in words that are laden with sexually violence and misogyny? I'm trying to understand/comprehend why you would think this would be appropriate.

missgraceless · « **Reply #2172 on:** August 30, 2014, 02:31:36 pm »

Quote from: Aisling;157697

Let me make sure that I'm understanding what you've said here: When you're angry, you choose to express yourself in the voice a male person of color in words that are laden with sexually violence and misogyny? I'm trying to understand/comprehend why you would think this would be appropriate.

I never thought of it like that. Sorry, guys. I won't be saying it anymore.

Aisling · « **Reply #2173 on:** August 30, 2014, 03:02:19 pm »

Quote from: missgraceless;157699

I never thought of it like that. Sorry, guys. I won't be saying it anymore.

Perspective is a funny like that.

If you need some alternatives, I'm sure the creative minds here at TC could come up with some ideas that are less problematic. My personal go-to is to say in the most disdainful, contempt filled voice possible "You're such a homo sapien." What can I say, I'm a geek.

stephyjh · « **Reply #2174 on:** August 30, 2014, 06:56:12 pm »

Quote from: Aisling;157703

Perspective is a funny like that.

If you need some alternatives, I'm sure the creative minds here at TC could come up with some ideas that are less problematic. My personal go-to is to say in the most disdainful, contempt filled voice possible "You're such a homo sapien." What can I say, I'm a geek.

My go-to insult for the situation might be "self-absorbed asspancake with all the usefulness of a screen door on a submarine." I used to say "asswaffle" a lot, but waffles are special and require specific equipment to make them, and some people just don't merit that.

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Author Topic: Humor/Quiz: There, I said it! (Read 203745 times)

stephyjh

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victoreia

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missgraceless

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LadyBug

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baduhmtisss

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stephyjh

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Morag

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beachglass

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stephyjh

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missgraceless

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Aisling

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Aisling

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