The Cauldron: A Pagan Forum

• This is primarily a ritual to recognise our relationship, rather than change anything about it.
• We aren't very s&m at all, so bullwhips, knives, meat hooks etc. aren't suitable.  This is very much about power exchange.

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If the relationship (or at least this aspect of it) is about power exchange, then a ritual to recognize it perhaps should be a power exchange. Other than that, I'm not coming up with any ideas at the moment.

Do you have any symbological representations for the nature of the way you do d/s?

For example: master/servant, ruler/advisor, keeper/pet?  (My own was occasionally king/landgoddess, for a more mythological bent.)

Whatever you do, it should mesh witht he energetics of what you actually do.  A ritualisation appropriate for one is quite likely to be jarring for another.

 
Good question.  "Us" is one of them, obviously, as is the straightforward dom/sub.  On top of that owner/property and lord/subject are both definitely there.  Sir/girl as well, although not in an age play way.

One thing I do think needs incorporating is that we're very explicit about the fact I protect her and she (in a somewhat different way) looks after me. That's pretty integral.

I think we need to be a bit cautious though.  We met through LARP and spent a lot of the early getting to know each other stages heavily proxying at each other through our characters.  So not slipping into rp is a good idea I think.

So, the girl and I are in a d/s relationship and we're looking at doing a ritual about our relationship.  Any ideas/suggestions/potential pitfalls.

Some notes on what we're looking at so far.

• Her background is eclectic paganism (she's a soft polytheist), mine is obviously chaos magick and beyond.  From discussion, our approaches are very similar, which is one of the things that made us look at this seriously.
• This is primarily a ritual to recognise our relationship, rather than change anything about it.
• More specifically, this absolutely isn't about messing about with emotions etc.
• We're leaning away heavily from using deities (including pop culture ones) in this.  She's worked a fair bit with Athena who didn't seem suitable. And more generally, it's about 'us' so we thought deities might just get in the way.
• We're both big on symbols etc and take quite an intellectual, even wordy, approach to ritual.
• We aren't very s&m at all, so bullwhips, knives, meat hooks etc. aren't suitable.  This is very much about power exchange.
• We're looking at doing the ritual on Beltaine.

Working with this sort of thing is something I've considered but never done since my partner is an atheist. Anyway, question, is there any sort of goal other than recognition (and if no, what kind of recognition?) Are you lookking to be like, 'official' on an astral plane, or strengthen her subservience and your care, or to promote health in the relationship, or? I might get more useful with answers.
 

You might find some ideas in 'Dark Moon Rising: Pagan BDSM and the Ordeal Path' - I know there's a ritual in there about sacred service that you may find inspiring, or at least useful as a base to create something more tailored to you. I almost used the ritual myself, modified for me and $deity, rather than being for a couple.

I mean, you may find the rest of the book useful too, but there are rituals in there and some may be the right basis for you to build something you're both happy with.

Ugh this book looks cool but also expensive for a paperback that has a blurb that doesn't super grab me. Something else to add to my used books to find list.

So, the girl and I are in a d/s relationship and we're looking at doing a ritual about our relationship.  Any ideas/suggestions/potential pitfalls.

Some notes on what we're looking at so far.

• Her background is eclectic paganism (she's a soft polytheist), mine is obviously chaos magick and beyond.  From discussion, our approaches are very similar, which is one of the things that made us look at this seriously.
• This is primarily a ritual to recognise our relationship, rather than change anything about it.
• More specifically, this absolutely isn't about messing about with emotions etc.
• We're leaning away heavily from using deities (including pop culture ones) in this.  She's worked a fair bit with Athena who didn't seem suitable. And more generally, it's about 'us' so we thought deities might just get in the way.
• We're both big on symbols etc and take quite an intellectual, even wordy, approach to ritual.
• We aren't very s&m at all, so bullwhips, knives, meat hooks etc. aren't suitable.  This is very much about power exchange.
• We're looking at doing the ritual on Beltaine.

 
Have you looked at collaring? It is a pretty traditional way within the BDSM community to recognize a d/s relationship and give it its own space and ceremony. Here's an article about it (NSFW) from Submissive Guide.

What exactly the collar symbolizes, what it's made of, how the ceremony proceeds, whether you have guests are all things that are up to you, of course; if it were me, I'd try to incorporate bits of my practice. So if you're into alchemy, the metal that the collar is made of, the style, etc., could all be factors... as well as what exactly is being signified by the collar. (Exclusivity in your relationship? Formalization of the d/s roles?) While there are lots of BDSM stores that offer collars for play, a collar could take any form you like, and even be a simple necklace. Allow me to suggest searching for one on Etsy, which has *tons* of this sort of thing, and in much greater variety than you'd ever find from your average sex toy store.

Given that you're specifically talking about power exchange... maybe sit down and talk about what forms of power are being relinquished or committed from one person to the other? (Please forgive me if you already know this, but I'm trying to sort of peel away the layers here to get to the heart of what you might want in the ritual.) Usually it's not as simple as the submissive partner giving everything to the dominant partner; often, there's an implicit (but it could be explicit) vow from the dominant partner will take their responsibility seriously, and be sure that the submissive is not genuinely harmed in any way. Maybe you could make some sort of vows to each other -- pledges of what you're giving to the other person, and the promises that you intend to keep in the context of this relationship -- as part of your ritual?

Also this is completely my $.02... be careful with sex rituals on Beltaine. This particular sabbat has a lot of fertility symbolism built into it due to the season and traditions, so if you're not aiming for conception or increased fertility, you probably want to eschew any parts of a traditional Beltaine celebration that would affect it.