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Author Topic: Awkwardness in solitary ritual  (Read 4046 times)

Gisil

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Awkwardness in solitary ritual
« on: October 21, 2014, 09:01:28 pm »
I would like to practice regular rituals, but I find myself reading spiritual books and journaling about my beliefs instead. I want to bring those ideas into practice. However, the times I have tried have felt awkward and cold. I felt alone and foolish, my words hollow.

I have not known whether to persevere in this endeavor would be to disrespect spirit with my pretentious acts, or if at some point the awkwardness would go away and the physical practice would begin to resemble the belief concepts in my mind.

I have attempted to practice basic rituals in well-known books, and I have also tried spontaneous rituals based on my feelings, which in fact felt even emptier than the published rituals.

I welcome any experiences or opinions on this subject.

Emma Eldritch

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Re: Awkwardness in solitary ritual
« Reply #1 on: October 21, 2014, 09:26:15 pm »
Quote from: Gisil;163182
I would like to practice regular rituals, but I find myself reading spiritual books and journaling about my beliefs instead. I want to bring those ideas into practice. However, the times I have tried have felt awkward and cold. I felt alone and foolish, my words hollow.

I have not known whether to persevere in this endeavor would be to disrespect spirit with my pretentious acts, or if at some point the awkwardness would go away and the physical practice would begin to resemble the belief concepts in my mind.

I have attempted to practice basic rituals in well-known books, and I have also tried spontaneous rituals based on my feelings, which in fact felt even emptier than the published rituals.

I welcome any experiences or opinions on this subject.

 
Hmm. Okay, can you maybe explain a bit about how exactly you feel 'hollow'? Is there just no emotional connection?

Gisil

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Re: Awkwardness in solitary ritual
« Reply #2 on: October 21, 2014, 09:31:06 pm »
Quote from: Mama Fortuna;163185
Hmm. Okay, can you maybe explain a bit about how exactly you feel 'hollow'? Is there just no emotional connection?

 
There has been no emotional connection when I have tried rituals. I felt entirely alone, speaking to the air.

I felt that my words sounded hollow in that they were scripted; however, my more spontaneous efforts sounded equally hollow.

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Re: Awkwardness in solitary ritual
« Reply #3 on: October 21, 2014, 09:47:03 pm »
Quote from: Gisil;163186
There has been no emotional connection when I have tried rituals. I felt entirely alone, speaking to the air.

I felt that my words sounded hollow in that they were scripted; however, my more spontaneous efforts sounded equally hollow.

 
Okay, and about how long have you been trying to actively practice?

Gisil

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Re: Awkwardness in solitary ritual
« Reply #4 on: October 21, 2014, 09:53:36 pm »
Quote from: Mama Fortuna;163189
Okay, and about how long have you been trying to actively practice?

 
I have tried to do about five rituals, maybe less.

Emma Eldritch

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Re: Awkwardness in solitary ritual
« Reply #5 on: October 21, 2014, 10:22:56 pm »
Quote from: Gisil;163192
I have tried to do about five rituals, maybe less.

 
Okay, cool. Thank you for the details.

Now, five-or-under is not a lot. If you're coming either from a non-religious background or a stricter Christian one, it's actually really common to feel like a total dork when you first start out. You're essentially working out what you believe, or even if you believe it all, and so it's difficult to find a connection.

I find practice tends to get less awkward with time, and I would say you can continue to experiment and see if something strikes you as more comfortable.

Faemon

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Re: Awkwardness in solitary ritual
« Reply #6 on: October 21, 2014, 10:25:06 pm »
Quote from: Gisil;163182
I would like to practice regular rituals, but I find myself reading spiritual books and journaling about my beliefs instead.

 
Have you tried journaling about why you would like to practice regular rituals? Or journaling about what might be getting in the way of a fulfilling ritual performance?

Everyone has their comfort zone and process. Sometimes the ritual act comes first and spirit follows that in the aspect you expect (or not); sometimes spirit leads, and sometimes it shifts between the two depending on stage of life and life circumstances.
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Re: Awkwardness in solitary ritual
« Reply #7 on: October 22, 2014, 10:52:22 am »
Quote from: Mama Fortuna;163195
Now, five-or-under is not a lot. If you're coming either from a non-religious background or a stricter Christian one, it's actually really common to feel like a total dork when you first start out. You're essentially working out what you believe, or even if you believe it all, and so it's difficult to find a connection.

I find practice tends to get less awkward with time, and I would say you can continue to experiment and see if something strikes you as more comfortable.

 
I would add to this: not all rituals work for all people.  This is, after all, why there are lots of different religions.

No amount of repetition and familiarity made popularised Wiccish stuff work for me; I always felt like a total idiot.  I kept trying, though, because that was what I could find.

It turns out that for a broad category of Stuff, the sorts of rituals that work for me tend to be either based on ancient liturgy and poetry or part of a live tradition being actively conveyed by initiates/established practitioners.  This is harder to do solitary, obviously.
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Gisil

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Re: Awkwardness in solitary ritual
« Reply #8 on: October 22, 2014, 04:24:04 pm »
Quote from: Mama Fortuna;163195
Okay, cool. Thank you for the details.

Now, five-or-under is not a lot. If you're coming either from a non-religious background or a stricter Christian one, it's actually really common to feel like a total dork when you first start out. You're essentially working out what you believe, or even if you believe it all, and so it's difficult to find a connection.

I find practice tends to get less awkward with time, and I would say you can continue to experiment and see if something strikes you as more comfortable.

Thank you for taking the time to sound out my problem. I really appreciate it.

I was raised as a Christian technically, but my parents were not spiritually focused. At the same time, they were very strict toward me in my development and hated for me to be "different" in any way.

Your response really struck a chord with me, and got my thoughts moving in this direction. I recently read a psychology book called Finding Meaning in Midlife that begins with a person's dream: "my parents are in my bedroom. I can't see them, but I know they're there."

I can see how my parents are "there" when I'm trying to cast a circle. It cripples my confidence, because at the back of my mind they are condemning my every step. Even though I have almost no interaction with them at all now, they are there.

Quote from: Faemon;163196
Have you tried journaling about why you would like to practice regular rituals? Or journaling about what might be getting in the way of a fulfilling ritual performance?

Everyone has their comfort zone and process. Sometimes the ritual act comes first and spirit follows that in the aspect you expect (or not); sometimes spirit leads, and sometimes it shifts between the two depending on stage of life and life circumstances.

Thank you for your response. I did some journaling on that, and I am starting to see where the blockage is. It's in my confidence to do the ritual. I know that it's possible to raise power, because I did it when I first tried (but not in subsequent attempts). I am not looking for that kind of result in ritual to feel validated. When I raised power, the cold, hollow feeling didn't go away.

What I am looking for is a feeling of security with the path I've chosen. My fear is that what I want is too much, given my childhood experiences and my dim self-image.

Quote from: Darkhawk;163237
I would add to this: not all rituals work for all people.  This is, after all, why there are lots of different religions.

No amount of repetition and familiarity made popularised Wiccish stuff work for me; I always felt like a total idiot.  I kept trying, though, because that was what I could find.

It turns out that for a broad category of Stuff, the sorts of rituals that work for me tend to be either based on ancient liturgy and poetry or part of a live tradition being actively conveyed by initiates/established practitioners.  This is harder to do solitary, obviously.

Thank you for your reply.

This offers a clue to another query I have had lately: how can I commit to one religion, or even one kind of Wiccan practice, when they all seem equally valid? When I consider it from this perspective, freedom to try different practices and to choose your practice seems overwhelmingly important.
« Last Edit: October 22, 2014, 04:26:28 pm by Gisil »

Darkhawk

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Re: Awkwardness in solitary ritual
« Reply #9 on: October 22, 2014, 07:54:38 pm »
Quote from: Gisil;163271
This offers a clue to another query I have had lately: how can I commit to one religion, or even one kind of Wiccan practice, when they all seem equally valid? When I consider it from this perspective, freedom to try different practices and to choose your practice seems overwhelmingly important.

 
Well, valid as what?

Some religions will simply work better for you than others.  This is a good and reasonable thing; your course is not to find the One True Thing, it is to find something that works well for you.

Religion is a lot like dating in that way.  There are plenty of perfectly decent, lovely people out there who are terrible matches for me.  And there is no arbitrarily perfect one true human being.
as the water grinds the stone
we rise and fall
as our ashes turn to dust
we shine like stars    - Covenant, "Bullet"

Carmen

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Re: Awkwardness in solitary ritual
« Reply #10 on: October 22, 2014, 09:36:10 pm »
Quote from: Gisil;163271
This offers a clue to another query I have had lately: how can I commit to one religion, or even one kind of Wiccan practice, when they all seem equally valid? When I consider it from this perspective, freedom to try different practices and to choose your practice seems overwhelmingly important.

Initially, I tried very hard to stick with one specific path because I thought that was what I was supposed to do. While that worked for a while, the more I researched the more I found that there were other things that appealed to me. As much as I liked the thought of following an "established" path, I eventually came to realize that I needed to forge my own way. It takes patience, work, and perseverance but it's well worth it. It's easy to get overwhelmed with all the information and ideas out there. Just take it slow and don't get discouraged and you'll figure out what works for you.
« Last Edit: October 22, 2014, 09:37:14 pm by Carmen »
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Emma Eldritch

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Re: Awkwardness in solitary ritual
« Reply #11 on: October 23, 2014, 12:36:28 am »
Quote from: Gisil;163271
Thank you for taking the time to sound out my problem. I really appreciate it.

I was raised as a Christian technically, but my parents were not spiritually focused. At the same time, they were very strict toward me in my development and hated for me to be "different" in any way.

Your response really struck a chord with me, and got my thoughts moving in this direction. I recently read a psychology book called Finding Meaning in Midlife that begins with a person's dream: "my parents are in my bedroom. I can't see them, but I know they're there."

I can see how my parents are "there" when I'm trying to cast a circle. It cripples my confidence, because at the back of my mind they are condemning my every step. Even though I have almost no interaction with them at all now, they are there.

 
You're very welcome.

Yeah, unfortunately that sort of mental conditioning can take a while to get over. But I think experimenting, practising, and keeping Darkhawk's advice re: validity will help you find a place in which you are comfortable.

Scales

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Re: Awkwardness in solitary ritual
« Reply #12 on: October 23, 2014, 01:41:50 pm »
Late to the party, replying to everything I can.

Quote from: Gisil;163186
There has been no emotional connection when I have tried rituals. I felt entirely alone, speaking to the air.

I felt that my words sounded hollow in that they were scripted; however, my more spontaneous efforts sounded equally hollow.

I have two very opposite suggestions, and one general one.
-The first is to practice.
-The second is to find rituals which appeal to you, and if the scripted words weren't scripted by you, work on making these rituals even more personal.
-Third, look into spells and workings which need less ritual and less personal involvement.

It is a help with almost everything to be "there" when doing it, but doing some impersonal work might help you get over that feeling in that you'll be able to remind yourself, "that feeling is okay and makes sense here." This could be performing or making charms, or you could set up some sort of cleansing space while you journal in your grimoire (which also helps you set up a sense of ritual and a routine, either in general or just to get you in the headspace for writing it)

ETA- There are charms and rituals done by sitting down and drawing/writing for something, which I think would maybe feel more genuine as far as your feelings, since you'd be being creative and in a low-pressure ritual space, so it would be a bit like you didn't have the trappings of ritual at all to get in your head, and also maybe if it's a spell with less verbalizing, you wouldn't worry as much on some parts? (this is a specific example I was thinking of, and while I don't suggest you do it unless you actually wanted to other than as an example, hopefully that might point you in the right direction).

Of course, alternatively, as with suggestion two, working on things that make you feel more personally connected would be another way to get it past you, although in a different manner.

Quote from: Darkhawk;163237
I would add to this: not all rituals work for all people.  This is, after all, why there are lots of different religions.

No amount of repetition and familiarity made popularised Wiccish stuff work for me; I always felt like a total idiot.  I kept trying, though, because that was what I could find.
Also, even outside of a religion matching your ritual type, you may have yet to have learned where your skills lay- some people are alright at everything, a few are great at it, but most people are great at one or two things. If you start finding something that is more specialized for you, once you have it down you can go back and learn the basics of other types of things with more confidence. Of course, the only way to find that skillset is to experiment.

On the bit on wiccish spells here, I thought I'd also add that as while as what Darkhawk says (which I'm going to stretch to mean 'work with what you've got, but also figure out what doesn't work for you,'), if only something that isn't great for you is available, you are absolutely allowed to tweak it to better suit yourself, or use the basics of that resource to rewrite your own things.
 
Quote from: Gisil;163271
I can see how my parents are "there" when I'm trying to cast a circle. It cripples my confidence, because at the back of my mind they are condemning my every step. Even though I have almost no interaction with them at all now, they are there.
I probably can't help you much with this, especially not having come from the same kind of background, but if it helps: I assume you've done things they don't approve of other times, and probably do in everyday life if you've basically estranged yourself from them. Maybe there is a way to bring your feelings at those times into your ritual feelings, whether that's rebellion, or an affirmation of 'well, what I'm doing is right, mom.' or something else.

If you don't have that, I think you should probably work on the underlaying issue, as if your perceived judgement from afar is interfering in things other than just ritual work, helping goes beyond just making you more comfortable with ritual.

However, that said, I'm not saying 'don't work on rituals/spells/anything until you sort out those problems [if they exist and I'm not just reading in too far.]' Do both. Don't put your life or interests on hold, but still see if you can find a way (therapy, new self care and exploration (more journalling?), and/or whatever works for you, basically).

Although based on your ritual felling hollow, I don't know how you feel about affirming statements,* but I think it might help to remind yourself of one when you feel that scowling at you. Something simple but complete like, "I am healthily exploring an interest on my own, and there is nothing wrong with that. This is no one's business but my own."

*I personally hate the affirmations some people recommend, like telling yourself "I am happy" when one is not (or worse, when one suffers clinical depression), but I do like affirmations that are true and related to actual situations, not just my emotions, which is what I see this as. It's more a truthful statement to remind yourself of than a traditional affirmation. Although if you like those, you can try them too (I would just be awful at writing an example)
Quote from: Gisil;163271
Thank you for your response. I did some journaling on that, and I am starting to see where the blockage is. It's in my confidence to do the ritual. I know that it's possible to raise power, because I did it when I first tried (but not in subsequent attempts). I am not looking for that kind of result in ritual to feel validated. When I raised power, the cold, hollow feeling didn't go away.
Maybe you should work on basics, based on this. I don't like doing them on their own, really, and find it easier within the structure of a ritual, but on the other hand, if you get energy raising down and bring it into your other working, it may help. You can also work on meditation and stuff, which may or may not help with your confidence, but might help your lack of confidence be less overwhelming. (some resources)

And again, maybe try different types of ritual work, or different ways of doing the type you were, to see if it feels a little more 'true' to you.

Quote from: Gisil;163271
What I am looking for is a feeling of security with the path I've chosen. My fear is that what I want is too much, given my childhood experiences and my dim self-image.

This offers a clue to another query I have had lately: how can I commit to one religion, or even one kind of Wiccan practice, when they all seem equally valid? When I consider it from this perspective, freedom to try different practices and to choose your practice seems overwhelmingly important.

One answer is that you don't have to. You have all the time in the world to try different practices and see what fits you, and you could also just fall into the 'eclectic solitary' group. If/when you do find one that fits with you, that is not only valid but meshes with your beliefs and practice, it does not mean calling the other practices invalid, or saying that you will never touch them again. It does not mean you are any less committed, just that you know life, interests, etc change, and while being dedicated to one practice right then is best and you are truly dedicated, you know something else may be more suitable more in the future, or that you may even feel a calling to something despite your commitment.
« Last Edit: October 23, 2014, 01:46:50 pm by Scales »

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Re: Awkwardness in solitary ritual
« Reply #13 on: October 23, 2014, 06:00:37 pm »
Quote from: Gisil;163271
What I am looking for is a feeling of security with the path I've chosen. My fear is that what I want is too much, given my childhood experiences and my dim self-image.

 
I think that, in one sense, you maybe are wanting too much: that feeling of security won't happen on its own, because the self-doubt instilled in you by your background will undermine it even if you've found something that's otherwise an excellent fit for you.

That's not to say you can never have that feeling of security, just that you will have to build it yourself, which will take time and work. (That's true, to some extent, for pretty much everyone, but it sounds like you're likely to find it especially challenging.)

I think Scales' advice, about considering other areas in your life where you've learned to move beyond your parents' fears of difference and do what works for you, is good.

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Nyktelios

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Re: Awkwardness in solitary ritual
« Reply #14 on: October 23, 2014, 06:55:56 pm »
Quote from: Gisil;163182
I have attempted to practice basic rituals in well-known books, and I have also tried spontaneous rituals based on my feelings, which in fact felt even emptier than the published rituals.

 
I can relate. Rituals in popular "Wicca 101" books also felt hollow to me when I first started, and even now I feel silly walking in circles, waving my arms around, and making dramatic declamations when I'm by myself (or even in a crowd, honestly). A lot of Wiccan ritual is meant for groups, so it can be a bit complicated (and redundant) for one person to do alone.

I would advise you start with a simple practice to start with, and you can either maintain it, or work up to something more complex. I mostly just maintain a shrine by lighting candles and incense before representations of deity, and offering hymns and prayers. I don't bother with circle casting, or anything like that. I focus on honouring Deity directly and simply.

Long story short, keep it simple. Keep reading and journaling, if that satisfies you. Some people don't need a lot of ritual, and the standard, generic stuff in the Ravenwolf and Cunnningham kind of books don't do it for everybody. Experiment with different things and see what works for you. Like Darkhawk said, different traditions offer different things, and some are better matches for certain people than others.

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