The Cauldron: A Pagan Forum

If anyone else has ever felt this fear and doubt, how did you overcome it?

The way I experience the world now is that there are various levels. The material-me has standards of reality that are physical, repeatable in controlled conditions, and shared by others unanimously. The humanist-me understands that life isn't a laboratory, that subjective experiences are different and yet matter enough that they need expression and validation from somewhere outside instead of being kept to oneself alone, even though that "outside" is "supposed" to be the domain solely of materialistic facts.

My therapist is Jungian, so when I talk about my spiritual experiences, they might not be considered as true facts (as in some being with a greater perspective knows what's going to happen or world events will conform to a desiccant with the correct offerings on the altar) but they are considered as true meaning in how, like, Loki might have come to me because it was around the first time I wouldn't even try to conform anymore to the expectations of my abusive family, and my psyche turned him into a symbol for that.

On that level, whether that was theophany or symbolism, it doesn't make a difference. The effect on myself and the world through my actions, through my newfound attitude, from my experience...whether imagined or not...was the same.

So, back to living at different and often conflicting levels, psychology and mythology is how I've come to translate the transfer of experience-significance between those levels of life.

Doubt becomes beneficial in that transfer, like a buffer for the in-between. It doesn't have to be a plague, like so-and-so level of "reality" shouldn't be part of anybody's life at all ever…that's not a healthy doubt, if you're repressing a personal experience that might be coming about as a way for your spirit or soul or psyche to express its needs--your needs for your life--or your call to action, or whatever.

So, belief can also be helpful even as the opposite of doubt (when, as established, doubt is also helpful.) Whatever benefit these spiritual experiences have for me, only really get going when I quit perpetually doubting and let the experience transform my life. At the same time, letting that transformation happen doesn't automatically mean that I become this zealot.

Fear can also be helpful to sit with, to see where that comes from, if it's founded, what's the worst that can happen, how likely is that worst case scenario to happen, why would it matter…and what part of you needs this, that, or the other idea to transform that fear into confidence or courage or comfort or other good things that don't necessarily begin with C.   I hope this helps!

However, whenever I find myself back in the "real world" I find myself overthinking and overwhelmed by how crazy I might be.
If anyone else has ever felt this fear and doubt, how did you overcome it?

 
Don't try to make it go away.

It's healthy.

Make it work for you rather than against you.

When you're in a position where you're looking at your experiences from the outside like that, evaluate them: if this were true, what would you do?  if this were false, what would you do?  What difference does it make in your behaviour?  What difference does it make in your life?

Do your experiences make you healthier, happier, a better contributor to society?  Can you afford to expend the resources that they lead you to want to expend (time, money, whatever)?  Do they aim you in a direction that's bad for you in some way, or directs you to hurt others?

Basically, use these times to critically evaluate what you're doing.

If your experiences make you a better person, then it doesn't matter if they're factually correct.  You're a better person.

If they mean that you spend money on pretty things that make you happy, and you have those pretty things around your life, on healthier food, on charitable donations, when you might not have otherwise done those things, then that's a good thing.

If your experiences make you feel like you're super-special, chosen, better than other people, or incline you towards hurting others, then you have a problem.

If your experiences mean that you spend all your money on trinkets and shinies and sacrifices, and don't take care of yourself, and disconnect from your community, then, again, you have a problem.

Hone yourself with your doubts.  Become better.