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Author Topic: Questions for pagan couples  (Read 3542 times)

Inshining

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Questions for pagan couples
« on: February 23, 2016, 07:49:58 pm »
If this isn't in the right spot please feel free to move. I am looking for how to integrate paganism into everyday married life as well as questions such as;

Should we each have our own dedicated sacred space, alter or have your own or even 3 one for each and one for both?

How to achieve balance, it is one thing when you are working on you own, but in a relationship, should both people be involved in things like writing speed, rituals, casting ect. What about tools, I think it would be wired to say my husband couldn't touch my tools and other sacred objects but I have heard differently.

And answers or directions to resources would be greatly appriciated.

Jack

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Re: Questions for pagan couples
« Reply #1 on: February 23, 2016, 08:19:53 pm »
Quote from: Inshining;187161
If this isn't in the right spot please feel free to move. I am looking for how to integrate paganism into everyday married life as well as questions such as;

Should we each have our own dedicated sacred space, alter or have your own or even 3 one for each and one for both?

How to achieve balance, it is one thing when you are working on you own, but in a relationship, should both people be involved in things like writing speed, rituals, casting ect. What about tools, I think it would be wired to say my husband couldn't touch my tools and other sacred objects but I have heard differently.

And answers or directions to resources would be greatly appriciated.

We have... *counts* seven altars between the two of us. Eight if you add the baby's. I keep mine, my spouse keeps theirs. I do most of the household altar maintenance and offerings, but we specifically discussed it and decided that was the best choice.

We do some spells together or in intentionally overlapping ways. We do a lot separately; our styles are pretty different. I work with a mostly different complement of deities and spirits, so most of our spiritwork is separate.

I don't think either of us would like... Mess with the other's tools, but I wouldn't have a problem with them moving them if they needed the space, or even using them in a pinch, since I trust them, but my style is not theirs and vice versa. What am I going to do with selenite reiki wands? What are they gonna do with my knife collection? XD

My best advice is talk, talk and talk more. Don't assume you are on the same page about anything unless you've talked about it.
Hail Mara, Lady of Good Things!
"The only way to cope with something deadly serious is to try to treat it a little lightly." -Madeleine L'Engle

Darkhawk

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Re: Questions for pagan couples
« Reply #2 on: February 23, 2016, 10:59:32 pm »
Quote from: Inshining;187161
Should we each have our own dedicated sacred space, alter or have your own or even 3 one for each and one for both?


I don't know.  I don't know you. What works for you?

It's not like there is a rule to "should" about.  I do tend to advise people to not should on themselves, though; it tends to be messy.

Quote
How to achieve balance, it is one thing when you are working on you own, but in a relationship, should both people be involved in things like writing speed, rituals, casting ect.


Do you do rituals together?  (Do you even share a religion?  I don't share a religion with my pagan spouse.)  Is your stuff geared towards the same ends?  Do you celebrate the same things?  Do you want to celebrate the same things?

Quote
What about tools, I think it would be wired to say my husband couldn't touch my tools and other sacred objects but I have heard differently.

 
Do you think that people in general shouldn't touch your tools and other sacred objects?  Do you think that there is an exception for intimates?  What's your basis for each of those thoughts?

I tend not to touch my partner's stuff because I have no particular reason to.  It's not my stuff.  He does occaisonally hand me his lighters for ritual stuff as if I could make them produce flame, though.  He is a silly fellow that way.

The shrine to the house spirit I think he does more maintenance on than I do, because he tops up the water bowl regularly.  Since for the most part we don't have gods or practices in common, though, obviously we don't have a lot of overlap anywhere else.
as the water grinds the stone
we rise and fall
as our ashes turn to dust
we shine like stars    - Covenant, "Bullet"

Inshining

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Re: Questions for pagan couples
« Reply #3 on: February 23, 2016, 11:39:06 pm »
Quote from: Jack;187164


My best advice is talk, talk and talk more. Don't assume you are on the same page about anything unless you've talked about it.

 
There is so much to discuss. Trying to figure out what beliefs we share and where we different have been quite the task. We come from very different backgrounds, but both of us fell out of our spirituality for various reasons before getting together.

Now we have rededicated to finding our paths as a couple so we are both in the process of re-evaluating what those are. We agree on many things but we also differ in some things but it is still a learning process. We also agree that we are undecided one many things, so feedback on how it worked out for others is very valuable.

Dynes Hysbys

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Re: Questions for pagan couples
« Reply #4 on: February 26, 2016, 11:43:30 am »
Quote from: Inshining;187161
If this isn't in the right spot please feel free to move. I am looking for how to integrate paganism into everyday married life as well as questions such as;

Should we each have our own dedicated sacred space, alter or have your own or even 3 one for each and one for both?

How to achieve balance, it is one thing when you are working on you own, but in a relationship, should both people be involved in things like writing speed, rituals, casting ect. What about tools, I think it would be wired to say my husband couldn't touch my tools and other sacred objects but I have heard differently.

And answers or directions to resources would be greatly appreciated.


My partner and I sort of share and sort of don't. We have do separate altars but he does borrow some of my ritual items when he needs them.  I'm OK with that.  My personal ritual set up is generally the one used for group coven ritual anyway so I'm not too possessive about most of it - there are one or two exceptions (like my cords and personal stang)  which no one but me will use.

In Amber Clad

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Re: Questions for pagan couples
« Reply #5 on: March 05, 2016, 01:38:28 am »
Quote from: Inshining;187161

Should we each have our own dedicated sacred space, alter or have your own or even 3 one for each and one for both?

 
I think this depends on what you would want to focus on, ultimately. There may be times where you feel the need to work by yourself, so you may still want to have a space just to yourself, where you can communicate and do spellwork, and so forth, just on your own. If you were to feel comfortable doing that in a shared space, then have at it! But if you value privacy, and your partner values theirs, it may be wise for each of you to have your own space, and perhaps create a shared one. Or two. Or three, whatever suits you!

My partner and I share my altar for the time being, but that is not to say that we may not end up creating multiple altars in the future. My partner plans on making zer own, so we may end up having three, or perhaps more, depending on what we want to focus on. For example, we may want to create multiple altars for different purposes (ancestor worship, communication with fae, communication with specific gods/goddesses), so, again. Create spaces for purposes, the more the merrier, if you're able to, and what you and your partner are comfortable with! There's nothing wrong with compromise, the both of you should feel content with your decision. Don't feel obligated to do something unless both of you are happy with the outcome.
Til the light takes us.

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