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Author Topic: Old Lady Gnowan and the Effects of Being an Old Empath  (Read 3525 times)

Gnowan

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Old Lady Gnowan and the Effects of Being an Old Empath
« on: February 06, 2016, 03:26:44 am »
I believe I'm an empath, but I'm not a card-carrying member.

I'm a 50-year-old mom (which is one of the ways I define myself) and have spent most of my life working with people.  I homeschooled my son, was a teacher, Scoutmaster, worker in critical hospice care.....

I have given (and often received) so much emotional energy....  But as I'm getting older, I just don't want that part of life anymore, even when it's my grandkids and friends.  Mind you, there's nothing better than getting that energy when your grandchild runs into your arms, but I feel the balance of that--I feel that half is running to me and half is running away from.

I'm just finding that I'm getting even more sensitive as I get older and I just don't want the drama anymore--good and not-so-good.

I just want to share "pure" ideas without the blog comments.  (When I was in journalism in junior high, you got in trouble if you used adjectives.  It was strictly the five "W's" and the how.  It was up to the reader to make their own conclusions.)

As I'm getting older, I'm backing away from people, becoming even more of a hermit.  I believe that there are so many emotional addicts around and as an empath, I'm a target.  My shields suck, because I can't say no, and I get drained.  So I find myself going the avoidance route.

But I do love to discuss ideas and thoughts and be part of debates.  I love "pure" thought (it's why I think I wore a toga sitting before Pythagoras!).

I'm strong when I have to be and have helped a lot of people through the tough times.  But I don't seek it anymore.  It's too much.

But I want to discuss beliefs, history, and the thoughts and ideas that come from those.

I just can't handle the energy, anymore, required to support emotional needs.  There are those who can, but I just want to prattle on about Life, the Universe, and Everything.

I guess I put this out here because I'm still new to this forum and I will love to discuss the meaning of the Universe and God and Gods and Daemons and The Others, but I can't help anymore with Life Issues.

I'm just seeing some posts that start to drain me, and I just won't go there anymore.  I wish y'all well, I truly do, but I can't help you with those.  I believe there are a lot of people here who can, however, and are in that stage of The Journey.

I can't.  I won't.  But I really want to hear about what you've learned and what questions you have and what answers you've found.

Best~
Gnowan

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Re: Old Lady Gnowan and the Effects of Being an Old Empath
« Reply #1 on: February 06, 2016, 09:55:44 am »
Quote from: Gnowan;186260
I'm just seeing some posts that start to drain me, and I just won't go there anymore.  I wish y'all well, I truly do, but I can't help you with those.


Quote from: Gnowan;186260
But I really want to hear about what you've learned and what questions you have and what answers you've found.



It's important to take care of one's own needs and it's certainly possible to give too much of oneself sometimes, if we're not careful.  Stick to your boundaries and pick your areas of the forum carefully.
“Radiate boundless love towards the entire world — above, below, and across — unhindered, without ill will, without enmity.” – The Buddha
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Emma Eldritch

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Re: Old Lady Gnowan and the Effects of Being an Old Empath
« Reply #2 on: February 06, 2016, 12:07:56 pm »
Quote from: Gnowan;186260
I'm strong when I have to be and have helped a lot of people through the tough times.  But I don't seek it anymore.  It's too much.

But I want to discuss beliefs, history, and the thoughts and ideas that come from those.

I just can't handle the energy, anymore, required to support emotional needs.  There are those who can, but I just want to prattle on about Life, the Universe, and Everything.

I guess I put this out here because I'm still new to this forum and I will love to discuss the meaning of the Universe and God and Gods and Daemons and The Others, but I can't help anymore with Life Issues.

I'm just seeing some posts that start to drain me, and I just won't go there anymore.  I wish y'all well, I truly do, but I can't help you with those.  I believe there are a lot of people here who can, however, and are in that stage of The Journey.

I can't.  I won't.  But I really want to hear about what you've learned and what questions you have and what answers you've found.

 
I'm not sure why you think you have to care...?

Like, okay, in your day-to-day life I can understand people being emotionally draining, especially if you're an empath. It's kind of hard to escape the emotional needs of friends and family, and frankly you probably shouldn't entirely, unless you aspire to be a hermit. Which you did say you are becoming, so congratulations if that's what you want. (If it's not, I guess you oughtta work on those shields. I feel like there's dozens of threads on shielding on this forum - a quick search will turn some up for sure.)

But online, you can choose exactly how invested you are in other people's lives. The Cauldron is a debate and discussion forum - it's kinda the perfect place to talk about "Life, the Universe, and Everything." I don't think anybody here would ask a stranger on the internet to support them emotionally, especially if they knew it was detrimental to that person. I've been on this board for years and I can safely say that by and large the forum members are very thoughtful individuals, and all around just awesome.

Now, we can't ask people not to respond with emotion to posts. Some things get some people riled up, usually with good reason. But those subjects will vary since you never know what it is that people feel very strongly about. (I, for example, feel strongly about grooming one's eyebrows.) But provided you respect the same boundaries of others you want respected for yourself, things usually work out just fine.

You've already said you'll avoid threads you find draining. Good. Like, seriously, that's good - you need to look after yourself. But also don't feel like you need to care about people you don't even know. You could tell me "it wouldn't bother me if you got hit by a car" and that would be fine. (Maybe rude, but fine.) Because we don't know each other. So who gives a shit about you not giving a shit?

What I'm saying is that there is no pressure on anybody here to give too much of themselves. So don't worry about anyone expecting that of you.

dragonflydreamer68

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Re: Old Lady Gnowan and the Effects of Being an Old Empath
« Reply #3 on: February 06, 2016, 12:22:21 pm »
Quote from: Mama Fortuna;186270
I'm not sure why you think you have to care...?

Like, okay, in your day-to-day life I can understand people being emotionally draining, especially if you're an empath. It's kind of hard to escape the emotional needs of friends and family, and frankly you probably shouldn't entirely, unless you aspire to be a hermit. Which you did say you are becoming, so congratulations if that's what you want. (If it's not, I guess you oughtta work on those shields. I feel like there's dozens of threads on shielding on this forum - a quick search will turn some up for sure.)

But online, you can choose exactly how invested you are in other people's lives. The Cauldron is a debate and discussion forum - it's kinda the perfect place to talk about "Life, the Universe, and Everything." I don't think anybody here would ask a stranger on the internet to support them emotionally, especially if they knew it was detrimental to that person. I've been on this board for years and I can safely say that by and large the forum members are very thoughtful individuals, and all around just awesome.

Now, we can't ask people not to respond with emotion to posts. Some things get some people riled up, usually with good reason. But those subjects will vary since you never know what it is that people feel very strongly about. (I, for example, feel strongly about grooming one's eyebrows.) But provided you respect the same boundaries of others you want respected for yourself, things usually work out just fine.

You've already said you'll avoid threads you find draining. Good. Like, seriously, that's good - you need to look after yourself. But also don't feel like you need to care about people you don't even know. You could tell me "it wouldn't bother me if you got hit by a car" and that would be fine. (Maybe rude, but fine.) Because we don't know each other. So who gives a shit about you not giving a shit?

What I'm saying is that there is no pressure on anybody here to give too much of themselves. So don't worry about anyone expecting that of you.

 
I agree with this post 100 percent, I too am an empath and most days just wanna shut myself away from everyone and their drama, after having been away from this site for awhile due to lifes interference's, I am now back here daily reading and observing, I dont always post or reply, but i know that i can if i choose too, i am here because I know this is a safe haven and a refuge from my home life drama, I know I wont be judged and im not expecting anyone to fix my problems or to be able to fix anyone elses, its just a good place to listen and learn :D:

Jack

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Re: Old Lady Gnowan and the Effects of Being an Old Empath
« Reply #4 on: February 06, 2016, 11:34:21 pm »
Quote from: Gnowan;186260
I guess I put this out here because I'm still new to this forum and I will love to discuss the meaning of the Universe and God and Gods and Daemons and The Others, but I can't help anymore with Life Issues.

I'm just seeing some posts that start to drain me, and I just won't go there anymore.  I wish y'all well, I truly do, but I can't help you with those.  I believe there are a lot of people here who can, however, and are in that stage of The Journey.

I can't.  I won't.  But I really want to hear about what you've learned and what questions you have and what answers you've found.

I largely agree with Mama Fortuna - if you don't want to follow certain threads, don't. In the forum settings you can arrange it so entire sub-forums don't show up in "new posts". I use that feature to keep the political section from giving me a migraine. You can ignore specific users too, if that'll help your blood pressure. I've used that feature more than once.

But overall I find that discussion the gods and the meaning of the universe and stuff get kind of... weird if you're expecting people not to have emotions about them. For a lot people, what we experience of gods, life and the universe is tied up in feelings and emotions.

Also, this is totally not your fault, but I run into a lot of people in the pagan community and elsewhere who use "I'm empaaaaathic" as a way of policing other people's emotions, so you may not be eliciting the, well, emotional response you want to this post. I don't think it's your intention, but if you're asking other people to manage your experience by not having emotions too close to you or something... well, you're gonna have a tough time. XD
Hail Mara, Lady of Good Things!
"The only way to cope with something deadly serious is to try to treat it a little lightly." -Madeleine L'Engle

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Re: Old Lady Gnowan and the Effects of Being an Old Empath
« Reply #5 on: February 08, 2016, 10:39:25 am »
Quote from: Gnowan;186260
I guess I put this out here because I'm still new to this forum and I will love to discuss the meaning of the Universe and God and Gods and Daemons and The Others, but I can't help anymore with Life Issues.

 
This is a religious forum.

Religion that does not intimately engage with Life Issues is defective.

There are plenty of places that will talk about the theory of lives without giving due concern to the realities of actual living, and I am very glad that this is not one of them.  Life in other people's theories is none so hot.
as the water grinds the stone
we rise and fall
as our ashes turn to dust
we shine like stars    - Covenant, "Bullet"

Altair

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Re: Old Lady Gnowan and the Effects of Being an Old Empath
« Reply #6 on: February 09, 2016, 10:31:19 pm »
Quote from: Gnowan;186260
I believe I'm an empath, but I'm not a card-carrying member.



I shy from the term, because it conjures way too superpowered connotations (super cool Teen Titans' Raven/super annoying, super useless Deanna Troi). But I number myself as someone who tends to metabolize the emotional context around me; likely not supernatural in any regard, but just my subconscious running way ahead of my conscious mind and picking up on subtle cues, along with a tendency to match my own emotional state to that context. Generally it's not a problem for me, except for living with a depressive introvert husband; that's an ongoing project, not internalizing that.

And since I distrust acting from an emotional place, I like to think I cultivate a hyperrational, Vulcan headspace, although that's probably bullshit in practice.

Anyway, others have said it already: Then just stay out of the parts of the board that don't jibe with you. You will almost never find me in the personal threads, and when I stumble in by mistake, I usually duck out instantly without saying a word. It sounds like that might work for you too.
The first song sets the wheel in motion / The second is a song of love / The third song tells of Her devotion / The fourth cries joy from the sky above
The fifth song binds our fate to silence / and bids us live each moment well / The sixth unleashes rage and violence / The seventh song has truth to tell
The last song echoes through the ages / to ask its question all night long / And close the circle on these pages / These, the metamythos songs

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