Author Topic: Dealing with offensive intolerant things from friends? (Read 3077 times)

Autumn_Bard · « **on:** October 22, 2014, 10:33:52 am »

I have a friend who lets just say, always posts things from this FB page on my wall.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Smash-Cultural-Paganism/626118440834851

I think he believes it to be funny, or joking. But I really don't think so, as I am pretty sure do to a lot of other things he has said that he really believes it. Anytime I ever bring anything up about Pantheism or paganism, it has to get drawn into a long winded theological debate about how Catholicism > everything else.

Anyone else deal with people like this? How did you handle it? This right wing "traditionalist" crap has bothered me in Asatru and is now finding its way into my life via "christendom"

I want to ignore it, but it is beginning to really bother me.

Sarah · « **Reply #1 on:** October 22, 2014, 10:42:51 am »

Quote from: Autumn_Bard;163234

I have a friend who lets just say, always posts things from this FB page on my wall.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Smash-Cultural-Paganism/626118440834851

I think he believes it to be funny, or joking. But I really don't think so, as I am pretty sure do to a lot of other things he has said that he really believes it. Anytime I ever bring anything up about Pantheism or paganism, it has to get drawn into a long winded theological debate about how Catholicism > everything else.

Anyone else deal with people like this? How did you handle it? This right wing "traditionalist" crap has bothered me in Asatru and is now finding its way into my life via "christendom"

I want to ignore it, but it is beginning to really bother me.

I mostly ignore stuff that bothers me on FB. If it bothers me a lot I unfriend or block the person

Autumn_Bard · « **Reply #2 on:** October 22, 2014, 10:54:58 am »

Quote from: Jake_;163236

I mostly ignore stuff that bothers me on FB. If it bothers me a lot I unfriend or block the person

Well it started on FB, but it is now getting into real life.

I would really hate to lose a friend over what seems so stupid.

Faemon · « **Reply #3 on:** October 22, 2014, 11:20:03 am »

Quote from: Autumn_Bard;163238

Well it started on FB, but it is now getting into real life.

I would really hate to lose a friend over what seems so stupid.

People have lost more than that for their faith. It's important to people. It's important for you to be accepted and supported as you express and identify your faith, and it's important to your friend to cut that down and make it ridiculous. Erm... I wouldn't even consider that a friendship anymore, actually. I consider that very stupidity the reason to sever the friendship, because it's your "friend" who's being stupid about it, doing the bothering--not you for reacting honestly and naturally by being bothered. It's not as if you're converting or ridiculing your friend's beliefs. You are well within your personal boundaries; it's your friend who's out of line and violating yours. It might be a good lesson for your friend to learn that sort of behavior does lose friends.

sailor · « **Reply #4 on:** October 22, 2014, 11:52:29 am »

Quote from: Autumn_Bard;163234

I have a friend who lets just say, always posts things from this FB page on my wall.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Smash-Cultural-Paganism/626118440834851

I think he believes it to be funny, or joking. But I really don't think so, as I am pretty sure do to a lot of other things he has said that he really believes it. Anytime I ever bring anything up about Pantheism or paganism, it has to get drawn into a long winded theological debate about how Catholicism > everything else.

Anyone else deal with people like this? How did you handle it? This right wing "traditionalist" crap has bothered me in Asatru and is now finding its way into my life via "christendom"

I want to ignore it, but it is beginning to really bother me.

OK three things that might help.

One, point out that posting on somebody else's wall is rude. Ask them to keep their posts on their wall, you don't want them to speak for you. No need to mention the content of the posts. They'll probably start tagging you, and if excessive explain that is also rude to routinely tag somebody.

Two, get some of your other friends to start heated debates, even rude ones, for anything they post on your wall. They can't really control it at that point.

Three, ask them to learn how to use Facebook lists and Not put in the list that sees the material you don't like. I don't know how many animal shelters in Texas I've blocked from showing up in my feed since one of my FB friends gets tagged for the work they do with animal rescue there.

Emma Eldritch · « **Reply #5 on:** October 22, 2014, 11:58:42 am »

Quote from: Autumn_Bard;163234

I have a friend who lets just say, always posts things from this FB page on my wall.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Smash-Cultural-Paganism/626118440834851

I think he believes it to be funny, or joking. But I really don't think so, as I am pretty sure do to a lot of other things he has said that he really believes it. Anytime I ever bring anything up about Pantheism or paganism, it has to get drawn into a long winded theological debate about how Catholicism > everything else.

Anyone else deal with people like this? How did you handle it? This right wing "traditionalist" crap has bothered me in Asatru and is now finding its way into my life via "christendom"

I want to ignore it, but it is beginning to really bother me.

Well, I'd unfriend them, but I'm not exactly good at Facebook.

In real life, I'd tell them I no longer wish to engage in religious debates with them, and that if they persist I will simply cease to be their friend. I have friends who are from different religious backgrounds, and several who are atheists, and not a one of them actively tries to convert anyone or seriously ridicules anybody else. Anybody who would engage in such behaviour is not my friend.

Jack · « **Reply #6 on:** October 22, 2014, 01:48:28 pm »

Quote from: Autumn_Bard;163238

Well it started on FB, but it is now getting into real life.

I would really hate to lose a friend over what seems so stupid.

Failing to respect your choices and actively provoking you is not "something so stupid." I've stopped talking to people for less.

DancesWithHorses · « **Reply #7 on:** October 22, 2014, 10:08:07 pm »

Quote from: Jack;163267

Failing to respect your choices and actively provoking you is not "something so stupid." I've stopped talking to people for less.

Agreeing with Jack. This individual would no longer be considered my friend, because I'm fairly certain, even if I was Christian, I'd still be offended. I've cut people out of my life for all sorts of things and that right there would make the list. Real friends can agree to have differences in opinion and still get along without hurting each other, its called respect.

Jainarayan · « **Reply #8 on:** October 23, 2014, 09:40:22 am »

Quote from: Autumn_Bard;163234

Anyone else deal with people like this? How did you handle it? This right wing "traditionalist" crap has bothered me in Asatru and is now finding its way into my life via "christendom"

I want to ignore it, but it is beginning to really bother me.

Do I deal with people like this? Yes, my family. I'm 57 years old and I still get crap, i.e. teased and mocked. So I've started not talking about my beliefs. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed, but you know, you don't go into the woods during deer season wearing buckskin. That is, sometimes we invite the responses.

I wear a hammer pendant. When I wear my shirt collar open it's visible; when I wear a v-neck it's visible; I wear it outside a t-shirt. When people comment with "what is that?" I tell them it's Thor's hammer. If they ask why I wear it, I say "he's a personal hero from Norse mythology" (well he is... that's no lie). Sometimes I get "ooh, I like that hammer!" Then I know they know why I wear it, and I say thank you with a smile and maybe a wink. Side note: someone once asked me if I am for animal welfare. I said well yes, of course, why? She said because it looks like I was wearing a whale's tail pendant [insert face palm here].

This week is the Hindu celebration of Diwali. A contractor at work knows I was Hindu (I kept pictures of the deities in my cubicle) and asked if I was celebrating. I said no and tried to leave it at that. He could tell by the look on my face (I'm so transparent) that I don't practice Hinduism anymore. He is a very nice guy and was genuinely curious; he asked me if I changed religions. I was evasive and said "yes and no". I still believe the Hindu deities are real, as are other deities from other traditions but I don't worship them. Again, am I embarrassed to say I'm Asatruar? No, but I have simply learned to not discuss it anymore. If it comes up somehow, I'll be evasive unless I know the other person knows what it is and will respect and understand it.

Sorry that was so long, but I just wanted to share it. I think a lot of people are in the same long-ship in this regard.

riverstone · « **Reply #9 on:** November 24, 2014, 12:11:06 am »

Quote from: Jack;163267

Failing to respect your choices and actively provoking you is not "something so stupid." I've stopped talking to people for less.

I do agree that it's not at all stupid. Obviously friends are going to have their quarrels, and harsh words are going to be said, but at what point will you put your foot down if not when they say nasty things about your faith to your face? Can you imagine any point at all where the disrespect would be too great to bear? If not, I think that's unhealthy.

Be careful with these types of friendships, because it can be easy to cross over from being forgiving of other people's flaws (what I'm assuming you're trying to do) to letting people take their personal issues and grudges out on you like a pincushion. From there, your self-esteem and self-respect can plummet because you're not asserting basic boundaries. At that point others have been allowed to define for you what is or is not an okay way to treat you, with you trying to adapt your comfort levels to their fun.