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Author Topic: Family: Stress and relationship issues  (Read 3655 times)

PerditaPickle

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Stress and relationship issues
« on: September 05, 2015, 08:37:45 am »
Hello all,

I had a hissy fit aimed at my poor husband earlier today, and it was a complete overreaction to something really insignificant.

My husband can sometimes be a source of stress for a few reasons (which I won't go into right here), but he's basically a decent guy and was doing nothing more than playing a computer game & having me make the cups of tea all morning (the norm for us on a Saturday morning).

I handed him his tea, he sipped it and then said it hadn't been sugared.  I went off on one in quite a big way because I insisted I had sugared the tea - I could remember sugaring the tea, and I knew it was this cup I'd just made (as opposed to the one I'd made earlier) because I could remember some specific actions I'd performed etc etc.

I then spilled my guts about how stressed and tired I am & how I think I must be going crazy because my memory is going/I'm remembering doing things that it turns out I've not done*.  I added that I wasn't angry at my husband, I was angry at myself for being annoyed over something so inconsequential as sugar in a tea.  But by then I'd done the whole yelling and slamming objects around (spilling the tea) thing and was feeling thoroughly guilty & ashamed.  And my husband's reaction to difficult situations is to make humour out of the situation, as a kind of defence mechanism, so I had also given him a telling off for 'laughing at me'.

*I later discovered that I had sugared one of the mugs of tea, it was just that I'd mistakenly sugared my own (when I normally don't take sugar in tea)!  At which point I was a little embarrassed but also kind of relieved that I hadn't imagined sugaring a tea, even if it was the wrong one.  If only I'd tasted my own tea a bit sooner, I could've avoided the whole thing - although then again probably some other trivial thing would've set me off at some point.

We've 'made up' now, but I always feel so bad after an argument (or even a 'not-exactly-argument' as we often call a conversation like the one described above) that I feel like it taints our whole day.

I had brought work home with me yesterday, arrived home at about 7.20pm, had something to eat and then worked until 1am when I went to bed.  My alarm this morning had gone off around 8am (although I snoozed it until 9.30am).  So, yeah, I'm definitely quite tired.  And the stress is because the conditions in my job have become almost unbearable (hence bringing work home now and regularly working on it until 12 midnight on a Friday) but I am not qualified to do any other job so I'm stuck there.

I don't really know what I'm asking for here - maybe I'm just having a rant, or maybe it's a bit of a confession because I'm feeling guilty, and silly.

Does anyone else ever have anything like this happen?  Have you ever found any ways to identify the treat of a looming 'hissy fit' and ward it off before it takes hold, either in yourself or in a partner/other family member?

Thanks...  :o
« Last Edit: May 07, 2019, 01:17:27 pm by RandallS »
“Radiate boundless love towards the entire world — above, below, and across — unhindered, without ill will, without enmity.” – The Buddha
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Allaya

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Re: Stress and relationship issues
« Reply #1 on: September 05, 2015, 12:49:28 pm »
Quote from: Pickle;179639
Does anyone else ever have anything like this happen?  Have you ever found any ways to identify the treat of a looming 'hissy fit' and ward it off before it takes hold, either in yourself or in a partner/other family member?


All. the. damned. time.

I have issues with executive functioning (working memory, what goes in what order, etc) and when combined with good long-term memory it makes for remembering that I've done something...but the memory was recorded a good while ago and doesn't 'belong' to the current event.

When I feel myself getting riled up about something I immediately stop what I'm doing, apologize if needed, explain I've had a brain blip, and move on to the next thing.  It's useless to dwell on it and it wastes my precious personal energy.

After a while, the self-evaluation kicks in earlier and earlier (for me, at least).
Service is the rent we pay for the privilege of living on this earth.  — Shirley Chisholm
No doubt the truth can be unpleasant, but I am not sure that unpleasantness is the same as the truth.  — Roger Ebert
It is difficult to get a person to understand something when their livelihood depends upon them not understanding it. — Upton Sinclair (adapted)
People cannot be reasoned out of an opinion that they have not reasoned themselves into. — Fisher Ames (adapted)

RandallS

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Re: Stress and relationship issues
« Reply #2 on: September 05, 2015, 06:12:28 pm »
Quote from: Pickle;179639
Does anyone else ever have anything like this happen?  Have you ever found any ways to identify the treat of a looming 'hissy fit' and ward it off before it takes hold, either in yourself or in a partner/other family member?

Eventually, I get to a breaking point, and 90% of the time when I get to that breaking point it is over some little thing that just pushed me over. I've never found any way to get around this. Sometimes, like today, I can make it away from people and explode there. However, I'm seldom that lucky.
Randall
RetroRoleplaying [Blog]: Microlite74/75/78/81, BX Advanced, and Other Old School Tabletop RPGs
Microlite20: Lots of Rules Lite Tabletop RPGs -- Many Free

Laveth

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Re: Stress and relationship issues
« Reply #3 on: September 07, 2015, 12:26:59 am »
Quote from: Pickle;179639
Does anyone else ever have anything like this happen?  Have you ever found any ways to identify the treat of a looming 'hissy fit' and ward it off before it takes hold, either in yourself or in a partner/other family member?

 
Absolutely. Especially when work is bad and things are going wonky on the home front (for non-relationship reasons; usually in-laws acting out).

We both do it though, and we both understand where it comes from because we're very open about our respective working lives. And because we both have learned that if it comes out of the blue like that, it's not because of anything either of us have done in that moment.

And now my husband just gets this dumb smirk on his face whenever I go weird and I can't keep being mad because... well, smirking like a dumb 5 year old is contagious.

But yeah, definitely not just you. Just life, human emotions, all that good stuff.

PerditaPickle

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Re: Stress and relationship issues
« Reply #4 on: September 22, 2015, 06:29:32 pm »
Quote from: Allaya;179643
All. the. damned. time.

Quote from: RandallS;179648
Eventually, I get to a breaking point, and 90% of the time when I get to that breaking point it is over some little thing that just pushed me over.

Quote from: Laveth;179706
Absolutely.

Thank you all for your replies - it's good to know I'm not the only one, though it'd be even better to find a way to avoid this happening so much.  :o
« Last Edit: September 22, 2015, 06:29:52 pm by Pickle »
“Radiate boundless love towards the entire world — above, below, and across — unhindered, without ill will, without enmity.” – The Buddha
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My Portrait of Perpetual Perplexity blog

Skumring

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Re: Stress and relationship issues
« Reply #5 on: November 18, 2015, 10:39:43 am »
Quote from: Pickle;179639
Hello all,

Does anyone else ever have anything like this happen?  Have you ever found any ways to identify the treat of a looming 'hissy fit' and ward it off before it takes hold, either in yourself or in a partner/other family member?

Thanks...  :o

HI Pickle...

I can definitely relate here as I'm on the home stretch of recovery from Mercury poisoning. I've gotten much better at catching myself over the years before an outburst but before long I had gotten too good at catching myself. I wouldn't tell anyone when I was angry or in any way upset. This finally came out after I left my ex-wife and I had to deal with all of the toxic crud from being in an emotionally abusive relationship for years.

So first, in my opinion, you're normal, more or less. Second, talk more often with someone when you get stressed. It's not whining if you're trying to accomplish something.

Lastly, I definitely understand how it feels to be trapped by circumstance. I'm going through that on several levels right now. All I can say is it can't be terrible forever. Focus more on the good things in your life and maybe not bring work home as much as you have been doing?

Either way good luck and I hope things improve for you.
« Last Edit: November 19, 2015, 02:48:46 am by SunflowerP »
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PerditaPickle

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Re: Stress and relationship issues
« Reply #6 on: December 31, 2015, 03:26:40 pm »
Quote from: Skumring;182421
I hope things improve for you.

Thank you  :)

And the same to you, too
« Last Edit: December 31, 2015, 03:27:16 pm by Pickle »
“Radiate boundless love towards the entire world — above, below, and across — unhindered, without ill will, without enmity.” – The Buddha
(From the Metta Sutta)

My Portrait of Perpetual Perplexity blog

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