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Author Topic: Questioning my beliefs, would love to talk it out  (Read 1861 times)

Nell043

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Questioning my beliefs, would love to talk it out
« on: October 19, 2014, 11:46:44 am »
Hi, this is my first post, I'm not really sure how to start this story, so I'll just go for it. I've been a magic practicing polytheistic pagan for most of my life, I fell into it so naturally and it just felt *right* from the first day. A couple of years ago things in my life really fell apart, in just about every way, with nowhere else to turn I ended up living with my then Fiance now husband's strict christian family. They were forceful with their beliefs and any time I would say or do something that made them uncomfortable they would come down on us harshly for it. It was like part of me shut down, I was so far from nature, and stressed all the time. I began to feel so disconnected from everything it was like all of my experiences before were a dream. Now we're living on our own and I don't know how to go back.
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Faemon

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Re: Questioning my beliefs, would love to talk it out
« Reply #1 on: October 19, 2014, 12:45:22 pm »
Quote from: Nell043;162814
It was like part of me shut down, I was so far from nature, and stressed all the time. I began to feel so disconnected from everything it was like all of my experiences before were a dream.

Now we're living on our own and I don't know how to go back.


It sounds to me like you don't need to go anywhere, back or forward in this sense. Just be yourself, whatever that might be right now, even if that's "influenced" or "indoctrinated" or "confused". That certainly would have been a toxic environment if you still carry those old defenses and Pavlovian sort of reactions and doublethink or whatever, but I believe that taking the opportunity to de-tox is instinctive and you'd just need more time and favorable conditions to feel like yourself again and explore what fulfills you.
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