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Author Topic: FlameKeeping Chat Log - 23Aug2011  (Read 1741 times)

veggiewolf

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FlameKeeping Chat Log - 23Aug2011
« on: August 23, 2011, 12:10:30 pm »
FlameKeeping Chat Log
Tuesday, 23 August 2011, 10:00 AM Eastern (US)

Acidrica has arrived.
You say, "Hey babes!"
Acidrica says, "I made it!"
Juni waves.
You say, "ok, so, should we start talking about our homework from last week?"
You say, "How'd everyone do?"
Juni says, "I didn't. "
Juni says, "Being sick completely fogged the brain and I completely forgot."
Acidrica has disconnected.
Acidrica has connected.
Acidrica says, "I did a journal entry."
You say, "ok, so tell us about it!"
Acidrica says, "I decided to work on my fear."
Acidrica says, "Mostly by forcing thoughts of worry out of my head when they pop up. Well, irrational worry at least."
Acidrica says, "For a while I just distracted myself from the fear, but that created more issues."
veggiewolf nods. "So, how did you force them out?"
Acidrica says, "Just repeating to myself that it -will- be okay, no matter what happens."
You say, "so acknowledge the thought, then put it aside, rather than squashing it down?"
Acidrica says, "Even if things do go bad, I'll get through it. I just keep reminding myself of that. Exactly. "
FierFlye has arrived.
FierFlye says, "hi"
You say, "do you feel better?"
You say, "Hi Fier!"
Juni says, "Hey Fier"
Acidrica says, "I do, actually.  Hi Fier!"
You say, "so, I decided to work on my social anxiety"
You say, "and took myself to the Y last Wednesday to go swimming"
You say, "it was difficult"
You say, "the idea of walking into a space full of people I didn't know...but, once I got into the water all those thoughts washed right out of my head."
Juni says, "Good. :)"
You say, "I swam 1/4 mile, just concentrating on stroke and breathing. It felt really good."
You say, "I actually think I'll be able to keep doing it"
Acidrica says, "That's great!"
FierFlye says, "yay!"
You say, "it's something I love, but I let the anxiety keep me away."
You say, "and I keep wondering - if I really think most other people are not worth it, why do I care what they think?"
You say, "why do I project negativity onto them?"
veggiewolf shakes herself. "So, Fier, how'd your homework go?"
FierFlye says, "you are using them as mirrors?"
FierFlye says, "pretty good"
FierFlye says, "i am working on being less lazy, and also recognizing laziness"
FierFlye says, "so if I feel tired I first ID whether I really am tired or just lazy, then if lazy I try to push myself beyond it"
FierFlye says, "so I have been doing a lot of reading and sewing. less time on the computer"
You say, "very cool!"
Acidrica says, "That's good. :)"
Juni says, "Kudos, Fier. I know from experience that is difficult."
You say, "Juni, what stifler were you planning on working on, prior to getting sick?"
Guest1 has arrived.
Juni says, "My negativity towards my schoolwork."
You say, "Hi Devo!"
Guest1 says, "Yo"
You say, "(I think)"
Juni says, "I did think of a lot of good things about it, I just didn't blog about it, or think on the list with any real consistency."
You say, "no, that's fine. I didn't journal about what I did either."
Acidrica says, "I only wrote one entry in my journal."
You say, "now, Devo posted about her homework, but would you mind mentioning it here anyway?"
Guest1 says, "uh, I worked on eating in, and not out lol"
Guest1 says, "thereby saving money, stress, and my relationship all in one bundle"
You say, "woohoo!"
Acidrica says, "Awesome!"
FierFlye says, "trifecta!"
Guest1 says, "So far it's going pretty well. Hopefully it'll continue into the future. I've been working on this particular issue for litereally years"
You say, "I think it is so cool that you saw an immediate gain."
Guest1 says, "Ironically, the idea for this came during an arguement with me s.o. over eating out"
Guest1 says, "Soo... good argument to have lol"
You say, "oh yeah"
You say, "ok, so we obviously should keep working on our "stiflers" - homework seems to be cumulative in FK"
The Book of Answers says, "FK? Call it by its real name, peasant!"
Juni kicks the book.
Guest1 says, "I think homework is a good idea."
You say, "I purposely left the Book in here because it makes Chabas nuts and i've not reprogrammed it yet."
Guest1 says, "amkes you really think about it."
veggiewolf nods.
Juni says, "I know, Veggie. :) And it doesn't bother me."
You say, "so, our questions for today - How do you nuture other people's Flames?"
You say, "who would like to go first?"
Juni says, "I will."
Juni says, "I encourage people to do what they want to do, what makes them happy, instead of giving in to familial/societal pressure to do something else."
You say, "that's important."
Juni says, "It's something I learned the hard way, so I try to help others learn from my mistake. :)"
veggiewolf nods.
You say, "it is a difficult thing to overcome"
You say, "Acidrica?"
Acidrica says, "I try to be as kind and helpful to them as I can. I try to give them an outside perspective, and someone to listen to their problems when things get tough. I try to bring wonder into their lives by showing them things that are beautiful. I try not to enable bad behavior."
You say, "how does that work for you?"
Acidrica says, "Oftentimes I'm a bit too kind and helpful, honestly."
You say, "do you call people on their nonsense?"
Acidrica says, "Or I'm kind and helpful to the wrong people, and not to the people who need it more. It's odd. I try to, but usually I just try not to be around people that talk nonsense."
You say, "as Shad would say, sometimes the best help is a boot in the ass :)"
Juni nods.
Acidrica says, "That is true. xD"
You say, "Devo?"
Guest1 says, "well... I try to be supportive of people. I try to be someone that will listen to you when no one else will."
Guest1 says, "But my supportivness seems to get undermined by my lack of patience. I have problems tolerating stupidity.... and that creates problems being supportive"
Guest1 says, "So I'm not sure if I'm really nurturing anyone's flame or not :P"
You say, "I don't think nuturing Flames involves coddling idiocy, though. what do you guys think?"
FierFlye says, "Devo, I could have wrote the exact same thing!"
Juni says, "I don't think so either."
Guest1 says, "I must know a lot of idiots, then. Because I seem to upset people with my honesty more than anything else."
You say, "I do that too"
Guest1 says, "But I love honesty. I want peopel to be honest with me... so I'm honest with them. And yeah."
FierFlye says, "well, there's a difference between coddling idiocy and saying, "you frustrate me!" and walking away"
Juni says, "Honesty needs to be tempered with empathy."
You say, "you frustrate me because..."
FierFlye says, "or saying, "you are a dumbass!""
veggiewolf nods.
Guest1 says, "The empathy might be what I need to work on, or something in that strain. I usually let peopel know why they are frustrating me, or why I"m less than sympathetic to their cause."
You say, "maybe tact?"
Guest1 says, "lol probably XD"
You say, "One can empathize and still be too blunt :)"
Guest1 says, "I know I coudl be softer in what I say, but most times, I Just don't care- because you brought it on yourself, and sugar coating it doesn't appeal to me- that's normally the thought process."
Guest1 says, "Which probably makes me sound like an a-hole"
You say, "I don't think so."
Acidrica says, "Neither do I"
You say, "Fier? How about you? How do you nuture?"
FierFlye says, "i listen to people and try to be helpful. I try to share the things I have learned and the advice I have taken to heart"
FierFlye says, "and I try to teach skills that I know to others"
FierFlye says, "and call out stuff I see that is pretending to be helpful but really isnt"
You say, "such as?"
FierFlye says, "did I tell you the "Keep Tom Izzo" billboard story?"
You say, "yes"
FierFlye says, "shit like that"
Helms has arrived.
You say, "or people bringing in "culture" to Lansing instead of feeding those that need it?"
You say, "Hi Helms!"
Helms says, "Hi!"
FierFlye says, "when people are puffing themselves up because they think they are SOOOO helpful to the community but really only helping themselves, I try to push them to think about it go further"
FierFlye says, "hey Helms"
You say, "i like that"
Acidrica says, "Hi Helms!"
Juni says, "Hey Helms"
You say, "Helms, we're discussing how we nuture other people's flames."
Helms says, "Hey everyone!"
You say, "I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I offer help when asked (and sometimes when not!) I want to see good things happen to my friends and they are very aware of it."
Helms says, "Oh, great idea!"
You say, "or at least they should be. :)"
You say, "my hardest thing, though, is offering help and being okay if someone says no"
Helms says, "Especially if they ask for help, then reject what you offer."
Juni says, "That is really hard, Veggie."
You say, "that drives me up the wall."
Guest1 says, "I get that a lot"
You say, "i hate giving someone an answer when what s/he really wants is for me to parrot what they think."
Helms says, "Oh, who is Guest1? Fred?"
Guest1 says, "Ha ha, Fred."
Guest1 says, "guest1, it's like my permanent MUX name"
veggiewolf thinks invisible Devo should request an account for MUX.
Guest1 says, "But htat requirs work lol"
You say, "so, Helms - how do you nurture the flames of others?"
Helms says, "Oh, Devo-Fred. The syncretic one!"
Guest1 says, "XD"
You say, "Devo-Fred, Beloved of Khenty-Kheti"
Helms says, "I also try to help people with projects they're doing, or try to put them in touch with resources they can use."
You say, "you're really good at that"
Helms says, "And especially at the store, I get a lot of the "rejection" thing."
veggiewolf nods.
Helms says, "On the steampunk site, I actually played a character who was a "creative problem solver""
You say, "was it a fun character?"
Helms says, "Which was a lot of fun, because people would ask me how to do odd little craft projects."
Helms says, "One woman was trying to make little bells out of thimbles."
You say, "how cool!"
Helms says, "She was able to get them done quickly with what I had suggested, and she credited me, which got me a lot more questions."
FierFlye says, "i want thimble bells!"
You say, "me too!"
Helms says, "They looked like mini Japanese temple bells."
FierFlye sings, "thimble bells, batman smells..."
Helms says, ":)"
You say, "and the Joker ate the wheel!"
You say, "ok, let's move on to question 2 - how do we allow others to nuture our Flames?"
You say, "Juni?"
Juni says, "I had a really hard time with this one."
Juni says, "I think just coming into chat to be with my friends is my main way."
Juni says, "I don't open up a lot, so letting my TC friends be friends and helpful and all is good for me."
Juni says, "If that makes any sense."
You say, "it does."
You say, "how about you, Acidrica?"
Acidrica says, "I accept love from my friends and family, but thatâs about it."
Acidrica says, "I'm bad at this one. :c"
Guest1 says, "Dont worry, I am too D:"
Juni says, "Me three."
You say, "I think we all may be"
You say, "Devo?"
Guest1 says, "The only thing I can think of, is I let my s.o. take care of me, and love me. It makes him happy to try and 'be the hero' from time to time, and deep down, it makes me happy too, though I don't always acknowledge it"
Guest1 says, "I have a hard time fitting in with people, so I inadvertently keep a subconscious guard up... so letting peopel nurture my flame is non-existant to some degree"
You say, "I do that, with my husband."
You say, "I try to accept help from my friends, and to appreciate when someone says something nice...but that doesn't always work out. I do let Mark take care of me from time to time though."
You say, "I'm very much of the 'I'll just do it myself' camp."
Guest1 says, "Yeah, that's me- I can do it faster lol"
Guest1 says, "And I won't owe anyone anything later... so I just do it myself"
You say, "faster, better, stronger."
Guest1 says, "XD Set's song"
FierFlye says, "doing something yourself isn't the same thing as not accepting nurturing from others though"
You say, "if my doing it myself becomes a strain, then I should let others help. but, I almost never do."
Guest1 says, "I think I have a hard time recognizing what others do or can do that nurtures me."
FierFlye now has Daft Punk stuck in her head
FierFlye says, "well i can go, I think I am good at this one"
You say, "go for it!"
FierFlye says, "I love to learn. so I like hearing about or reading other people's experiences and tips and taking them into my body of knowledge"
FierFlye says, "i look to others for inspiration"
FierFlye says, "i ask my friends for support or advice"
FierFlye says, "i have a very, "what can I take away from this for myself" attitude"
You say, "wow"
Guest1 says, "I think you get this better than I do. But hearing that- I can say that I do that as well- more or less."
You say, "the last statement, especially. I do that."
Juni says, "I have a similar attitude, too- I think my main problem is with *asking* for help."
FierFlye says, "it can be very self-serving and selfish"
You say, "I hate asking."
FierFlye says, "i am better at taking than giving, sometimes"
Juni says, "I hate to be an imposition."
Guest1 says, "Depending on the situation, I can be okay with asking, or I can hate asking."
Guest1 says, "Most times, I'd rather not ask XD"
Juni says, "I don't mind getting help, I just don't want to be a bother and ask for it- I'd rather someone offer."
veggiewolf nods.
"how about you, Helms?
You say, "how about you, Helms?"
Guest1 says, "Makes sense"
Juni says, "Because then they're doing it because they want to, and not because they have some feeling of obligation."
Guest1 says, "Yeah"
Helms says, "In some ways, it's difficult because of the Aspergers thing."
Helms says, "especially with in-person stuff."
Helms says, "though I really work to make use of constructive criticism, and sometimes that takes a real effort to tell the difference between that and a slam."
Helms says, "One good thing, is that I had a couple fantastic music teachers, and I learned to listen to what they were saying."
You say, "is it more difficult online than in-person?"
Helms says, "No, it's easier online. :)"
Helms says, "An example, I just started doing 3-d woodcarving, and go to a club where a couple people do informal teaching."
Helms says, "I started out with a very simple project, and I showed it to one of the carvers...."
Helms says, "They said "This is very typical of beginner work, you're taking tiny little chips off and it takes you longer."
Helms says, "And a number of the people there reacted like it was a real insult."
You say, "did you take it as such?"
Helms says, "I said "No, I am a beginner, and that's exactly true. I need to practice and learn how much I can get away with, because you can't cut things back ON."
veggiewolf nods.
Helms says, "When I was younger, I might have felt picked-on."
You say, "constructive criticism"
Helms says, "And I would have missed the part where he said I did a very good job doing smooth curves, which was my goal for that piece."
You say, "ah, so he gave you a tip and then a compliment"
Helms says, "So, trying not to just react, and to try to hear what you're being told."
Helms says, "Exactly"
Helms says, "But most of the people there thought it was cruel at first."
You say, "that's something everyone could benefit from learning."
Helms says, "Yes, and you don't know what someone else's issues are, if you're talking with them."
You say, "unless you are psychic"
Helms says, "That helps"
veggiewolf grins.
You say, "so, third question - do we live in nurturing environments?"
You say, "Juni?"
Juni says, "Yes and no. My family certainly tries to be nurturing."
Juni says, "But they have a lot of their own issues that they get wrapped up in. And honestly I'm happier to let them fix their own issues than worry about mine."
Juni says, "As I have you lot, and they don't. :)"
veggiewolf smiles.
You say, "Acidrica?"
Acidrica says, "Very much so."
Acidrica says, "At least, I do. Which is why it's so odd that I stifle my flame so much."
You say, "Devo?"
Guest1 says, "Yes and no. My home where i live- yes. Very nurturing. I can relax, and be me, and feel supported. Anywhere but my home- no. That includes work, online, and with other family members/friends."
Guest1 says, "Which is partially my own mental issues, but it is what it is"
veggiewolf nods.
veggiewolf makes a note to nurture Devo more often. ;)
Guest1 says, "lol"
You say, "Fier?"
FierFlye says, "i do, definitely. my husband is very supportive. Even if he thinks something is weird he is not dismissive"
FierFlye says, " 'you want to set up an archery range in the basement? Okay, I'll hang the lights'"
You say, "best kind of SO to have"
You say, "besides, how else would you use the Hallway to Nowhere? *spooky EVP noises*"
You say, "Helms?"
FierFlye says, "i put a witch bottle up there this weekend *snickers*"
You say, "witch bottles rock"
Helms says, "Work, definitely NOT. At home, mostly. We deal with issues related to the economy and our downward economic slide, which can be difficult sometimes."
You say, "that's similar to what happens in my life."
You say, "Work is not, but home and TC are - so my life balances."
veggiewolf winks.
Guest1 says, "I think home will always have points where there is are issues."
Helms says, "Yeah"
You say, "so, in light of all we're discussing - what should our homework be this week? (in addition to the past weeks' homework that we are continuing)"
FierFlye says, "either nurturing other's flames or accepting help from otheres"
You say, "whichever is more difficult for us"
FierFlye says, "wherever we struggle most"
Guest1 says, "I don't know how you could try accepting help from others in just a week"
veggiewolf nods.
Guest1 says, "WOuld you like... go find 5 peopel and ask for help? lol"
FierFlye says, "just do it once?"
Guest1 says, "Like in fight club- pick a fight with 5 ppl"
You say, "you forgot rule #1"
FierFlye says, "you don't have to master it, just take a small step"
You say, "ok, so decide whether nuturing others or allowing yourself to be nutured is more of a struggle and then take a step toward making it easier"
Juni says, "Sounds good."
You say, "and, of course, journal about it :)"
You say, "does that work?"
Acidrica says, "That works. :)"
Juni says, "Yup."
Guest1 says, "Works for me"
Helms says, "Except for the writing part, probably. ;)"
You say, "okey dokey! FK chat is officially over. I'll post the logs."
The Book of Answers says, "FK? Call it by its real name, peasant!"
veggiewolf sighs at the Book.
Helms says, "FK! FK! FK!"
The Book of Answers says, "FK? Call it by its real name, peasant!"
Juni says, "See you in chat. :)"
Juni has left.
Guest1 says, "What exactly is the book? lol"
You say, "my puppet"
You say, "flameKeeping"
The Book of Answers shouts, "All praise Shad the Guru," and falls to its knees.
Guest1 says, "lmao"
FierFlye snorts
You say, "ok folks, back to the main room (or life)."
Fluid Morality - my spiritual blog
Eating Monsters - my mental health blog

"Religion does not define a deity- it defines the human approach and interpretation of deity." - Juni
"I hate magical thinking in my magic." - Darkhawk
"...a baseball club; a soccer unkindness; a hockey murder; a football team..." - Cecil, Welcome to Night Vale

veggiewolf

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Re: FlameKeeping Chat Log - 23Aug2011
« Reply #1 on: August 23, 2011, 12:15:38 pm »
Quote from: veggiewolf;15056
...


Homework for this week - figure out whether nurturing the flames of others or allowing your own to be nurtured is more of a struggle.  Then, take steps to make it easier.  Journal about the process.
Fluid Morality - my spiritual blog
Eating Monsters - my mental health blog

"Religion does not define a deity- it defines the human approach and interpretation of deity." - Juni
"I hate magical thinking in my magic." - Darkhawk
"...a baseball club; a soccer unkindness; a hockey murder; a football team..." - Cecil, Welcome to Night Vale

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