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Author Topic: Difficulty meditating  (Read 4633 times)

Hippie-Witch

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Re: Difficulty meditating
« Reply #15 on: September 07, 2016, 01:03:50 am »
Quote from: Jenett;195765
First! Don't push yourself into stuff that's causing a panic reaction. That's only going to make you feel worse, and not help anything anyway.

Second, I'm wondering if you might be trying too many things at once. It's actually fairly common for people to have an 'I'm really overwhelmed' reaction to some kinds of meditation techniques, especially ones that are a bit external, and being really overwhelmed both feels like fear, or can trigger it in some people.

And third, I'm wondering if there's anything in your position that might be aggravating something (both panic and headaches can be reactions to body tension, clenching a muscle you don't realise you're clenching, etc. Or at least aggravate other reactions.) People have different preferred positions - I like either on my back with my knees bent up, or sitting with my back against a wall and my legs crossed. Both of these make it easier to avoid pressure that makes me more prone to headaches. If you need a little height under your head while lying down, a book or two actually works well for giving a precise height.

So, my thoughts would be:

First, forget about the binaural options for right now.

Some people do fine with them, some people don't, but it's a layer of complexity that's clearly not helping you right now (and actually making you hurt.) You're also sort of relying on people you don't know much about to have put things together correctly and you don't have much control over the tool.

(I find binaural useful for things like getting rest when I'm having trouble sleeping, but I don't use them for meditation.)

Second, start with very simple things.

It takes time and practice to be able to sustain a meditation for 10 or 20 minutes or longer. (Sort of like if you haven't been walking much, walking a long distance might be okay, but chances are your body's going to complain somewhere in there, during or after.) When you're doing new things with your brain, give your brain and body time to learn and build stamina.

In my witchy training, we started with breathing, learning to breathe deeply, down into the bottom of our lungs. If you haven't been doing this much, that alone can trigger feelings of panic or fear in a lot of people, because taking a deep breath is a thing mammals do when they're about to need to run, so if your body is only used to doing it when you feel afraid, you feel afraid because you've taken a deep breath.

Try that - in really small doses, like a couple of breaths at a time - and build up to doing it for longer. When you can do at least a minute without feeling panicky, then try the next step. (This is a great 'sitting at your desk' break you can do multiple times a day, by the way. Or I do it at stoplights driving to work.)

When you've got that down, try breathing in patterns. A common one that's useful for meditation has different names, but basically, you find a number that works for you (3, 4, or 5 are the most common). I like 4, so I breathe in for a count of four, hold for four, out for four, and hold for four. (Holding shouldn't be stressful, just 'no air moving right now'.)

Work on that so you can do it for a couple of minutes at a time to start. If you get distracting thoughts, that's fine, you're just working on building up practice in doing this breathing thing for a while.

(Many people find a distinct shift in how they feel about this somewhere between about 8 and 20 minutes in: I find it really hard to relax and focus on the meditation for about 10 minutes, and right that point, my brain stops fighting to do other things and settles down. Now that I know that, it's a lot easier to keep refocusing myself.)

Some people find instrumental music helpful here, and music is also a handy way to time how long you're doing things for. For example, I sometimes put together three or four similar length instrumental tracks that last as long as I want to do the meditation, and then as they change, I have a general idea how far through I am, and then when the music runs out I'm done without being jarred out of the meditation.

There's more on breathwork and some expanded explanations on my Seeking site.

Third, build up to internal meditations
Once you can get to about 10 or 15 minutes (ideally past that point I describe above, just counting) then start working on simple visualisations - you can either do things like colored shapes or simple objects.

You might also try very simple settings, feeling/seeing/knowing you're sitting on the bank of a river. If a distracting thought comes along, create a symbol for it in your mind, and then let it float off down the river. (This particular exercise is good for building up your ability to not be interrupted by distracting thoughts.)

Once you have those kinds of things down, then you can try guided meditations. One thing to know about guided meditations is that a lot of people write very visual ones, and if you are not a strongly visual learner/processor, they can be a lot harder to work with. (I can do visual stuff now, but it took me years to learn: I was much better with sound and tactile information very quickly)

I've got a guided meditation that does more with multiple senses, also on the Seeking site (it's the last thing on that page), and it also has a lot more suggestions for simple ideas to play with before you get to the more involved meditation styles.


 
So, I hope that this gives you some ideas to try for meditation - but here's the thing. It's *a* method of self-reflection, but there are many others, so if this doesn't work for you, or hurts you, then give some of those a try.

One good option for self-reflection is journaling. Two possible approaches are guided journalling (where you find prompts and write about them) or the 'daily page' approach that comes from Julia Cameron's Artist's Way book/work.

In that, you sit down and you write anything that comes into your head for 3 pages (or online, about 750 words). It sounds like a lot, but if what you're thinking is "i have no clue what to say what am I even doing with this argh this feels stupid but I guess that's more words words word word what a weird word am I spelling that right?" that counts.  (No editing. It doesn't have to make sense. You just produce the words in your head.)

For most people, they do something like the above for a while, but eventually it starts clearing out your head, and the stuff you end up writing is more self-reflective, or will keep sort of coming back to the stuff you need to sort out in your head.

(I do something very similar talking to myself in the car while driving - I sort of half-rehearse things, situations, etc. When I'm doing it a lot, it's almost always because I need to actively poke at something going in my life that's making me feel unsettled.)

My point is, there's tons of other self-reflection options, and if those don't work, I'm pretty sure people here can suggest some others. (A daily Tarot or oracle deck pull and reflection. Walking with awareness. Dance or moving meditation. Many many others.)

 
Thank you very much!
I saved your website for later, it's a fantastic resource for people with a lot to learn like me! :)

I'm going to try that "write for 3 pages" reflection. That sounds amazing! I feel like that makes a lot of sense. Sometimes, so I've heard, that sort of unedited writing of thoughts can give our guides an opportunity to speak to us.

Thanks again for that amazing reply! Take care!
"There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn't that kind of the point?"

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Re: Difficulty meditating
« Reply #16 on: September 07, 2016, 01:06:58 am »
Quote from: SunflowerP;195802
In theory, yes indeed. In practice, I find that many people get the giggles from 'in... out' - 'inhale... exhale' works better IME.

 
Aaaaand now I'll never be able to think of that in the same way again. Thanks for that. >:-)
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Hippie-Witch

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Re: Difficulty meditating
« Reply #17 on: September 07, 2016, 01:13:09 am »
Quote from: Wisp;195780
I used to deal with this myself while meditating. I don't know if there's really one major way to prevent this from happening, but I found what works for me is utilizing any of my regular methods I use to reduce stress when I'm in the real world, and apply it to the meditation. Things like not tensing up or thinking too hard while meditating, being in a comfortable position, and letting stressful thoughts about life just slide away, by acknowledging them, but choosing to ignore them, can all be basic ways to do so.

As for another method, this one really helped me a lot, though I'm not sure if everyone experiences it like I do. You know sometimes when you're falling asleep how before you actually do fall asleep, you start to either see or hear random images or sounds (not with your actual senses, but in your mind), and that continues until you finally fall asleep? That's the state of mind you should work towards when meditating.

Relax your mind like you're falling asleep, don't think about meditating, then once you hit that stage, try to remember how you hit it, whether accidentally or purposefully. Once you can recreate that, you may fall asleep from time to time, I certainly did, so the next thing to try to do is stay conscious enough to watch the images and sounds go past you, but don't think too hard about it, otherwise you may tense up. And when I do that, I'm basically meditating. If I want to contact a deity or move more into spiritual realms, that's where it started getting tricky for me. At this point, you can either have vivid daydreams of your own creation, or if you concentrate in a certain way (I'm really not sure how to explain it) where you just try to really connect with the spirit world, then eventually you may have luck in getting to a point where you can really spiritually use meditation.

Now the reason I mention daydreams, is that you may hear/see a jumbled up mix of things from your own mind and things that are actually from the spirit world, I'd say that's pretty normal. It happened to me often, especially when I started connecting with my Goddess(es), and I was very confused for a long while. It's okay to be confused, just keep practicing and you'll eventually know when you're making things up, or when it's real.

One other thing I forgot to mention is grounding and casting a protective barrier over yourself (I'd say it's more important to do these things if you're working spiritually, but if these stress you out, you can skip them for now). With grounding (even though I live many floors above the ground in an apartment) I imagine tree roots growing beneath me and connecting to the earth, and drawing energy from the earth (that's how I personally do it, not sure if you already have a method or if others do it differently). Often after grounding, I feel chills throughout my body. The next is casting a protective barrier (you could do it in either order, though). Just imagine and visualize some kind of barrier around you, and imagine negative energy being pushed out by the barrier, but no negative energy getting in, as the barrier is indestructible. I like to have fun with it and imagine either cool sci fi looking barriers or fantasy barriers, but what they look like really doesn't matter, as long as you have the proper intent. I find those two exercises help when trying to improve my mood when working with meditation.

Remember, everyone has different experiences, and things that work for me may or may not work for you, but I hope some of these tips give you some ideas that can help you get better while meditating. :)

 
Thank you very, very much! Not only did you give me a ton of useful meditation info, but you helped me with grounding a ton. I honestly thought you physically had to be next to a tree to ground. I'm too shy to do it in a park so I've never grounded despite hearing how helpful it is and knowing I would benefit from it. If I can do it indoors against a wall then I will certainly give it a shot!

Thank you! Take care! :)
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Hippie-Witch

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Re: Difficulty meditating
« Reply #18 on: September 07, 2016, 01:20:58 am »
Quote from: Talariq;195785
I am by no means an expert, but I do have a few things I do when I'm having trouble meditating. These help me whether the issue is general unease, my mind racing, or whatever else is going on. Hopefully something here can help you, too.
 
First: MUSIC!
Again, this is just me, but I always have music on while I meditate. I prefer pieces that have a steady tone to them, with no big distracting changes. ()

Second: Mantras
A lot of practices use different mantras for different reasons. I personally use them simply as a concentration tool when I'm anxious or if my brain is especially flighty. Even something as simple as "in, out, in, out" as you breathe can help quiet your mind and let you relax more easily.

Third (and this is the hard one): Don't beat yourself up!
It's easy to get frustrated and blame yourself for "getting it wrong" or feeling bad that others seem to do it so easily when you have so much trouble. Frustration and disappointment are (in my experience) some of the most detrimental emotions when it comes to meditation. Just remember that everyone is different. If you'd just started to play piano, it would be easy to look at Mozart and be frustrated that you didn't have his natural skill, or see someone who'd been playing for years and be disappointed that you weren't that good yet. Heck, maybe you're more of a dulcimer person anyway! :p

Don't measure yourself by other people. Like most of the people in this thread have said, just practice and find what works for you. You'll get there in time.

Lastly, if nothing seems to be working for me and I just can't seem to get into the right mindset, I just watch and remind myself that meditation doesn't have to be overly complicated.

Start small.

Just breathe.

 
Thank you darling! :D
I really liked the music, and I LOVED the video.
I will really have to keep in mind that "getting it right" isn't as black and white as I often feel.
Take care!! :)
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Hippie-Witch

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Re: Difficulty meditating
« Reply #19 on: September 07, 2016, 01:32:30 am »
Quote from: Faemon;195789
That's so awful! :( I was lucky to have started off at a yoga and meditation class that taught a variety of breathing patterns (Sri Sri Ravi Shankar's Art of Living) so when I encountered the fourfold breath and noticed it gave me tacky cardio too, I could just decide it wasn't the only way to breath and it wasn't for me.



If you have no fearful thoughts, maybe meditate upon the fearful feeling? (Of course if music or binaural beats seem to help, keep it up, if they seem to hinder, cut it out; same with moving meditation, visualization meditation, focus meditation, or void meditations.) Sometimes just paying attention to a thought or feeling can catch it out as a thought or feeling, and the negativity dissipates. Or you find a mindset to live in that's in some dimension different from that feeling, because of the feeling has moved off to the side as a part of (or apart from) you.

And sometimes it's just an interference to cultivate the opposite of. I noticed a number of meditators have written of the mental chatter that gives way to stillness, whether with the effort of thinking about not thinking until they realize that that's a thought too, or just a shift into a neglected inner silence that feels as though it was always there.

That's for thoughts, but I imagine the same can also apply to feelings. Perhaps the fear is simply a natural interference that can be shifted to kindness and compassion.

If the fearful feeling persists whether you notice it without trying to change it, or try to change it the way described above, or you try every other suggestion, or you take a break from this for a while and come back later...and it's still there...Maybe it's something physiological, like a nutrition issue, or something with the glands? (Disclaimer: I am not a medical expert! I got into visualization meditations after starting antidepressants that made my mind-chatter utterly impossible to silence...so, that's why I'd say that sometimes it really can be physical, whether body or space.)

Thank you :)
I do have fearful thoughts, I deal with anxiety/depression/suicidal thoughts but I have them under control usually. I'm worried if I follow the feeling I'll break down instead of gently moving past it. Thank you for the suggestion about switching fear for compassion and kindness. That's pretty much the cornerstone in "a course in miracles" and is something I would very much like to learn to master.
Looking at external things is a great idea! I mean, how will I silence my mind when I've filled it with sugar and caffine? :p
Days I know I am setting aside time for spirituality I will make sure I spend the day eating well.

Thanks again! Take Care!
« Last Edit: September 07, 2016, 01:33:09 am by Hippie-Witch »
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Hippie-Witch

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Re: Difficulty meditating
« Reply #20 on: September 07, 2016, 01:35:40 am »
Quote from: Wisp;195827
I also wanted to add I'm in now way an expert, while I still follow the advice I gave, I still struggle myself to clearly listen and see what's happening around me, and understand what's being said to me. I just realized the post sounded like I was a bit too sure of myself, but I'm still learning myself.

 
I didn't think you sounded a bit too sure at all. :) I thought you sounded just the right amount!
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Re: Difficulty meditating
« Reply #21 on: September 07, 2016, 02:17:39 am »
Quote from: Faemon;195789
That's so awful! :( I was lucky to have started off at a yoga and meditation class that taught a variety of breathing patterns (Sri Sri Ravi Shankar's Art of Living) so when I encountered the fourfold breath and noticed it gave me tacky cardio too, I could just decide it wasn't the only way to breath and it wasn't for me.

 
Yeah, I think it was a case of...this was how they'd been taught and it worked for them so they never considered that there was another way that might work better for other people? So when someone would come back with "I am having trouble with this" they couldn't formulate a response other than "just push through it" because of course it should work, the person is obviously just not trying hard enough.

Which ties into a lot of latent assumptions in the over-culture over here about something not working for someone = them not trying hard enough, as well.
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Re: Difficulty meditating
« Reply #22 on: September 07, 2016, 11:50:15 pm »
Quote from: Morag;195915
Yeah, I think it was a case of...this was how they'd been taught and it worked for them so they never considered that there was another way that might work better for other people? So when someone would come back with "I am having trouble with this" they couldn't formulate a response other than "just push through it" because of course it should work, the person is obviously just not trying hard enough.

Which ties into a lot of latent assumptions in the over-culture over here about something not working for someone = them not trying hard enough, as well.

 
And that one formula or approach ought to work equally for everyone. Which is about as workable in practice as one-size-fits-'all' pantyhose.

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Re: Difficulty meditating
« Reply #23 on: September 12, 2016, 08:31:04 pm »
Quote from: Hippie-Witch;195755
Meditation is something I would like to do daily, however whenever I attempt anything other than a verbally guided meditation I am filled with anxiety and fear.
It isn't like my mind is racing, just a feeling of imminent danger and fear. Like if someone who was afraid of spiders was asked to catch one in their hands to release it outdoors.
If I try and use binural beats that fear intensifies; even with verbally guided meditation.
There are so many spiritual meditations I would like to try out, but when I sit down and give it a go I stop 3 minutes in due to fear.
It is super weird. Even when I have no fearful thoughts I feel fear. I forced myself to sit through a full 20 minute binural beat session and I ended up with a migraine from the level of anxiety I was feeling.
Meditation and self-reflection seem to be the cornerstones of deep spiritual growth. I'm totally bummed I can't seem to do it.

Anyone got any advice? I would be very appreciative.
Also, if this is the wrong category I apologize. I didn't know where meditation would fit in any of the other topics.

Thank you so much everyone. <3

 
If this was asked and answered already I apologize, my computer went south and I am only able to get online a few days a week.

Have you tried listening to some sort of...wordless music? Like, instrumental, tech, or trance? I do that all the time when I meditate, it really helps, letting my mind wonder off as I listen.

Another thing I like to do (at least as best I can, within my limitations) is try to do sensory deprivation, silence to let my mind wonder as it will, and to relax. Most of the time it leads me to fall asleep but it works ok.

Again, sorry if this was asked and answered. Thought I would pitch in my thoughts.
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Re: Difficulty meditating
« Reply #24 on: September 14, 2016, 05:15:14 pm »
Quote from: Talariq;195785
I just watch and remind myself that meditation doesn't have to be overly complicated.

Start small.

Just breathe.

I found this so useful, I'm not very good at sticking to regular meditation and when I do I really struggle to get into the right mind set, sit still and give it a try for more than a couple of minutes.

This video, and your comment, has reminded me that I can start small with this & has enabled me to actually crack on and do so.  I've been having a go at a little meditation daily since I read this several days ago, I think - which is much more than before.

And while I'm only managing maybe a minute or two at a time, still, it's a start - and I've even been able to do it while waiting for trains, on the train, at work and odd locations (even if only for a minute).  For me this is great progress.

I can't recall whether I saw the following posted here, or elsewhere (maybe someone's blog?), but this is also helping me:  someone suggested holding some fair sized beads in your hand, and moving your fingers along one bead each time a distracting thought occurs.  (Apologies for not being able to give proper credit for this idea.)

This has been helping me to notice those thoughts, bring myself back & carry on - without being judgemental of the thoughts (as per mindfulness) and going into a thought spiral, which is what usually happened before (including then being frustrated with myself for not being able to meditate 'properly' etc).

And, although I've recently been given a set of beads which are perfect for this, I don't actually need to have them on me, I can visualise it instead (and I'm not usually very good at visualisation, ordinarily!)

I don't have the level of difficulty meditating that the OP does, I don't feel panicky or anything (just fidgety, and lots of distracting thoughts, normally).  But I feel like there's some useful advice in this thread - thanks all (and OP for starting the thread).
« Last Edit: September 14, 2016, 05:16:57 pm by Pickle »
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Dragon Heart

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Re: Difficulty meditating
« Reply #25 on: October 19, 2016, 02:59:32 pm »
Quote from: Hippie-Witch;195755
Meditation is something I would like to do daily, however whenever I attempt anything other than a verbally guided meditation I am filled with anxiety and fear.
It isn't like my mind is racing, just a feeling of imminent danger and fear. Like if someone who was afraid of spiders was asked to catch one in their hands to release it outdoors.
If I try and use binural beats that fear intensifies; even with verbally guided meditation.
There are so many spiritual meditations I would like to try out, but when I sit down and give it a go I stop 3 minutes in due to fear.
It is super weird. Even when I have no fearful thoughts I feel fear. I forced myself to sit through a full 20 minute binural beat session and I ended up with a migraine from the level of anxiety I was feeling.
Meditation and self-reflection seem to be the cornerstones of deep spiritual growth. I'm totally bummed I can't seem to do it.

Anyone got any advice? I would be very appreciative.
Also, if this is the wrong category I apologize. I didn't know where meditation would fit in any of the other topics.

Thank you so much everyone. <3

 
Hi there :)
Im not sure if what I can offer you will help but its worth suggesting because one never knows. When I ground I tend to try and be in an environment where it is mostly quiet, I tend to visualise a blanket of black on my eyes as a focus (regardless of it being night or day) I will often spend at least two minuets focusing on my breathing with simple counts of three in and out. If I am unable to pull myself together I will then get my Haematite stones out I have two and I hold them in each hand. By doing this i feel a lot calmer and able to focus on what i'm doing perhaps it may be good for you to try and use stones like haematite which are good for things like grounding and meditation.

the other piece of advice is to maybe record yourself speaking and play it back so you can lead yourself through a meditation session.

Any who I hope this was somewhat helpful and wish you all the best,

Blessed Be,

Dragon Heart

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Re: Difficulty meditating
« Reply #26 on: February 25, 2017, 03:48:06 pm »
Quote from: Talariq;195785

 
I've been looking for this thread and the above video, How To Train Your Monkey Mind, and then thought that I'd give this thread a bump whilst I am about it (hope nobody minds).

I'm now going to bookmark this specific thread, and the video, so I can find it more easily next time I want it.
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* In Memoriam

Chavi (2006)
Elspeth (2010)
Marilyn (2013)

* Cauldron Staff

Host:
Sunflower

Message Board Staff
Board Coordinator:
Darkhawk

Assistant Board Coordinator:
Aster Breo

Senior Staff:
Aisling, Allaya, Jenett, Sefiru

Staff:
Ashmire, EclecticWheel, HarpingHawke, Kylara, PerditaPickle, rocquelaire

Discord Chat Staff
Chat Coordinator:
Morag

'Up All Night' Coordinator:
Altair

Cauldron Council:
Bob, Catja, Chatelaine, Emma-Eldritch, Fausta, Jubes, Kelly, LyricFox, Phouka, Sperran, Star, Steve, Tana

Site Administrator:
Randall

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