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Author Topic: Pagan children in Christian societies  (Read 7637 times)

Ai

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Pagan children in Christian societies
« on: April 26, 2015, 01:43:35 pm »
I'm a pagan who practices a bit of folk magic (here and there) and I'm bringing my seven-year-old into my spirituality.....subtly.  The reason for this is partly because I'm concerned for her when it comes to her staunchly conservative grandparents (who will all positively balk and are already teaching her about Christianity--that's a whole other topic, of course) and the conservative christian society we live in (school, work, etc).

I don't want to teach her "keep spellcasting a secret" because "it freaks people out" or "people don't like hearing about multiple gods".

I suppose the main thing is to be confident and stand up for my beliefs/teach her to do the same. This is difficult for me to do because I pretty much drag the "broom closet" with me everywhere I go.  On the upside, my kids and I just moved to WA which is much more open than AZ so battling this within myself will probably come easier, and I'm working on it.

Are there any parents (or non-parents) who have had similar concerns about raising their kiddos in a minority religion?

Laveth

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Re: Pagan children in Christian societies
« Reply #1 on: April 26, 2015, 06:41:58 pm »
Quote from: Airelinn;174314
I'm a pagan who practices a bit of folk magic (here and there) and I'm bringing my seven-year-old into my spirituality.....subtly.  The reason for this is partly because I'm concerned for her when it comes to her staunchly conservative grandparents (who will all positively balk and are already teaching her about Christianity--that's a whole other topic, of course) and the conservative christian society we live in (school, work, etc).

I don't want to teach her "keep spellcasting a secret" because "it freaks people out" or "people don't like hearing about multiple gods".

I suppose the main thing is to be confident and stand up for my beliefs/teach her to do the same. This is difficult for me to do because I pretty much drag the "broom closet" with me everywhere I go.  On the upside, my kids and I just moved to WA which is much more open than AZ so battling this within myself will probably come easier, and I'm working on it.

Are there any parents (or non-parents) who have had similar concerns about raising their kiddos in a minority religion?

 
Let me preface this by saying that I don't have kids yet. But it's something my husband and I have talked about a fair bit for when we are ready.

Our general agreement (because he is a non-practicing Catholic) is that I shouldn't hide my beliefs or practices from them and I can tell them whatever stories I want to that relate to both our culture and my beliefs, but in the end it will be their choice what path they want to start walking. And when they're old enough to start making those decisions, we'll simply be there to support.

When my husband and I got together, he knew I was pagan but he didn't really know what it entailed. And now that he knows, he's actually brought it to my attention that a lot of what I do on a daily (or weekly, or other regular schedule) doesn't actually stand out as anything abnormal to him.

Big elaborate rituals are probably what would raise the most red flags, and everything else can often be woven in with an understanding of how the natural world works.

I hope that made some sort of sense and wasn't too confusing. :) I'm sure you'll find your way.

NightQueen

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Re: Pagan children in Christian societies
« Reply #2 on: May 04, 2015, 12:55:42 pm »
Quote from: Airelinn;174314
I'm a pagan who practices a bit of folk magic (here and there) and I'm bringing my seven-year-old into my spirituality.....subtly.  The reason for this is partly because I'm concerned for her when it comes to her staunchly conservative grandparents (who will all positively balk and are already teaching her about Christianity--that's a whole other topic, of course) and the conservative christian society we live in (school, work, etc).

I don't want to teach her "keep spellcasting a secret" because "it freaks people out" or "people don't like hearing about multiple gods".

I suppose the main thing is to be confident and stand up for my beliefs/teach her to do the same. This is difficult for me to do because I pretty much drag the "broom closet" with me everywhere I go.  On the upside, my kids and I just moved to WA which is much more open than AZ so battling this within myself will probably come easier, and I'm working on it.

Are there any parents (or non-parents) who have had similar concerns about raising their kiddos in a minority religion?

 
I don't have children either, but I do live my life in the broom closet.  I don't really seeing it as hiding and I would never lie if directly asked if I was a pagan, I see it more as being discrete.  I would tell my hypothetical kids that there is nothing wrong with what believe or practice, but it is also no else's business and that sometimes discretion is a good policy.  I would tell them that their are people whom you can discuss religion with and have a good conversation (no matter what that other person's beliefs) and their are people that you will never have a constructive conversation with on that topic and it's often not worth fighting over and until you know which kind of person you're dealing with it's often better to say nothing at all.

I think of it like this.  I don't tell people about my sex life.  It's not because I'm ashamed of it, but it's because it's no one's business but mine (and my partner). I also don't tell everyone I meet that I'm pagan not because I'm ashamed, but because my spirituality is no else's business.  I don't see a problem with telling kids that just like other aspects of their life, their religion is private and shouldn't be talked about with just anyone.  

As a side note, I wonder if it's because many of us grew up in faiths that encourage proselytizing that we feel guilty that that we're not singing our religious beliefs from the roof tops?

carillion

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Re: Pagan children in Christian societies
« Reply #3 on: May 04, 2015, 08:55:43 pm »
Quote from: NightQueen;174582


I think of it like this.  I don't tell people about my sex life.  It's not because I'm ashamed of it, but it's because it's no one's business but mine (and my partner). I also don't tell everyone I meet that I'm pagan not because I'm ashamed, but because my spirituality is no else's business.  I don't see a problem with telling kids that just like other aspects of their life, their religion is private and shouldn't be talked about with just anyone.  



I am a parent and did keep a 'pagan home' and something to remember is: Children talk. Trying to bind your child to secrecy is a loosing proposition. Eventually they will have a good friend and they will share it with them and that child will probably 'share' it with their parents. Also, just the things you have around your house. I lived in a *very* small rural town once and when one of my kid's friends mentioned something half-understood that he'd seen in our place the social shit hit the fan and the small town gossip mill churned out some fantastic ( hilarious if it hadn't effected my off spring) tales and suppositions.
I didn't really care and we don't tend to run to some of the serious fundies I've heard of in some places in the the U.S. but it's worth keeping in mind.  Sometimes, mom keeps things just because they're...pretty or ...interesting.

I also believe that abstract ideas and beliefs do not need to be discussed in length with one's children. When they are old enough to understand, they will let you know.

Laveth

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Re: Pagan children in Christian societies
« Reply #4 on: May 05, 2015, 12:07:42 am »
Quote from: carillion;174589
I am a parent and did keep a 'pagan home' and something to remember is: Children talk. Trying to bind your child to secrecy is a loosing proposition. Eventually they will have a good friend and they will share it with them and that child will probably 'share' it with their parents. Also, just the things you have around your house. I lived in a *very* small rural town once and when one of my kid's friends mentioned something half-understood that he'd seen in our place the social shit hit the fan and the small town gossip mill churned out some fantastic ( hilarious if it hadn't effected my off spring) tales and suppositions.

 
That's a good point, I hadn't even considered that part of it too much. But I can see why it would be something to think about and be aware of beforehand.

Ai

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Re: Pagan children in Christian societies
« Reply #5 on: May 13, 2015, 10:35:59 pm »
Quote from: carillion;174589
I am a parent and did keep a 'pagan home' and something to remember is: Children talk. Trying to bind your child to secrecy is a loosing proposition. Eventually they will have a good friend and they will share it with them and that child will probably 'share' it with their parents. Also, just the things you have around your house. I lived in a *very* small rural town once and when one of my kid's friends mentioned something half-understood that he'd seen in our place the social shit hit the fan and the small town gossip mill churned out some fantastic ( hilarious if it hadn't effected my off spring) tales and suppositions.
I didn't really care and we don't tend to run to some of the serious fundies I've heard of in some places in the the U.S. but it's worth keeping in mind.  Sometimes, mom keeps things just because they're...pretty or ...interesting.

I also believe that abstract ideas and beliefs do not need to be discussed in length with one's children. When they are old enough to understand, they will let you know.
I didn't get notifications about these replies on my phone... Might be because it glitched out and had to be wiped (sniff)!

Thanks for the advice. What Carillion mentioned is exactly what I feel like I'd have to deal with. My daughter started to talk about "doing magick with mom" at school, which in the small militant Protestant town we were in afforded me a lot of suspicious looks...but since she didn't specify what it was for, they couldn't be sure she wasn't talking about magic tricks.  

Since then, I've just taught her about being aware of nature (something this generation can lose touch with easily) and how to center herself/de-stress instead.  I feel like anything else will have to wait until she's older...

Olwen

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Re: Pagan children in Christian societies
« Reply #6 on: August 20, 2015, 02:59:05 pm »
Quote from: Airelinn;174986

Thanks for the advice. What Carillion mentioned is exactly what I feel like I'd have to deal with. My daughter started to talk about "doing magick with mom" at school, which in the small militant Protestant town we were in afforded me a lot of suspicious looks...but since she didn't specify what it was for, they couldn't be sure she wasn't talking about magic tricks.  



I worry about this with my son.

I have only recently started keeping a 'pagan' home. But this is all new for us. Paganism is something I've always been interested in and read about extensively but never started actively practicing till recently.

In my mind or my plan on action is not to mention magick since it can be used in the wrong context when it comes to young ones. With the upcoming holiday, I plan on just connecting everything to life/nature/cycle of life/universe. There are other words that can be used in place of magick. I think 'magick' part can come later when he is old enough to truly understand.
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Re: Pagan children in Christian societies
« Reply #7 on: August 20, 2015, 03:02:33 pm »
Quote from: Olwen;179074

In my mind or my plan on action is not to mention magick since it can be used in the wrong context when it comes to young ones. With the upcoming holiday, I plan on just connecting everything to life/nature/cycle of life/universe. There are other words that can be used in place of magick. I think 'magick' part can come later when he is old enough to truly understand.

 
Sorry, I had a second thought to add.

Like the word witch. Why do I have to call myself that in front of him? Why do I have to say, 'hey mommy is a witch.' Why can't we just say, 'in moms religions we do x because of y."

I think avoiding trigger words is probably a wise and cautious thing to do if you are keeping a pagan home with younger children.
~ Olwen

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Re: Pagan children in Christian societies
« Reply #8 on: August 21, 2015, 08:34:40 am »
Quote from: NightQueen;174582


I think of it like this.  I don't tell people about my sex life.  It's not because I'm ashamed of it, but it's because it's no one's business but mine (and my partner). I also don't tell everyone I meet that I'm pagan not because I'm ashamed, but because my spirituality is no else's business.  I don't see a problem with telling kids that just like other aspects of their life, their religion is private and shouldn't be talked about with just anyone.  

As a side note, I wonder if it's because many of us grew up in faiths that encourage proselytizing that we feel guilty that that we're not singing our religious beliefs from the roof tops?

 
While I am moderately out, I am still pretty private about my practice.  My husband is atheist, so I do most of my work on my own.  I have altars out in the house, and other things (like runes, tarot and statuary).

When my son was very little, I am pretty sure he wasn't aware at all about what I did.  We would talk about things in pretty general terms, I definitely wanted him to grow up aware that thoughts had power.  I think one of the first things he was directly taught was to think of nightmares like tv stations, and to change the channel if he was stuck in a dream that he didn't like.

But I very much agree with NightQueen said about faith being private and that being a very good way to explain it to children. I also think that using child-friendly terms is a great approach.  While words like spells and magic are definitely appealing to little ones, you can also capture some of that wonder with words that won't ring alarm bells:  wishes or prayers or even celebrate.
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Re: Pagan children in Christian societies
« Reply #9 on: August 24, 2015, 10:16:12 am »
Quote from: Airelinn;174314
I'm a pagan who practices a bit of folk magic (here and there) and I'm bringing my seven-year-old into my spirituality.....subtly.  The reason for this is partly because I'm concerned for her when it comes to her staunchly conservative grandparents (who will all positively balk and are already teaching her about Christianity--that's a whole other topic, of course) and the conservative christian society we live in (school, work, etc).

I don't want to teach her "keep spellcasting a secret" because "it freaks people out" or "people don't like hearing about multiple gods".

I suppose the main thing is to be confident and stand up for my beliefs/teach her to do the same. This is difficult for me to do because I pretty much drag the "broom closet" with me everywhere I go.  On the upside, my kids and I just moved to WA which is much more open than AZ so battling this within myself will probably come easier, and I'm working on it.

Are there any parents (or non-parents) who have had similar concerns about raising their kiddos in a minority religion?

 
In part 3 of my blog series(http://www.magickalkids.com/blog/?p=36), Jessica Hartwell gives this advice:

“I thought about teaching her to not talk about it, but secrets get told, and telling a secret can create some guilt or shame. So instead I have focused on a few things that she can talk about:
1. We are good Witches. Bad witches are mostly just in stories and fairy tales.
2. Being a Witch means you try to be a good person, you have a special relationship with nature, and love is the most important thing we are here to learn and do.
3. Witches can use their powers when they grow up. We do not control others with our powers or use them to cheat. We use our powers to be kind, to heal, to help.
4. Some people may not understand what we are and think we are bad. We don’t have to care what they think. They will think what they want but we know we are good and loving and that is what matters.
5. Being a Witch is our own private business and we don’t have to talk about it to anyone if we feel uncomfortable. We can stop talking about it by saying ‘let’s talk about something else,’ or ‘I don’t want to talk about that anymore.’ Talking about being a witch is something we do with people who respect our beliefs.
6. Everyone can believe what they want, and there are many different gods, religions and beliefs.”

Wiccan Mama

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Re: Pagan children in Christian societies
« Reply #10 on: August 31, 2015, 11:47:36 am »
Quote from: Airelinn;174314
I'm a pagan who practices a bit of folk magic (here and there) and I'm bringing my seven-year-old into my spirituality.....subtly.  The reason for this is partly because I'm concerned for her when it comes to her staunchly conservative grandparents (who will all positively balk and are already teaching her about Christianity--that's a whole other topic, of course) and the conservative christian society we live in (school, work, etc).

I don't want to teach her "keep spellcasting a secret" because "it freaks people out" or "people don't like hearing about multiple gods".

I suppose the main thing is to be confident and stand up for my beliefs/teach her to do the same. This is difficult for me to do because I pretty much drag the "broom closet" with me everywhere I go.  On the upside, my kids and I just moved to WA which is much more open than AZ so battling this within myself will probably come easier, and I'm working on it.

Are there any parents (or non-parents) who have had similar concerns about raising their kiddos in a minority religion?

 
I am a married mother of three small children, and a Witch.  My two oldest are in 1st and kindergarden, and one 2 year old (who leaves wide swaths of destruction).  I have just started to teach our oldest tho about the Sabbats, Gods and magick.  I tell them the truth, that not everyone likes us or believes in magick.  But one think I do is I tell them that talking about spells that you've done negate them.  To Know, to Will, to KEEP SILENT.  I tell them there is nothing wrong with what we believe.

journeyintoinsanity

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Re: Pagan children in Christian societies
« Reply #11 on: September 01, 2015, 08:34:36 am »
Quote from: Airelinn;174314
I'm a pagan who practices a bit of folk magic (here and there) and I'm bringing my seven-year-old into my spirituality.....subtly.  The reason for this is partly because I'm concerned for her when it comes to her staunchly conservative grandparents (who will all positively balk and are already teaching her about Christianity--that's a whole other topic, of course) and the conservative christian society we live in (school, work, etc).

I don't want to teach her "keep spellcasting a secret" because "it freaks people out" or "people don't like hearing about multiple gods".

I suppose the main thing is to be confident and stand up for my beliefs/teach her to do the same. This is difficult for me to do because I pretty much drag the "broom closet" with me everywhere I go.  On the upside, my kids and I just moved to WA which is much more open than AZ so battling this within myself will probably come easier, and I'm working on it.

Are there any parents (or non-parents) who have had similar concerns about raising their kiddos in a minority religion?

Hi. :) I have a 5 1/2 year old daughter, my husband is a staunch atheist, and we live in the Bible Belt. My mother-in-law is a fundamental Christian. I'm being subtle with my kiddo about my practices, because I honestly just don't want to have That Talk with folks who don't understand what I believe or do, should she blab about it. I have better things to do than waste my time and energy explaining and defending my beliefs to folks who have already decided that magick and polytheism are "evil."
When it comes to strangers, I don't care if I'm thought of as weird. So long as nobody gives my child a hard time for it, I don't particularly mind what others think of me. It's the people that I have to deal with on a regular basis that I feel the need to placate. Like my husband. Being raised in a fundamental Christian home was pretty damaging, he says. So he's really sensitive about me sharing my beliefs with our kiddo. Sometimes he perceives her natural curiosity and innocent questions as me shoving my spirituality onto her. Not the case at all. If she asks, I'll answer as simply and honestly as I can. I haven't said anything about it to my mother-in-law, and I don't plan on it. I don't care to have a bucket of holy water thrown at me, ya know? ;) My daughter is very curious about my altars and the Gods/desses, and like I said before, I answer simply and honestly. And if she happens to blab about it, most of Whom I honor has a fictional version of Themselves that I can divert the attention to. "Oh, she really likes Marvel and ancient Egypt." :) I feel like I'm being dishonest with family members, yeah, but she's too young to be on the receiving end of criticism. And I don't want them to proselytize to her, either. :/ When she's old enough, she can decide for herself what she wants to do and find her own path. :)

Amba

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Re: Pagan children in Christian societies
« Reply #12 on: September 22, 2015, 11:17:02 pm »
Quote from: Airelinn;174314
I

I suppose the main thing is to be confident and stand up for my beliefs/teach her to do the same. This is difficult for me to do because I pretty much drag the "broom closet" with me everywhere I go.  On the upside, my kids and I just moved to WA which is much more open than AZ so battling this within myself will probably come easier, and I'm working on it.

Are there any parents (or non-parents) who have had similar concerns about raising their kiddos in a minority religion?

 
I have been thinking about this quite often as of late. I have an 8 month old daughter, and obviously I wonder about the things that I will teach her. I am not really in the closet, however I am very private with my beliefs, but to be totally and completely honest magick is just a part of my life, and it has been for a long time.

My home is loaded down with crystals, oils, books, just about everything that one could thing of besides statues. I don't do statues. Nor have I kept an altar, up until now. However, as of late it has been feeling like it might be time to erect one.  

I am pretty sure that I will just be open with her from a young age. She has been to our local pagan pride event and she has not even hit 1 yet, so I think it just might be a done deal.

That is primarily one of the reasons I joined The Cauldron, I want for her to have some sort of support group and I know that I need to build that for myself first, and get really truly comfortable being an advocate for myself and for her.
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Hildebrand

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Re: Pagan children in Christian societies
« Reply #13 on: November 04, 2015, 02:40:05 pm »
Quote from: Airelinn;174314
I'm a pagan who practices a bit of folk magic (here and there) and I'm bringing my seven-year-old into my spirituality.....subtly.  The reason for this is partly because I'm concerned for her when it comes to her staunchly conservative grandparents (who will all positively balk and are already teaching her about Christianity--that's a whole other topic, of course) and the conservative christian society we live in (school, work, etc).

I don't want to teach her "keep spellcasting a secret" because "it freaks people out" or "people don't like hearing about multiple gods".

I suppose the main thing is to be confident and stand up for my beliefs/teach her to do the same. This is difficult for me to do because I pretty much drag the "broom closet" with me everywhere I go.  On the upside, my kids and I just moved to WA which is much more open than AZ so battling this within myself will probably come easier, and I'm working on it.

Are there any parents (or non-parents) who have had similar concerns about raising their kiddos in a minority religion?


I realize this is an older post but just wanted to add some thoughts.
We have 6 kids-the oldest being almost 22 and married, the youngest age 2. Now I am in the deep south, mainly rural. I caught a lot of flack as a teen for not being christian. A lot.
I have raised my kids in a predominately pagan household in one way or another. I never made much of a difference between daily living and religion...for example I have always had altar spaces set up, always had pictures of ancestors with candles and a lot of incense. I just told them 'we honor them'. I didn't make a big deal about it being a religious thing.
I kept different icons around, but we have always had an eclectic looking household. I am an herbalist so it was common for them to see me use herbs or make salves, etc. I didn't say it was magickal or what have you, it was just 'herbal healing' or 'pushing the river a little'. I taught them 'healing hands' and how to be mindful of all the elves and faeries,etc through 'fairy gardens' and leaving a little bit out for the house elves, etc. As far as the 'Gods' and 'Goddesses' go I just didn't do a lot of talking about them, not til I figured they could kinda get it. I found they naturally gravitated to their own deities.
It wasn't til tehy were a little older til they kind of started getting that it was paganism...I suspect around the time they were reading harry potter and connecting some similarities, haha!
That's just the way we do/did things and thus far we haven't had too many issues.

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Re: Pagan children in Christian societies
« Reply #14 on: November 04, 2015, 03:00:52 pm »
Quote from: Airelinn;174314
I'm a pagan who practices a bit of folk magic (here and there) and I'm bringing my seven-year-old into my spirituality.....subtly.  The reason for this is partly because I'm concerned for her when it comes to her staunchly conservative grandparents (who will all positively balk and are already teaching her about Christianity--that's a whole other topic, of course) and the conservative christian society we live in (school, work, etc).

I don't want to teach her "keep spellcasting a secret" because "it freaks people out" or "people don't like hearing about multiple gods".

I suppose the main thing is to be confident and stand up for my beliefs/teach her to do the same. This is difficult for me to do because I pretty much drag the "broom closet" with me everywhere I go.  On the upside, my kids and I just moved to WA which is much more open than AZ so battling this within myself will probably come easier, and I'm working on it.

Are there any parents (or non-parents) who have had similar concerns about raising their kiddos in a minority religion?

 
I live in a primary Christian household, and I'm the lone pagan standout. I'm rasing my sister's biological kids with my mother.I never was in the broom closet, and in the beginning that caused some friction between me and my parents. Over the years, my parents accepted it, and now that I have children I see them sort of indoctrinated into the Christian religion, and since I'm outnumbered I usually don't' share a lot of my pagan stuff with them.

If they feel called to witchcraft like I was, then when they older I'll pass it on to them.  However, I don't hide that I'm not Christian and I have non-mainstream beliefs. My ten-year-old called me weird because I left an offering to the dead on Samhain. I try to give honest answers their question about magick as best as I can and that's all I can do.

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* In Memoriam

Chavi (2006)
Elspeth (2010)
Marilyn (2013)

* Cauldron Staff

Host:
Sunflower

Message Board Staff
Board Coordinator:
Darkhawk

Assistant Board Coordinator:
Aster Breo

Senior Staff:
Aisling, Allaya, Jenett, Sefiru

Staff:
Ashmire, EclecticWheel, HarpingHawke, Kylara, PerditaPickle, rocquelaire

Discord Chat Staff
Chat Coordinator:
Morag

'Up All Night' Coordinator:
Altair

Cauldron Council:
Bob, Catja, Chatelaine, Emma-Eldritch, Fausta, Jubes, Kelly, LyricFox, Phouka, Sperran, Star, Steve, Tana

Site Administrator:
Randall

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