The Cauldron: A Pagan Forum

(For effect I'm going to start this thread in a letter format as if I'm going to submit this to an advice columnist. Why, because I thought it would help me sort out my issues I have been having on my journey to discovering my Pagan path. Just because I had a why not moment.)

Dear Random TC member that happens upon this,

I feel like I'm in a rut with discovering my Pagan path. I haven't found any specific Pagan religion yet or even have any idea of any of who my Patron God or Goddess will be. I know what my lifestyle is like, but I haven't had time to do any good research. To be honest I allowed time to be my decider and during that time I was going to try a more spiritual lifestyle until I found my religion. sure, even after I found my Pagan religion I was going to stick to my spirituality, but well it hard to explain. I just don't feel it yet. I'm not saying I was expecting a big time cocoon changing event nor am I on any time line, but I really feel like there is some other way then just go by my day to day schedule and let what ever happens happen.  

I mean  the reason why I originally wanted to try to just wait was to give me a chance to transition in to the belief and traditions, but how can I if I don't even have a religion. Now, I feel stuck. I know this is normal, but I don't want to stay in this forever. I want to get out of this rut already. Maybe I'm being too impatient I know, but I really thought it wouldn't hurt to ask for some advice. I"m not expecting you to tell me directly what to do, I just need help in general how I should transition into this new life. Actually what I'm seeking is just advice on how to figure this out.

Another thing that I would appreciate is to have examples of how I transition into the new life once I found what suits for me.  should I just jump in and try it? should I sort out what I want and looking for and research, or little bit of both.

To get a better Idea of exactly what I mean is that when I started paganism I was really excited and still am, but now I'm also in conflict because I'm still stuck in my old religion. I'm still going to my Christian church, but only because my mom likes to keep the tradition of going every Saturday and she needs a ride because she doesn't know how to drive and my sister gets a free pass out of it because of the time she works.  I haven't even told them about my decision yet partially because they will have question and I'm not going to know what to tell them or how to answer it. It kind of hard to tell them anything anyways because I can't even tell them about a regular day or story without causing a commotion.

I still am also glad to finally transition into a new religion solely because I wanted freedom to choose my own life instead of a life I was born in and had no choice in. that the problem, besides from joining a forum which don't get me wrong was a good way to start out because it allowed me to feel connected to other Pagans, learn about some of the traditions, and even try to help others although I hardly know what I'm doing as well. Also I have been listening to music although I have listened to it before becoming a Pagan and I didn't change because of it either. It not enough though at least not now. In fact I feel like there is more I need to do  especially lately.

It hard to explain what I mean by that because I feel like there is something or someone lets say Hecate because she is the only Goddess I know about that relates to cross roads that is tugging at my shirt and point to a path that I can't see. I feel like this is the path of my new life but it invisible like I'm missing something. I don't think that is exactly what happening or believe the force is Hecate, I just mentioned that as an example so you guys get the idea of how if feels. Although that is a lot of what if feel like and it is wishful thinking.  Whether if is just figuatively or literally I know there is something pulling me, maybe not physically or mentally, but symbolically as time goes on I'm learning more and more, but it also slowing down. Now that I wrote this out I have a better idea of what I'm asking.

I need advice to know if this slow down is really a good thing to allow me to see something that is in front of me or if I really need to work harder on this. I need an idea if there a way to figure this out if I I just need to wait a bit long.

Any type of help or advice would be appreciated, thanks

--This way and that.

(For effect I'm going to start this thread in a letter format as if I'm going to submit this to an advice columnist. Why, because I thought it would help me sort out my issues I have been having on my journey to discovering my Pagan path. Just because I had a why not moment.) ..

Let me start off with the issue of being in a rut.  One thing I have discovered over the years is that many times walking a pagan / heathen pathway is always a series of highs and lows.  High's in there is a certain elation that fills you when things come together or you get a natural high as the essence or Spirit of your god / goddess seems to surround you.  Low's in that many times we question ourselves, our beliefs, our gods / goddess, eveything and anything.  It's sad but many times it seem's the highs are fleeting and the low's go on for months or more as we seek or struggle with things.

Granted the lows are not normally the "Dark Night of the Soul" type lows but simply periods where we wonder and try to resolve our confussions.  A point where the honeymoon phase has worn off of the newest discovery and things become sort of routine as we loose the glitter and glamour of its newness.

Yet the lows serve to inspire us to strive that much harder and delve that much deeper into things we might not normally have approached.  To consider facets or angles that touch upon our own ethics, morales, beliefs yet also touch upon our deepest strengths and weaknesses.  Many times to step into the true facets of the mystery componet of our pathways for there is no one present to tell us what is what.

I tend to think our lows also follow the material world about us.  From your description I take it your still at home and dependent to a degree upon your parents.  That makes it hard when your hiding what and who you are.  One can not fully explore nor challenge their beliefs and practices when they are not open to such exploration and challenging.  However, the pathway of exploration is still open one simply has to accept the openings that come to them and be willing to step through the doors.

You mention Hekate / Hecate and her role as goddess of the crossroads yet I wonder if you fully understand it.  Yes it could be seen in the light of standing upon the neck of the Y and seeing what lay behind you, what may lay to the left of you and what you shall encounter upon the road to the right of you that you take.  Yet the crossroads is also a place of death and decay, even a place where people were hung to ensure thier spirits were trapped in despair and lost.  A place where indecessiveness is the destroyer and hesitation is the load stone about ones neck, yes even a place where rashness in decession is deadly.

But to me there in lies the folly of the situation and belief.  Hermes is also a god of the crossroads but in a differing manner than Hecate / Hekate yet Hernes to both were to be found there.  Artemis is also a goddess of crossroads but her influence more upon the uncivilized pathways that one may travel.  Even a god / goddess associated to transportation or hunting is a god / goddess of crossroads and all that one encounters at those locations. All teach one to look upon the ground, anticipate what each route shall unfold before them and demand of them.  All touch upon the pathway not taken and the what might have beens, could have beens and may have beens in ones life had they but taken a differing position.

The other thing to consider is that one may go their entire lifetime and never know the name of thier god / goddess.  It's been more than 30 years since I encountered the one I call The Huntsman.  From that day to this has he kept his name secret and told me to call him by the name I know.  Is he Herne?  Is he Cernunous?  Is he Hermes?  Only he knows but it is not important to him that I know only that I know him as he would have me know him.

Yet through him I also know the mystery of the unknown is ever present upon and within ones life.  He is part of the natural order of things but also an anomally within it in that I do not know who he is or what his purpose is other than my understanding of it.  Yet in the lows he challenges me to seek his identity and push forward, in the highs he laughs at me and shows me the elation of his walk.

To me your notions of what is or what is not is so narrow you see no truth in it.  In many ways your words make me think of the story of the person who sough but never found for his pathway kept simply coming back to himself for he was the start and end of all he sought.

You seek a pathway for yourself but the pathway is always there if one looks.  You seek a name for yourself but the pathway does not acknowledge nor understand a name for it simply is.  You seek someone to look up to or be inspired by yet inspiration must come from within before it can shine without and light the way before.

Strength gives way before patience.  Age gives way to time.  Understanding comes from encorporating the strength of patience and advancing with the tides of age and time.  Knowledge of self, knowledge of the world, knowledge of ones place within and upon it gained by seeking and discovering.  In many ways all of it obtained through knowing there is always one more corner to turn, one may page to read, one more step to take, one more obsticle to overcome, one more task to be performed, always one more something before you.

Strength gives way before patience.  Age gives way to time.  Understanding comes from incorporating the strength of patience and advancing with the tides of age and time.  Knowledge of self, knowledge of the world, knowledge of ones place within and upon it gained by seeking and discovering.  In many ways all of it obtained through knowing there is always one more corner to turn, one may page to read, one more step to take, one more obstacle to overcome, one more task to be performed, always one more something before you.

 
This. This right here.

One of the best ways to get out of a rut that I have found is just to pick something and do it. Even if you feel like it is not going anywhere. Pick a pantheon start researching, or just start browsing through stories and lore. Meditate and ask yourself questions what are you looking for? What are you looking forward to? Where are you right now? How can you connect those dots? If you can't find a bridge, how are you going to make one for yourself? Just do something every day, could be as minor as reading a new deity name or reading a story, doing a google search, browsing around here.

When you get a car stuck in a ditch, sometimes all you need is to build up a little momentum to roll on out.

-Hadrien

Dear Random TC member that happens upon this,

I feel like I'm in a rut with discovering my Pagan path.

Dear This Way and That,

I hear you and sympathise. In fact, I suspect most people here understand exactly what you're going through. In every form of practice, there are periods of intense learning... and then plateaus where it feels like you've learned all there is to know, that nothing new exists under the sun. This is normal. (I wonder if sometimes we don't need this period of downtime in which to digest what we've learned. )

That said, I'm going to address some of the things you talked about in more detail.

I haven't found any specific Pagan religion yet or even have any idea of any of who my Patron God or Goddess will be. I know what my lifestyle is like, but I haven't had time to do any good research. To be honest I allowed time to be my decider and during that time I was going to try a more spiritual lifestyle until I found my religion. sure, even after I found my Pagan religion I was going to stick to my spirituality, but well it hard to explain. I just don't feel it yet. I'm not saying I was expecting a big time cocoon changing event nor am I on any time line, but I really feel like there is some other way then just go by my day to day schedule and let what ever happens happen.  

Not everyone has a patron, so no rush there. Plenty of people are more than happy without one. Especially when you're first starting out, you don't want to be making promises to entities you may not truly want to dedicate yourself to.

You say "I really feel like there is some other way then just go by my day to day schedule and let what ever happens happen" and you're absolutely right - because frankly, just going about your day-to-day produces jack shit. I say this as a terrifically lazy person, so I'm not judging you here. But if you're trying to practice a religion, well. The key word is practice.

What form that practice takes is ultimately your decision. I've heard of some people whose religious practice consists solely of meditative walks in the park, or of saying blessings every morning and night. Other people get the robes on (or off) and conduct full rituals. I'm not convinced any one way is superior to another... but something must be done with some intent.

Another thing that I would appreciate is to have examples of how I transition into the new life once I found what suits for me.  should I just jump in and try it? should I sort out what I want and looking for and research, or little bit of both.

Study and research is always a good thing! It can help eliminate obvious bad fits for you, and also ensure that you don't sound like a moron when you do discover a path you find comfortable. But sooner or later, yeah, you have to try stuff. Even if you DO research, you'll still find you try things that are not for you. And that's fine - it's a learning experience.

To get a better Idea of exactly what I mean is that when I started paganism I was really excited and still am, but now I'm also in conflict because I'm still stuck in my old religion. I'm still going to my Christian church, but only because my mom likes to keep the tradition of going every Saturday and she needs a ride because she doesn't know how to drive and my sister gets a free pass out of it because of the time she works.  I haven't even told them about my decision yet partially because they will have question and I'm not going to know what to tell them or how to answer it. It kind of hard to tell them anything anyways because I can't even tell them about a regular day or story without causing a commotion.

There doesn't have to be a huge conflict, especially if you're going for family reasons. I personally probably wouldn't announce "I'M PAGAN NOW!" before you've really settled into a path, as it's likely just to stress you all out. Once you definitively know what you're doing, it's much easier to answer questions and be secure in your answers. ...and if you live at home still, it's in many ways far easier to not have to deal with the hostility.

Also I have been listening to music although I have listened to it before becoming a Pagan and I didn't change because of it either. It not enough though at least not now. In fact I feel like there is more I need to do  especially lately.

Music is cool. I still like NIN. I have no idea what this has to do with paganism.

It hard to explain what I mean by that because I feel like there is something or someone lets say Hecate because she is the only Goddess I know about that relates to cross roads that is tugging at my shirt and point to a path that I can't see. I feel like this is the path of my new life but it invisible like I'm missing something. I don't think that is exactly what happening or believe the force is Hecate, I just mentioned that as an example so you guys get the idea of how if feels. Although that is a lot of what if feel like and it is wishful thinking.  Whether if is just figuatively or literally I know there is something pulling me, maybe not physically or mentally, but symbolically as time goes on I'm learning more and more, but it also slowing down. Now that I wrote this out I have a better idea of what I'm asking.

You could read up on Hecate. There's a lot of info on her in this very forum, I believe. Or study other crossroad deities. I mean, why not? There may be a clue hidden there. And if not you've still learned something.

I need advice to know if this slow down is really a good thing to allow me to see something that is in front of me or if I really need to work harder on this. I need an idea if there a way to figure this out if I I just need to wait a bit long.

They say good things come to those who wait, but they never say how long you're stuck there twiddling your thumbs.
 
Religion is to be practised. I don't believe it's meant to be a static thing - I think the only way we improve spiritually is if we do work at it. I'm not saying go dedicate yourself to a particular religion right now, but it seems clear that you've reached the end of this idle musing stage.

I can't tell you what's right for you. But there are a few suggestions I can make that might help you find a direction to begin in.

1. Meditate. I hate meditating. I really do. But it's useful, and a good foundation for a lot of spiritual and magical practices.

2. Make a list of the things you'd most like to try. In a perfect world, what do you envision doing religiously? Once you've answered that, you can probably find a few things to try out and see if they resonate with you.

3. If you practice any sort of divination, maybe ask for a clue that way.

I hope some of that was useful to you.

- Mama Fortuna (who wishes she was channelling Dan Savage.)