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Author Topic: heavy self-criticism as a beginner  (Read 2271 times)

caffinitive

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heavy self-criticism as a beginner
« on: November 14, 2014, 02:31:34 pm »
apologies, i feel a bit whiny and obnoxious for this, but i'd really appreciate some guidance.

((trigger warning:abuse mention))

since as long as i can remember, i've always been drawn to the concepts and practices of the wiccan religion even as a young child that didn't even know wicca existed. for the past 5 or so years, i've been wanting more than anything to research the subject all i could, but i often found myself too embarrassed. the very abusive household i used to live in (which, thankfully i'm no longer subjected to) had me terrified to express myself in any "alternative" way, and was fairly anti-religion. now that i'm in a better situation, i've found myself researching enthusiastically for the past month, but that fear and shame still resides and i find myself constantly feeling like i'm not "doing it right". i know this anxiety and self deprecation stems from the way i was raised, and i'm trying my best to overcome this to strengthen myself spiritually. though i know this is, for the most part, my own journey, i'd appreciate any advice and even just other peoples similar experiences. thank you, and sorry for rambling so much :ashamed:

blessed be
"if you have love in your heart, no one can rise above you"

Faemon

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Re: heavy self-criticism as a beginner
« Reply #1 on: November 14, 2014, 03:07:14 pm »
Quote from: caffinitive;165257
that fear and shame still resides and i find myself constantly feeling like i'm not "doing it right". i know this anxiety and self deprecation stems from the way i was raised, and i'm trying my best to overcome this to strengthen myself spiritually. though i know this is, for the most part, my own journey, i'd appreciate any advice and even just other peoples similar experiences.

 
You have nothing to apologize for. You have activated a very purpose of this community and this particular forum :)

Everything and by extension everyone gets criticism if you're unlucky. Wicca and new Wiccans get some that from my standpoint aren't valid, as you say, being "alternative" and I think this one other member has a parent who says things like, "Good luck getting flowers and fairies to save your soul." Other times, some practices of Wicca gets criticism for gender essentialism, or toeing the line between soft polytheism and outright cultural appropriation, and this can be worthy of consideration or disregarded as, "Hey, this is my spirituality and it isn't really hurting anyone else for me to have a worldview and perspective that incorporates this particular aspect." There's another thread out there about how a member feels that Wicca is the perfect fit but can't get over how new it is.

Take from that, then, that...it's a jostle. Everybody makes mistakes, you're not the first, you're not the worst, and you're not alone. Balance that against that, as you probably know, it just isn't the best thing for your spiritual path to approach it with the conviction that you've made some horrible mistake right off the bat.

What's really helped me is Shadow Work, building safe spaces to dedicate some time to confronting and processing these harmful internalized messages. My favorite guides about this come from and Duskenpath.

What's necessary for Shadow Work, that I hope you have already, is some spark or seed at least of self-love and self-acceptance. Shift your standpoint to that tiny point, feed it, and things should get easier and more enjoyable. Life isn't supposed to be so difficult that you're paralyzed with self-loathing and anxiety at every moment.

I hope this helps somewhat :)
The Codex of Poesy: wishcraft, faelatry, alchemy, and other slight misspellings.
the Otherfaith: Chromatic Genderbending Faery Monarchs of Technology. DeviantArt

caffinitive

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Re: heavy self-criticism as a beginner
« Reply #2 on: November 14, 2014, 03:34:00 pm »
Quote from: Faemon;165260
What's really helped me is Shadow Work, building safe spaces to dedicate some time to confronting and processing these harmful internalized messages. My favorite guides about this come from and Duskenpath.

What's necessary for Shadow Work, that I hope you have already, is some spark or seed at least of self-love and self-acceptance. Shift your standpoint to that tiny point, feed it, and things should get easier and more enjoyable.


ah, thank you for the links (and reassurance)!!

it's taken a turbulent 16 years, but the spark of self-love in me is starting to grow now that i've got proper supports and i'm truly beginning to explore and accept my spirituality and gender identity.

safe spaces are a crucial part of personal growth for me, and i feel that continuing to explore my emotional and spiritual connection to wicca will help with some feelings of security and community (though that's not the only reason why it feels right to me). i hope that makes sense lol

thank you so much for your advice and positivity, i really appreciate it!!! :))
"if you have love in your heart, no one can rise above you"

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