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Author Topic: Feeling So, So Lost  (Read 2327 times)

Septima

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Feeling So, So Lost
« on: February 04, 2012, 07:52:29 am »
For several years I was an agnostic but when I turned 21, all of a sudden I got this urge to get into spirituality. I attended numerous Christian churches but I did not feel quite right with it. I also looked into the Bahai faith, Buddhism and Hinduism but all in all, it just did not click with me. Then I found Paganism through a friend who is a practicing Wiccan. It seemed right up my alley.

However, for the past 2 years I have studied and read countless material on Paganism from Wicca to Norse Reconstructionism and everything in between. I've read books on Pagan practices and countless myths of different ancient cultures including the Roman, Greek, Egyptian, Norse, Aztec, Slavic, Babylonian, Baltic, African and the various Celtic traditions. After all of this, I dont feel a call from any tradition and I have not felt connected to any of the gods and goddesses. It's really starting to frustrate me and I just feel spiritually lost. It's also quite depressing. I've stopped and started a few times, thinking I may be trying too hard but after a few months of a sabbatical from searching, I got back into it only to find myself just as frustrated as before. I feel as if I've put so much time and energy into it all for nothing.

Does anybody have any advice? Any comments would be much appreciated.

RandallS

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Re: Feeling So, So Lost
« Reply #1 on: February 04, 2012, 08:16:02 am »
Quote from: Septima;41479
After all of this, I dont feel a call from any tradition and I have not felt connected to any of the gods and goddesses. It's really starting to frustrate me and I just feel spiritually lost. It's also quite depressing. I've stopped and started a few times, thinking I may be trying too hard but after a few months of a sabbatical from searching, I got back into it only to find myself just as frustrated as before. I feel as if I've put so much time and energy into it all for nothing.

I think I'd start by looking at myself. I felt the need to get into spirituality but none of the many deities and religions I've investigated did anything for me. Am I being to picky? Am I  expecting too much of a call and therefore not noticing possible very subtle calls? Was I not interested in spirituality itself but something I thought/expected/wanted spirituality to do in my life. Etc.
Randall
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cigfran

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Re: Feeling So, So Lost
« Reply #2 on: February 04, 2012, 08:22:09 am »
Quote from: Septima;41479


Does anybody have any advice? Any comments would be much appreciated.


Why be anything-ist? An agnostic student of spirituality and religion is a fine thing to be on its own.

herkles

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Re: Feeling So, So Lost
« Reply #3 on: February 04, 2012, 10:24:11 am »
Quote from: RandallS;41480
I think I'd start by looking at myself. I felt the need to get into spirituality but none of the many deities and religions I've investigated did anything for me. Am I being to picky? Am I  expecting too much of a call and therefore not noticing possible very subtle calls? Was I not interested in spirituality itself but something I thought/expected/wanted spirituality to do in my life. Etc.


along with this, ask yourself what is it that you do believe in. this can be helpful in understanding your own beliefs.

 I am just starting my own spiritual exploration and journey, but one advice I was offered is to try and take things slow and easy. Do not try and do everything at once but just take things slow.

I hope this advice can be helpful

Septima

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Re: Feeling So, So Lost
« Reply #4 on: February 04, 2012, 08:12:13 pm »
Quote from: RandallS;41480
I think I'd start by looking at myself. I felt the need to get into spirituality but none of the many deities and religions I've investigated did anything for me. Am I being to picky? Am I  expecting too much of a call and therefore not noticing possible very subtle calls? Was I not interested in spirituality itself but something I thought/expected/wanted spirituality to do in my life. Etc.


Can you give me some examples of the types of subtle signs I should be looking for?

RandallS

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Re: Feeling So, So Lost
« Reply #5 on: February 05, 2012, 09:00:29 am »
Quote from: Septima;41511
Can you give me some examples of the types of subtle signs I should be looking for?

I'm afraid not, unfortunately, as would vary by deity, person, etc. Also, I wasn't really suggesting that need to look for some (although you might), just that you probably need to think about things like your expectations, what you are looking for, how you are looking for it, and why, etc. since you are not getting the results you expected.
Randall
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Geroth

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Re: Feeling So, So Lost
« Reply #6 on: February 06, 2012, 03:09:43 am »
Quote from: Septima;41479
I have studied and read countless material on Paganism from Wicca to Norse Reconstructionism and everything in between. I've read books on Pagan practices and countless myths of different ancient cultures including the Roman, Greek, Egyptian, Norse, Aztec, Slavic, Babylonian, Baltic, African and the various Celtic traditions. After all of this, I dont feel a call from any tradition and I have not felt connected to any of the gods and goddesses.


I was in a very similar position as you are currently in. It can be hard sometimes. I personally never felt called by a particular tradition, though Heathenry came close in terms of what I was looking for but it didn't all resonate with me. But here is a few ways to maybe help you.

1) One good way I found was to look at the pictures of the gods, look at their artwork. The myths never did much for me personally. I connected more with them on their pictures.
2) I often tell people, "If you could have the perfect man/woman of your dreams, what kind of attributes would they have?" Using gods as an example, do you admire Strength? Courage? Intelligence? Wisdom? A Sense of Humor? A Laid back attitude? A guy with a bit of a dark side in a man? etc. Write all of the attributes down and then begin looking through myths. I bet you'll find more than one god/goddess that fills those attributes.
3) Meditate on it. Meditation is a great way to open yourself up to the gods. It can give them a chance to talk to you and help direct you on which way to go.

I think that RandallS is right. I think you need to look at yourself a bit more, why is it that you are drawn to Paganism? What is it that you actually believe about the divine? I think you have to ask yourself those questions. After that, it may be easier for you. :)

Dul

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Re: Feeling So, So Lost
« Reply #7 on: February 06, 2012, 04:58:18 am »
Quote from: Septima;41479
I've stopped and started a few times, thinking I may be trying too hard but after a few months of a sabbatical from searching, I got back into it only to find myself just as frustrated as before.

 
It sounds like you're studying too hard. Most people don't study enough, so it's not entirely a bad thing, but it's not going to help you spiritually. Try just going back to life, the way you did when you were agnostic, but keep spiritual things in the back of your mind. Take up meditation, divination, or some sort of religious practice and see if it changes your mind. Always remember not to force yourself to be something you aren't, and know that there's nothing wrong with being non-religious. Not having religious beliefs never hurt anyone!

But yeah, most Neopagan religions emphasize personal experience.

Septima

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Re: Feeling So, So Lost
« Reply #8 on: February 06, 2012, 06:27:45 am »
Quote from: Geroth;41684
I was in a very similar position as you are currently in. It can be hard sometimes. I personally never felt called by a particular tradition, though Heathenry came close in terms of what I was looking for but it didn't all resonate with me. But here is a few ways to maybe help you.

1) One good way I found was to look at the pictures of the gods, look at their artwork. The myths never did much for me personally. I connected more with them on their pictures.
2) I often tell people, "If you could have the perfect man/woman of your dreams, what kind of attributes would they have?" Using gods as an example, do you admire Strength? Courage? Intelligence? Wisdom? A Sense of Humor? A Laid back attitude? A guy with a bit of a dark side in a man? etc. Write all of the attributes down and then begin looking through myths. I bet you'll find more than one god/goddess that fills those attributes.
3) Meditate on it. Meditation is a great way to open yourself up to the gods. It can give them a chance to talk to you and help direct you on which way to go.

I think that RandallS is right. I think you need to look at yourself a bit more, why is it that you are drawn to Paganism? What is it that you actually believe about the divine? I think you have to ask yourself those questions. After that, it may be easier for you. :)



I have been looking at all the pictures I can find of different gods and goddesses, mostly on the internet. So far, I've gotta say nothing really jumps out at me.

The perfect man/woman attributes sound like very good idea. I've never thought of that before. I will have to give it a try. :)

I am a pretty active meditation practitioner and I have been meditating on it for quite some time. Nothing ever seems to come to me but I will continue.

Thank you for the advice.

Septima

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Re: Feeling So, So Lost
« Reply #9 on: February 06, 2012, 07:12:06 am »
Quote from: Dul;41689
It sounds like you're studying too hard. Most people don't study enough, so it's not entirely a bad thing, but it's not going to help you spiritually. Try just going back to life, the way you did when you were agnostic, but keep spiritual things in the back of your mind. Take up meditation, divination, or some sort of religious practice and see if it changes your mind. Always remember not to force yourself to be something you aren't, and know that there's nothing wrong with being non-religious. Not having religious beliefs never hurt anyone!

But yeah, most Neopagan religions emphasize personal experience.


I think at this time it's probrably the best way to go but I for some reason feel as if I need to practice something. It's weird I know. Thank you for the advice :)

cigfran

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Re: Feeling So, So Lost
« Reply #10 on: February 06, 2012, 07:44:28 am »
Quote from: Septima;41693
I think at this time it's probrably the best way to go but I for some reason feel as if I need to practice something. It's weird I know. Thank you for the advice :)

 
If you practice, practice to practice, not to attain. Ritual practice is not a daily catharsis, but a committed task, sometimes a chore.

DaraD

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Re: Feeling So, So Lost
« Reply #11 on: February 08, 2012, 02:44:52 pm »
Quote from: Septima;41693
I think at this time it's probrably the best way to go but I for some reason feel as if I need to practice something. It's weird I know. Thank you for the advice :)

 
When I first started practicing (originally as a Wiccan, now more of my own path), none of the god/desses called to me. It took years for me to find a connection with a deity and, while the wait drove me mad at the time, I'm glad I did wait. My connection with my matron deity, I think, is stronger because I waited.

I think you're going in the right direction by meditating. Continue to do so, but I wouldn't focus mainly on connecting with a specific deity. I would focus more on just connecting with the energy around and within you. Experiment with the different types of meditation and use that as your jumping off point as something to "practice".

I'd also still study, if I were you.

In the end, it might be a while before you find a specific deity to follow. In the meantime, I would work on other aspects of your practice until you find that connection.

sephira

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Re: Feeling So, So Lost
« Reply #12 on: February 10, 2012, 06:13:02 pm »
Quote from: Septima;41693
I think at this time it's probrably the best way to go but I for some reason feel as if I need to practice something. It's weird I know. Thank you for the advice :)

OK, so maybe I'm talking out of my ass, but here goes:

When I first started out I didn't know anything and thought I had to follow a path that was already established, so I chose Wicca. It never really clicked with me. I studied it, joined a coven (although I did leave after just a year), and did my best to do what a good wiccan does--the rituals, the circle casting, following the esbats, you name it, but I felt a fraud, like something was missing.

I kept this up for some years until I finally had a UPG with a deity completely out of my ordinary knowledge base! Now my path is my own and I don't feel a fraud anymore, but it took a while...a long while.

My point is, I guess, is that you don't have to follow a set path right now. Make your own and go from there. Keep meditating (I wish I could) and don't try to make contact with a deity...they'll come to you when they are ready. You can't force the issue. You can choose a patron/ess and work towards communication. That's perfectly fine. Just don't try too hard. In the meantime, enjoy studying, enjoy meditating, and mostly just enjoy being. The rest will come.
« Last Edit: February 10, 2012, 06:15:42 pm by sephira »
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SkySamuelle

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Re: Feeling So, So Lost
« Reply #13 on: February 11, 2012, 06:44:24 pm »
Quote from: Septima;41693
I think at this time it's probrably the best way to go but I for some reason feel as if I need to practice something. It's weird I know. Thank you for the advice :)

 
You say you started a few times with different practices. I would start by making a list of things you liked about a certain tradition, and things that made you to lose interest.

Look for connections, patterns... what did you find in certain path and what you didn't?

You might also feel lost because you don't know what you are looking for and you are waiting to fall in love with a religion, right away.
Sometimes it happens... some other times you need to go deeper down in a path -any path- to aquire the mental/emotional tools you need to realize that you want more and what this 'more' you need is.

Or you might to need pushing past the beginning stage of practice to see its real beauty.

In the end i think the best advice i can give is to listen to yourself -your wants, your needs, your beliefs.  :ange:
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