The Cauldron: A Pagan Forum

Inventing my own mythology.

That's a pagan taboo? I am *so* screwed.

Also, I went deer hunting once (bow and arrow, accompanying an experienced hunter; no luck that day, however). I watched a fluffier, veganesque pagan cringe in horror when I admitted this, whereas to me, nothing could be more pagan. In fact, my paganism is one of the reasons I did it (though not the main reason).

I'm working on my gun license, haven't decided if I'll learn how to hunt.

Like others, my fashion doesn't really fit with many Pagans I've met. I either wear plan jeans & t shirts, or I wear a lot of fandom clothes. I'm usually wrapped up in my latest fandom's wear than anything Pagan-ish. Which is good because it kind of tests the waters when I do meet a Pagan or polytheist - are they going to assume I'm stupid or a 'dabbler' (oh noooooooooo) because I'm a geek? If so, goooooodbye to them.

I still like God? *shrug* (Not sure if that counts.)

I still love my birth religion, Catholicism. Yes, despite the scandals, and despite the Church's problematic stances on....everything involving sex in any way. The Church, the Virgin, and the Saints provided too much comfort to me in the worst time of my life for me to hate them because their earthly representatives are....too earthly.

I still love Catholicism, even though I am a lesbian....maybe actually because I am a lesbian. Let me explain: in my area, the choices are High Church Episcopalian, Roman Catholic, or Conservative Fundamentalist Protestant. The first was a no-go to me, because it seemed like Catholicism Lite. Besides, when I was a kid, the Episcopalian Church was not so open as it would later become.

My choices were:

"the Bible calls it an abomination. I'll pray with you for your recovery." That was my Bible teacher, when I told her I thought I might be gay. I'm aware it could've been much, much worse. I attribute her mild reaction to the fact that she genuinely liked me and knew I was a devout believer, and couldn't comprehend someone like me being "one of them."

or, paraphrasing the Catechism:

"We can't deny the existence of deep rooted homosexual tendencies in some people...." *theological dancing around the fact that they just acknowledged that if G-D makes people, he makes gays too...* "Therefore these individuals must live a life of chastity" *blah blah blah, chastity is great, take it from us priests!!!* Yes, I know that sounds flippant, but I'm not bashing it. I actually felt better about the Catholic position because I knew that priests weren't supposed to have sex, just like unmarried people weren't supposed to have sex, just like even married couples aren't really supposed to have sex unless they're trying for babies. In other words, I was fine being told I wasn't allowed to have sex, because I wasn't the only one being forbidden to do it. The Catholic Church doesn't hate homosexuals. It hates all-kinds-of-sexuals.

I'm sad it didn't work out between G-D and I sometimes, because I miss the community I had at St.Joseph's. But it really was like I was invisible to the big guy (and his son). I always got the strong impression that my prayers were simply not being heard. Like there was nobody there listening.

On the other hand, the Virgin was always there whenever I started to despair. I especially built up a relationship with the Virgin of Guadalupe towards the end. I still call on her sometimes, but never for myself. As for the saints, my first "thwapping" took place in the Church kitchen when I was about 11 or so. I was reading a Catholic newspaper and stumbled across the profile of St. Maria Goretti, an early-20th century adolescent who died defending herself from sexual assault by an acquaintance.

Her major miracle was appearing to the young man in his dreams while he was in jail, and effecting a radical personality transformation in him by basically telling him that, "look, I don't want you to go to hell, so shape up." When he was released, he sought her mother and begged her forgiveness, then took religious vows and lived the rest of his life as a monk.

I'm convinced St. Maria Goretti reached out to me because she thought I needed to recognize the value of compassion and forgiveness, not just for those who interact with me, but for my own wellbeing.

....I didn't mean to ramble. Sorry.

I dress like someone coming out of church. (A really conservative church that makes women wear very modest skirts.) I just never got into the whole 'dress like a goth with too much crushed velvet in their wardrobe' thing.

True I don't really go by that. I think God and Jesus' personalities are too different for them to be the same entities or people.