Author Topic: Venting... (Read 4457 times)

Juniperberry · « **on:** November 18, 2014, 08:57:27 am »

This is a bit repetitive, but this time last year wasn't a good time for me at all. I had started a new job, my SIL was living with us, and my husband and I were heading towards divorce (which was expressed exactly on Thanksgiving). There was just a ton of stress which contributed to my depression and mental breakdown, and I spent the better part of this last year growing and healing etc.

So, there's already a lot of pressure to make this Thanksgiving a good one considering what happened last year, but also, my mom is coming out to spend the holiday with us. I haven't seen my mom in 20 years, not since I was 15 in foster care and she came to tell me she was moving out of state. For the most part I was handling this well, looking at the good and trying not to dwell on the bad. Trying to stay calm and centered etc. But it's definitely a stressful thing.

And now I'm also dealing with the fact that my little sister died last month on the 17th. She was my sister through my dad and step-mom, whom I had stopped talking to a couple of years ago after sending them a letter that vented all my anger and frustration at them for foster care, neglect, that sort of stuff. Anyway, on the 12th I had called my dad, apologized for the letter, told them I missed them, wanted to build a relationship, etc. Two days later my sister was sick and then she passed away. So, too little too late, whatever. There's just too many complicated emotions and mind-fucking going on with that for me to communicate them here.

But I'm definitely beginning to feel overwhelmed. I can feel it all just starting to pile up on me. I can feel that my calm is beginning to careen off center. Selfishly, I just feel like I'm being fucked by the universe. Like, seriously what the fuck is going on? I just...want to give up. Does it want me to give up? Is that the deal?

*Sigh* And that's the negative head space I need to avoid, but knowing I'm falling into a trap of negativity and putting pressure on myself not to is also stressful. Anyway, I don't know that I need prayers or energy, but I did need to vent and maybe release some of the negativity, so thanks for reading/listening.

Faemon · « **Reply #1 on:** November 18, 2014, 09:12:32 am »

Quote from: Juniperberry;165677

I don't know that I need prayers or energy, but I did need to vent and maybe release some of the negativity, so thanks for reading/listening.

(For Juniperberry's fortitude, clarity, and recovery.) Vent all you need to. It sounds like times have been rough, so grand cosmic plans can seem to seriously misalign with one's individual wellbeing. You have my care, sympathies, and best wishes through this time.

Oaksworn · « **Reply #2 on:** November 18, 2014, 12:20:39 pm »

Quote from: Juniperberry;165677

Anyway, I don't know that I need prayers or energy, but I did need to vent and maybe release some of the negativity, so thanks for reading/listening.

(((Juniperberry)))

I firmly believe that reality is for those who can't handle a good fantasy so when you need to escape because everything gets to be too much, give yourself permission to take a 'mental health day'. Remember, it's the spaces between the notes that give the music meaning.

::Candle Lit::

Emma Eldritch · « **Reply #3 on:** November 18, 2014, 12:28:41 pm »

Quote from: Juniperberry;165677

This is a bit repetitive, but this time last year wasn't a good time for me at all. I had started a new job, my SIL was living with us, and my husband and I were heading towards divorce (which was expressed exactly on Thanksgiving). There was just a ton of stress which contributed to my depression and mental breakdown, and I spent the better part of this last year growing and healing etc.

So, there's already a lot of pressure to make this Thanksgiving a good one considering what happened last year, but also, my mom is coming out to spend the holiday with us. I haven't seen my mom in 20 years, not since I was 15 in foster care and she came to tell me she was moving out of state. For the most part I was handling this well, looking at the good and trying not to dwell on the bad. Trying to stay calm and centered etc. But it's definitely a stressful thing.

And now I'm also dealing with the fact that my little sister died last month on the 17th. She was my sister through my dad and step-mom, whom I had stopped talking to a couple of years ago after sending them a letter that vented all my anger and frustration at them for foster care, neglect, that sort of stuff. Anyway, on the 12th I had called my dad, apologized for the letter, told them I missed them, wanted to build a relationship, etc. Two days later my sister was sick and then she passed away. So, too little too late, whatever. There's just too many complicated emotions and mind-fucking going on with that for me to communicate them here.

But I'm definitely beginning to feel overwhelmed. I can feel it all just starting to pile up on me. I can feel that my calm is beginning to careen off center. Selfishly, I just feel like I'm being fucked by the universe. Like, seriously what the fuck is going on? I just...want to give up. Does it want me to give up? Is that the deal?

*Sigh* And that's the negative head space I need to avoid, but knowing I'm falling into a trap of negativity and putting pressure on myself not to is also stressful. Anyway, I don't know that I need prayers or energy, but I did need to vent and maybe release some of the negativity, so thanks for reading/listening.

Holy shit.

You have my prayers and good vibes, and obviously you should vent as much as you need to.

Nyktipolos · « **Reply #4 on:** November 18, 2014, 12:33:54 pm »

Quote from: Juniperberry;165677

{{{{{JB}}}}}

veggiewolf · « **Reply #5 on:** November 18, 2014, 01:07:40 pm »

Quote from: Juniperberry;165677

...

*Sigh* And that's the negative head space I need to avoid, but knowing I'm falling into a trap of negativity and putting pressure on myself not to is also stressful. Anyway, I don't know that I need prayers or energy, but I did need to vent and maybe release some of the negativity, so thanks for reading/listening.

(((((JB)))))

Vent all you need to, when you need to.

SunflowerP · « **Reply #6 on:** November 19, 2014, 12:59:05 am »

Quote from: Juniperberry;165677

(((JB)))

Sunflower

Juniperberry · « **Reply #7 on:** November 21, 2014, 10:05:05 am »

Quote from: Mama Fortuna;165698

Holy shit.

Right?

Thanks for lending me your ear, All. Faemon, that prayer was perfect and it brought me some peace just concentrating on those attributes.

Willow85 · « **Reply #8 on:** November 21, 2014, 10:23:05 am »

Quote from: Juniperberry;165677

This is a bit repetitive, but this time last year wasn't a good time for me at all. I had started a new job, my SIL was living with us, and my husband and I were heading towards divorce (which was expressed exactly on Thanksgiving). There was just a ton of stress which contributed to my depression and mental breakdown, and I spent the better part of this last year growing and healing etc.

So, there's already a lot of pressure to make this Thanksgiving a good one considering what happened last year, but also, my mom is coming out to spend the holiday with us. I haven't seen my mom in 20 years, not since I was 15 in foster care and she came to tell me she was moving out of state. For the most part I was handling this well, looking at the good and trying not to dwell on the bad. Trying to stay calm and centered etc. But it's definitely a stressful thing.

And now I'm also dealing with the fact that my little sister died last month on the 17th. She was my sister through my dad and step-mom, whom I had stopped talking to a couple of years ago after sending them a letter that vented all my anger and frustration at them for foster care, neglect, that sort of stuff. Anyway, on the 12th I had called my dad, apologized for the letter, told them I missed them, wanted to build a relationship, etc. Two days later my sister was sick and then she passed away. So, too little too late, whatever. There's just too many complicated emotions and mind-fucking going on with that for me to communicate them here.

But I'm definitely beginning to feel overwhelmed. I can feel it all just starting to pile up on me. I can feel that my calm is beginning to careen off center. Selfishly, I just feel like I'm being fucked by the universe. Like, seriously what the fuck is going on? I just...want to give up. Does it want me to give up? Is that the deal?

*Sigh* And that's the negative head space I need to avoid, but knowing I'm falling into a trap of negativity and putting pressure on myself not to is also stressful. Anyway, I don't know that I need prayers or energy, but I did need to vent and maybe release some of the negativity, so thanks for reading/listening.

Oh wow, such a lot for you to process so don't be too hard on yourself. It's very early days with your grieving, and I don't just mean your grief for the loss of your sister, you're also grieving for the family support you never had.
It's so easy to start spiralling and get overwhelmed by it all, I'd say take one day at a time and concentrate on the short term for now. Maybe write things down, write down all the things that are overwhelming you and then next to it write down how you can handle it. This helps for me, especially with family stuff, whihc can be incredibly frustrating and infuriating and makes you feel quite helpless. You can't change how they are towards you, but you can change how you deal with it.

Good luck next week and vent away on here if it helps.

Sending love and positive thoughts x

HarpingHawke · « **Reply #9 on:** November 21, 2014, 11:44:07 am »

Quote from: Juniperberry;165677

*Sigh* And that's the negative head space I need to avoid, but knowing I'm falling into a trap of negativity and putting pressure on myself not to is also stressful. Anyway, I don't know that I need prayers or energy, but I did need to vent and maybe release some of the negativity, so thanks for reading/listening.

{{{{{{{JB}}}}}}}}

You have my support, if that means anything. Is it alright if I light a candle for you?

Juniperberry · « **Reply #10 on:** November 22, 2014, 04:47:57 pm »

[First part of this post removed at poster's request as on later reflection it was too personal. -- RSS]

Quote from: HarpingHawke

Is it alright if I light a candle for you?

Sure. And thank you.

The Cauldron: A Pagan Forum

News:

Recent Posts

Author Topic: Venting... (Read 4457 times)

Juniperberry

Venting...

Faemon

Re: Venting...

Oaksworn

Re: Venting...

Emma Eldritch

Re: Venting...

Nyktipolos

Re: Venting...

veggiewolf

Re: Venting...

SunflowerP

Re: Venting...

Juniperberry

Re: Venting...

Willow85

Re: Venting...

HarpingHawke

Re: Venting...

Juniperberry

Re: Venting...

Related Topics

Who's Online

Please Donate!

Shop & Support TC

In Memoriam

Cauldron Staff